I am starving (I really needed to vent)

[ThickHair]

I guess today is not a good day for me. I feel like I am starving for a relationship. I am starving for affection (touch) and attention. I am clearly aware of it. I go for brief walks on my breaks at work. I just returned from my lunch walk and I was in tears part of the time just thinking about me starving.

I am well aware to keep away from the men folk when I am feeling like this because I could end up with someone really bad who would take advantage of me in this "state", which is basically a state of weakness.

I am screaming on the inside. I have been feeling this way all week, but today is when it manifested itself in tears.

I feel like everything is going pretty good in my life. I have shed 80lbs of weight. I am doing good in my career. My family life is excellent as always, but my love life is nonexistant. I had a broken engagement at the beginning of 2011 and in a way I have not fully recoverd so it is not good to start something new. I have closure on that relationship but I am afraid to open up my heart again. When I got with my ex it was after a while that I took to recover from my marriage and I went into that relationship wide open like I had never done before.

I am not saying I am giving up and want to be alone forever it is just that I am hesitant. I have gone on dates, but I don't socialize for fun like I use to. I am in to volunteering and making my community better, so I do have a sense of purpose but still..........

I think part of the reason is that I am receiving more attention since I am shedding the weight and I know when it happened before I clammed up and gain it back. Strange since I was married at that point. I am really counter productive at this point.

I also swear if one more of my friends tell me that I have it going on and enjoy my single life I will snap the ufck out on them. That is easy to say when you have some"one" warming your bed at night even if you can't stand him. (I am not saying that all my friends hate their mate)

I don't want a man for the sake of saying I have one. A choice between a deadbead relationship and no relationship I would choose to be alone, but I am not going to lie the need for an intimate is really lacking right about now and it is driiving me a bit crazy.

 

[hopeful]

(((hugs)))
Sorry you are feeling down. I am so proud of you for losing the weight, that is a really big deal. I know your heart was broken in 2011. But it's 2012 and I think you are ready to slowly open that beautiful heart of yours up again. Love and affection will help you heal, it is very difficult to completely heal alone. Hang in there, okay? You're going to be okay.

 

[Skyfall]

...

 

[ThickHair]

(((hugs)))
Sorry you are feeling down. I am so proud of you for losing the weight, that is a really big deal. I know your heart was broken in 2011. But it's 2012 and I think you are ready to slowly open that beautiful heart of yours up again. Love and affection will help you heal, it is very difficult to completely heal alone. Hang in there, okay? You're going to be okay.

Thanks hopeful you have always given me encouraging words. Even back when my engagement was broke.

I am here with you and it sucks terribly.

In the words of Dave Hester YYYUUUPPP

 

[deltadreamland]

I had been wondering how you were doing. Congrats on the weight loss and all of the other positives going on in your life. I've been through the "starving" phase as well. Just remember that it will happen when it is supposed to happen, which is not necessarily when we want it to happen. Wishing you the best.

 

[crlsweetie912]

I could have written most of your whole post.....wow.....I never thought of it like this. You expressed what I have been feeling so well.....

 

[ThickHair]

I had been wondering how you were doing. Congrats on the weight loss and all of the other positives going on in your life. I've been through the "starving" phase as well. Just remember that it will happen when it is supposed to happen, which is not necessarily when we want it to happen. Wishing you the best.

Thanks

I could have written most of your whole post.....wow.....I never thought of it like this. You expressed what I have been feeling so well.....

I always know that I am not unique and other's may be feeling the same, so I always try to post things like this.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Awww.... ThickHair

Although I can't really say that I "know how you feel" (since I've never been married ), I DO know how it feels to go through a "dry spell". I'm going through one myself right now.

It CAN be hard at times. There's no doubt about it.

Congratulations on the weight loss! 80 lbs is NOTHING to sneeze at. You said it so matter of factly like it's no big deal, but girl that is a HUGE accomplishment! Here's to 2012 and good health and fitness!

Anyway, as much as I sometimes hate to hear the "Pollyanna Sunshine" remarks myself, I DO have to add that you seem to have a lot to be thankful for in your life, good job, good personality, good circle of friends and support, etc.

Just try not to get caught up in what you feel as though you "lack", because what you focus on becomes your reality. Focus on what you DO have, and although it may not bring a man dropping into your lap next Tuesday, at least it will give you a happier sense of calm and peace in your mind and heart.

I've been through horrible emotional pain and depression due to a breakup and heartbreak myself, and honestly the ONLY thing that really helped me was time and distance from the pain. Of course...therapy helped too lol... , but really it honestly just takes TIME. I agree that right NOW may not be the best time to be actively looking for someone, because when you're "starving", you tend to be the least discerning in the choices that you make.

Just hang in there girl.... You're not alone. We ALL go through it , or have been through a "dry spell" before. Shoot...I don't even have any "prospects", that's how dry my desert is....

But over time that feeling will change.


Btw........and I mean this in the most honest way possible.....is it by any chance close to that time when you're expecting a visit from Aunt Flow?? I'm just saying, it seems like right around that "time", I tend to get the most reflective about my life and my "singleness status". UGH!

The mind (and hormones!) can definitely play tricks on you!

 

[StarScream35]

ThickHair

Sista Girl, I can't offer you any advice nor will I tell you what you can do. All I can say is I know your pain first hand. It's been a long journey for me girlfriend. I'm 35, just got in a relationship about 2 months ago after years of being single and dating. It's been rough. I got so tired of everybody saying the same old thang that I thought I was gonna go postal! I was told to enjoy my single life and travel. Oh really? Travel with who??? All my friends are married or broke. I'm not going to Europe by myself! And then you get the advice from divorced women who might be a bit bitter with men. They treat you like something is wrong with you longing for a man and then relay their God awful story to you. Ummm..............your story is not mine. I haven't gone through that so I'm not bitter with men. Then there are the people that are in relationships who really wanna be helpful but end up making things worse. Advice ranges from~~be patient, ask the Lord or maybe you are too picky or something might be wrong with you or he will come around when you least expect it. Then there is the "you should go out more" comment.............if I heard that line one more time I swear I was gonna hurt somebody. Just what the heel do you think I'm doing!!!! Sitting at home waiting for the Lord to put a man at my doorstep!!!!! This one probably pissed me off the most. How many times did I have to tell folks, dating for black women ain't no easy task. That's a fact and will remain a fact. The few sistas that find men probably think it should be easy for other sistas to find men too but that's not the case. The stats are real and there is no denying them.
I just want to say keep your head up, put your battle gear on cause girl it ain't gone be easy!!! But in the meantime, do try to find a hobby. Go jogging, collect stamps, go on Yahoo Answers and give people advice...........try to keep busy. Hugs and Kisses sista!!! :blowkiss:

 

[Smiley79]

ThickHair Get out of my head!!! Girl I just did a mini vent in the Random Thoughts thread while on my lunch break outside feeling the EXACT same way. Usually I have tears, but today I was so tired, i was tearless. And I have heard and know of everything in the book on how not to think about and keep busy and be positive etc. While they do help most of the times, Im finding that lately the lonely days are getting more frequent. It's like a thirst that can only be quenched by the water of love and companionship. At my place of worship, I love that the elders there always help me to accept and not be ashamed of how I feel. Tell God how I feel (rather than put it aside or discount it). This is helpful because i get tired of ppl telling me "Girl, you aint missing nothing" or "it aint greener on the other side"! I know that. Nothing is green anywhere in this mad world, but it doesnt mean you should be deprived of the journey called love. Anyways, sorry if Im taking over the thread with my rant, but im just having one of those today.

btw OP, sorry if Im off topic, i just read your 1st few lines of your post and went to typing, lol.

 

[ThickHair]

Btw........and I mean this in the most honest way possible.....is it by any chance close to that time when you're expecting a visit from Aunt Flow?? I'm just saying, it seems like right around that "time", I tend to get the most reflective about my life and my "singleness status". UGH!

The mind (and hormones!) can definitely play tricks on you!

Crystalicequeen123 Yup, started Monday. I do get all teary eyed and misty, so I know that is about 80% of the problem. I am WELL aware of that.

 

[ThickHair]

It's like a thirst that can only be quenched by the water of love and companionship.

THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Oh my.

 

[Smiley79]

@Crystalicequeen123 Yup, started Monday. I do get all teary eyed and misty, so I know that is about 80% of the problem. I am WELL aware of that.

Good point, mine just ended yesterday and I do get extra sensitive around that time. On top of that, I crave coloring more than ever around the week before. Double wammie for me.

 

[Love Always]

You have a right to feel the way that you feel, I'm glad that Smiley79 touched on that.

 

[lesedi]

ThickHair

I obviously don't know you IRL, but from what I know of you on the board, I can tell you are an intelligent, worldly, open-minded, sensible and powerful woman. I'm not worried about you finding love ONE BIT.
I know it's easier said than done but treasure this time you have and the freedoms that being single afford you. Before you know it, you'll be dying to have your lone walks in the park back

e-huggin

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crystalicequeen123 Yup, started Monday. I do get all teary eyed and misty, so I know that is about 80% of the problem. I am WELL aware of that.

Good point, mine just ended yesterday and I do get extra sensitive around that time. On top of that, I crave coloring more than ever around the week before. Double wammie for me.

Yep.....aunt Flow's visiting me now as we speak as well. erplexed

So, yea....that definitely makes me go kind of "crazy" for a little bit around that time frame lol.

But yeah, sometimes that feeling still lingers even AFTER aunt Flow has packed up her things and has left! So, it's perfectly natural and "okay" to feel what you're feeling. I think ALL women (even the ones who are now married) probably felt at one time that they weren't going to find anybody, or that they were miserable being single. It happens.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I so know what you're feeling. I really want a bf. But not just anybody and not in just anyway. I've been getting myself settled since the divorce and just feel all these good moves that God has been making. I know it'll be so awesome once I meet the someone who we fit in each other's routines. Like I'm about that life right now: finding somebody who fits.

Anyway, it's finding that person that sucks. The anticipation. Once you know that you're ready and not just wanting, I think things will fall into place. At least that's what I'm banking on for myself too

 

[Renewed1]

Thick Hair I'm with you. I literally went through the same thing today. Today was just a bad day.

The kicker is my period is 2 weeks out.

 

[Curlykale]

You have achieved wonderful things and you still have the integrity to know that you won't accept "just any" relationship for the sake of it. You haven't lost yourself. Many beautiful things can still happen when you haven't lost yourself. See everything you do as a preparation. An improvement, a garden full of seeds that will make you a never ending improved person. If you feel like there isn't much room for improvement, there is room for serenity and your own balance. This will be a present that you will be able to give to the right person one day, or to yourself.

 

[ArrrBeee]

When I am unable to get the physical companionship I need, I will go get a massage. I know it isn't companionship or having someone to snuggle up to but don't underestimate the power of human touch.

 

[Eiano]

Wow, I too could have written all of your post (except for the engagement part, hasn't quite happened for me yet). It is very lonely... I am still working on me, but I'm afraid that once I'm where I want to be (and where I think I should be), that I'll still be alone...

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I always look at you ThickHair as a solider type so you had a moment of humanness not weakness,a not so strength. When your ready you will be ready. Your extremely logically and honest. I know too well the feeling and in due time. Because your very aware of self you will not date any dude just for the sake of dating anyone. I look forward to your update with a great man that only you should have.

 

[Ltown]

you are not alone, i'm feeling the same just try not to think or talk about it. You are keeping youself busy because you lost weight. Congratulations on the weight loss! When I'm loney i stay busy doing other things in my life and reading your posts you are too. You will be ready when Mr. Right comes!

 

[ThickHair]

Straight up BS day. It felt exactly like the day I posted my original post. Le Sigh, no crying though. It is going to be an early night. I would go to bed now, but a new Family Guy will be on at 9p, so ya know.

I am going to journal a bit, it makes me feel better. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts ladies.

 

[RS1976]

I can totally relate to how u are feeling. I feel the same way every now and then.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Been thinking about this post since you put it up OP....If I hear one more person say "why are you single"

Where I am, the quality of available guys to date is so low.....And if I hear "DAMN YOU SEXY!" from some guy I first meet ONE MORE TIME! I might slap him. Everyone says they want a lady, but then ask you for a "sexy" picture....smh.
I just feel really lonely. Can I just find one person that I could cuddle with and hold hands, even if it doesn't work out, just someone acceptable to date for a bit? Laugh with? Hold a great conversation? Sorry for the ramble....

 

[kandake]

OP, there must be something in the air because I've been feeling like this for quite some time. I could have written your whole post. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. I'm so tired of waiting.

Can I just find one person that I could cuddle with and hold hands, even if it doesn't work out, just someone acceptable to date for a bit? Laugh with? Hold a great conversation? Sorry for the ramble....

I thought I wanted this but it made the whole situation far worse. Yes, I got the conversation, hand holding, cuddling but we both knew it would be nothing more. I just broke it off for the second time and I feel worse than I felt before it all began.

 

[chebaby]

I am here with you and it sucks terribly.

yes it does. i cried saturday night because i feel so alone.

 

[BrandNew]

ThickHair you are all in my feelings with this post! Could have written it myself - all of it! I'm right there with you!

 

[ThickHair]

I guess it is a Thursday thing, because today I am about to burst. My stomach hurts and I have been in the bathroom all day and on the verge of tears. I shed a few while I was working. Thank goodness I do not speak with the public today or I would be through. I was going to put in leave and go home, but that wouldn't solve my problem.

I was so frustrated last night I worked out for 2 hours straight and now I have no energy. I want to go home but that would be a bad thing for me, just time to sit and think. Zumba isn't until 5:45p and I am off at 3:30p. A friend has been hinting at happy hour, but I would be in no shape to drive if I went.

I am internally screaming again. I am just jittering and just completely off balance today. I need to pray, pray and then pray some more. I believe in my heart better days are coming so I have to keep myself together. I am allowing myself to have little mini breakdowns because if I hold it in, I know one day I am going to have a major melt down and it won't be pretty. I will not do it at work, but you best believe, on my way home from work today I am going to have to pull over, I think today is going to be it. Meltdown city.

I am venting more than anything.