How to spot a NARCISSIST and why you attract them!

[londontresses]

How to spot a narcissist http://youtu.be/eQH5-7TJSdI

Why you attract narcissists http://youtu.be/5Xq1eE-t0dY

It took me a while to realise one of my exes was a full blown narcissist! I'm learning more to ensure I'm never taken advantage of like that again.

 

[Kindheart]

Narcissism as a pathology is actually quite rare.

The truth is that we live in a narcissistic society that promotes selfishness . People nowadays feel the pressure to put up an act of extreme confidence and self love to appear more appealing to the masses .They believe that by giving themselves an high self worth you will see them as "extraordinary " / a great catch .

 

[ChasingBliss]

Narcissism as a pathology is actually quite rare.

The truth is that we live in a narcissistic society that promotes selfishness . People nowadays feel the pressure to put up an act of extreme confidence and self love to appear more appealing to the masses .They believe that by giving themselves an high self worth you will see them as "extraordinary " / a great catch .

While I definitely agree with how society is today regarding self involvement and grandiosity. I strongly believe that Narcissism as a pathology is not rare at all. I think it's quite common but diagnosing it is very difficult because these people rarely seek help as they feel they dont need any. ALSO, I think many people really dont understand what a pathological narcissist really is. Most think it's grandiosity, overself involvment, conceit, high confidence, etc. When they actually see a PN, without knowing what it is, they would think this person was the most selfish, non empathetic, non compassionate, arugmentative, crazy maker, gaslighter, just damn miserable....narcissism would not come to the average mind.
(I didnt click the links but I'm guessing they explain it.)

As I stated many months ago in another thread, I suspected that my dh had strong narcisisstic traits and it was driving me insane dealing with it. I did so much studying and reading up on it only to come to find out that I knew quite a few folks in my past circle where the same way.
While I have come to grips with my personal situation learning how to deal with him and him with me, it has in NO way been easy but it gets better thank God because he knows the issues and works on them.

If you go to message board like Lisa Scott's for example, you will see just how many people suffer from being in relationships with pathologica narcs.

I tell you my mind was blown.

 

[Bublin]

ChasingBliss is spot on.

 

[Nina_S]

There are literally tons of articles on narcissism on Psychology Today...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/search/query?keys=narcissism&x=6&y=12

I befriended a woman a few years ago and after a few months started seeing things going bad. At the time she was a psychology major and admitted that she had narcissistic personality disorder and directed me to the website. Needless to say, we are no longer friends (if ever) but the experience was definitely an eye opener. One of the ladies here on the hair board introduced me to Robert Greene who has helped me understand this personality disorder.

How Narcissists & Psychopaths Do It...
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/art-of-seduction-by-robert-greene-part.html

I also own two of his books The Art of Seduction & The 48 Laws of Power.

 

[DarkJoy]

I believe the guy I just stopped seeing had a little more than the healthy amount of narc in him. Once the facade started falling away, I knew it was time to bolt. If the underlying reasons from that vid hold true, then yea, I probably just escaped being squeezed dry by a narc.

 

[kweenameena]

My ex that I just left is a narcissist. 2 of his exes said that he had NPD as well. If you meet one of these demons...run!!! They will drain you and crush your self-esteem.

It took me a longggg time to finally get rid of him and there are still times when I feel he has a hold on me.

 

[eyunka]

I have been married to one for 17 yrs and within the last 6 months have only come to find out or realize who my DH really is and it is very hard. But once I've found out its opened my eyes and I can deal with his behavior alot better.

While I definitely agree with how society is today regarding self involvement and grandiosity. I strongly believe that Narcissism as a pathology is not rare at all. I think it's quite common but diagnosing it is very difficult because these people rarely seek help as they feel they dont need any. ALSO, I think many people really dont understand what a pathological narcissist really is. Most think it's grandiosity, overself involvment, conceit, high confidence, etc. When they actually see a PN, without knowing what it is, they would think this person was the most selfish, non empathetic, non compassionate, arugmentative, crazy maker, gaslighter, just damn miserable....narcissism would not come to the average mind.
(I didnt click the links but I'm guessing they explain it.)

As I stated many months ago in another thread, I suspected that my dh had strong narcisisstic traits and it was driving me insane dealing with it. I did so much studying and reading up on it only to come to find out that I knew quite a few folks in my past circle where the same way.
While I have come to grips with my personal situation learning how to deal with him and him with me, it has in NO way been easy but it gets better thank God because he knows the issues and works on them.

If you go to message board like Lisa Scott's for example, you will see just how many people suffer from being in relationships with pathologica narcs.

I tell you my mind was blown.

 

[eyunka]

Yes to the bolded. I'm working on getting mine back

My ex that I just left is a narcissist. 2 of his exes said that he had NPD as well. If you meet one of these demons...run!!! They will drain you and crush your self-esteem.

It took me a longggg time to finally get rid of him and there are still times when I feel he has a hold on me.

 

[kweenameena]

How Narcissists & Psychopaths Do It...
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/art-of-seduction-by-robert-greene-part.html

Reading the info in that link just pissed me off!!! OMG is so friggin accurate! I need a drink.

 

[kweenameena]

I have been married to one for 17 yrs and within the last 6 months have only come to find out or realize who my DH really is and it is very hard. But once I've found out its opened my eyes and I can deal with his behavior alot better.

I always wondered what I'd do if I had married him.
eyunka Are you going to stick it out?
Or are you considering a divorce?
I'm not an advocate of divorce or anything. But dealing with a narcissist is like dealing with satan, himself.

 

[lux10023]

very interesting im trying to think about any narc's i may know.....

i tend to stay away from really selfish ppl....or self-centered ppl....

 

[Bublin]

They should all die a slow and painful death.....wait..... their life IS a living hell which is why they drain the living daylights out of their Victims (their mental punch bags).

 

[Bublin]

I have been married to one for 17 yrs and within the last 6 months have only come to find out or realize who my DH really is and it is very hard. But once I've found out its opened my eyes and I can deal with his behavior alot better.

In alot of ways it's better to find out whilst your still in a relationship with them. At least then you have a tool kit for how to deal with it, how to live with it, how to manage their behaviour and maintain your mental health. Know that it's not you.

The most destructive is when you find out afterwards. You've been mowned down by an enormous vehicle but you don't know what it was, how to describe it, what it felt like and have no visible injuries but it happened and you're a mess. Noone quite understand what you mean. Its only once you've peeled yourself off the floor to look for answers do you find out that a juggernaut attempted to kill you and you have no idea how you survived. You're filled with so many what ifs, maybe if I did thats, if I knew what was happening I could have controlled it. The healing process is sooo slow......but then you become stronger than ever and an expert on the subject!!!

I have no idea what I just wrote but they are my feelings.

 

[DarkJoy]

They should all die a slow and painful death.....wait..... their life IS a living hell which is why they drain the living daylights out of their Victims (their mental punch bags).

No really Bublin. Tell us how you really feel.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*

 

[ms.mimi]

Bublin I had to read your comment to my dd. She describes it very similiar to you. She says it's an emotional rape that no matter how much you explain it, no one understands or believes it happened.

 

[Bublin]

No really Bublin. Tell us how you really feel.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*

:killlurk::210::axehunter::gunner7::whipped:

They can choose which way......

 

[dannie]

Yep, you are literally dealing with the devil!! You cant win with someone with no soul!

 

[Nina_S]

In alot of ways it's better to find out whilst your still in a relationship with them. At least then you have a tool kit for how to deal with it, how to live with it, how to manage their behaviour and maintain your mental health. Know that it's not you.

The most destructive is when you find out afterwards. You've been mowned down by an enormous vehicle but you don't know what it was, how to describe it, what it felt like and have no visible injuries but it happened and you're a mess. Noone quite understand what you mean. Its only once you've peeled yourself off the floor to look for answers do you find out that a juggernaut attempted to kill you and you have no idea how you survived. You're filled with so many what ifs, maybe if I did thats, if I knew what was happening I could have controlled it. The healing process is sooo slow......but then you become stronger than ever and an expert on the subject!!!

I have no idea what I just wrote but they are my feelings.

Bublin You are so right! Until (or if) you realize what you are dealing with you do kinda "become friends with the voices inside of your head". I don't think that I have ever been in an intimate relationship with a narcissist.....but wait there was that time when...yeah...nevermind. I think I JUST got to a point where I stopped questioning myself and replaying events to see what I could have done wrong or out of line. It helped that other people affirmed it for me as well. Yep, I'm thinking extermination!

 

[eyunka]

Imagine having kids with a narssist, one who feels no compasion or can sympathize with them. I see how my kids have suffer from this and how its affecting their relationship with their peers because kids mimic what their parents do. Two of my kids are aware that some of their actions are right and are making steps to change but one see no problem with it at all

 

[eyunka]

I'm actually kinda sad because i feel i've wasted so many years being unhappy all because i was too scared to move on, all because i didn't recognize what this was. It took my mom telling me. She said "eyunka i've been holding on to this word for a long time but your husband is a narcissist" at the time i kinda blew it off and couple weeks later i google the symptoms and was floored because this described my husband to tee.

 

[Dellas]

Subscribing

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[bluevalentine]

i'm so glad i got away, cause i just can't.....

 

[God_Favor]

Being with a narc was like living in hell for me. I never knew what I was going to get..the highs the dreadful lows... the daily blames of his day going bad.... the abusive yelling demanding I listen and threatening looks after I tried to state my point..... always being dismissed...... having to pretend I was happy because he was having a happy moment.... the list could go on forever......

 

[ChasingBliss]

Being with a narc was like living in hell for me. I never knew what I was going to get..the highs the dreadful lows... the daily blames of his day going bad.... the abusive yelling demanding I listen and threatening looks after I tried to state my point..... always being dismissed...... having to pretend I was happy because he was having a happy moment.... the list could go on forever......

How did the relationship end? ....if you don't mind me asking.

 

[Evolving78]

but how do you stop attracting these kind of people? they are very charming in the beginning.

 

[londontresses]

I attracted him because he filled a void that was in me. I've been told I was dumb all my life & hence didnt love myself. SO he filled that need.

The best way to not attract one is to constantly refine yourself and learn what love is. Through him, I discovered love. I know what it talks like, sounds like, acts like, looks like.... I got love down pat.

So after this, I won't be able to tolerate anyone who doesn't know what love is.

This! I think I thought I was in a good place when I met him but on reflection I was still ignoring my intuition and so must've been lacking in the self love dept. he was so charming and everything appeared to be falling into place at the start but when the cracks began to show I should have left bcz I knew that wasn't love.

 

[chronicity]

This subject intrigues me because no one I'm close to is a narc, and I want it to stay that way.

Those who are married or who have been married to this personality type, can you give some real life examples of how narcissist behavior has played out in your life?

 

[Evolving78]

This! I think I thought I was in a good place when I met him but on reflection I was still ignoring my intuition and so must've been lacking in the self love dept. he was so charming and everything appeared to be falling into place at the start but when the cracks began to show I should have left bcz I knew that wasn't love.

i think i just wear a sign on my back that only crazy people can see.

 

[Ayesha81]

I was with one at the time i was in a very dark pace otherwise I would never given him the time of the day. He lacked empathy and I realized I was just an object to him I was never a human being in his eyes. They have no regards for anyone. They are sick people and will drive u bat ish crazy if u dont peep their game.