How to Get (And Keep) a Man 101

[CarLiTa]

I take what I can from the advice given and learn and grow from it.

Thank you... I don't really see what the whole broo-haha is about really. I never saw in the original post that she said "this is what you HAVE to do or you will NOT get a man"... in that case I would have rolled my eyes and left the thread. But some of the advice is really good! Many of you married ladies had the lucky chance to be in a different generation and to have had parents/good family friends helping you out with this dating thing, and guys back then seemed to be a lot more grounded... but for those of us, the young ones coming up, we need to be sharper and detect the fools from the good ones.

Yes, a lot of the stuff that Roz mentioned is common sense, but I'm glad that she's TELLING some of it instead of me going through a whole bunch of trial and error, broken heart, and all that to figure it out. And like Blueabyss said, you use what you like of the advice and you leave the rest. I KNOW I can't do that eyelash thing, I would just feel...wrong and I'm not a big flirt because that's just not me. And I don't like to do ego-stroking: i give compliments where it's due and I won't say anything once I stop being impressed. Period. I don't have to pretend to like the fact that he lifted up that box just because I know some other girl/woman is going to make him feel like he's Superman because he did it. Geez.

And like SummerRain (i think) said, it also depends on the type of person you're with. Let's say you're in a long-distance rlp, then I do think talking on the phone is VERY necessary..This obviously doesn't work for everyone of course, but why knock her down for giving some info, when everyone does that and no one gets knocked down for it?

 

[jrae]

I KNOW I can't do that eyelash thing, I would just feel...wrong and I'm not a big flirt because that's just not me. And I don't like to do ego-stroking: i give compliments where it's due and I won't say anything once I stop being impressed. Period. I don't have to pretend to like the fact that he lifted up that box just because I know some other girl/woman is going to make him feel like he's Superman because he did it. Geez.

And like SummerRain (i think) said, it also depends on the type of person you're with. Let's say you're in a long-distance rlp, then I do think talking on the phone is VERY necessary..This obviously doesn't work for everyone of course, but why knock her down for giving some info, when everyone does that and no one gets knocked down for it?

I think it depends on the kind of person you are naturally, not the kind of person you're with. That makes it sound like you're changing your personality based on who you're with.

If you look at the "rules", they demonstrate the soft and hard sides of a woman. She can bat her eyelashes (so to speak) and at the time set appropriate limits and boundaries. Her 'no' means 'no'.

I think the women that appreciate this thread perhaps struggle with the boundary-setting aspect of relationships and value this advice.

P.S. I am totally a "looking thru the eyelashes" kinda gurl. Makes 'em melt!

 

[JaneiR36]

Let's see...I'm just thinkin out loud here.... but I wonder if the picture in Roz's avatar had a big ole chocolate man in it whether folks would pop off with the 'who do you think you are to give advice?'

Sorry to disappoint, but Roz's directness has been a magnet for people who disagreed with her ever since she set foot on this forum. I very much doubt that it has anything to do with her husband's race.

 

[sassy mamma]

Thank you... I don't really see what the whole broo-haha is about really. I never saw in the original post that she said "this is what you HAVE to do or you will NOT get a man"... in that case I would have rolled my eyes and left the thread. But some of the advice is really good! Many of you married ladies had the lucky chance to be in a different generation and to have had parents/good family friends helping you out with this dating thing, and guys back then seemed to be a lot more grounded... but for those of us, the young ones coming up, we need to be sharper and detect the fools from the good ones.

Yes, a lot of the stuff that Roz mentioned is common sense, but I'm glad that she's TELLING some of it instead of me going through a whole bunch of trial and error, broken heart, and all that to figure it out. And like Blueabyss said, you use what you like of the advice and you leave the rest. I KNOW I can't do that eyelash thing, I would just feel...wrong and I'm not a big flirt because that's just not me. And I don't like to do ego-stroking: i give compliments where it's due and I won't say anything once I stop being impressed. Period. I don't have to pretend to like the fact that he lifted up that box just because I know some other girl/woman is going to make him feel like he's Superman because he did it. Geez.

And like SummerRain (i think) said, it also depends on the type of person you're with. Let's say you're in a long-distance rlp, then I do think talking on the phone is VERY necessary..This obviously doesn't work for everyone of course, but why knock her down for giving some info, when everyone does that and no one gets knocked down for it?

I totally agree with you. The rules are an outline for us who either haven't had much success in relationships or rather haven't had a relationships.

 

[Nic_Cali]

Thanks Roz for the valuable information. I love everything you mentioned here and please keep it coming.

For those who do not agree 'keep it movin' respectfully.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Sorry to disappoint, but Roz's directness has been a magnet for people who disagreed with her ever since she set foot on this forum. I very much doubt that it has anything to do with her husband's race.

I'm not disappointed. I just made an observation. Whether it rings true or false will depend on the reader.

 

[Blossssom]

I'm not disappointed. I just made an observation. Whether it rings true or false will depend on the reader.

Uh oh, what the HELL did you say?

Do I have to read through 13 pages to find it?

Ha! I hope not!

I agree with what Roz has posted, but she didn't say anything that hasn't been said before. Much of it sounds like it came from "The Rules".

 

[klassykutie]

Uh oh, what the HELL did you say?

Do I have to read through 13 pages to find it?

Ha! I hope not!

I agree with what Roz has posted, but she didn't say anything that hasn't been said before. Much of it sounds like it came from "The Rules".

Exactly, Bloss. If you like it cool, if you don't, then continue to do you.
LIFE is composed of rules, what works for some doesn't work for everyone and that is just common sense. You choose what you make of it.

 

[firecracker]

I don't know what the big deal is. Some of these ladies need and want the advice Roz is offering. For those that don't or do its all good in the hood. Do you. Ya'll know rules ain't for everyone. So you rebel/rule-less women keep it moving! (in my best Martin Lawrence voice)

Me myself I believe in the caveman approach.

I thought the title was hilarious but I always feel that way about how to books.

 

[klassykutie]

I don't know what the big deal is. Some of these ladies need and want the advice Roz is offering. For those that don't or do its all good in the hood. Do you. Ya'll know rules ain't for everyone. So you rebel/rule-less women keep it moving! (in my best Martin Lawrence voice)

Me myself I believe in the caveman approach.

I thought the title was hilarious but I always feel that way about how to books.

OMG...look at the lil eye....this is hilarious....I have to leave ya'll alone at work, dude......

 

[JaneiR36]

Uh oh, what the HELL did you say?

Do I have to read through 13 pages to find it?

No, a page or two should do the trick.

IMO she accused those who disagreed with Roz of racism, indicating that they wouldn't challenge her opinions on the subject so much if her husband weren't white.

 

[1Specialk]

Good tips, although I never understood the "look through your eyelashes thing" that I've read about many time before.

Me too! I didn't ask because I didn't want to be the only dummy

 

[1Specialk]

Do you mean you don't know how to do it? Or, you don't understand why it works?

I don't know how to do the eyelash thing. I've been trying, but maybe I should go buy me some longer lashes

 

[1Specialk]

Wow! I finally finished the whole thread and came to the conclusion that BLACK WOMEN love to fight. Thanks, Roz for the tips

 

[Parvathi]

Wow! I finally finished the whole thread and came to the conclusion that BLACK WOMEN love to fight. Thanks, Roz for the tips

What a newly found revelation!

 

[Blossssom]

I got A rule...

Maybe I'll start my own thread and divulge it!

Heehee!

 

[1Specialk]

What a newly found revelation!

Yea, I know. I guess, I just didn't really want to believe it

 

[firecracker]

SpecialK Umm whatchusay? JC Umm I hope ain't nobody trippin off Red that would really be wack.

 

[jrae]

I got A rule...

Maybe I'll start my own thread and divulge it!

Heehee!

Oh lawd... please do! "Rules from Blossssom" oughtta be good!

I love Firecracker's caveman approach!

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

First, sidenotes!!
Parvathi- is a nice name, mean anything?
Lauren450- ugh, that baby of yours is adorable.
PrettyHaitian- where do you find 12-14 hours to talk on the phone?!?!!?!

I think that it's very cool that Roz put these tips up. I don't think that they were meant to be disempowering as I think everyone on this forum is here to help. I think you guys should give her the benefit of the doubt that she is here for that and not to harm anyone. Its like going to the library, don't pick up the book if the title doesn't fancy you.

I, too thought this thread was going to be a BS thread saying crap like 'only speak to your man when spoken to' or to that effect but its not.

She's right, people put up tips everyday to help people w thier situations. Just like in the Christian forum, there are things that not everyone is gonna agree to but I would take offense if someone resorted to name-calling.

The women aren't desperate, just want to know what their doing wrong. You can't assume everyone has the same knowledge as you. For example, one of the ladies mentioned that her friend throws pots and knives at her boyfriends in the past. Thats not even close to how you should treat ANYONE. period. And she probably thinks to herself 'What on earth am I doing wrong?!?!!?!'.

Another example is that some women think that keeping a man means having babies by him (yes, I know women who REALLY think this) she's just trying to shed light on what an alternative is.

My point is, don't assume that everyone in here has the same knowledge as you. You're smart, obviously but some people are just not as advanced in the area. Roz is trying to help THOSE people. Do what works for you. These rules aren't going to apply to everyone for various reasons:
1. Not everyone who's trying to get a man wants to keep him. (lol)
2. How would the non-phone rule work out for long-distance relationships?

I think the couch rule is important to me but those that feel comfortable to sleep w the guy the first date, thats hot too just don't knock me for not exploring that option.

The doormat thing is something I learned early on. Umm, make sure you have a life. Only because if he messes up, you can just take his part out and continue with your life.

Also, I think that, ofcourse the women taking this advice should definitely know and love themselves before they try to make a relationship work with anyone.


ps. is there really a "I'm tryna get married" challenge? Because if there is, Don't look, I'm pretty sure he'll find you.

 

[honeycomb719]

Great dialog thus far ladies. Bravo!!

 

[FunkyDiva]

Ladies,

People are dying in the world...its really not that serious. It amazes me how some if us just love to keep the drama going around here. You should really focus your energy on something positive. I thought this board was supposed to be an outlet for us, a place we could come and unify.

Roz, I enjoyed your tips, no I didn't take them as gospel but they were fun and helpful

 

[FeelinIt]

Be yourself!

People can give you all the rules in the world but it does not mean it will work.

I think you can still be yourself but have some rules involved when it comes to dating. I like the sofa rule in the beginning. I can't stand it when guys want to just "kick it" and we barely know each other. To me, that is guy talk for I don't want to spend any damn money on you, I just want sex.
BOOOOOOOO!

Nice thread.

 

[FeelinIt]

Regarding the advice, I wish someone had told me a lot of the things that I see here on the boards.

No father or males teaching you what needs to be done or not done and you end up learning the hard way. My mom was not much help. It was simply "don't mess with men THEY THE DEBIL!" Ummm cheahhhhhh....that didn't help much.


soooo...........

I learned the hard way and ended up being a single mom because of it, not that it wouldn't have happened if I was a married but let's just say a lot of heartache could have been avoided if the right advice had been given.

I've still got issues with men I need to resolve. I'm 27, haven't dated in over 7years and afraid to let anyone in. They all get the mean mugg now because I can't seem to work through my issues of trust with guys. I think they are all worthless and users.

But I digress. Give a girl some advice on seeing men in a more positive light.
I can't smile at people I don't even like!

 

[Guapa1]

I've been sitting here trying to look through my eyelashes since the 1st page, and feel as though I'm going cross-eyed. LOL

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I've been sitting here trying to look through my eyelashes since the 1st page, and feel as though I'm going cross-eyed. LOL

I gave up after the first 20 tries. I'm just going to have to skip that rule or get some fake lashes.

 

[jrae]

I've been sitting here trying to look through my eyelashes since the 1st page, and feel as though I'm going cross-eyed. LOL

You and JCoily are too much...

Its very subtle and it goes with a sly, subtle smile. You kind of tilt your head down, and then look up. Does that help?

 

[Guapa1]

Oh! Like Princess Diana right? Mmm, doesn't work either, I look like a serial killer eyeing up my next victim!

 

[Blu217]

OK... um, ABOUT this kissing thing:

I don't know about ya'll, but often enough I've been kissed by guys who aren't exactly interested in being kissed so much as doing the kissing.

Most recently I kissed a man I'm extremely attracted to. I was patient, let him lead into it and make the first move. I was ready to put it ON him! But then something bad happened. First, I'd never kissed any lips so thin (white guy, tho hardly the first), just barely there it seemed. I hadn't noticed this lack of lippage before, so I'm in the midst of compensating for the unbalanced ratios when my guy starts gnawing my face off. I mean, he wasn't kissing so much as chewing with his mouth open or something. I couldn't find the rhythm, couldn't get control of the moment so you can forget the sensuality.

I've been kissed like this before. First they take over, then they take your face over. Now, sometimes you can recover, slow him down, take the lead and not say a word. But sometimes they just don't know what the sam hill they're doing but are bound and determined to do it anyway!

Just sayin. The art of the kiss isn't always so simple. If anyone knows how to tame the Beast of Bad Kissing, I'd love to hear suggestions to get the sexy back on track.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

^ I don't have any advice, but @ 'lack of lippage'