I kicked him out!!!

PhoenixRose360

PhoenixRose360

New Member
Well, I've been with my fiance(or ex now) for 5 1/2 yrs. But the last couple of years have been some hard ones because of some bad choices he's made that we worked through. In Jan 2009, we got engaged, but ever since we were constantly fighting, about his job, finances, and spending quality time. We went on vacation towards the end of June and we reconnected and even set a wedding date. But then we came back to NY and everything was back to the same mess.

He has a motorcycle(which he bought 2 yrs ago) and belongs to a motorcycle club. But when the motorcycle season is in full swing, which is from April - October approximately, he's gone. He has no time for us and I practically have to beg him to hang out. He thinks because we go out with other couple or to his motorocyle functions with the club, then we've spent "quality time." To which I explained that is not quality time, quality time is one on one and it could be anything from taking a walk in the park, beach, watching tv/movie or just sitting and talking. We've been having this discussion all week and last night was it. Once again I tried to tell him that I should be priority #1 not the bike or the club. You sleep next to me at night, not the bike or club, so what is the problem? He's like you want me to be home every night, which isn't true. I'm asking for you to make time for me, not saying you can't enjoy the bike and we can't hang out with other couples but how can you want me to marry you when you don't have time for me. He answered sarcastically, I got pissed, threw his bike keys at him and told him to GET THE F**K OUT!!

I went out with my BFF last night, had a blast, and some drinks, and I feel great. I FEEL FREE!!!!
 
Don't mean to rain on your parade: but has reality set in yet? It can be a difficult adjustment to go from a full committed relationship to solo again.

I think you are setting a precedent for how you will or won't be treated though.

Whatever you finally decide, I wish you the best!
 
asuperwoman said:
Don't mean to rain on your parade: but has reality set in yet? It can be a difficult adjustment to go from a full committed relationship to solo again.

I think you are setting a precedent for how you will or won't be treated though.

Whatever you finally decide, I wish you the best!
Click to expand...

I know what you mean. But this was a long time coming. I was just delaying it, because I didn't feel strong enough to do it.
 
asuperwoman said:
Don't mean to rain on your parade: but has reality set in yet? It can be a difficult adjustment to go from a full committed relationship to solo again.

I think you are setting a precedent for how you will or won't be treated though.

Whatever you finally decide, I wish you the best!
Click to expand...

I agree! :yep:

Reality might hurt you, but you've set a standard and he knows he needs to step up if he wants you. If he steps up, and you choose to take him back - more power to you.

If not - more power to you.

What did you wear when you went out? :grin:
 
LaBelleChele said:
I know what you mean. But this was a long time coming. I was just delaying it, because I didn't feel strong enough to do it.
Click to expand...


That's good to hear, I applaud your strength. You never know what tomorrow may hold & how you are shaping your destiny with the decisions you make today.

:bighug:best wishes!
 
Totally understand! I've been with a biker for over two years. He is a good man, but I just don't get it. Black bikers are in a totally different world. He loves to go off with his "biker boys" on the weekends. I am terrified of bikes, the one time I got on one I burnt my leg b/c it was still hot.... so traumatic, and I still have a scar. He says he doesn't want to put me on his bike b/c he is scared something will happen to me, but that is the only thing he seems interested in!!! Not trying to hijack the thread, but I am interested to know how many women on this board are married or in relationships with bikers. (maybe I'll do a spinoff). Anyways Good luck to you!!!
 
I am happy you had fun last night and I am proud of you. Your actions took strength and that is no little thing. :)
 
prettyballer14 said:
Totally understand! I've been with a biker for over two years. He is a good man, but I just don't get it. Black bikers are in a totally different world. He loves to go off with his "biker boys" on the weekends. I am terrified of bikes, the one time I got on one I burnt my leg b/c it was still hot.... so traumatic, and I still have a scar. He says he doesn't want to put me on his bike b/c he is scared something will happen to me, but that is the only thing he seems interested in!!! Not trying to hijack the thread, but I am interested to know how many women on this board are married or in relationships with bikers. (maybe I'll do a spinoff). Anyways Good luck to you!!!
Click to expand...

I'm with you on getting on the bike, I'm scared. The only time I got on, I had a panic attack and we hadn't even left the driveway. My issue wasn't with him hanging with the fellas, or riding, but more so when will he have time for me. The funny thing, is that most of the guys in the club have wives, which I am cool with, that don't have these issues. So it's not all of them.
 
LaBelleChele said:
He has a motorcycle(which he bought 2 yrs ago) and belongs to a motorcycle club. But when the motorcycle season is in full swing, which is from April - October approximately, he's gone. He has no time for us and I practically have to beg him to hang out. He thinks because we go out with other couple or to his motorocyle functions with the club, then we've spent "quality time." To which I explained that is not quality time, quality time is one on one and it could be anything from taking a walk in the park, beach, watching tv/movie or just sitting and talking. We've been having this discussion all week and last night was it.
Click to expand...

So you're saying that 6 months out of the year, he is gone and has no time for you. That's a difficult situation and I think you did the right thing for you.
Wait for people to come in and say that those who agree with her decision want her to remain single. :drunk:
 
I have heard so many women who date men in bike clubs
say the same thing, I don't care if they are hardcore bikers
or professionals these men tend to care about the bikes #1
and their woman somewhere after that.
 
That took a lot of strength. I know a lot of women myself prolly included who hate the idea of being alone. You did what is right, and Mr. Right will come into your life when all your cards are right. Enjoy the single life! Mwah!
 
It wasn't just the bike it was alot of things just culminating or emphasized by the event. Use the total man concept--how is he when the bike season is not in swing? Apparently you feel left out and don't have something equal to occupy your time. I was a basketball/baseball widow...now just a work widow.

You could have always --"oops! I ran over the motocycle." I'm the mother of a cyclist and if it is EVER parked in my driveway....let's just say I'm prepared for an insurance rate increase.
 
Ebonybee said:
It wasn't just the bike it was alot of things just culminating or emphasized by the event. Use the total man concept--how is he when the bike season is not in swing? Apparently you feel left out and don't have something equal to occupy your time. I was a basketball/baseball widow...now just a work widow.

You could have always --"oops! I ran over the motocycle." I'm the mother of a cyclist and if it is EVER parked in my driveway....let's just say I'm prepared for an insurance rate increase.
Click to expand...

I like you!!! :yep: :lachen::lachen:
 
Sounds like he wanted out and used his bike riding as an excuse. You did the right thing by kicking him out. Do you plan on taking him back?
 
Take him back??? Not a chance. He has a lot of growing up to do, and I can't babysit you and teach you how to be a man, either you know or you don't. We were together for 5.5 yrs, if you don't know by know, you ain't never gonna know. Unfortunately it took me all that time to realize that he didn't love me enough to see that.
 
prettyballer14 said:
Totally understand! I've been with a biker for over two years. He is a good man, but I just don't get it. Black bikers are in a totally different world. He loves to go off with his "biker boys" on the weekends. I am terrified of bikes, the one time I got on one I burnt my leg b/c it was still hot.... so traumatic, and I still have a scar. He says he doesn't want to put me on his bike b/c he is scared something will happen to me, but that is the only thing he seems interested in!!! Not trying to hijack the thread, but I am interested to know how many women on this board are married or in relationships with bikers. (maybe I'll do a spinoff). Anyways Good luck to you!!!
Click to expand...

It seems like a pattern for me to date bikers. I guess it doesn't bother me when it's that season because I have other things to do myself and we still spend time with each other. I'm also a rider, so maybe that makes a difference. I also don't bug because his club does a lot of community activities and a lot of guys' wives and SO's help coordinate and run those functions. To me a bike club is an extended family, a brother and sisterhood for so many different reasons.

LaBelleChele said:
I'm with you on getting on the bike, I'm scared. The only time I got on, I had a panic attack and we hadn't even left the driveway. My issue wasn't with him hanging with the fellas, or riding, but more so when will he have time for me. The funny thing, is that most of the guys in the club have wives, which I am cool with, that don't have these issues. So it's not all of them.
Click to expand...
Are you worried about what he's doing or what type of environment he may be in while hanging out with the fellas? Is the bike club your sole reason for breaking things off?
 
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