I can't stand my boyfriend's friends....

PraisedBeauty

PraisedBeauty

New Member
My boyfriend and I are very close... And I pretend to like his friends.. When in actuality... I can't stand them. They are all useless drinkers, smokers, cheaters, wannabe-rappers, sitting in their mother's basement, LOSERS.

My boyfriend on the other hand comes from a very good home. We are both from the same African, and from the same ethnic group and plan to marry. We're both raised in America but love our culture. None of his friends are from our ethnic group...They're all basically Americans, whether white, black, asian, whatever. And honestly, this doesn't bother me. It's the fact that his friends are all very useless that disturbs me. Everyone in his family calls me the saving grace because he used to mess around with American girls, but he finally settled down and committed to me when I gave him the chance. We're both from neighborhoods where there aren't many Habesha's around, so he's been stalling and searching for the perfect Habesha girl for some time. (Please don't take any offense to this, but it's just frowned upon for us to marry outside of our ethnic group and a lot of African guys think like this. I'm not trying to offend anyone with this statement). I don't have any actual problems with my boyfriend... He treats me like a queen for the most part. I am a bit demanding and insecure at times... And he deals with it....I guess by American standards he is prince charming (buying my groceries, talking and texting me often, taking me out, etc.) But by Habesha standards, it's just expected...

With all of that being said... I suppose I should just be happy and grateful... But it's just to the point where I am starting to worry. Because all of my friends (they're Habesha as well) have started to point out to me the fact that, the friends he is friends with now... Will probably be the same friends he is friends with in 10 years... And at the end of the day... Your friends are a representation of you...Right? I'm not saying he has to ditch his American friends. I just want him to befriend people who are productive members of society. Habesha or not. I'm afraid they will steer him down the wrong path. Like his friends are the type of friends that hold their cell phones up to their bathroom mirrors and take "myspace pictures" and post them as their profile pictures on facebook. The type to talk about "hoes on their dick" in their facebook status... The type to smoke and drink every weekend. :nono: I can't tell him to leave his friends... He loves them... But.. He's just better than them. What do I do? Just accept that his friends are his friends?
 
PraisedBeauty said:
My boyfriend and I are very close... And I pretend to like his friends.. When in actuality... I can't stand them. They are all useless drinkers, smokers, cheaters, wannabe-rappers, sitting in their mother's basement, LOSERS.

My boyfriend on the other hand comes from a very good home. We are both from the same African, and from the same ethnic group and plan to marry. We're both raised in America but love our culture. None of his friends are from our ethnic group...They're all basically Americans, whether white, black, asian, whatever. And honestly, this doesn't bother me. It's the fact that his friends are all very useless that disturbs me. Everyone in his family calls me the saving grace because he used to mess around with American girls, but he finally settled down and committed to me when I gave him the chance. We're both from neighborhoods where there aren't many Habesha's around, so he's been stalling and searching for the perfect Habesha girl for some time. (Please don't take any offense to this, but it's just frowned upon for us to marry outside of our ethnic group and a lot of African guys think like this. I'm not trying to offend anyone with this statement). I don't have any actual problems with my boyfriend... He treats me like a queen for the most part. I am a bit demanding and insecure at times... And he deals with it....I guess by American standards he is prince charming (buying my groceries, talking and texting me often, taking me out, etc.) But by Habesha standards, it's just expected...

With all of that being said... I suppose I should just be happy and grateful... But it's just to the point where I am starting to worry. Because all of my friends (they're Habesha as well) have started to point out to me the fact that, the friends he is friends with now... Will probably be the same friends he is friends with in 10 years... And at the end of the day... Your friends are a representation of you...Right? I'm not saying he has to ditch his American friends. I just want him to befriend people who are productive members of society. Habesha or not. I'm afraid they will steer him down the wrong path. Like his friends are the type of friends that hold their cell phones up to their bathroom mirrors and take "myspace pictures" and post them as their profile pictures on facebook. The type to talk about "hoes on their dick" in their facebook status... The type to smoke and drink every weekend. :nono: I can't tell him to leave his friends... He loves them... But.. He's just better than them. What do I do? Just accept that his friends are his friends?
Click to expand...

mmmmmm....OK. Good luck with that.

eta:I tried to refrain. But - if Africa & Africans are so great & superior to America & Americans, why come to America? Shouldn't you all just stay in wonderful Africa? I mean, I don't get the insults often aimed at American society and American ways but other ethnicities/races/cultures are often trying to catch the first thing smoking to the U.S.A. If I look down on Italians, I'm not trying to move to Italy & then have my noise turned up when I get there. You asked us not to take offense at your statements, so please don't take offense at my questions.
 
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:pop::poker:

This is going to get very interesting. Anyone up for a game of poker? I bet this thread gets the lock before 10 pm tomorrow. Any other gamblers? :lol::yep:
 
So what in the world does he have in common with these guys? What do they all do together when they hang out?
 
Ladybelle said:
mmmmmm....OK. Good luck with that.

eta:I tried to refrain. But - if Africa & Africans are so great & superior to America & Americans, why come to America? Shouldn't you all just stay in wonderful Africa? I mean, I don't get the insults often aimed at American society and American ways but other ethnicities/races/cultures are often trying to catch the first thing smoking to the U.S.A. If I look down on Italians, I'm not trying to move to Italy & then have my noise turned up when I get there. You asked us not to take offense at your statements, so please don't take offense at my questions.
Click to expand...

:blush: This isn't an Africans vs. Americans thread.... I have a lot of Habesha friends and a lot of American friends.... This is a thread about whether or not I should say something to my boyfriend about his friends. I will not answer to any negativity about Africans vs. Americans. I don't look down upon anyone.
 
if you have legitimate concerns about his friends and he values your opinion, then go ahead and voice them... but if you're simply trying to control his behavior and who he associates with, then i can't see that working out too well in the long run....

either way, be prepared for whatever backlash you may receive....
 
dtachi said:
So what in the world does he have in common with these guys? What do they all do together when they hang out?
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They watch a lot of sports together... Go to sporting events together... ONE of them is actually in college and goes to the same school as him.... They listen to music together... He hangs out with them when they are in the studio... I guess just guy stuff? He doesn't do the bad things they do... But I just don't like that he hangs around with such a bad crowd. Gah! Some of their status updates in my news feed make me vomit!
 
Ladybelle said:
mmmmmm....OK. Good luck with that.

eta:I tried to refrain. But - if Africa & Africans are so great & superior to America & Americans, why come to America? Shouldn't you all just stay in wonderful Africa? I mean, I don't get the insults often aimed at American society and American ways but other ethnicities/races/cultures are often trying to catch the first thing smoking to the U.S.A. If I look down on Italians, I'm not trying to move to Italy & then have my noise turned up when I get there. You asked us not to take offense at your statements, so please don't take offense at my questions.
Click to expand...

MmmhmmGirlImage.gif


Oh lawd.
 
SqrpioQutie said:
if you have legitimate concerns about his friends and he values your opinion, then go ahead and voice them... but if you're simply trying to control his behavior and who he associates with, then i can't see that working out too well in the long run....

either way, be prepared for whatever backlash you may receive....
Click to expand...

Honestly. I do tell him that he is above the actions his friends take... But... He just says that I don't know them like he knows them.. I never go in on them too deep.... I guess I am kind of hoping he'll grow apart from them. I guess I am wondering. Is this wishful thinking? Or is it true that the friends you have around the ages of 21-24 are usually your friends for life?
 
PraisedBeauty said:
:blush: This isn't an Africans vs. Americans thread.... I have a lot of Habesha friends and a lot of American friends.... This is a thread about whether or not I should say something to my boyfriend about his friends. I will not answer to any negativity about Africans vs. Americans. I don't look down upon anyone.
Click to expand...


So, why not leave all that extra stuff out?The point could have been clearly made without you making the African vs American distinction, especially if it isn't relevant to your problem.

Simple: My SO hangs around the wrong people & so on & so forth. The part I bolded could have been really left out.
 
Ladybelle said:
So, why not leave all that extra stuff out?The point could have been clearly made without you making the African vs American distinction, especially if it isn't relevant to your problem.

Simple: My SO hangs around the wrong people & so on & so forth. The part I bolded could have been really left out.
Click to expand...

Chick. Get out of my thread and stop trying to make it something it is not. I'm ignoring your posts from now on.
 
Well all you had to say was

Well I dont' like my boyfriends Friends they are not such great people at this time all that other stuff was not necessary. I hope he is more American Habesha than Habesha Habesha cause if you are demanding and got ANY Insecurities you will be going NUTS when he is out at the Coffee shop with OTHER Habeshas and they are indulging in phuckery too I am an OLDDDDD Habesha. Habesha men act just as crazy as everyone else. They is just a little bit better of keeping it discreet.
 
PraisedBeauty said:
Honestly. I do tell him that he is above the actions his friends take... But... He just says that I don't know them like he knows them.. I never go in on them too deep.... I guess I am kind of hoping he'll grow apart from them. I guess I am wondering. Is this wishful thinking? Or is it true that the friends you have around the ages of 21-24 are usually your friends for life?
Click to expand...

that's hard to say..... he could very well end up best buds with them til they're old and gray or his life could take a different turn and they simply go their separate ways.... i have friends now that, although i knew them earlier in my life, our relationships are 100% closer now... on the flip side, i have friends that i considered family, who i'm very distant with....

if he's not really into what they're into, they'll naturally separate at some point.... BUT, if on some level he's connected to what they do, whether he actively participates or not, then they may be in your life longer than you'd like.....

either way, it's going to have to be his ultimate decision.... otherwise, he could grow to resent you....
 
Almaz said:
Well all you had to say was

Well I dont' like my boyfriends Friends they are not such great people at this time all that other stuff was not necessary. I hope he is more American Habesha than Habesha Habesha cause if you are demanding and got ANY Insecurities you will be going NUTS when he is out at the Coffee shop with OTHER Habeshas and they are indulging in phuckery too I am an OLDDDDD Habesha. Habesha men act just as crazy as everyone else. They is just a little bit better of keeping it discreet.
Click to expand...

Yeah he's an Americanized Habesha... Like suuuuuper Americanized. I don't know if I could date a Habesha Habesha man. He doesn't even really have any Habesha friends really... It worries my mom. But I don't think it's a big deal. He still loves his culture.
 
:lol:
PraisedBeauty said:
Chick. Get out of my thread and stop trying to make it something it is not. I'm ignoring your posts from now on.
Click to expand...

I made my point clear. A superiority complex coupled with insecurity is an awful look. I'll leave it at that. Good luck trying to deal with your absolutely,amazing, wonderful African boyfriend and his heathen American friends.

Now, I've indulged your obvious stupidity long enough - so I won't say anything else to the "African Queen." :ohwell:
 
SqrpioQutie said:
that's hard to say..... he could very well end up best buds with them til they're old and gray or his life could take a different turn and they simply go their separate ways.... i have friends now that, although i knew them earlier in my life, our relationships are 100% closer now... on the flip side, i have friends that i considered family, who i'm very distant with....

if he's not really into what they're into, they'll naturally separate at some point.... BUT, if on some level he's connected to what they do, whether he actively participates or not, then they may be in your life longer than you'd like.....

either way, it's going to have to be his ultimate decision.... otherwise, he could grow to resent you....
Click to expand...

This is what scares me.
 
Ladybelle said:
:lol:

I made my point clear. A superiority complex coupled with insecurity is an awful look. I'll leave it at that. Good luck trying to deal with your absolutely,amazing, wonderful African boyfriend and his heathen American friends.

Now, I've indulged your obvious stupidity long enough - so I won't say anything else to the "African Queen." :ohwell:
Click to expand...

On second thought....You are not P. Diddy... I am not Dylan, Babs, or Ness... I sure as hell am not trying to be in the band. Sigh.
 
Sometimes that friends that you know at 20 you don't know them at 50 but you never know the twists and turns of life who knows those weed smoking hanging out in mama's basement may grow you to be something really big and your husband could end up working in a parking lot which sometimes I think is the National Habesha pastime at one point years ago. They sound young and you sound young too. Just be easy and see what the future will bring I am sure it will be okay
 
PraisedBeauty said:
This is what scares me.
Click to expand...

it should be a real concern, but nothing to be scared of... if you know that you're true intention is not to control him but find out his true motivations and find some qualities about his friends that allow you to understand why he's attached to them, then everything should be fine.... (that's if that's actually your intention)

as long as you stay on the right side of that line there should be nothing to fear, imo...
 
SqrpioQutie said:
it should be a real concern, but nothing to be scared of... if you know that you're true intention is not to control him but find out his true motivations and find some qualities about his friends that allow you to understand why he's attached to them, then everything should be fine.... (that's if that's actually your intention)

as long as you stay on the right side of that line there should be nothing to fear, imo...
Click to expand...

I just never want to be that girl that gets in between her man and his friends... God forbid should we ever break up... It would kill me to know that he doesn't have his friends to lean on... I guess I'll just be careful about how I word things from here on out.
 
Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are...

Maybe someone is not being honest with themselves about something. Either you are not seeing how much like his friends he truly is or he is not seeing how unlike his friends he really is. At some point someone has to be discerning.

I'm not trying to come off as rude of judgmental, but this is my honest feedback and instinct.
 
Ladybelle said:
:pop::poker:

This is going to get very interesting. Anyone up for a game of poker? I bet this thread gets the lock before 10 pm tomorrow. Any other gamblers? :lol::yep:
Click to expand...

Depends, are we playing price is right rules? :lachen:

Oh yea, the OP. Good luck on extracting your FH from the clutches of those trifling Americans.
 
CarolinaGal said:
Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are...

Maybe someone is not being honest with themselves about something. Either you are not seeing how much like his friends he truly is or he is not seeing how unlike his friends he really is. At some point someone has to be discerning.

I'm not trying to come off as rude of judgmental, but this is my honest feedback and instinct.
Click to expand...


I don't know... Maybe I am blocking myself from the truth? He seems almost perfect in my eyes... But you're right about the bolded... That's for sure.
 
I'll start by saying I have a couple of Habesha friends, so I kind of understand what you are talking about when you talk about the cultural differences and expectations. What I don't understand is why you framed the OP the way you did. It reaks of "Habesha are better than you..." It was probably not your intent but that's how you come off.

Why is you bf so attached to these characters? Are they childhood friends? Was he once like them and then he changed? Maybe you should tell him the truth and tell him that you don't like his friend's lifestyle - I'm not sure why you are pretending to like them. Maybe if you told him you weren't comfortable with them he might be inclined to distance himself from them.
 
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