what does being married have to do with anything??? Anywho, married men are not excluded from cheating or having stds. You either protect yourself or you don't married or not. There are plenty of women living with HIV/AIDS from their cheating "husband"
I just asked my boyfriend if I couldn't have kids. .
- Thread starter PinkyPromise
- Start date
what does being married have to do with anything??? Anywho, married men are not excluded from cheating or having stds. You either protect yourself or you don't married or not. There are plenty of women living with HIV/AIDS from their cheating "husband"
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
if i need advice about life i'm going with the sensible 40 year old and not the sensible 22 year old. why? i know plenty of 'smart' 20 year olds. however, i'm a bit more hard pressed to find 'wise' 20 year olds.
c'mon y'all. think back 10 or even 5 years ago. aren't you more "mature"? doesn't mean you were immature before it means that you've grown through life experience. there's just so much experience you can pack in your first 20 years.
no one is saying that just because you're 20 you're stupid. but let's face it we can be more naive (which i don't think is insulting it's just life). i see 40 year old women go to 80 year olds for advice. ain't nothing wrong getting feed back from more experienced women. shoot, my friends are just as naive as i am. sometimes you need to learn from folks who done lived longer than you have.
i'm wise for my age but when one of my elders say "honey, let me break it down for you" i listen instead of getting offended. i might just learn something
JayAnn0513
I make 30 look good!
If shes not strapped up now she certainly won't be doing when/ if they get married.
itsjusthair88
Chronically at BSL -_-
@LovelyNaps26 I agree with your post for the most part...I listen to my elders, but the connotation of the first comment wasn't the same as yours, it was, "oh she's 21, she doesn't know what she's talking about" kind of post. I ask for advice everyday, not just from my elders, but anyone who has the answer; my grandmother always says, "if a 2 year-old knows it and I need to ind it out, I'ma ask" and she's 80...so I completely understand your point, I just don't like people constantly dismissing the views of young adults because they aren't "grown" that's one of the major disconnects between our 2 generations, it's frustrating for us
and in re: the sensible 40 vs the sensible 20? Age isn't always the deciding factor in common sense and viability...just my humble opinion
and in re: the sensible 40 vs the sensible 20? Age isn't always the deciding factor in common sense and viability...just my humble opinion
princessnad
New Member
OP, I understand you were hurt. I just don't understand your logic.
So it's ok for you to be worried about the possibility of never being able to have biological children. But at the same time, you would want to deny him the chance of experiencing fatherhood by not considering adoption??
It seems a bit self-centered
So it's ok for you to be worried about the possibility of never being able to have biological children. But at the same time, you would want to deny him the chance of experiencing fatherhood by not considering adoption??
It seems a bit self-centered
Incognitus
Well-Known Member
Just had to re-post this, since I "thank you" is not enough.
Guitarhero
New Member
If somebody wants to have kids, they should have the doctor check before marriage so that's not an issue. I'd not be happy to learn that somebody I married couldn't have kids when I wanted some. I think he's reasonable. You're not into adoption. He sure is honest lolol! And fast with the response.
tropical-punch
Well-Known Member
Well, at least you know now.
ETA: I didn't realize you were engaged until I read further, well, it's still not too late.
ETA: I didn't realize you were engaged until I read further, well, it's still not too late.
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kupenda
Well-Known Member
Well this is interesting. You and I are almost in the same boat. My ex and I were...ahem..."coloring" often without protection for three years. I wanted to be a mother more than anything. Not at the time, but it was something I saw in my future. My family knew it was very important to me. If he didn't feel the way I did abt having kids I would have left him. But I never got pregnant. My current bf is unable to reproduce. It's a genetic anomaly of sorts that won't allow him to. And I'm ok with that. It took me time and life experience to learn that everything happens for a reason. I fear that I too am infertile. But I love him enough and am comfortable enough to truly say that if I can't have kids, that's ok. As long as I can have a bunny farm 
. Oh. And he doesn't want "someone else's kids", aka adopting. He asked if I would use his brothers'..."swimmers". Heck no!!! That kid is weird. I don't want his DNA floating around in me (they have diff daddies) lol
Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
. Oh. And he doesn't want "someone else's kids", aka adopting. He asked if I would use his brothers'..."swimmers". Heck no!!! That kid is weird. I don't want his DNA floating around in me (they have diff daddies) lolSent from my iPhone using LHCF
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
I completely understand your concerns and don't blame you one bit for getting checked out (and agree with the poster who suggested he get checked as well). Have you directly addressed your concerns about your fertility with FH?
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lilsparkle825
New Member
My biological father has "Priscilla" on his arm. I don't know who she is, and after all these years, he ain't tellin'.
Hell, I'm 23 and I think she needs to slow down. But what do I know. I DO know I wouldn't be offended if someone told me I don't understand because I'm young....I mean, I am.
Love this post.if i need advice about life i'm going with the sensible 40 year old and not the sensible 22 year old. why? i know plenty of 'smart' 20 year olds. however, i'm a bit more hard pressed to find 'wise' 20 year olds.
c'mon y'all. think back 10 or even 5 years ago. aren't you more "mature"? doesn't mean you were immature before it means that you've grown through life experience. there's just so much experience you can pack in your first 20 years.
no one is saying that just because you're 20 you're stupid. but let's face it we can be more naive (which i don't think is insulting it's just life). i see 40 year old women go to 80 year olds for advice. ain't nothing wrong getting feed back from more experienced women. shoot, my friends are just as naive as i am. sometimes you need to learn from folks who done lived longer than you have.
i'm wise for my age but when one of my elders say "honey, let me break it down for you" i listen instead of getting offended. i might just learn something
If you're engaged, why did you start out with "my BF?" I think that's partly the reason for the direction this thread took...no need to be asking questions like this to someone you may not have a future with AT ALL vs asking someone you are betrothed to. As for the other reasons it took a nosedive.....
I hope you are blessed with fertility, because if only you were TRULY faced with the choices of adopting or having no children whatsoever instead of THAT being a hypothetical....
And I'd much rather have some of these people give their kids up instead of raising them in an unloving environment. I know waaaaayyyy too many kids "damaged" because their incapable parents made the selfish decision of keeping and raising them. You wanna talk 16 and Pregnant....watch this and tell me this lady made the right decision by keeping her children.http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/6638...es=2214&seriesId=27285&channelId=1&id=1665769
Incognitus
Well-Known Member
^^ I just watched that clip! WTF??? What a shame children have to go through this.....
Seems like there's another issue besides having kids going on here...
The OP offered up a scenario to her boyfriend that also gave her hints as to conditions in the relationship that could break them up. While honest in his answers, the boyfriend gave more than a simple,I want kids and if you can't, I'm gone. It sounded like there was a condition to his love. Is this what upsets you, OP? It's like an eye opener that past whisperings of being each other's one and only are untrue. At best, it sounds disheartening since many of us are brought up to believe you love and stay with a person through ups and downs, and that people are somewhat dispensable.
ETA: I can see why this would upset the OP. Being in a relationship is moer than just what you bring to the table. If I were infertile I would be devastated if my fiance left. It is not something I could control. I am with him because of his presence, who he is, the bond we have, and to think that could all be severed because of forces beyond my control by him meant that it is not what it seems...
The OP offered up a scenario to her boyfriend that also gave her hints as to conditions in the relationship that could break them up. While honest in his answers, the boyfriend gave more than a simple,I want kids and if you can't, I'm gone. It sounded like there was a condition to his love. Is this what upsets you, OP? It's like an eye opener that past whisperings of being each other's one and only are untrue. At best, it sounds disheartening since many of us are brought up to believe you love and stay with a person through ups and downs, and that people are somewhat dispensable.
ETA: I can see why this would upset the OP. Being in a relationship is moer than just what you bring to the table. If I were infertile I would be devastated if my fiance left. It is not something I could control. I am with him because of his presence, who he is, the bond we have, and to think that could all be severed because of forces beyond my control by him meant that it is not what it seems...
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Distorted Barbie
Well-Known Member
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/6638...es=2214&seriesId=27285&channelId=1&id=1665769[/QUOTE]
That clip is so sad
That clip is so sad
UrbainChic
Well-Known Member
This is totally off topic now, but just to address this, I think what is actually happening is that if someone says something that sounds like a naive, or immature statement for an adult, people as " how old are you" and and answer " that's why" when they hear 21. Because some things are more acceptable to hear from a 20 year old. they are just at one of the many normal natural stops (though not obligatory) progression of growing and maturing and changing into a wise woman.
That does not mean that if good advice comes from a young person, that its worthless.
Please don't take offense!
PinkyPromise
Well-Known Member
*peeks in and looks around* I love you guys. No, really.
RocStar
Well-Known Member
Um, that really doesn't mean anything. I don't think a tattoo proves or measures love or devotion or dedication. I'mjustsayin.
nerdography
Well-Known Member
Here's my question, what if he was infertile, would you stay? I know for a lot of people having children, either their own biologically or adopted is very important and can be a deal breaker.
And as far as adoption goes, I think it's a great thing, I'm adopted. And if my parents hadn't adopted me I could've gone through the system going from foster home to foster home. And often times a parent gives a child up because they know they couldn't give them the life they deserve. It's not always a cop-out, most people struggle with not have their children with them. And in more recently the biological parent is able to be a part of childs life and they spend time with them.
And as far as adoption goes, I think it's a great thing, I'm adopted. And if my parents hadn't adopted me I could've gone through the system going from foster home to foster home. And often times a parent gives a child up because they know they couldn't give them the life they deserve. It's not always a cop-out, most people struggle with not have their children with them. And in more recently the biological parent is able to be a part of childs life and they spend time with them.
PinkyPromise
Well-Known Member
He shouldn't have gotten the tattoo then if it doesn't mean anything, that would be stupid to get something permanent on your skin without meaning. And yes, I would stay with him if he were infertile. I think that's kind of the point. I really wish this thread would die. I'm tired of explaining myself over and over.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
You can ask the mods to close it.
LaFemmeNaturelle
Well-Known Member
I know I'm late but....no it doesn't. I'm 21 and that didn't explain ANYTHING to me. Off to read the rest.
crr0121
New Member
I agree that he was just being honest. You each have deal breakers, and not having a family in his life is his... But to comment on the adoption part. I think adoption is a great option because you can't force someone to take care of their responsibilities. I see parents that abuse and mistreat their children and straight tell them "I didn't want you in the first place you m*****F**** scum bag." These type of people do NOT need to raise children. This is why the world is dysfunctional because children grow up not knowing what love is because their IRresponsible parents took care of their "responsibilities." These are the type of people that should've given their kids to a more loving family that actually wanted them. There are people that can't have kids and truly long for a family, without adoption, they would have no way of filling that void. When a 14 year old gets pregnant and her parents "strongly influence" her to take care of her own responsibilities and mistakes, the child may have resentment toward her baby. Not saying they should give it up for adoption because it the "easy way out" But if they're not going to love that child (and love is not automatic for everyone just because they came from your own body) then the child deserves better. It's your opinion but I think you should see it more than just from the one side of, "well I got pregnant and don't want it so I'll shove it off on someone else." It's not just a cop out. Even if you don't want it, give it to someone who does. But even with that it's not just black and white. Life is more complicated than that.
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