I don't know how to handle this situation

[twilight80]

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for 9. Over the past few years he has gained some weight but nothing bad or that has been an issue for me. The past couple of months has changed drastically in our relationship.

He is convinced that I am no longer attracted to him. He's analyzed that I only watch shows like Grey's Anatomy because there are people that take their shirts off and have sex scenes.

One day we were stopped at a light in the car and turned my head to look out the side window. There was a guy on the jogging path that was shirtless and I immediately turned my head back when I saw him. My husband is convinced that I did it on purpose and that I can't help looking at this sort of thing.

I told him that I did not have a problem with his weight and I could easily look at him without a shirt on. So this past week, he started taking his shirt off in front of me. (He has never did this in the 9 years we have been married) I thought everything was cool until yesterday when he starts telling me I was a lier. He said every time he took off his shirt I would turn away or close my eyes. I honestly have no memory of doing this... I had to be doing it unconsciously if I was.

TODAY HE TOLD ME THAT I WASN'T SPECIAL LIKE HE THOUGHT I WAS. HE SAID I AM JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER FEMALE.

I love my husband, we are awesome together. I never thought anything bad about him because of his weight. He is an attractive man, which he knows but is headstrong that I am not attracted to him anymore. I've done all I can to convince him that I am so I am out of ideas.

Anyone been in a situation like this or have some advice??

 

[LadyPaniolo]

The phrase "you're just like every other woman" is one I have a HUGE problem with I don't know.... you've done what you can, it's on him to slim down or hush up.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Are you sure he isn't cheating? For things to change so dramatically in the past few months, it makes me think he may be dealing with a guilty conscience.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Yes, sometimes people put their own actions on YOU...a man suddenly accusing you of staring/wanting/lusting after every man is often doing it himself...I doubt the weight issue is as big as he wants it to appear but is a cover for something else. A way to justify and put blame on you!

HOWEVER, even if that wasn't the case, he's being very insecure and harsh. Why is he NOT taking steps to lose the weight then? Did he just up and gain this year/around the time he started "accusing" you?It makes no sense.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Wow this sounds like insecurity overload. He is insecure about something. Show him some extra love but also pay very very close attention to his actions. I don't like to speculate, but it seems he might be looking for a way out, or crying out for help (with his weight).

 

[hopeful]

He sounds like he is having some type of mental break down. I have no idea what would cause a man to change so suddenly and drastically. I hope things work themselves out sooner than later. I don't know what I'd do if my husband was acting like this.

 

[twilight80]

Are you sure he isn't cheating? For things to change so dramatically in the past few months, it makes me think he may be dealing with a guilty conscience.

No, he has been home everyday. He doesn't go out. But he has always had trust issues and they just seemed to really get out of hand.

 

[twilight80]

He sounds like he is having some type of mental break down. I have no idea what would cause a man to change so suddenly and drastically. I hope things work themselves out sooner than later. I don't know what I'd do if my husband was acting like this.

We have been going through some financial issues, not living how we want to live...I think these maybe reasons as well.

 

[twilight80]

Yes, sometimes people put their own actions on YOU...a man suddenly accusing you of staring/wanting/lusting after every man is often doing it himself...I doubt the weight issue is as big as he wants it to appear but is a cover for something else. A way to justify and put blame on you!

HOWEVER, even if that wasn't the case, he's being very insecure and harsh. Why is he NOT taking steps to lose the weight then? Did he just up and gain this year/around the time he started "accusing" you?It makes no sense.

No, he has been this way for a while, but he has always hated his midsection and chest area.

 

[French Rouge]

I don't think he is cheating (why do posters think every action a man takes means he is cheating?). I do think that he has some insecurity about his body. Honestly, I don't think anything will change unless he starts to love his new shape or he loses weight.

Since trying to help him lose weight would likely backfire into him thinking you dislike his shape even more, I think you should steer clear of making obvious tips on weight loss. I am not sure if you do the cooking, but maybe you could start making meals that are tasty but low cal/fat. Or start asking him to go out and do things to get him more active. Both could help him lose some weight without him knowing that is your goal.

Although you don't mind his weight gain, it is clear that he does. I'd try to help him lose weight without stirring the pot too much.

 

[FearlessNik]

Maybe you could try planning a sexy evening for him. Go all out with it and pay extra attention to his while body (I'm assuming he is ok with his weight?).

 

[liberationtheory]

His behavior sounds like he's slipping into a depression-- hypersensitive, moody, projecting, not leaving the house, blaming everyone else.

I dont have any advice but I do empathize with your situation..

 

[FearlessNik]

Also, something to think about (you don't have to answer): has your sex life changed? The financial problems could have caused less sex in the marriage.

 

[ms.mimi]

Your partner can make you feel good and they can also bring you down.

Sounds like your hubby is already down on his self about the finances and now his weight issues are playing with his self esteem.
Please do not answers these questions here they are just for you to ponder ....
~Disregarding health issues, do you mind that he is overweight?
~Do you REALLY like his body the way it is?
~You say it doesn't matter, but does it?

Cause if it doesn't, get on the job. He thinks you're not attracted to him. Show him otherwise. Rub his belly while watching t.v and ask him if he wants to know a secret. Pinch his booty once in a while. Kiss and then bite that tummy (not hard) Peek at him in the shower. You know what to do. Show him. Actions speak louder than words.

I can't even begin to tell you how my dh and boyfriends before him made me feel good about my body, even down to my FEET! It was their words and actions that raised my confidence.

 

[twilight80]

Your partner can make you feel good and they can also bring you down.

Sounds like your hubby is already down on his self about the finances and now his weight issues are playing with his self esteem.
Please do not answers these questions here they are just for you to ponder ....
~Disregarding health issues, do you mind that he is overweight?
~Do you REALLY like his body the way it is?
~You say it doesn't matter, but does it?

Cause if it doesn't, get on the job. He thinks you're not attracted to him. Show him otherwise. Rub his belly while watching t.v and ask him if he wants to know a secret. Pinch his booty once in a while. Kiss and then bite that tummy (not hard) Peek at him in the shower. You know what to do. Show him. Actions speak louder than words.

I can't even begin to tell you how my dh and boyfriends before him made me feel good about my body, even down to my FEET! It was their words and actions that raised my confidence.

This has been the best advice I have read. I have been looking at myself and yes, I have slacked on the little stuff. I do playfully touch him a lot, but I use to lotion his feet after he got out the shower, rub him to sleep and with all that's been happening...I've slipped. Although I do not like how he is expressing his feelings on me, I can understand

Thank you everyone!

 

[Evolving78]

it sounds like you need to find a way to give more attention to your husband. so you got some work to do tonight. get a movie (with a lot of steamy scenes!) get a healthy snack, get some lotion or massage oil and rub your man's feet, back and arms. kiss all over his neck. feed him some fruit etc....

i know i am starting to get on the juicy side, but my man makes me feel so beautiful. he can't keep his hands off of me. people need that type of love and attention when things really start to get rough in a relationship. he might be questioning his manhood, due to money not being right at the moment and he is picking up weight.

this is where the support from you comes in.

 

[cherryhair123]

I don't think he is cheating (why do posters think every action a man takes means he is cheating?).
This...

 

[Windsy]

Sounds like you need to be back to basics with your hubby....also I think he really doesn't like his weight and is thinking you feel the same way but you aren't saying it.

I say you sit down with him and talk about his weight and how he feels about it....if he wants to take it off..then make it a team project - exercise with him, change both of yall eating habbits, etc.