I am seriously fed up of my natural hair!

[pureebony]

Ok I would post pics, but cant figure out how to on here!

Im part angry, frustrated, sad, and on the verge of just giving up.... i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!!

I have been natural since I was in college, and my hair is in worse condition than it has ever been. I braided for years and I know that is what has caused my edges to be so thinned out that I can't put my hair up.

I have decided to weave up my hair till I get it long and healthy. im just fed up of my hair, why its so hard to style, look after and seems to stay the same. Relaxing won't make much difference because I have fragile soft hair, and it just breaks.

I seriously am fed up with my hair and feel like just giving up on the whole natural, looking after hair thing! It doesn't seem to be doing much for my hair!!!


Sorry Im very upset, don't know how else to show my frustrations... all I want is long healthy hair. But it seems so far away

 

[Musicachic]

I'm sorry... Hmm... I'm not sure what to say. I think if you try to relax and take easy for a little while it may get better. You know what they always say about relationships when you are not looking you'll find someone. Well... I am going to apply that same idea. I think you want your hair to grow so badly that you are stressing yourself out. If you enjoy the hair you currently have and take it day by day I think you can rebuild it and start to see improvement. Make sure you take of yourself and not just your hair as well. Make sure you are eating properly and getting nutrients. I think it will happen for you... but for now appreciate the journey, so that when you have that beautiful hair you want you will appreciate how you got there.

 

[angaliquew]

Have you thought about pressing your hair occasionally. That way you don't have to put chemicals in your hair but your curl pattern will be looser which would minimize tangling.

 

[Nonie]

Awww...there, there! How long is your hair? When you are weaving it, are you leaving the hairline out? I know that sounds odd, but I think you can have weave bangs that cover the hairline so you can nurse it back to health without putting undue stress on it with braids or added hair.

But let me know how long your hair is (a pic would even be better) and I'll see if I can't think of something you can do to enjoy it. It'll be OK. I agree with Musicachic, that if you can find ways to enjoy the journey and not worry to much about the destination, then you won't be so unhappy.

(((hugs)))

 

[SEMO]

Have you thought about pressing your hair occasionally. That way you don't have to put chemicals in your hair but your curl pattern will be looser which would minimize tangling.

I agree with this advice. It sounds like you're having styling issues and maybe a protein/moisture balance problem. The second problem will likely continue when you're relaxed if you don't learn how to manage it. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been natural for ten years.... There are ups and donws in the journey - and I have not looked back to relaxing....

I am not sure what to say - because I don't know what you are using....

But maybe if you share some of that info - someone here can help.....

Good luck!

 

[pureebony]

I would put pics up, but don't know how to...

i have tried pressing myself and my hair just goes afro straight, looks soft that's all.

Im in the uk, and I have only been to a hair dresser once... I don't know how to style my own hair, it just seems like its think tangled, forever breaking mess.


to be honest i don't enjoy my hair.

 

[pureebony]

Well today i took down my weave, washed it with a kids shea butter moisturizing shampoo, then I did a aphogee protien treatment, as i realized my hair needed it.
then i did the deep condition 2 step of the aphogee treatment.

After that i put some african pride, leave in, then Hawaiian silky 14 in 1 moisturizer, then I let it dry a bit, then weaved it up.

but during all of this i experienced allot of shedding a tiny ends snapping off, so i decided to dust the leave out hair of my weave, made no difference as I am now braiding the leave out, cuz in an attempt to straighten it, it just looks silly.

 

[sunshinelady]

Try a custom lace wig and wear your hair in cornrows underneath. Get Foligen or Megatek for your edges and deep condition your hair twice a week.

 

[chokolate miss]

I agree with this advice. It sounds like you're having styling issues and maybe a protein moisture balance. The second problem will likely continue when you're relaxed if you don't learn how to manage it. Good luck with whatever you decide.

ITA with this advice. What is your routine?

 

[pureebony]

I weave my hair up every month or so, and when I take it down, i wash deep con, then weave it up again, between that I use megatek mix on my scalp an spray braid spray on my tracks.

 

[SEMO]

I weave my hair up every month or so, and when I take it down, i wash deep con, then weave it up again, between that I use megatek mix on my scalp an spray braid spray on my tracks.

Maybe the issue is with properly maintaining your hair while wearing weaves. Since I don't wear them I don't have any advice. But it's possible your hair is not getting enough moisture when the weaves are in, and maybe you are keeping them in too long. I'm not sure since weaves are not my area.

 

[vkb247]

Pureebony, I feel your pain and I know that I, and the other ladies here. will do whatever we can to help you. Can you please give us a little more information so that we can be more helpful:

What exactly is going wrong with your hair?

Do you have experience taking care of your own hair on a regular basis or do you mostly just have it in braids or weaves?

What are your hair goals?

Do you have a regime and staple products? If so, what are they? (I see that you answered this above)

Without any real idea of what is going on with your hair, just the little bit of information I do have suggests to me that you need to take a break from braids/weaves and get to knwo your hair better. Have you thought about switching to wigs so that you can up your dc's and moisture giving your hair the TLC it may be craving?

 

[pureebony]

What exactly is going wrong with your hair?

i dont know how to style it, it keeps snapping off at the ends, and when I try to do straight styles its just a soft afro look. And my edges a so damaged.

Do you have experience taking care of your own hair on a regular basis or do you mostly just have it in braids or weaves?

I went through a phase of leaving my natural hair out, it thrived with the co washes, which I did daily, but it was havoc on my edges.

What are your hair goals?

to have long healthy hair.

Do you have a regime and staple products? If so, what are they? (I see that you answered this above)

All ways shampoo and conditioner, african pride hair products, natural products like almond oil, castor oil, coconut oil etc

 

[sunshinelady]

Oh and if you are in the DC area, check out Reneice. She can really get your hair back to health.

 

[sunshinelady]

Nonie, how are you avoiding braids taking out your edges?

 

[BostonMaria]

Styling is one of those things where you can't learn unless you keep practicing. I think that instead of just giving up and weaving you should just keep trying. Worse comes to worse, then relax your hair. But even if you relax you will still have to take care of it and find styles.

I've only been natural for about 15 months and I'm just now learning how to do this. Its trial and error most of the time. I remember it also took me years to figure out how to style my relaxed hair. Its all about putting time into it. Good luck!!!!

 

[vkb247]

What exactly is going wrong with your hair?

i dont know how to style it, it keeps snapping off at the ends, and when I try to do straight styles its just a soft afro look. And my edges a so damaged.

Do you have experience taking care of your own hair on a regular basis or do you mostly just have it in braids or weaves?

I went through a phase of leaving my natural hair out, it thrived with the co washes, which I did daily, but it was havoc on my edges.

What are your hair goals?

to have long healthy hair.

Do you have a regime and staple products? If so, what are they? (I see that you answered this above)

All ways shampoo and conditioner, african pride hair products, natural products like almond oil, castor oil, coconut oil etc

What type of styles would you like to do? Have you tried searching for youtube videos or fotki tutorials for the styles you would like. What different type of straight styles have you tried? Are you blowdrying, flat ironing, roller setting, doing a silk wrap?

I have never heard of anyone having trouble with their edges breaking off from leaving their hair out or cowashing. Maybe you are using products that your hair doesn't like or you need to ease up on the brushing/combing. Even tying your hair up with a scarf can harm your edges if you are doing it too tight and too often.

I think you should go back to cowashes if that was working for you. Especially because you haven't found anything else that does work. But maybe you need a different cowash conditioner and mabe you should only do it once or twice a week instead of everyday. I personally think that weaves and braids are pretty much the worst thing for people who have a problem with their edges. I really thing you need to leave them alone.

I think you should get yourself a good wig and go back to cowashing. Try easing up on the mega tek if you are having problems with your hair breaking, it seems like you use a lot of protein and this might be causing it.

 

[SweetMarshCrystal]

Hey don't be fed up! I'm natural and here's what you can do:

1. Aphogee Products (Total lifesaver to my constant shed - 2 min, etc. - The entire line!)
2. Sabino Moisture Block - Makes my hair look like glass, like a perm.
3. The Chi flat ironing method: http://public.fotki.com/patchouli85/flat-iron-tutorial-/

This will help you like it helped me - guaranteed!

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Well today i took down my weave, washed it with a kids shea butter moisturizing shampoo, then I did a aphogee protien treatment, as i realized my hair needed it.
then i did the deep condition 2 step of the aphogee treatment.

After that i put some african pride, leave in, then Hawaiian silky 14 in 1 moisturizer, then I let it dry a bit, then weaved it up.

but during all of this i experienced allot of shedding a tiny ends snapping off, so i decided to dust the leave out hair of my weave, made no difference as I am now braiding the leave out, cuz in an attempt to straighten it, it just looks silly.

One thing I can say is that when you use the two step protein treatment, use a different conditioner than that balancing one, it sucks. How often do you use it?

 

[AtlantaJJ]

I'm sorry... Hmm... I'm not sure what to say. I think if you try to relax and take easy for a little while it may get better. You know what they always say about relationships when you are not looking you'll find someone. Well... I am going to apply that same idea. I think you want your hair to grow so badly that you are stressing yourself out. If you enjoy the hair you currently have and take it day by day I think you can rebuild it and start to see improvement. Make sure you take of yourself and not just your hair as well. Make sure you are eating properly and getting nutrients. I think it will happen for you... but for now appreciate the journey, so that when you have that beautiful hair you want you will appreciate how you got there.

excellent advice especially the bolded - I would only add rest, exercise and lots of water..... You will grow your hair.

I was were you are now this time last year and now I have hair! It's neck length today when it was 1/2 inch long last year this time...

I will be focusing on all the things mentioned here for 2009 myself!!

 

[AtlantaJJ]

Pureebony, I feel your pain and I know that I, and the other ladies here. will do whatever we can to help you. Can you please give us a little more information so that we can be more helpful:

What exactly is going wrong with your hair?

Do you have experience taking care of your own hair on a regular basis or do you mostly just have it in braids or weaves?

What are your hair goals?

Do you have a regime and staple products? If so, what are they? (I see that you answered this above)

Without any real idea of what is going on with your hair, just the little bit of information I do have suggests to me that you need to take a break from braids/weaves and get to knwo your hair better. Have you thought about switching to wigs so that you can up your dc's and moisture giving your hair the TLC it may be craving?

This is what I did for the year, it really helped!!

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

Natural hair is not like a weave or a wig or extensions. It's natural hair, and a major part of transitioning and accepting it is....accepting it -- the texture, what it can do vs. what it cannot do. It cannot be like your weave or your wig. It can look exceptionally beautiful if you let it and love it for what it is. Right now you sound really really angry and frustrated with your hair. Why not put it into cornrows for awhile, give it a rest and wig it?

 

[BostonMaria]

Natural hair is not like a weave or a wig or extensions. It's natural hair, and a major part of transitioning and accepting it is....accepting it -- the texture, what it can do vs. what it cannot do. It cannot be like your weave or your wig. It can look exceptionally beautiful if you let it and love it for what it is. Right now you sound really really angry and frustrated with your hair. Why not put it into cornrows for awhile, give it a rest and wig it?

I agree with the bolded. If you don't love your hair, it shows. The same thing goes for everything else in our lives.

 

[blazingthru]

I am so sorry your going through this. I thought about going natural for six months before I actually did it, When I did it, I didn't like how I looked, my face didn't look right and my family had a hard time accepting it, so did my kids but they were supportive. I was determine to get use to it. I did not weave up my hair or wear wigs, I adjusted to it exactly the way it was, inspite of all the comments I got, even the relaxer sitting on my desk at work. I got through it, I learned how to style my hair the best way I could and sometimes it looked crazy but I adjusted to it. I think all the advice we can give you won't be effective unless you learn to embrace your natural hair just the way it is. I would suggest that you continue with the co washes at least three times a week and keep a small amount of conditioner on your ends all the time. it greatly improve my ends from getting those small little balls. I still get them from time to time but not as badly as I use to. I keep my ends moisturized and I use either shea butter or coconut oil or avocado oil on my ends every single day morning and night I haven't trimmed my hair since March and not trying to trim it until I reach my goal so I try hard to protect my ends from tangles, so I never ever comb my hair dry or sleep without protecting it. Your getting really good advice on here I wish you the best with whatever you decided to do for your hair.

I also wear my hair in ponytails from time to time with satin scrunchies. I had to get them on ebay through London.
Still looking for silk ones, silk would always be better for your hair.
I use various conditioners that have extra moisture in there
I deep condition once a week but trying to work up to three times
I use essential oils in my conditioner mixtures and massage my hair
Its really growing well, slow but steady. I am 100% natural and still learning after almost 3 years

 

[indigodiva]

Natural hair is not like a weave or a wig or extensions. It's natural hair, and a major part of transitioning and accepting it is....accepting it -- the texture, what it can do vs. what it cannot do. It cannot be like your weave or your wig. It can look exceptionally beautiful if you let it and love it for what it is. Right now you sound really really angry and frustrated with your hair. Why not put it into cornrows for awhile, give it a rest and wig it?

YES! YES! YES! Couldn't have said it better myself. This is EXACTLY what I did when I transitioned. I cornrowed my hair to death most of 07. I wasn't feeling it but I learned to look in the mirror and say this MY hair, and I am going to be patient until it grows out and I am going to do what it takes to get it to where I want it to be. You just have to learn how to love it. You really have to get to know your hair, and find out what works and what doesn't. I'm still learning myself. When I went home to New Orleans with my straight hair, that humidity took over and I remembered why everybody called me "nappy headed" because my hair was a mess, but now I know when I go home I must have the items that have become my staples so my hair doesnt look completely out of control. In Atlanta I dont have that problem because the weather is different here.

I say all that to say this: ITS A LEARNING PROCESS! It will take time and patience but don't give up. Love your hair and it will love you back! (HUGS)

 

[BostonMaria]

And give yourself some credit. It takes a lot of guts to transition and figure out how to style hair that you haven't seen since you were a kid.I don't know about you ladies, but the last time my hair was 100% natural was 1981. I was 10 and the Eric Estrada was the coolest guy on tv LMAO its been a minute

 

[nnmiles]

I can feel your frustration. I am natural and I flat iron my hair just because it seems as though in its natural state if I comb through it I loose so much more than if its straight. I gave up the flat iron for a while and now I'm back on it and my hair is growing very fast, or it seems it is... My advice is to keep seeking out ways to manage your hair the way it is.. But I think keeping it straight so that you can glide a comb through it, may be ideal... Just my thoughts... Whatever you decide I wish you the best.

 

[Fleurzty]

Please be careful with the styles that you choose. Extensions sometimes only make your problems worse for 2 reasons. 1) They give a false notion of how your hair should be and behave and 2) they might be associated with your lack of growth, not because of the weave itself but how tight it is or so.
I don't recommend you straightening your hair now if you're already dealing with thinning hair. It doesn't sound to me that natural hair is your challenge, but your hair period. So, I would say try to be patient with it and keep the love coming! Best of luck!

 

[RedVelvet310]

Well today i took down my weave, washed it with a kids shea butter moisturizing shampoo, then I did a aphogee protien treatment, as i realized my hair needed it.
then i did the deep condition 2 step of the aphogee treatment.

After that i put some african pride, leave in, then Hawaiian silky 14 in 1 moisturizer, then I let it dry a bit, then weaved it up.

but during all of this i experienced allot of shedding a tiny ends snapping off, so i decided to dust the leave out hair of my weave, made no difference as I am now braiding the leave out, cuz in an attempt to straighten it, it just looks silly.

You may be using too much protein on your hair. Try a DC protein instead of the quick 2min ones and one that isn't as strong as the two step protein tratment... I like ORS Hair Mayo and I heard Motions CPR was good as well. Also invest in finding a good MOISTURIZING DC.. I like Silk Elements, I heard great things about Dominican DCs and Redken seems like a pretty good brand. Check if your shampoo has sulfates in at (any chemical ending in the word 'ate') because to some poeple that may be drying. Creme of Nature's old bottle were sulfate free.. eluance was as well.. or a simple ACV/Distilled water rinse may work. Also look into co-washing and see if its for you. One thing about natural hair is IT NEEDS MOISTURE yes protein is important... but because of the way our hair is constructed moisture is a MUST at retaining length and having healthy hair. Make sure the weaves and braids aren't too tight... and try 1/2 wigs and full head wigs to give your hair a break every once and a while.

HTH