danniegirl
Well-Known Member
Summary
"I am not DTF," I clarified to a friend recently. "Well, I mean, I suppose I am DTF -- but I'm like a super picky DTF. I'm SPDTF."
Step 1: Make it clear in your dating profile that you are open to a purely hookup scenario.
Step 2: Be safe and also only meet people who you actually want to meet. Vet accordingly.
Step 3: When you do chat, bring up the sex thing in a coy but direct way.
My line that I just used successfully (and which I meant): "I have a lot of writing that needs to get done but part of me feels like hooking up might be a stress reliever." The response I got back from the dude: "Um? If I can be of service?" The next time me and this dude hooked up it was also a good callback. He arranged it very quickly with a text: "Any desire for a stress relief today?" Answer: "Yes, please."
Step 4: For your first get-together, meet at a bar or coffee shop near your place.
Suss out potential attraction in the next 30 minutes. If you're both game, you're not far from home.
Step 5: In your super-sped-up "date," make sure there is a basis of respect underneath -- for later.
I honestly think this is the main factor where people can go wrong. (Or where I've gone wrong, anyway.) Something casual can be so great and refreshing -- but ONLY if you feel good about it afterward.
Step 6: Set the fun casual sex mood with the right music and mood lighting.
Step 7: Be prepared to call out how this is awkward so that everything becomes a whole lot less awkward.
When you're at your place, say something like, "Want a glass of water?" Not, like, "What was your last relationship like?" Or, "Do you really think anyone who voted for Nader cost Gore the election in 2000?" It's easy to slip into more serious kinds of questions as they're a natural part of conversation, but for this scenario, keep it in the moment and superficial. "Is this candle okay?" "Do you want to take off your coat?" "I like your gingham shirt." Anything, but -- "Tell me about your hopes and dreams and do you think the world as we know it will even exist 20 years from now and what will that mean for our children's children anyway?" No. Talk about the dumb candle. "That candle sure is on fire, right?" [Removes a piece of clothing.]
Step 8: Make a move if the other person doesn't.
Kiss! Slow and hesitant is sexy. But just do it. Just kiss him. Or let him kiss you. Are you attracted? Was the kiss okay? Unless the kiss is awful, I say give it a good one to two minutes to figure out what the attraction level is.
Step 9: There's no shame in calling it all off.
Step 10: If you are going to do the deed, obviously be prepared for safe sex and communicate the fun stuff.
Condoms. You gotta have 'em. Now, for the fun stuff part: I love psychological teasing and languid touch. Pretty much anything that is the opposite of frenzied jackhammering. Usually if there is a chemistry match, you don't need to say some of the basics as it becomes more like a dance, an ebb and flow, but don't be afraid to communicate what gets you off. Not too much, but just enough words to make it as great for both of you as possible.
Step 11: Speaking of words, less is more.
Step 12: Get in, get out.
Full article: http://www.xojane.com/sex/how-to-have-successful-casual-sex-everyone-feels-good-about
"I am not DTF," I clarified to a friend recently. "Well, I mean, I suppose I am DTF -- but I'm like a super picky DTF. I'm SPDTF."
Step 1: Make it clear in your dating profile that you are open to a purely hookup scenario.
Step 2: Be safe and also only meet people who you actually want to meet. Vet accordingly.
Step 3: When you do chat, bring up the sex thing in a coy but direct way.
My line that I just used successfully (and which I meant): "I have a lot of writing that needs to get done but part of me feels like hooking up might be a stress reliever." The response I got back from the dude: "Um? If I can be of service?" The next time me and this dude hooked up it was also a good callback. He arranged it very quickly with a text: "Any desire for a stress relief today?" Answer: "Yes, please."
Step 4: For your first get-together, meet at a bar or coffee shop near your place.
Suss out potential attraction in the next 30 minutes. If you're both game, you're not far from home.
Step 5: In your super-sped-up "date," make sure there is a basis of respect underneath -- for later.
I honestly think this is the main factor where people can go wrong. (Or where I've gone wrong, anyway.) Something casual can be so great and refreshing -- but ONLY if you feel good about it afterward.
Step 6: Set the fun casual sex mood with the right music and mood lighting.
Step 7: Be prepared to call out how this is awkward so that everything becomes a whole lot less awkward.
When you're at your place, say something like, "Want a glass of water?" Not, like, "What was your last relationship like?" Or, "Do you really think anyone who voted for Nader cost Gore the election in 2000?" It's easy to slip into more serious kinds of questions as they're a natural part of conversation, but for this scenario, keep it in the moment and superficial. "Is this candle okay?" "Do you want to take off your coat?" "I like your gingham shirt." Anything, but -- "Tell me about your hopes and dreams and do you think the world as we know it will even exist 20 years from now and what will that mean for our children's children anyway?" No. Talk about the dumb candle. "That candle sure is on fire, right?" [Removes a piece of clothing.]
Step 8: Make a move if the other person doesn't.
Kiss! Slow and hesitant is sexy. But just do it. Just kiss him. Or let him kiss you. Are you attracted? Was the kiss okay? Unless the kiss is awful, I say give it a good one to two minutes to figure out what the attraction level is.
Step 9: There's no shame in calling it all off.
Step 10: If you are going to do the deed, obviously be prepared for safe sex and communicate the fun stuff.
Condoms. You gotta have 'em. Now, for the fun stuff part: I love psychological teasing and languid touch. Pretty much anything that is the opposite of frenzied jackhammering. Usually if there is a chemistry match, you don't need to say some of the basics as it becomes more like a dance, an ebb and flow, but don't be afraid to communicate what gets you off. Not too much, but just enough words to make it as great for both of you as possible.
Step 11: Speaking of words, less is more.
Step 12: Get in, get out.
Full article: http://www.xojane.com/sex/how-to-have-successful-casual-sex-everyone-feels-good-about
i would go so far as to say the person who wrote it has no idea what shes talking about 
