Hurtful comment...

[Southernbella.]

My mom made a comment the other day that bothered me.

She has been very complimentary to me on my on my hair journey, and she loves all the tips I send her. She has also told me how much she loves that I let my daughter (who is 20 months) wear her hair wild and free, and that she's glad I don't plan to relax her hair or make a big deal of hair period.

Anyway, my mom came to visit the other day. While she was at my house, I took a shower and Co washed, since I rarely get to do it during the day. When I got out, I let my hair air dry.

We're sitting in the living room playing, and my daughter comes and starts playing in my hair. She's rubbing it and pretending to brush it, and my mom says, "Hmph. I see she's already into long hair. You need to stop that now before she gets older." I said, "No, she just likes to play in my hair". Then she says, "Yes, only because it's long. Even at her age, she already knows about about all that long hair is good hair mess."

Wha? After all the encouragement she's given me, she makes this comment. Now, my feelings are a little hurt. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it bothered me. Mind you, my daughter plays in her own hair, and she brushes my husband's head. It's really not that serious, you know?

I guess it's too late to say something about it now, but I'm still bothered. Why does stuff hurt the most when it comes from your mother? It almost seemed like she was accusing me of teaching her that.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent!

 

[Samaria]

your daughter doesn't know anything about long hair--in that sense , if u teach her anything itll be good hair care tips...im sorry ive got acrylics on i can barely type..she's just playing and mommy has alot of hair to playwith!

The comment only b/c its long is soo off the wall, if u had NO hair i bet your daughter would still be playing in it...

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Yeah...she's too young to understand the dynamic of long hair...lots of little girls like to play in hair period, long, short, damaged, healthy...they just like to play in it b/c they see adults combing/styling their hair.

Um, this kinda sucks Lauren. Dismiss it...maybe she didn't mean any harm. You're doing a good thing by letting your daughter's hair remain natural and growing yours to great lengths.

Be encouraged!

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

I think it's a good thing if she is learning about haircare and wanting to pretend she's doing hair, even though she's young. I don't think she can make a connection yet whether the hair is long or short, but God knows best. Anyway keep doing what your doing so when your young daughter becomes a young lady she'll know how to properly care for her hair, it's a shame that most grown-ups don't even know how to make a cornrow or simply platt. So I think it will help her in the long run watching her momma properly care for her hair. Don't let it bother you too much take it as a compliment to let you know what you are doing will be helpful to your child one day.

 

[Southernbella.]

your daughter doesn't know anything about long hair--in that sense , if u teach her anything itll be good hair care tips...im sorry ive got acrylics on i can barely type..she's just playing and mommy has alot of hair to playwith!

The comment only b/c its long is soo off the wall, if u had NO hair i bet your daughter would still be playing in it...

Thank you! That's exactly what I thought. I was just stunned that she would say something like that after all the times she's told me she was proud of me. I almost felt lile she was trying to find something to criticize. I was also insulted because it was a comment about my child.

 

[HairPhoenix]

Sometimes moms are like that, but we love them anyway. I think in your daughter's eyes she was just playing with her mommy. Babies like to play with hair period. What are you teaching your daughter if she grabs a man's beard? Because babies like to do that too. They like to pet animals, too. It's just something about hair and fur that babies like. That's a part of the reason we give them stuffed animals. Experiencing textures is a part of their development process.

I think your mother was over-reacting. Don't worry about it.

 

[Southernbella.]

Yeah...she's too young to understand the dynamic of long hair...lots of little girls like to play in hair period, long, short, damaged, healthy...they just like to play in it b/c they see adults combing/styling their hair.

Um, this kinda sucks Lauren. Dismiss it...maybe she didn't mean any harm. You're doing a good thing by letting your daughter's hair remain natural and growing yours to great lengths.

Be encouraged!

Thank you! It's funny because Morgan will rub her hands together and rub her hair, mimicing me applying stuff to mine. She'll pull a piece of her hair down to eye level and study it, or rub her scalp. She just does what she sees me or dh doing.

I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard. My mom KNOWS how much I the good hair/bad hair, long hair is better thing. I don't want to think she meant any harm, but it was such a weird thing to say.

 

[Southernbella.]

I think it's a good thing if she is learning about haircare and wanting to pretend she's doing hair, even though she's young. I don't think she can make a connection yet whether the hair is long or short, but God knows best. Anyway keep doing what your doing so when your young daughter becomes a young lady she'll know how to properly care for her hair, it's a shame that most grown-ups don't even know how to make a cornrow or simply platt. So I think it will help her in the long run watching her momma properly care for her hair. Don't let it bother you too much take it as a compliment to let you know what you are doing will be helpful to your child one day.

Thank you. Although, I am one who doesn't know who to cornrow yet!

 

[Southernbella.]

Sometimes moms are like that, but we love them anyway. I think in your daughter's eyes she was just playing with her mommy. Babies like to play with hair period. What are you teaching your daughter if she grabs a man's beard? Because babies like to do that too. They like to pet animals, too. It's just something about hair and fur that babies like. That's a part of the reason we give them stuffed animals. Experiencing textures is a part of their development process.

I think your mother was over-reacting. Don't worry about it.

Thank you.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

LOL , well at least you can do something.

Thank you. Although, I am one who doesn't know who to cornrow yet!

 

[blackbarbie]

Thank you! It's funny because Morgan will rub her hands together and rub her hair, mimicing me applying stuff to mine. She'll pull a piece of her hair down to eye level and study it, or rub her scalp. She just does what she sees me or dh doing.

I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard. My mom KNOWS how much I the good hair/bad hair, long hair is better thing. I don't want to think she meant any harm, but it was such a weird thing to say.

That's too cute!(bolded part)

I don't think your mom meant anything intentional about it and as you mentioned, you are sensitive for (1) since it's your baby girl and (2) since it came from your mom. You know in your heart what your intentions are and as you mentioned about how she mimics you, seems that she will be picking up some great hair care tips to have beautiful, HEALTHY, hair like mom, whether it's long or not!

 

[DahomeyAhosi]

That comment is absurd but your hair is gorgeous.

 

[jrae]

Mothers have the ability, intentionally or not, to cut us to the core, don't they? I don't know what it is. Anyway, little ones play with a variety of things... hair, necklaces, neckties, etc. Don't worry about Mom's comment.

By the way, Morgan is too cute for words!!!

 

[hopeful]

Just wondering, is your mom's hair long? If it's short or if she's suffered from hair loss perhaps she is a tad bit jealous. If her hair is long maybe she was hated on (or paid too much attention to because of it) and attached the love of long hair with something negative. Whatever the reason, try to shake it off. You're doing everything right and since your mom is usually very supportive I'd cut her some slack. If she says this again, I'd innocently ask her what she means by the statement. If she's like most moms she'll say girl I didn't mean anything by that to avoid a confrontation, but at least she'll know you are aware of what she is saying and that it bothers you. Don't feel bad though because moms just sometimes get on your nerves, probably because we always want their approval.

 

[Isis]

Thank you! It's funny because Morgan will rub her hands together and rub her hair, mimicing me applying stuff to mine. She'll pull a piece of her hair down to eye level and study it, or rub her scalp. She just does what she sees me or dh doing.

This is too cute!! I can see her doing this now! She's going to know all there is to know about haircare even before she grows up!

Your mother probably already regrets what she said. Sometimes mothers will just blurt out something their mother said to them once. She probably does have some envy about your hair growth success, maybe she always wanted to grow her hair long.

I agree with Hopeful to ask her what she meant if she says this again. If you are really bothered by what happened, you can still ask her so the energy between you gets cleared - that's most important.

 

[PittGirl06]

sniff sniff....somethign smells funny. what can it be? oh wait, i know....that smells like hater-ation! For real, sounds like someone is hatin' for real...sound slike something my mom says who loves to hate on me and she'll through bits n pieces of quasi-complicants at me and then shoots em all down with a smart alick-y comment....i wouldn't worry about it too much...but then agian my mom does that to me all the time! I just be like WHATEVA (my mom HATES long hair anyway so she'll always have something negative to say about my hair journey, ESPECIALLY since I am off the relaxer).

 

[EbonyEyes]

I think it's a good thing if she is learning about haircare and wanting to pretend she's doing hair, even though she's young. I don't think she can make a connection yet whether the hair is long or short, but God knows best. Anyway keep doing what your doing so when your young daughter becomes a young lady she'll know how to properly care for her hair, it's a shame that most grown-ups don't even know how to make a cornrow or simply platt. So I think it will help her in the long run watching her momma properly care for her hair. Don't let it bother you too much take it as a compliment to let you know what you are doing will be helpful to your child one day.

I can't cornrow....

But I can braid!

I do need to learn how to cornrow before I have children.

 

[Supergirl]

I'm so glad this board is a place to share all kinds of hair woes and successes.
Perhaps there is a small bit of envy coming from your mom. Of course your little 20 month old cutie pie doesn't understand about hair length and whatnot right now.

I hate that this bothered you so much, but for real, mom who I'm sure loves you to death is hatin' just a teensy bit. Would you believe there was a member on board a few years ago whose mom was helping her "trim" her hair and cut 3 inches off the girl's hair? It was right before the girl's wedding too! So at least your mom isn't evil like that. But chances are she never had hair as long as yours and is alittle jelly about it.

 

[Southernbella.]

That's too cute!(bolded part)

I don't think your mom meant anything intentional about it and as you mentioned, you are sensitive for (1) since it's your baby girl and (2) since it came from your mom. You know in your heart what your intentions are and as you mentioned about how she mimics you, seems that she will be picking up some great hair care tips to have beautiful, HEALTHY, hair like mom, whether it's long or not!

Yes, I am very sensitive, lol. And those reasons you listed are exactly why.

That comment is absurd but your hair is gorgeous.

Thank you!

Just wondering, is your mom's hair long? If it's short or if she's suffered from hair loss perhaps she is a tad bit jealous. If her hair is long maybe she was hated on (or paid too much attention to because of it) and attached the love of long hair with something negative.

I hadn't even thought about that. hmmm Her hair used to be very long, and way thicker than mine. It's gotten progressively shorter over the years, and is about almost at shoulder length now and thinner. We've talked about how my neice loves long hair and will call us when she gets a relaxer to tell us how long it is, so maybe she thought Morgan was headed down the same path.

 

[Southernbella.]

This is too cute!! I can see her doing this now! She's going to know all there is to know about haircare even before she grows up!

Your mother probably already regrets what she said. Sometimes mothers will just blurt out something their mother said to them once. She probably does have some envy about your hair growth success, maybe she always wanted to grow her hair long.

I agree with Hopeful to ask her what she meant if she says this again. If you are really bothered by what happened, you can still ask her so the energy between you gets cleared - that's most important.

You're right. There's no sense stewing about it. I bet when I mention it, she'll jus say, 'oh, I didn't mean anything by it!'.

My mom used to take really good care of my hair. I was relaxed at a very young age, but I can remember getting hot oil treatments and her conditioning it well. It was long and healthy until I started putting my hands in it as a teenager. Maybe she remembers how well she took care of it and doesn't think I remember.

 

[pyxis777]

"Hmph. I see she's already into long hair. You need to stop that now before she gets older." I said, "No, she just likes to play in my hair". Then she says, "Yes, only because it's long. Even at her age, she already knows about about all that long hair is good hair mess."

I don't see how you having long hair has anything to do with that "long hair is good hair mess." Nobody in my immediate, or any relatives that I can recall have long hair except my grandmom, and that was before I was born, and we STILL know about the "long hair is good hair mess."

You experience it from the moment you step into a beauty shop or see girls with long hair tossing it around in school.

Your daughter was obviously just playing. That's what babies do.

 

[Southernbella.]

sniff sniff....somethign smells funny. what can it be? oh wait, i know....that smells like hater-ation! For real, sounds like someone is hatin' for real...sound slike something my mom says who loves to hate on me and she'll through bits n pieces of quasi-complicants at me and then shoots em all down with a smart alick-y comment....i wouldn't worry about it too much...but then agian my mom does that to me all the time! I just be like WHATEVA (my mom HATES long hair anyway so she'll always have something negative to say about my hair journey, ESPECIALLY since I am off the relaxer).

Lol! It happens, that's for sure. We still love 'em though, don't we? You'll have to tell me what your mom says when she's sees all your gorgeous natural hair!

I'm so glad this board is a place to share all kinds of hair woes and successes.
Perhaps there is a small bit of envy coming from your mom. Of course your little 20 month old cutie pie doesn't understand about hair length and whatnot right now.

I hate that this bothered you so much, but for real, mom who I'm sure loves you to death is hatin' just a teensy bit. Would you believe there was a member on board a few years ago whose mom was helping her "trim" her hair and cut 3 inches off the girl's hair? It was right before the girl's wedding too! So at least your mom isn't evil like that. But chances are she never had hair as long as yours and is alittle jelly about it.

That is awful! I can't even imagine it.

I appreciate all you ladies weighing in with your opinions. I think now that it was one of those spur of the moment critical mother things, and I'm still thinking about it and she probably forgot she even said it. This is the only negative thing she's said since I started this hair stuff, and I hope it's just an isolated incident. I think I'm going to leave it alone and get over it, but if she says anything else, I'll ask for an explanation, or explain my position. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, cuz it's working for me!

 

[Southernbella.]

I don't see how you having long hair has anything to do with that "long hair is good hair mess." Nobody in my immediate, or any relatives that I can recall have long hair except my grandmom, and that was before I was born, and we STILL know about the "long hair is good hair mess."

You experience it from the moment you step into a beauty shop or see girls with long hair tossing it around in school.

Your daughter was obviously just playing. That's what babies do.

Thank you. Yes, there will be plenty of time for her to experience that later on in life. I know it's coming.