How to Get (And Keep) a Man 101

[sunnyjohn]

For the love of Ike and his brother Mike......

How many thread are we gonna get shut down with this nonsense?

If you have an opinion to state and don't agree with the information posted, post your take, but be respectful.

... or just simply MOVE ON!

 

[rozlips]

ok good tips.


but can someone please explain the warm words cool actions part. For example if you're upset at a man are you not supposed to let him know by telling him and also back up your words with actions. I guess that would be called cold words cold actions?
Seriously how would a guy know if you don't also tell him?

or are you supposed to say nice things like nothings wrong but act cold? Don't you think that's a little well crazy?

please expalin more

Sorry, I'm not familiar with 'warm words/cold actions.' Maybe some of those who are would like to explain further.

IMO, if your SO does something that upsets you, most definitely tell him about it. Make sure you talk to him in person. I explained already why the telephone should be used as little as possible. Its important that you keep the discussion in the realm of your feelings. As an example if you, like a previous poster have a problem with not paying attention when you talk. You can say, "When I'm talking to you and it doesn't seem that you're paying attention, I feel abandoned (Disrespected, whatever it is that you feel)." Then go on with, "I would like it if you would turn the t.v. off and look at me when I'm talking to you." (Or whatever would work for you.) Remember, men are action-oriented. You express your beef, then tell them how to fix it. If he's into you and wants to please you, he'll put forth the effort to rectify his mistake. If not, you need to move on.

 

[jrae]

Just wanted to add: ladies, WE ARE THE PRIZE!! They should be following rules to 'snatch us up,' not the other way around.

ITA!!!! Bublnbrnsuga, that is the bottom line.

Thanks for taking the time to put this together, Rozlips.

I broke a lot of these 'rules' when I was dating my husband, but he was looking for someone just like me, so it worked out.

However, I am saddened by the many posts from young women who don't realize their value and worth. They didn't learn it and/or didn't see it modeled.

The nice thing about your guide is some women keep losing at relationships and don't understand why. They're making the same mistakes over and over and then feel used, abused and mistreated because they gave it up too fast or his interest just evaporated after a few dates.

Maybe this thread should have been titled, "How to conduct yourself as the prize you are".

 

[Puddles]

Never Fight With a Man

Yep, I know it seems like I'm contradicting myself, but really I'm not. When a man is challenged he sees you as an adversary, not as his partner. This is not something you want. You don't want to get into a logic debate with a man. Emotions are a woman's realm, and we need to use them to our advantage. Men will use 'logic' to talk us into all manner of things that are not in our best interest. Like having sex too soon or moving in together because its 'cheaper.' Remember stay with the emotions and simply say that doing those things don't make you feel 'safe.' Now, he'll probably come back with all these 'logical' reasons why his way makes more sense, but you stick with your feelings. Agree that it probably is more logical, but it doesn't make you feel good or safe. Men want to make us happy, and they'll back off if they feel they're making you unhappy.

I disagree....My husband and I agree to disagree and "will" get into arguments. Sometimes heated. But we "never" go to bed mad at one another. All people aren't the same. My man is a man who can handle being challenged......especially if he's wrong.

Yes, You DO Marry the Family

Its unfortunate, and frequently a major pitfall to believe otherwise. You must put forth your best effort to accomodate them, especially the mother. Remember, she gave birth to him, make an effort to ensure that you don't intervene in their relationship.

"Not"....I married him and he married me. Their relationship should not intervene with "ours"...not the other way around.

I've been married 20 years....we just renewed our vows. For the most part....I feel you can't keep someone who doesn't want to stay with you. No matter what you do. Like PrettyHaitian said....there's no science to it.

By the way......on the part on how to get a man......I was just my self. No games or anything. We got married 4 months after meeting........2 kids later and still going strong.

Do what works for "You!"
That's all you can do.

 

[Puddles]

Appearances

A woman looking to mate should always be at her best. I know this is a pain, but you never know where a cutie-pie will show up. You don't want to be freaking out because you're in schlumpy sweats when you could be flirting your southern ass off. Save the crappy clothes for at home where no one can see you, outside, put on your best..

He saw me at my best and in my sweats and scarf. Spent the night together.

Flirting

Flirting is a crucial, but all too underused skill in today's mating world. Lets say you're at an event, and you spy a hottie across the room. You've got to make eye contact, hold that contact for 20 seconds, then smile your most enchanting come hither smile (Yes, practice in the mirror and with friends, real friends, not haters). At first this seems really difficult. Look at your watch, 20 seconds is a long time, but it typically takes a man that long to get a clue. Practice with guys you're not really interested in so you can be relaxed. Then move up to the big league.

Men are led by their egos. If you do this a couple of times, he will come over, and when he does its time for step 2. Look up at him from underneath your eyelashes. This is called 'eye candy' and men fall for it with a quickness. You don't have to talk insipid or say anything silly, but that look communicates everything you need to know. Touch your hair, this sends a primitive signal that you're grooming yourself to be attractive to him. Smile, laugh at his jokes, and crucial, touch him. Not intimately. Just on the arm, hand or shoulder. A brief, casual pat. Remember, men are on an ego trip and this signals your interest in him.

Wait for him to ask for your phone number. Do not offer it, and don't take his if he offers it. (This is controversial, but I truly believe that most men like the pursuit. If being the pursuer works for you, fine, but this is my experience)..

I guess everyone flirts differently. I'm a very out going person. That way takes too long. I'll just go up to him and let it be known.

The Telephone

Oh, how many wonderful beginnings have been destroyed by this horrible little device. It is, without a doubt, the best weapon in a man's arsenal. You are best served by using it as little as possible. Think of it as a tool for making dates, period, not for communication. Why is this so?

Think about it. We as women are intuitive creatures. We gather information from the whole of a person. Eye contact, posture, demeanour, all are crucial sources of information we lose when get on the telephone. The telephone is great for men because they know they can woo a woman with words, and don't have to worry about her picking up any clues. Don't spend more than 15 minutes on a telephone with a man and thats only a few times a week. If he wants more of your time he has to take you out, and this is where a woman shines.

A woman's seductiveness lies in her physical presence. Our hair, our skin, our scent, even our laugh are weapons in our arsenal, and we can't weave our witchy ways over the phone. And don't call him at all if you can help it. .

Please......he loved me calling him all the time. If I didn't.....he was calling me wondering why I didn't call.

Sofa Sitting

Yet another hazard. You should never indulge in 'just kicking it' with a guy you're interested in. Why? Well first, its a waste of your time. Time you could be spending with a man who will actually take you on a date. But more importantly, it leads to too great an opportunity for intimacy, too soon. In those first weeks the two of you should be going out. If money is an issue, fine, but there are plenty of things you can do together that are cheap or free. Pursue those. But hanging out at your place or his? Heck no. .

Well I guess I'm just a different kinda girl. I loved hanging out at his place.

Kissing

Practice, practice, practice kissing. Being a good kisser will get you far. I was a virgin until I was 25, but I could kiss like nobody's business. I had to. I knew I wasn't doing anything else! When he walks you to the door at the end of a date, you want to put a kiss on him that will take the top of his head off. Remember, just one kiss and believe me, he'll come back for more..

Totally agree with you on this one. But it goes both ways. If he can kiss........."Wow!"

Exclusivity

Okay, from the get go, dude has to think you're still seeing other people. Obviously its best to actually still be seeing other people, but if you don't have anyone, that's fine, just don't tell him that! At some point during the courtship he's going to ask for sex. You will reply that you don't feel comfortable having sex outside an exclusive relationship. Now, if you're hot and heavy in a make-out session at this point, he'll probably ask for exclusivity off the bat. You, immediately end the make-out session and tell him that y'all need to talk about that at some other time. Send him on his merry way. Never, ever, ever, have a serious discussion about anything with a man who has an erection. He'll say anything to get in the panties and then accuse you of manipulation. Okay, you don't bring up the exclusivity issue. Believe me, he'll bring it up again. Then you say you'll think about it. Give it a few days and then respond. .

Well he knew I was interested in someone else. Maybe that's why he always wanted me around.....Hmmmm

Now, I don't have a hard and fast rule about the amount of time before sex, but most certainly you want to wait long enough to really know a person. You cannot know a person in a matter of weeks.

Well I blue that one on the first date.

 

[Lucie]

Excuse me, clearly you haven't read my comments on other threads. Me say that men don't have any faults? Yeah right! Where in any of my posts did I say anything about hunting down a man? I didn't. If you want a thread about men and their faults, by all means start one. I'll be thrilled to comment.



So insightful? Interesting comment. Are you really saying that after seven years of marriage with the same man you have no insight or any advice to give other women?

My parents were married 50+ years, you better bet I gained tons of insight from them. As did my dh from his parent's long-term marriage. I gained insight from my son's godmother who has had a happy marriage for a number of years.

Folks on this board give advice all the time based on nothing more than their own experiences. Indeed, folks get upset if a person recommends a hair product that they themselvs haven't tried. What makes someone so insightful about hair? What makes someone so insightful about finances? Computers? For that matter, anything at all? If your life experiences don't give you any insight that might be useful to others that's all well and good. But to claim that no one else does...hmmm I dunno.

I would be foolish to think that others do not have any insight to share. This whole board would crumble if people did not share their insight. I want to know what makes you fit to dedicate a whole thread about the rules of dating? You're married? Okay, so? George W. Bush is married too!

You do have some valid points but it is all about your delivery. The people that agree with you 100%, get more tips. And the ones that don't, get sarcasm. That is totally one-sided!

As I previously stated before it is not a science. The best advice is, to be yourself. Nothing works all the time.

 

[JamericanGurl]

I was gonna stay outta this but.............


I thought the title was tongue in cheek? Then realized it wasn't?

Here's what it makes me think of? Some lonely spinster desperate to step outside herself and become someone else. Using trickery to get a man

ITA... why is trickery a skill and why don't the note takers realize, the value of being yourself?

While it's really not my attempt to slam Roz "the rules", put me in mind of a very desperate woman...Not you Roz...the note takers. This puts me in mind of "The Rules" and all those desperate women buying that book.

I'm not trying to down the subscribers....I jus dun get it?

Gotta admit I still found the thread interesting.

 

[Parvathi]

[/b]

I would be foolish to think that others do not have any insight to share. This whole board would crumble if people did not share their insight. I want to know what makes you fit to dedicate a whole thread about the rules of dating? You're married? Okay, so? George W. Bush is married too!

You do have some valid points but it is all about your delivery. The people that agree with you 100%, get more tips. And the ones that don't, get sarcasm. That is totally one-sided!

As I previously stated before it is not a science. The best advice is, to be yourself. Nothing works all the time.

notworthynotworthynotworthy:notworthy

 

[rozlips]

I would be foolish to think that others do not have any insight to share. This whole board would crumble if people did not share their insight. I want to know what makes you fit to dedicate a whole thread about the rules of dating? You're married? Okay, so? George W. Bush is married too!

What makes anyone fit to dedicate a whole thread to the rules of anything? Folks have created threads giving advice about everything under the sun, based on nothing more than their experience. We read those threads, take it or leave it depending on whether we like the advice and move on. Do we credentialize those people? I don't think so.

You do have some valid points but it is all about your delivery. The people that agree with you 100%, get more tips. And the ones that don't, get sarcasm. That is totally one-sided!

Why wouldn't you get sarcasm? I specifically stated in my OP that if you don't like the post that's well and good, this was for folks who were interested in what I had to say. If you don't fine, but don't come up in here disrupting my thread and expect to be invited to tea and crumpets.

As I previously stated before it is not a science. The best advice is, to be yourself. Nothing works all the time.

I never claimed otherwise. I'm sure Monistat made somebody's hair grow, but I doubt it works for everyone.

I thought the title was tongue in cheek? Then realized it wasn't?

The title was tongue in cheek.

 

[SexySin985]

For the love of Ike and his brother Mike......

How many thread are we gonna get shut down with this nonsense?

If you have an opinion to state and don't agree with the information posted, post your take, but be respectful.

... or just simply MOVE ON!

THANK YOU! OMG, if you don't agree then just move on or just give a simple explination on why you dont agree. No need to go back and fourth with arguments.

I myself found this thread very interesting but I know I am not desperate.

 

[shahala]

This is an interesting thread. The only thing I can add is -- sometimes being yourself is not always the best way to go. Just the way some parents have to be trained to be good parents by taking parenting classes, I think some people need tips to be the best they can be personality wise.

I know someone, gorgeous girl, meets so many nice, quality guys, but can never get past more than a first date. I can tell you that being herself is not working for her and she has realized it and is working towards fixng it. If you pretty much have everything together, then you can be yourself but some of us need help.

 

[Summer_Rain]

There are valuable lessons that can be learned on both sides of the debates in this thread. Like with any other advice that we recieve in life -you have to know when & how to "pick the mean from the bones" and apply (or not) to your own lifes situation.

If you stay true to form (i.e. be yourself) there are some of the things advised just may not be for you. Perhaps you're not naturally or comfortable with flirting...doesn't mean you're incapable of finding and keeping that man - simply, that won't be the means by which you do it. Neither is better or worse than the other.

IMHO, its also important to be able to recognize what things just may not "make sense" when applied to different situations. How can we practice "ego-stroking" but also "don't call him girl!". Especially early on in a relationship when you're not spending every day together, and just getting to know each other. If the only time spent talking with him is the 15 minutes every few days planning the next outing, and then the few hours spend on the outing itself....it could be limiting in a lot of important things. Both getting to know him, and that "ego-stroking".

With regards to the dating scene, something else that is very important, along with being yourself - is to know the TYPE of MAN you're dealing with. There is no blanket advice on dating that can apply to every single man out there. I'm currently seeing 3 men. guy A)due to his profession he's relativey busy busy busy. I don't call him as often as he calls me - but he does make sure to reach out to me in some way or another on a frequent basis. He's fine with that, so am I. guy B) a bit of a softy. takes things personal reads too deeply into things, wears his heart&emotions on his sleeves. readily available. if i didn't call him - he'd think i wasnt interested. he's all about equal reciprocity...i go more than 2days without reaching out, he's sad. guy C) seems like he follows the advice listed earlier...we dont talk on the phone often outside of the time spent planning the next outing. we have a wonderful time spent together - but when you're on a date time limitations you miss out on so much. thats his biggest mistake with me, and has him skirting on the edge of getting cut from the roster. Again, just an example of knowing the type of person you're dealing with. In the same way you don't treat all your friendships the same...

I'm growing long winded here...i'll leave it at that for now

 

[DragonPearl]

Why wouldn't you get sarcasm? I specifically stated in my OP that if you don't like the post that's well and good, this was for folks who were interested in what I had to say. If you don't fine, but don't come up in here disrupting my thread and expect to be invited to tea and crumpets.
...
I never claimed otherwise. I'm sure Monistat made somebody's hair grow, but I doubt it works for everyone.

For REAL!!!!!

Much ado about nothing!!! If people who have such serious issues with the thread, they ought to start their own thread dishing out their own advice. Oh I forgot, they don't think women need any dating advice at all. My bad!!

As for me, some of the advice given on this thread, I would never use because it would'nt work for me. But some, I could have used when I was younger and stupider.

EDited to add: About 2 or 3 times a week, someone comes here with a cry for help and we all chip in, freely giving our individual wisdom. We ALL give FREE advice all day long on this forum, and no one asks to see credentials. If you're going to pay for the advice, then you can ask for credentials, and question people's qualifications. Otherwise...

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

This is an interesting thread. The only thing I can add is -- sometimes being yourself is not always the best way to go. Just the way some parents have to be trained to be good parents by taking parenting classes, I think some people need tips to be the best they can be personality wise.

I know someone, gorgeous girl, meets so many nice, quality guys, but can never get past more than a first date. I can tell you that being herself is not working for her and she has realized it and is working towards fixng it. If you pretty much have everything together, then you can be yourself but some of us need help.

Wow. I don't think your friend has a problem, maybe it's the types of guys that are attracted to her. To think being yourself is not enough is just sad. Think about it: what it takes to attract a man will have to continue to keep him. If he is attracted to this 'other woman' she's portraying, she's lying- to herself and to him and eventually her TRUE self will show, then what?
I know with mating and dating you do have to follow 'rules'- the 'rules' I speak about are COMMON SENSE rules! Anything extra is just not necessary, IMHO.

 

[blueabyss333]

And let me be clear about something, most of the things I'm talking about are intuitive. I think most of the women who have done these things like sofa sitting or being on the phone too much will admit that they didn't feel right at the time, but they didn't follow their instincts. As women, this society teaches us not to follow those instincts. To go by logic. Well, logic is not a woman's friend in romantic relationships. We've been given a formidable weapon, our gut, our mother wit, whatever you want to call it. When we do something that's not right for us, we instinctively know it. But we ignore it because we're caught up in the fever of a new relationship. I'm merely pointing out that those things don't feel good for a reason, and that its right to go with your natural instinct.

I did this post because on another board a young lady stated that she wasted her 20s because she'd been told by older women that she should just 'play around and enjoy herself.' Sleep with whomever, just make sure she was protected and he had a big dick. As I've told you before, my own mama wound up in a date rape situation because older women gave her similar advice. I take my role as a older woman talking to you younger women very seriously. I see too many of you getting hurt because you don't know any better and don't have the self-confidence to trust yourself. That's why I made this post. Not to set myself up as some type of 'guru.' Hell, I don't have the time for all that. If other women have advice to give, by all means do so, but to imply that I'm somehow deliberately misleading folks for my own self-gratification, I must say that really hurts my feelings. And I have a pretty tough skin.

ITA. And I am one of those women- so you HAVE helped me. There are many times I knew I should've gone with my instincts but I just didn't know HOW to. No one ever gave me serious dating advice growing up and you ladies have seriously told me more than the women in my real life.

OT: The beautiful thing about this board is that the woman who are positive- or simply don't stoop to a lower level- are very good examples for us youngins. I know what you mean as taking the role as an older women b/c I try to do the same for teens. So thank you and keep up the good work:bouncegre

 

[shahala]

Wow. I don't think your friend has a problem, maybe it's the types of guys that are attracted to her. To think being yourself is not enough is just sad. Think about it: what it takes to attract a man will have to continue to keep him. If he is attracted to this 'other woman' she's portraying, she's lying- to herself and to him and eventually her TRUE self will show, then what?
I know with mating and dating you do have to follow 'rules'- the 'rules' I speak about are COMMON SENSE rules! Anything extra is just not necessary, IMHO.

Some of the things she does and says to men are definitely inappropriate ( I can't even get into that, LOL) She also has a horrible temper where she has thrown pots at her boyfriends even one time a knife. Are you saying then that she should continue to be herself? I don't think so, I think she needs to change.

 

[Puddles]

Wow. I don't think your friend has a problem, maybe it's the types of guys that are attracted to her. To think being yourself is not enough is just sad. Think about it: what it takes to attract a man will have to continue to keep him. If he is attracted to this 'other woman' she's portraying, she's lying- to herself and to him and eventually her TRUE self will show, then what?
I know with mating and dating you do have to follow 'rules'- the 'rules' I speak about are COMMON SENSE rules! Anything extra is just not necessary, IMHO.

Well said....Bubln. ITA. Especially with...

maybe it's the types of guys that are attracted to her.

You should never have to "not" be yourself just to be with someone. Only rule I adhere to is....Let Go And Let God.
My husband (of 20yrs) is "still" here.

 

[blueabyss333]

I'm not going to quote anyone's post, because more than a few of you have stated to "be yourself." For some of us less experienced, what we might consider playing games (which I don't like to do but it's for a lack of better words), comes naturally to you so you consider it being yourself. But for some women- especially those in their 20s- we don't know who we completely are to be ourselves.

What attracts every guy to me, other than the physical, is my personality, independence, confidence, a bit of worldliness, sweetness, and much more. Then we start dating and the change (in myself) comes in- something I've noticed but couldn't understand why. I would become needy, submissive, dependent, unsure of myself, indecisive, and emotional. Then all of sudden the guy would lose interest b/c there was no chase (including some of Roz's pointers) and I didn’t KNOW HOW to be myself. I couldn't see it then, and I'm learning, but I became something like the type of woman I saw in my household- it's what I knew (even though I’m more like my father than mother). It’s the role-playing that I saw everyday despite who I was. Like I said, no one truly sat me down and schooled me, so I didn't have much to go by. I guess my family figured that I'm a very independent, confident woman so I'll have this dating thing in the bag. That or they didn't know how to talk to me.

Now I date according to some of the pointers given in many relationship threads and it makes a better, healthier me. So when threads like this come about, yes, I soak it up. I don't take everything literally and I take what I can apply to MY life. I completely understand why nay-sayers say what they do, but please understand there's no reason to tear it down b/c not everyone looks at the world through the same eyes you do.

 

[JaneiR36]

I think this whole thing is like needing a girdle or a push-up bra to get the job done quickly. Maybe some of us are fortunate enough not to need it, but for others, it just might be what the doctor ordered! I don't necessarily see what's wrong with needing a little help to get yourself noticed. We all do it, whether it's always having hair that's on point, or being that girl with the perfectly manicured nails or lashes that don't quit, quite a few of us do it to get noticed. But now we can't use our actions to achieve that, either?

I don't know if this is BS, but the statistics and predictions for the number of AA women who won't get married in their lifetime is rather troubling, and as far as I'm concerned, that calls for an action-oriented response. Personally I'll be reading through the thread to see if there's something I can implement

 

[blueabyss333]

I think this whole thing is like needing a girdle or a push-up bra to get the job done quickly. Maybe some of us are fortunate enough not to need it, but for others, it just might be what the doctor ordered! I don't necessarily see what's wrong with needing a little help to get yourself noticed. We all do it, whether it's always having hair that's on point, or being that girl with the perfectly manicured nails or lashes that don't quit, quite a few of us do it to get noticed. But now we can't use our actions to achieve that, either?

I don't know if this is BS, but the statistics and predictions for the number of AA women who won't get married in their lifetime is rather troubling, and as far as I'm concerned, that calls for an action-oriented response. Personally I'll be reading through the thread to see if there's something I can implement

There ya go! Some of us may or may not care about getting married. I'm not trying to be antagonistic, but for the nay-sayers/opposers, how many of you are married? Excuse or no excuse.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Some of the things she does and says to men are definitely inappropriate ( I can't even get into that, LOL) She also has a horrible temper where she has thrown pots at her boyfriends even one time a knife. Are you saying then that she should continue to be herself? I don't think so, I think she needs to change.

Well, since you explained it more, she does need to change. By your post, it seemed like she was just like many other women who don't have definite interpersonal issues like this.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

[/B]

There ya go! Some of us may or may not care about getting married. I'm not trying to be antagonistic, but for the nay-sayers/opposers, how many of you are married? Excuse or no excuse.

Married
Some agree with the rules, some don't and I happen to be one who doesn't. I think it's mentally exhausting to be like 'don't sit on his couch. Stop talking so much on the phone to him. Look at him through your eyelashes, etc etc.' If it helps you fine, but what if you miss a rule? What then?

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't know if this is BS, but the statistics and predictions for the number of AA women who won't get married in their lifetime is rather troubling, and as far as I'm concerned, that calls for an action-oriented response. Personally I'll be reading through the thread to see if there's something I can implement

This isn't BS. Most black women aren't married and sadly, probably never will be.

 

[JaneiR36]

Married
Some agree with the rules, some don't and I happen to be one who doesn't. I think it's mentally exhausting to be like 'don't sit on his couch. Stop talking so much on the phone to him. Look at him through your eyelashes, etc etc.' If it helps you fine, but what if you miss a rule? What then?

I'm sure our common sense will prevent us from looking like a deer caught in the headlights in that situation

Again, for some of us, it might not be about taking everything to the letter. Roz was kind enough to include a lot of material in her post. Something that rang through to me was when she said men are very action based. Why is it that my Mom could lecture my younger brother about being clean and being respectful till the cows come home, but if I say, "hey, she needs this done and you're stressing her out. Do it," it gets done? I think the lady's on to something

PS: I guess the thing about the "be yourself" advice (which isn't bad in and of itself!) is that it requires a lot of faith and patience. For instance, if I asked a more experienced co-worker how to be more effective at my job, and they said, "just keep doing what you're doing," I would no doubt feel like they haven't told me much, because at this point I'm looking for some ideas that I haven't been implementing in the past that would hopefully improve my work. You get my drift...

 

[JamericanGurl]

One of the number one quotes from people who get divorced is............

He/She isn't who I thought He/She was?

erplexed

 

[blueabyss333]

Married
Some agree with the rules, some don't and I happen to be one who doesn't. I think it's mentally exhausting to be like 'don't sit on his couch. Stop talking so much on the phone to him. Look at him through your eyelashes, etc etc.' If it helps you fine, but what if you miss a rule? What then?

Yea, like I said, I follow some of the rules but not to the tee. I'm certainly NOT dependent on these rules, in fact I hope no one reading them is. I do believe if you are reading them verbatim- you MIGHT be desperate. It is mentally exhausting.

I don't mind sitting on anyone's couch (during the day) but then many guys take advantage of that and make it a habit and don't want to physically date but do *other* things. So, it's been my experience to steer away from that. Most times, depending on the guy, I do talk on the phone a lot. But again, they tend to make that a habit and think that's ALL they have to do or they just get bored. Of course with the right man, none of this will be a problem. The whole looking through the eyelashes thing? You've got to be kidding me! I've never done that or will be down for that...that's a lil too girly for me.

 

[Puddles]

Yea, like I said, I follow some of the rules but not to the tee. I'm certainly NOT dependent on these rules, in fact I hope no one reading them is. I do believe if you are reading them verbatim- you MIGHT be desperate. It is mentally exhausting.

I don't mind sitting on anyone's couch (during the day) but then many guys take advantage of that and make it a habit and don't want to physically date but do *other* things. So, it's been my experience to steer away from that. Most times, depending on the guy, I do talk on the phone a lot. But again, they tend to make that a habit and think that's ALL they have to do or they just get bored. Of course with the right man, none of this will be a problem. The whole looking through the eyelashes thing? You've got to be kidding me! I've never done that or will be down for that...that's a lil too girly for me.

Love your screen name by the way.

Very well put.
At least you're not reading the rules with blinders on. It's makes sense to keep an open mind.....and do what works for "you."

 

[blueabyss333]

Love your screen name by the way.

Very well put.
At least you're not reading the rules with blinders on. It's makes sense to keep an open mind.....and do what works for "you."

Thank you @the screen name. I take what I can from the advice given and learn and grow from it.

 

[vevster]

>>You never find them when you are looking but when you have totally focused your attention on something else, that's when you find him/them/both <<

Oh brother, that is what all the old married ladies say, and it is not necessarily true. You are still very young, and married young. That was your path. It doesn't happen that way from EVERYONE.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

My B.S. detector is flashing like the blue light special at K-Mart.

Let's see...I'm just thinkin out loud here.... but I wonder if the picture in Roz's avatar had a big ole chocolate man in it whether folks would pop off with the 'who do you think you are to give advice?'

Politics are a funny thing, especially when people tap dance around them.

Roz, I enjoy your tips. I don't agree with all of them, but I can take from it what I can use and move on. Please continue....that is unless folks are going for a thread closing record this week.