How To Stop Asking, "when Will It Be My Turn?"

[Silkycoils]

Hello LHCF Sisters,

I have been on this forum for many years (like at least 14). I've learned everything I need to know (for the most part) from the Hair Forum, and have long stopped visiting.

I am 42, with two adult sons, and have been single most of my adult life. I attract men regularly, but have not met the right one for even dating purposes. I've done a ton of inner work (introspection, journaling, prayer) and outer work as well (refusing to entertain unsuitables), and I firmly believe that my soul mate will present himself. I've been blessed many times over in my life, and I believe that God wants to give me the desires of my heart. I also believe in the Law of Attraction and have manifested many things.

My problem is, how to keep from asking, "Why not me?" or "When will it be my turn?". A friend told me today that another "friend" (we are cool, but not as close now) is getting married. This friend is not too far from my age. I'm genuinely happy for her, but couldn't help feeling a pang in my stomach. I think it's possible to be genuinely happy, yet feel the "absence" in your life. What do you think?
Anyway, I don't like feeling this way, and I'd like some help from you ladies. Thanks in advance.

 

[Lylddlebit]

I think it's common to ask "why not me" or when "will it be my turn" in seasons. I'm happy now but when you mention you are 42 with grown kids. I looked at woman like you with children when I had never been pregnant yet was raising other people's kids without the benefits of being an actual mother. I looked at woman who were married knowing I was a good woman but the good girlfriend and not he wife yet and felt disappointed and confused about that. The thing about it is what God has for you is just for you. We mess a lot up picking things that God would never send our way. So much better be exactly what you are supposed to be and get what you really deserve in a way that can't be tarnished when the right time and person comes

 

[Silkycoils]

I think it's common to ask "why not me" or when "will it be my turn" in seasons. I'm happy now but when you mention you are 42 with grown kids. I looked at woman like you with children when I had never been pregnant yet was raising other people's kids without the benefits of being an actual mother. I looked at woman who were married knowing I was a good woman but the good girlfriend and not he wife yet and felt disappointed and confused about that. The thing about it is what God has for you is just for you. We mess a lot up picking things that God would never send our way. So much better be exactly what you are supposed to be and get what you really deserve in a way that can't be tarnished when the right time and person comes

Thank you for your words. I feel better now. I think getting it out helped.

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you for your words. I feel better now. I think getting it out helped.

Don't feel bad. In the Bible are two women who felt the same way. Hannah and Rachel were two good hearted women who loved children yet they were unable to conceive. They both had to watch while other women close to them were having children, yet they could not. They were even chided and teased by these other women.

However...God. God in His loving kindness for them, not only listened to their prayers, God as their Father, answered and gave them the ability not only to conceive, but to give birth.

God has heard your prayers, trust Him, believe Him. Never doubt that He will bless you in such a beautiful time.

God bless you. In Jesus' Name, Amen

 

[SpiritJunkie]

@Silkycoils our stories on and off this site are very similar. I'm always dating..decent men..but as some wise women would say on LHCF...I'm not a closer. I cut off the 2 guys i was dating and it wasn't going anywhere just before Christmas to focus on me and my personal growth, which I see, you did as well.

After some very deep soul searching I don't blame the men at all for where I'm at. It's me. People do what you allow them to do. I decided late last year...it's all on me to make the change and really LOVE MYSELF...so i can attract someone who will love me as i love me. (that Mary J Blige thread hit me hard this evening with the kci interview- i believe he said things alot of men don't really share but have those same feelings) he said he didn't like her because she didn't love herself and alot more. It was very sad to read.

It had me thinking...there has been times i would compromise on things i shouldn't for a man. I'm taking the time now to really get into my FEMININE ALLURE which i believe will be my guidance in how i carry myself moving forward. I practise every day when i leave my house to be very lady like. No cursing, speaking softly, dresses etc etc..If a man is around, i move back so he can open the door etc etc....I deserve that.
I say all this to say...our time will come. We must believe an we have to ACT accordingly to receive it. Love ourselves first.

I'm not sure if I helped but I hope it shed a bit of light.

 

[Silkycoils]

Don't feel bad. In the Bible are two women who felt the same way. Hannah and Rachel were two good hearted women who loved children yet they were unable to conceive. They both had to watch while other women close to them were having children, yet they could not. They were even chided and teased by these other women.

However...God. God in His loving kindness for them, not only listened to their prayers, God as their Father, answered and gave them the ability not only to conceive, but to give birth.

God has heard your prayers, trust Him, believe Him. Never doubt that He will bless you in such a beautiful time.

God bless you. In Jesus' Name, Amen

Thank you for this.

 

[Silkycoils]

@Silkycoils our stories on and off this site are very similar. I'm always dating..decent men..but as some wise women would say on LHCF...I'm not a closer. I cut off the 2 guys i was dating and it wasn't going anywhere just before Christmas to focus on me and my personal growth, which I see, you did as well.

After some very deep soul searching I don't blame the men at all for where I'm at. It's me. People do what you allow them to do. I decided late last year...it's all on me to make the change and really LOVE MYSELF...so i can attract someone who will love me as i love me. (that Mary J Blige thread hit me hard this evening with the kci interview- i believe he said things alot of men don't really share but have those same feelings) he said he didn't like her because she didn't love herself and alot more. It was very sad to read.

It had me thinking...there has been times i would compromise on things i shouldn't for a man. I'm taking the time now to really get into my FEMININE ALLURE which i believe will be my guidance in how i carry myself moving forward. I practise every day when i leave my house to be very lady like. No cursing, speaking softly, dresses etc etc..If a man is around, i move back so he can open the door etc etc....I deserve that.
I say all this to say...our time will come. We must believe an we have to ACT accordingly to receive it. Love ourselves first.

I'm not sure if I helped but I hope it shed a bit of light.

Thank you for your words. I agree with your post. The funny thing is, lately I've been attracting MORE men than usual. I've been learning more about tapping into your femininity and "leaning back." I think I've unconsciously adopted the behavior because more men have been talking to me and doing things like letting me cut in front of them at the grocery store and making conversation.

I know that I deserve love and to be adored, but I haven't attracted a man that I'd actually like to date! I used to be attracted to emotionally unavailable men, because I was recreating the experiences I'd learned from my mother (and her emotional unavailability).

Anywho, I know that I need to use this time to enjoy my singlehood and freedom (and I am!), but that feeling did creep up today when I heard the news.

I sincerely appreciate the feedback and support.

 

[Flourishnikov]

I love watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC and often wonder "when will it be my turn?" too, but I recently started to say out loud "What God does for others, He now does for me!" whenever I get that feeling and it has really helped reinforce my belief that Im worthy of love and marriage and my time is coming, too.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

I love watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC and often wonder "when will it be my turn?" too, but I recently started to say out loud "What God does for others, He now does for me!" whenever I get that feeling and it has really helped reinforce my belief that Im worthy of love and marriage and my time is coming, too.

Yessssss!!

 

[ElegantPearl17]

@Silkycoils our stories on and off this site are very similar. I'm always dating..decent men..but as some wise women would say on LHCF...I'm not a closer. I cut off the 2 guys i was dating and it wasn't going anywhere just before Christmas to focus on me and my personal growth, which I see, you did as well.

After some very deep soul searching I don't blame the men at all for where I'm at. It's me. People do what you allow them to do. I decided late last year...it's all on me to make the change and really LOVE MYSELF...so i can attract someone who will love me as i love me. (that Mary J Blige thread hit me hard this evening with the kci interview- i believe he said things alot of men don't really share but have those same feelings) he said he didn't like her because she didn't love herself and alot more. It was very sad to read.

It had me thinking...there has been times i would compromise on things i shouldn't for a man. I'm taking the time now to really get into my FEMININE ALLURE which i believe will be my guidance in how i carry myself moving forward. I practise every day when i leave my house to be very lady like. No cursing, speaking softly, dresses etc etc..If a man is around, i move back so he can open the door etc etc....I deserve that.
I say all this to say...our time will come. We must believe an we have to ACT accordingly to receive it. Love ourselves first.

I'm not sure if I helped but I hope it shed a bit of light.

Thanks so much for this post. I'm in a similar boat. Tired of settling, dropped my 4 year relationship Jan 1.