I need help FAST.

SoopremeBeing

SoopremeBeing

Well-Known Member
I just discovered my low-life supposed fiance has got a couple of women on the side. How did I find out? His cell phone, he left it at home on accident while he was at work(he called me from his job to let him know who texted him/called him in case of an emergency).

He is not home from work yet, but I am in a confrontational mood. Problem is, we live together and I have no family out here. But I cannot sleep next to this "man" tonight. I need help fast, y'all, because his nose is about to be broken.

ETA: I took pics of the nasty *** text msgs for my own evidence/records.
 
Angelicus said:
I am so sorry!

Get tested for all STDs tomorrow. All of them.

BTW, whose name is on the lease?
Click to expand...

Getting tested tomorrow does not help her tonight!

I'm so sorry girl!


Can you stay at a hotel tonight while you get your thoughts and a plan together?

(that'll save you from potentially assaulting him)

Are you 100% sure he's cheated?

(I just saw the edit... Good for gathering evidence... Gather as much as you can tonight, cuz you know he'll start denying it)
 
Please try to stay calm. Get some things together and go stay at a hotel for the night do you can clear your head and think of your next steps. Please go now so that you don't snap
 
I would go to a hotel. Or pack his stuff while he's at work and put it outside.

Or maybe just go to a hotel and bleach his stuff on my way out.

Sent from my HTC Evo
 
I would stay in a hotel or at a friends house to gather my thoughts. Don't do anything rash.

If you are up to it, hold the secret and play along like all is well (besides being intimate) until you can get something set up, save money and slide on out.
 
Op, are you ok? I mean not ok with what happened but are you doing ok? Please come back and talk to us just to let us know you are ok.
 
I am trying to calm down. He's still not home yet, but I am looking into a hotel near my job since I have to work in the AM. Oh yeah, we have a roommate, but our roommate's name is on everything.

I just dont know if I should confront him or not. Im not the best at hiding my feelings, so he will know that I am pissed. I'm just sitting downstairs right now.
 
First..Calm down,no one is worth going to jail for..

Second-Get your cloths,Try to call a friend/stay in a hotel,till you get your thoughts together..

Get tested this week..

*When your ready,tell him what you know,let him know how you feel

OP-I'm so sorry to hear this..I pray everything works out for you..
 
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SoopremeBeing said:
I am trying to calm down. He's still not home yet, but I am looking into a hotel near my job since I have to work in the AM. Oh yeah, we have a roommate, but our roommate's name is on everything.

I just dont know if I should confront him or not. Im not the best at hiding my feelings, so he will know that I am pissed. I'm just sitting downstairs right now.
Click to expand...

I think you should confront him but not at this moment. Not when you are like this. It will cause you more stress than is necessary IMO. Things will still be heated and sensitive once you do but you will be a little more in control after you have decided what move is next for you regardless of what that may be.
 
Have you checked if the hotel (near your job) has any vacancies, yet? This being the last day of a holiday weekend...you may want to check that out.

I'm so sorry this happened.
 
I wouldnt confront him til you were calm. Folk have a tendency to continue to lie, even with hard core evidence :rolleyes: and it may only make you more and more angry. I would hate to see it get too ugly. I would leave until I felt I could approach him in a calm manner.
 
Ita w/all advice offered so far.

Please remove yourself from there, (if you can) to calm down. Don't confront, yet...
 
Mortons said:
I wouldnt confront him til you were calm. Folk have a tendency to continue to lie, even with hard core evidence :rolleyes: and it may only make you more and more angry. I would hate to see it get too ugly. I would leave until I felt I could approach him in a calm manner.
Click to expand...

You could catch someone fornicating in your bed, see them w/your own eyes, and they will still look at you and say,"wasn't me" or "it's not what you think."

:rolleyes:
 
I hope you are feeling a little better OP. Be glad you found out what you did now so at least you can proceed with caution ,as well as, with open eyes.
 
Thank you for all the responses, ladies....here's an update:

I confronted him, and honestly, I was amazed at how calm I was through the whole thing. I told him I knew about the texts and said verbatim what the text messages were, and also told him the naked ***** in his phone was NOT me. The texts were quite sexual in nature, and also consisted of him asking one woman when they were going to see each other(Whore #1 is apparently a married schoolteacher), and the other asking him if he's going to come over (Whore #2 is apparently an old co-worker with an abusive on-again, off-again boyfriend). He apologized over and over for the text messages, but vehemently denied cheating.

He went on and on about how I'm the only woman for him, and how he wants to start a family with me, and be able to provide for his son and blah blah blah...he said at the time, he didn't think he was doing anything wrong with the texting because it was just "bullsh!t talk" and he never planned on meeting up with any another woman. He continued to say how sorry he was, and how he doesn't want me to The only point I will give him is that he's around me 95% of the time...BUT there is ample opportunity for him to cheat if we are on different schedules(i work during the day, sometimes he has a night shift) or if I end up taking a long nap or whatever.

Here are the kickers: Whore #2 knows about me. She knows we were together, she's got a man of her own, yet BOTH them think it's appropriate to send flirty and sexual messages to each other, even as a joke. WHAT???? I have male friends, but we don't talk to each other like that. And the broad who sent the buck naked picture; he apparently told our roommate about it(him and roommate are really good friends from way back), and apparently said how "he's not going to let these females ruin what he has."

Anyhoo, he's been apologizing all night. He's stressed out and mad at himself, and admitted he was stupid and wrong, but said he never cheated. He's been crying and throwing up all night. I guess he's remorseful, but I don't have anything to say to him right now. All I said was, 'hey if that's the life you want, go ahead. Commitment ain't for everybody."
 
^^ good for you OP. Looks like you've handled it with class.

Do you think you'll stay with him or are you making plans to leave?
 
hmmmm, I wonder how someone that is engaged thinks that kind of thing is ok? Red flag. The fact that he doesn't think he did anything wrong is very telling. The ish ain't gonna stop. The dramatics of crying and vomiting are just to make you let it go and stay with him. Men really go out of their way to lie and manipulate. Just tell the truth and let the woman truly choose to be where she is. :nono: I now see how women end up in situations that drag on forever. Men are slick.
 
Weigh the pros and cons unless you plan on upping and leaving him. Folks do dumb foul smit all day everyday. Some believe once a cheater always a cheater and this type of mess is a deal breaker for some. You have to determine what is your deal breaker.

I hope you are not paying half and he is providing a roof over your head like a man should if you are living with him because if not after this bs he better start. That kinda bs ain't a deal breaker to me even though I don't behave like that with men period point blank. I don't talk about sex with men that are not my man and I don't do it prior to becoming exclusive. I'm a prude and will only go to hell by my own choice so I don't have sex on the regular. If he was having nasty talks via text and sending pics with you, you cannot really expect he wouldn't be doing it with other women.

I have always had ninja's afraid to cheat but that doesn't mean they haven't. They've just probably been good at covering their tracks. LOL

I'm just keeping it real because this is your life and none of us are perfect. Chile if you decide to stay please use this bs as leverage and remind his arse anytime you want that his arse is skating on thin ice all because of what happened.

My dude doesn't lie well, nor is he the cheating lying type because it takes too much effort along with the fact he cannot afford more than one woman in his pockets. He can't be cold blooded to women and has a conscience. That is one of the many things I love about him. Now mind you my dude has been wanting me for 10 years, putting up with my spoiled ignant ways, we've dated twice for almost a year each time and I dumped his arse unceremoniously for much less stuff than this. He was my friend in between those dating spurts and has always had my back.

Your dude did a Gabe aka Trina Braxton's hubby move. LMAO Men can be stupid arses and need to take lessons from women on how to cheat. You make a decision that works for you. Don't let these ***** swoop in her telling you to leave yo man if that is not what you want to do. If you want to give him another chance that is for you to decide and only you will live with the outcome. He betta be kickin in though sorry but I'm just keeping it 100.

I'm not some damn young buck talking out the side of my neck with no life, love, long term and/or marriage experience. This is real life not a damn text book like most of these ***** around here advice and ideologies come from. Keep living is all I keep saying.

eta: I don't know if I'd marry him after this. He'd have to go to counseling, sex addiction classes and much more.
 
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I'm planning my escape on leaving. I may not have caught him physically in the act, but the text messages were enough for me. Even if he never acted on them, they should have never entertained each other like that.
 
SoopremeBeing said:
I'm planning my escape on leaving. I may not have caught him physically in the act, but the text messages were enough for me. Even if he never acted on them, they should have never entertained each other like that.
Click to expand...
Good for you if his nasty texts were that deep. I guess he went in hellva deep. Sorry but at least you found out before you went any further and wasted anymore of your precious time. Good luck and another honest man is awaiting you for sure.
 
SoopremeBeing said:
Thank you for all the responses, ladies....here's an update:

I confronted him, and honestly, I was amazed at how calm I was through the whole thing. I told him I knew about the texts and said verbatim what the text messages were, and also told him the naked ***** in his phone was NOT me. The texts were quite sexual in nature, and also consisted of him asking one woman when they were going to see each other(Whore #1 is apparently a married schoolteacher), and the other asking him if he's going to come over (Whore #2 is apparently an old co-worker with an abusive on-again, off-again boyfriend). He apologized over and over for the text messages, but vehemently denied cheating.

He went on and on about how I'm the only woman for him, and how he wants to start a family with me, and be able to provide for his son and blah blah blah...he said at the time, he didn't think he was doing anything wrong with the texting because it was just "bullsh!t talk" and he never planned on meeting up with any another woman. He continued to say how sorry he was, and how he doesn't want me to The only point I will give him is that he's around me 95% of the time...BUT there is ample opportunity for him to cheat if we are on different schedules(i work during the day, sometimes he has a night shift) or if I end up taking a long nap or whatever.

Here are the kickers: Whore #2 knows about me. She knows we were together, she's got a man of her own, yet BOTH them think it's appropriate to send flirty and sexual messages to each other, even as a joke. WHAT???? I have male friends, but we don't talk to each other like that. And the broad who sent the buck naked picture; he apparently told our roommate about it(him and roommate are really good friends from way back), and apparently said how "he's not going to let these females ruin what he has."

Anyhoo, he's been apologizing all night. He's stressed out and mad at himself, and admitted he was stupid and wrong, but said he never cheated. He's been crying and throwing up all night. I guess he's remorseful, but I don't have anything to say to him right now. All I said was, 'hey if that's the life you want, go ahead. Commitment ain't for everybody."
Click to expand...

It's always no big deal when it's them doing it. If he had seen that mess in your phone with several dudes he would be gone - trust.

Dudes dish it out but can't take it. He knew that mess was wrong. And where there is smoke, there is fire. If he hasn't creeped, he would have eventually.

I'm sorry this happened Op. Do what is best for you and gives you peace of mind.
 
Throwing up...please.

He just did that to make you feel sorry for him. Glad you aren't tolerating it. He is upset for getting caught and prob thought he could have his cake and eat it too.

My feeling is if he knew it was wrong and wasn't going to act on it. Those texts would have been deleted. He saved them for a reason.

Sounds like you all have a kid together? He should feel extra bad about his actions. Good luck making your exit and starting fresh.
 
Thanks for the update...OP glad you stood up for yourself..

You don't deserve to be mistreated by Anyone,you deserve better & more..
 
SoopremeBeing said:
I'm planning my escape on leaving. I may not have caught him physically in the act, but the text messages were enough for me. Even if he never acted on them, they should have never entertained each other like that.
Click to expand...

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.... He will never admit to the act of cheating however.... its a duck.

Good luck to you. I've been there. I know how hurtful it is. But its better to find out now then to find out after u r already married.
 
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