I don't think I want to get married anymore

[nychaelasymone]

I'm 2 seconds from being done and walking away for all of this. I swear I never do anything right for this man to show him "love". I hate that when he has a problem with me he'll wait til he's gone and sends me a text message about how he feels.....I can't do it!

A little background....he comes over late Friday night and we spend Saturday at my house (we thought Hanna was going to come but she didn't grace my house at all). We didn't have any real plans to do anything but I knew he wanted me to help him with his some job related stuff....I asked him multiple times if he wanted to work on them...he never moved to the computer so what do I do? Clean my dayum house! I am not going to sit in front of the computer and ask you if you're ready to work. You need to be working and I'll come help. As for relations....he says I don't really 'initiate'...so what do I do....try to initiate things...he seems happy so I thought. I even tried to get the man in the shower but no he didn't want that....then I tried to make it romantic and light some candles and cuddle up and share some steamy parts out of some of my sexy novels...but no...I can't figure him. I even asked him what did he want to do.... he says NOTHING!
I realize relationships are supposed to be work but some things should just not be so hard!!! So this morning, I get up and realize he slept in his clothes on the couch. Actually, I left him there last night after I got angry for the last time for him attitude. I fixed breakfast, dyed some jeans I told him I would dye for him and went to church....he wanted to act more 'chipper' this morning but frankly I wasn't feeling it.

I'm glad he's out of my house. I can't take anymore of this!!!!

Lord I need some help but at this point, I'm about to wash my hands of this garbage.

 

[NOEChic]

b4 you call it quits, you need to write down everything that you are having a problem with, then sit him down and talk to him about them. discuss them in detail. give him a chance to change, if does not change or not willing to change then you can call it quits. You should give your relationship 150%, so that when it ends it can be through no fault of your own and you know that you have put forth a lot of effort.

 

[fuchsiastar]

((((((((HUGS)))))))) I hope you feel better.....I really, really hope you feel better. I can't give you any advice, because we are in the same boat right now. Maybe some of the married ladies can come in and offer sound advice.

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

ITA with Mich your a woman that have her head on straight so you should give it another chance but also let him know your feelings and if that doesn't help then leave the situation with a clear mind an conscience.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Are you two under any stress from the upcoming marriage?

I'd take a few minutes and write down what you love about him and what you don't like about him. Sometimes what you love about the person out-weighs the dislikes. And after you calm down a minute you will see that the relationship might be worth saving.

Also, you two should probably go to counseling. I know you mentioned that you went to church, so perhaps the two of you can get some help from church and find out if marriage is the best thing for you.

 

[Sosoothing]

Sounds to me as though the main issue is that you two have different communication styles and neither of you is completely understanding the other.

Like someone already suggested, seek the advice of experienced women, even men in long successful marriages in addition to whatever else you will choose to do.

All is not lost in my opinion and you two still have a chance.

 

[nychaelasymone]

Thanks ladies...I've cooled down after I treated myself to a $100.00 worth of new make-up!

We're supposed to talk later, he says its not as deep as I make it sound. He wanted to spend time together and he didn't feel like we did since I cleaned the house and washed my hair. I feel like if I asked you multiple times what you wanted to do and you have no answer...I'm going to do me. Thank you for your encouragement. We start counseling in 2 weeks....it can't come fast enough imo.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Thanks ladies...I've cooled down after I treated myself to a $100.00 worth of new make-up!

We're supposed to talk later, he says its not as deep as I make it sound. He wanted to spend time together and he didn't feel like we did since I cleaned the house and washed my hair. I feel like if I asked you multiple times what you wanted to do and you have no answer...I'm going to do me. Thank you for your encouragement. We start counseling in 2 weeks....it can't come fast enough imo.

Good for you, sounds like wedding jitters and you are very wise to do pre-marital counseling so you both can discuss expectations with a relatively neutral party.

 

[Farida]

The counseling should help. If it doesn't...run...run...run!!!!!!!!!

 

[january noir]

I'm 2 seconds from being done and walking away for all of this. I swear I never do anything right for this man to show him "love". I hate that when he has a problem with me he'll wait til he's gone and sends me a text message about how he feels.....I can't do it!

A little background....he comes over late Friday night and we spend Saturday at my house (we thought Hanna was going to come but she didn't grace my house at all). We didn't have any real plans to do anything but I knew he wanted me to help him with his some job related stuff....I asked him multiple times if he wanted to work on them...he never moved to the computer so what do I do? Clean my dayum house! I am not going to sit in front of the computer and ask you if you're ready to work. You need to be working and I'll come help. As for relations....he says I don't really 'initiate'...so what do I do....try to initiate things...he seems happy so I thought. I even tried to get the man in the shower but no he didn't want that....then I tried to make it romantic and light some candles and cuddle up and share some steamy parts out of some of my sexy novels...but no...I can't figure him. I even asked him what did he want to do.... he says NOTHING!
I realize relationships are supposed to be work but some things should just not be so hard!!! So this morning, I get up and realize he slept in his clothes on the couch. Actually, I left him there last night after I got angry for the last time for him attitude. I fixed breakfast, dyed some jeans I told him I would dye for him and went to church....he wanted to act more 'chipper' this morning but frankly I wasn't feeling it.

I'm glad he's out of my house. I can't take anymore of this!!!!

Lord I need some help but at this point, I'm about to wash my hands of this garbage.

Hmmm....sounds like you guys need a heart to heart...
Don't be afraid to move on if his behaviour continues.

 

[january noir]

I also wanted to add that men are very strange creatures. They take a patient woman and turn her into a screaming harpie. I know. I have one myself.

 

[Bunny77]

I also wanted to add that men are very strange creatures. They take a patient woman and turn her into a screaming harpie. I know. I have one myself.

Girl...

I'm not close to getting married, but wow, being in my first relationship in a long time has really made me have to learn patience and understanding!

I'm sure both of us think of breaking up all the darn time, but then cooler heads prevail and we realize that our silliness is getting in the way of something really wonderful that we have... it just sucks that we have to go through the foolishness first!!! ARGH...

I needed this thread.

 

[Farida]

I will stress as I did in your other thread OP, what will essentially be important is whether this man will be humble enough to realize and own up to his shortcomings and be willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work. His behavior during and after counseling will be very telling of this.

The two of you definitely need to work on your communication. A text msg? What is this? Middle School?

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Marriage is a union of 2 communicators. You both have to be able to communicate your feelings openly. I hope all works out with you. Pray together and draw some strength from God together. That will help.

 

[nychaelasymone]

Thanks ladies...we talked again and he feels that I don't make him a priority in my life but also said, that if I feel the same way, he will do whatever it takes to make it better. Yeah...we communicate on two totally different lines but we're learning....I'm just worn out and feel emotionally beat up at this moment.....off to bed.