I Feel Like I'm Being Bullied Into A Relationship

[LiftedUp]

Vent thread

My ex boyfriend is annoying me! I feel like he's trying to bully me into being his girlfriend. He has been messaging me for years and for years I either ignored it or gave one word answers. This year I decided to be nice and actually converse and now he won't leave me alone. I told him that I'm not going to get back with him and he replied saying that he just wants to be friends. Yet he asks me out weekly, messages me daily about his day, asks bf/gf advice like what he should buy for his hair, sends me gym selfies

I blocked him once but unblocked him because he is a good person. I even encouraged him to date and he said that he tried. He's a great catch so I don't know how hard he's trying but I just want him to leave me alone! I just got a message from him and it's stressing me out

 

[moneychaser]

What's the point in being friends with an ex? Block him and move on. He'll be aight.

 

[Foxglove]

Block him on SM and block his number on your phone.

 

[LiftedUp]

Ikr I told him I don't want to be friends but he won't leave me alone and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Eta: he doesn't have my number . If that isn't a strong hint I don't know what is

 

[daydreem2876]

awww... at the end of the day, you are going to block him and cut him off completely. I'm sensitive to your feelings, I really am. it doesn't make either of you bad people, but you can't let sacrifice your sanity. you will be ok

 

[Lucie]

Ikr I told him I don't want to be friends but he won't leave me alone and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Eta: he doesn't have my number . If that isn't a strong hint I don't know what is

You have to. Protecting his feelings is hurting you. He is nice, but annoying. He thinks he will eventually wear you down, but he is just wearing your nerves. Good luck.

 

[LiftedUp]

I feel badly. I wish he could just get a girlfriend who would appreciate these conversations.

 

[hopeful]

A really nice guy would leave you alone. So my point is that he is not nice. He is passive aggressive and he is a bully. He is unconcerned about how he is making you feel and completely focused on HIS needs, not yours. Completely block him and move on.

 

[LiftedUp]

That's a good point. I'm going to block him now.

 

[DarkJoy]

A really nice guy would leave you alone. So my point is that he is not nice. He is passive aggressive and he is a bully. He is unconcerned about how he is making you feel and completely focused on HIS needs, not yours. Completely block him and move on.

I was actually going to go one step further and say hes just straight up aggressive and mean! Op, he's not respecting your boundaries so that alone, imo, makes him a bad person.

Hope you blocked him already!

 

[Topsido]

Just because he seem nice does not mean he is nice for you. I agree with @hopeful. Don't let him shove his needs and wants down your throat. He just wants to proof that he can get you whenever he wants. You belong to him.

 

[LiftedUp]

I was actually going to go one step further and say hes just straight up aggressive and mean! Op, he's not respecting your boundaries so that alone, imo, makes him a bad person.

Hope you blocked him already!

I blocked him on fb messenger. Didn't even open the message. We aren't even fb friends. It would've been more tolerable if these interactions were once a month versus everyday.

 

[Mai Tai]

At some point you have to be accountable for your role in this as well. Not trying to be harsh, just honest.

On Facebook, the only way you can see messages from a person who isn't your friend is if YOU go looking for them.

No man that's " a great catch" is going to continue to message you so stop lying to yourself. Block him by all means, keep it moving and stop acting like you are faultless in this "bullying".

 

[Browndilocks]

Vent thread

My ex boyfriend is annoying me! I feel like he's trying to bully me into being his girlfriend. He has been messaging me for years and for years I either ignored it or gave one word answers. This year I decided to be nice and actually converse and now he won't leave me alone. I told him that I'm not going to get back with him and he replied saying that he just wants to be friends. Yet he asks me out weekly, messages me daily about his day, asks bf/gf advice like what he should buy for his hair, sends me gym selfies

I blocked him once but unblocked him because he is a good person. I even encouraged him to date and he said that he tried. He's a great catch so I don't know how hard he's trying but I just want him to leave me alone! I just got a message from him and it's stressing me out

I feel your pain. This has happened to me a few times. The only thing that worked for me was bring a true BIIIII$$$$$$HHH. Start pointing out all his imperfections and begin the sentence with "See this is why I don't want you". End your sentences with "see this is why I don't like you". Tell him I'm so glad we didn't work out before, I met some real cool dudes after you. Just be totally crass and seriously abrasive & critical and they go away.

 

[*CherryPie*]

If he's this wonderful guy and good catch, why don't you want him? He's a good catch but you're trying to get away from him. Obviously, he's not such a good catch. Maybe you mean he has good intentions. He sounds annoying to me. You're blocking him and everything. Girl.

 

[LiftedUp]

At some point you have to be accountable for your role in this as well. Not trying to be harsh, just honest.

On Facebook, the only way you can see messages from a person who isn't your friend is if YOU go looking for them.

No man that's " a great catch" is going to continue to message you so stop lying to yourself. Block him by all means, keep it moving and stop acting like you are faultless in this "bullying".

My privacy settings aren't the strictest anymore and we would most likely have many mutual friends so I do get his chat head. I like to see the good in people and if I was single and desperate I'd probably give him a go.

If he's this wonderful guy and good catch, why don't you want him? He's a good catch but you're trying to get away from him. Obviously, he's not such a good catch. Maybe you mean he has good intentions. He sounds annoying to me. You're blocking him and everything. Girl.

I have a man and he seems lonely and sad if he has to be messaging me all the darn time. He was dating a 30 y/o "Christian girl" recently and I was hoping that it would've worked out but he said it didn't.

 

[LiftedUp]

The only thing that worked for me was bring a true BIIIII$$$$$$HHH.

I told him that I'm not the same person I was when we were together and that if he's trying to recreate that it would never happen but he doesn't seem to get it. The messages just get me really stressed out. I rarely say no and when I do people have the tendency to think that they can change my mind.

 

[Lucie]

I feel your pain. This has happened to me a few times. The only thing that worked for me was bring a true BIIIII$$$$$$HHH. Start pointing out all his imperfections and begin the sentence with "See this is why I don't want you". End your sentences with "see this is why I don't like you". Tell him I'm so glad we didn't work out before, I met some real cool dudes after you. Just be totally crass and seriously abrasive & critical and they go away.

I think you're thinking like a woman. The fact that she engages him, gives him hope. I'm not saying this can't work, but men see actions. Not talking to him is best.

LOL at, "See this is why I don't like you."

 

[Foxglove]

I told him that I'm not the same person I was when we were together and that if he's trying to recreate that it would never happen but he doesn't seem to get it. The messages just get me really stressed out. I rarely say no and when I do people have the tendency to think that they can change my mind.

Too much talking. As long as you keep engaging him he will keep going. Block him on everything and focus on things that will actually improve and add value to your life

 

[LiftedUp]

Too much talking. As long as you keep engaging him he will keep going. Block him on everything and focus on things that will actually improve and add value to your life

I blocked him up thread lol...

eta: That was my response when he started asking me out

 

[lux10023]

This is a very easy fix

Listen I'm in a great relationship and me being in contact with you is disrespectful to my current union

Wishing you all the best.

I get that you don't out right want to be mean to him

But I agree no more contact of any form
He need to move the *** on!

 

[bklynbornNbred]

I told him that I'm not the same person I was when we were together and that if he's trying to recreate that it would never happen but he doesn't seem to get it. The messages just get me really stressed out. I rarely say no and when I do people have the tendency to think that they can change my mind.

As a former people pleaser this post makes me agree with @Mai Tai. And I'm not speaking just on issue with ex.

You are the reason this inappropriate contact was going on. You were feeling stressed because you were more concerned about not being mean than protecting your self interest. You have trained people to always expect yes or push until you give in. Seeing the best in others always whole ignoring the resentment or angst their request is causing is training you to ignore your wants and worse letting others believe what you want doesn't matter. You have to get used to pushing past whatever is causing you anxiety when you say no. Otherwise this scenario will continue.

A good guy that knows his ex is happily with another man doesn't reach out daily in a way that he would not appreciate if situation was reversed. He knew exactly what he was doing. Why risk what you have over someone that already lost you?

You're not the victim. Your actions need to match your words always. Not just about this but everything. Start behaving more proactively to see change you want from others. Yes you'll see pushback initially but before you give in ask yourself why would someone who "cares" about you insist on things that make you uncomfortable?

I could have written this years ago. The other side from people pleasing will bring you peace.

 

[caribeandiva]

OP, what does your boyfriend think about all of this? I'm surprised your ex was still in the picture even though you're in a relationship.

 

[LiftedUp]

OP, what does your boyfriend think about all of this? I'm surprised your ex was still in the picture even though you're in a relationship.

He wasn't "in the picture" lol. I only started to reply this year just because and he just got more frequent in his messages. He doesn't have my phone number, address etc. and we are not friends on any social media platform. I've never told my bf about this scenario. I don't see any reason to...

 

[caribeandiva]

He wasn't "in the picture" lol. I only started to reply this year just because and he just got more frequent in his messages. He doesn't have my phone number, address etc. and we are not friends on any social media platform. I've never told my bf about this scenario. I don't see any reason to...

So he's only messaging you Facebook and stuff? Good thing you blocked him from everything. As for not telling your boyfriend, only you know what works for your relationship. How would you feel if your boyfriend's ex was private messaging him daily AND he was answering them? Even if it was just to tell her to leave him alone.

 

[LiftedUp]

So he's only messaging you Facebook and stuff? Good thing you blocked him from everything. As for not telling your boyfriend, only you know what works for your relationship. How would you feel if your boyfriend's ex was private messaging him daily AND he was answering them? Even if it was just to tell her to leave him alone.

There's nothing I can do. I'd just tell him if it bothers him to block her. Telling my boyfriend that my ex (who I have absolutely no interest) is messaging me is just going to make him feel insecure and bring up a whole new issue that doesn't exist. He may start trying to message me more then I'll have to tell him to stop that ish lol.

 

[Mai Tai]

So you don't think that your SO will feel insecure should he somehow find out you and your ex have been messaging and you never mentioned it?

Your reasoning is a little off because there is an issue. A huge one.

 

[LiftedUp]

So you don't think that your SO will feel insecure should he somehow find out you and your ex have been messaging and you never mentioned it?

Your reasoning is a little off because there is an issue. A huge one.

I didn't mention it because I didn't think it was important. I just assume that's how he may feel. I have no idea. If he were to read our messages it's just me responding with a blue thumbs up or "all the best".

 

[nlamr2013]

At some point you have to be accountable for your role in this as well. Not trying to be harsh, just honest.

On Facebook, the only way you can see messages from a person who isn't your friend is if YOU go looking for them.

No man that's " a great catch" is going to continue to message you so stop lying to yourself. Block him by all means, keep it moving and stop acting like you are faultless in this "bullying".

I agree. OP sis it seems like though you claim to be annoyed by dude you like the attention in some part of your mind. maybe speaking with him brings up fond memories idk but you liking it op. As ive written time and again cyber bullying isnt real because online you can block, delete and log off.

 

[LiftedUp]

I agree. OP sis it seems like though you claim to be annoyed by dude you like the attention in some part of your mind. maybe speaking with him brings up fond memories idk but you liking it op. As ive written time and again cyber bullying isnt real because online you can block, delete and log off.

I'm pretty honest with myself and no I do not like the attention. I felt no ounce of joy interacting with him.

I broke up with him years ago because I thought he was cheap. Nothing deep lol

Eta: I used the term bully because though I don't mind chatting the exchange became pseudo relationship like don't you think ?