How to Get (And Keep) a Man 101

[AceH]

Geez GMMP!

I thought of this when I read your post:

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and they're like,
it's better than yours,
damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
but I have to charge

This is going to be an interesting thread. I can't stress enough the art of flirting. I did a paper on flirting when I was a junior in high school - a how to. Used a guy in class to demonstrate it. (Yes, my fuddy-duddy, old-fashioned English teacher allowed me to do this). Had the girls MAD at me because guys flocked to me but I never gave up the goods and the guys absolutely adored me. What can I say? I taught them how to do what I did.

Laughing at his jokes; smiling at him; looking at him like he was all important. I didn't consider it a game. It was just so doggone fun.

Have fun!

ETA: Funny thing is that I never had a boyfriend. I just loved to flirt. I had no intention of settling down with anybody from my small town who really weren't going anywhere. LOL!!

 

[Belle Du Jour]

^^^ AM your hair is gorgeous!

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I agree with you so much. I don't have time for all that stuff! None the less this thread is interesting!

I agree with you and PrettyHaitian.
Interesting men aren't following 'rules' when it comes to us!

 

[frankie]

I think men see better than women, and definitely have a greater depth perception. Which, of course, would be to his advantage when hunting.

Yes...men see better than women! I was 'out' with a man and we were sitting at a table right in front of the window and his natural vision is soooo much better than my contact lens vision, he was pointing out things that he could clearly see that had me dumbfounded! That's why they are sooo visual, it's their strongest sense.

 

[rozlips]

I agree with you and PrettyHaitian.
Interesting men aren't following 'rules' when it comes to us!

Oh, but they are. And they're testing you too.

 

[rozlips]

I mean how to do it. I can't visualize looking through your eyelashes. . .

Okay, its kind of tricky, so make sure you practice. I watched my mama do this one to my daddy for years before I finally got it.

1. Tilt your head down just a little bit. Not quite as much as in a prayer about half-way.

2. Lower your eyelids, just a little bit, then look up through your eyelashes.

You have to really practice this so that it looks natural. Again, practice with guys you're not interested in so you can relax while you do it.

 

[Parvathi]

HILARIOUS!!!

I wonder if there are these many DESPERATE men (with a 'guru' to boot ) who are seeking the same advice...

UNBELIEVABLE...

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Oh, but they are. And they're testing you too.

Yeah right, they have lists of advice, tons of how to's and so forth on 'how to attract and keep a woman.' Men that play games or go by 'rules' aren't worth the time anyway.
The moment I stopped following everyone's advice and the oh-so-much-needed rules, that's when I met my husband and he accepts me for me. I didn't have to follow a mental checklist to make sure I was keeping my 'game tight.'

Ladies who find the OP advice useful, that's great,but in the end no 'rules' will attract or keep a man. It shouldn't take that much work. Reading some you lady's posts, I see MUCH in itself that would keep and attract a man

 

[locabouthair]

rozlips i think you are giving great tips. the only thing i cant get with is the ego thing. i have this thing where i don't like a guy's head to get big. so i usually don't give them compliments. in fact i kinda quick to let a guy know i don't need him and he aint crap. i know it's mean.

 

[Parvathi]

Ladies who find the OP advice useful, that's great,but in the end no 'rules' will attract or keep a man. It shouldn't take that much work. Reading some you lady's posts, I see MUCH in itself that would keep and attract a man

Ditto to all of this.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Just wanted to add: ladies, WE ARE THE PRIZE!! They should be following rules to 'snatch us up,' not the other way around.

 

[Parvathi]

rozlips i think you are giving great tips. the only thing i cant get with is the ego thing. i have this thing where i don't like a guy's head to get big. so i usually don't give them compliments. in fact i kinda quick to let a guy know i don't need him and he aint crap. i know it's mean.

NO it's not mean. Men love biatches. Play hard to get. Let him beg. If his interest is genuine, he would be patient. If he starts complaining, drop him. Seriously.

 

[frankie]

I have to agree with the no couch rule...it helps weed out the ones that are really trying to get to know you, and the ones that are trying to find the quickest way into your panties.

I used to make the mistake of concentrating on one boy (man) at a time and getting attached way too fast. Now I date several people at once and it's easier to keep things in perspective, and to keep the physical aspect at bay far longer than in the past because I'm not jumping into anything prematurely. I'm terribly terrified of being in a Maury Povich "He is not the father" type of scenario so having several men in rotation makes not having sex easier because no one is getting any.

I love being single because dating is fun for me, but at some point I'd like to settle down and start a family with my husband, so ladies please keep the knowledge flowing.

 

[rozlips]

HILARIOUS!!!

I wonder if there are these many DESPERATE men (with a 'guru' to boot ) who are seeking the same advice...

UNBELIEVABLE...

I doubt that any of the women on this board are desperate and I'm not sure why you feel the need to insult them. As for me being a guru. I submit that I am nothing of the sort. Merely sharing the benefit of knowledge I've over years of mating/dating. If its of no benefit or interest to you, thats fine, but I'm not sure why you feel the need to denigrate the ones who do find it beneficial or of interest.

 

[rozlips]

rozlips i think you are giving great tips. the only thing i cant get with is the ego thing. i have this thing where i don't like a guy's head to get big. so i usually don't give them compliments. in fact i kinda quick to let a guy know i don't need him and he aint crap. i know it's mean.

Note, the ego-stroking is part of what you do after you've already got the man, and you're married. Not in the dating/mating stage. At that point you are still single, and he should definitely know that he doesn't have you on lock. That requires marriage.

 

[rozlips]

And let me be clear about something, most of the things I'm talking about are intuitive. I think most of the women who have done these things like sofa sitting or being on the phone too much will admit that they didn't feel right at the time, but they didn't follow their instincts. As women, this society teaches us not to follow those instincts. To go by logic. Well, logic is not a woman's friend in romantic relationships. We've been given a formidable weapon, our gut, our mother wit, whatever you want to call it. When we do something that's not right for us, we instinctively know it. But we ignore it because we're caught up in the fever of a new relationship. I'm merely pointing out that those things don't feel good for a reason, and that its right to go with your natural instinct.

I did this post because on another board a young lady stated that she wasted her 20s because she'd been told by older women that she should just 'play around and enjoy herself.' Sleep with whomever, just make sure she was protected and he had a big dick. As I've told you before, my own mama wound up in a date rape situation because older women gave her similar advice. I take my role as a older woman talking to you younger women very seriously. I see too many of you getting hurt because you don't know any better and don't have the self-confidence to trust yourself. That's why I made this post. Not to set myself up as some type of 'guru.' Hell, I don't have the time for all that. If other women have advice to give, by all means do so, but to imply that I'm somehow deliberately misleading folks for my own self-gratification, I must say that really hurts my feelings. And I have a pretty tough skin.

 

[Parvathi]

I doubt that any of the women on this board are desperate and I'm not sure why you feel the need to insult them. As for me being a guru. I submit that I am nothing of the sort. Merely sharing the benefit of knowledge I've over years of mating/dating. If its of no benefit or interest to you, thats fine, but I'm not sure why you feel the need to denigrate the ones who do find it beneficial or of interest.

Feel the need to insult?

The mere fact that you created a thread on how one can go about GETTING and KEEPING a man is an insult to these women in and of itself. It implies that women have not the capabilities to attract men on their own accord but need guidance/assistance in that field.

More disheartening is the fact that you are contributing to the belief that women are not the diamond in the ruff, rather it is men and women need the right tools to get hold of that "virtuous'' prize...

You are only contributing to the failures we see in marriages since women are taught to believe that it is them who are at fault...it is them who need the tools to not only save a dying marriage but now hunt down a man?

No matter what "how to" guides you or other "experienced" women purport the fact remains that there are no set rules to dating, serious relationships or marriage. All relationships are a work in process and it takes TWO to tango, not ONE.

Alas, you and your guidelines are evidence of a woman who supports the patriarchal society we are all part of.

 

[rozlips]

Oh lets get real Parvathi. Obviously you didn't read my pointers. They were totally about female empowerment. Especially and maintaining your own life and dignity as opposed to getting totally sucked up into a man's. Clearly there are women here who need suggestions or advice or they wouldn't be asking for it. No one, no one is so perfect in ANY area that they can't benefit from others. And to castigate them for doing so is insulting and just mean-spirited.

 

[Parvathi]

Oh lets get real Parvathi. Obviously you didn't read my pointers. They were totally about female empowerment. Especially and maintaining your own life and dignity as opposed to getting totally sucked up into a man's. Clearly there are women here who need suggestions or advice or they wouldn't be asking for it. No one, no one is so perfect in ANY area that they can't benefit from others. And to castigate them for doing so is insulting and just mean-spirited.

Female empowerment you say?

Female empowerment through that one common denominator: MEN ?

So this is a guide on how to feel a sense of empowerment, self-worth and dignity of self through GETTING and KEEPING a man?

I always thought all the above were factors that should come BEFORE one goes hunting for a mate?

If you were to suggest female empowerment comes on the basis of whether one succeeds in finding and a keeping a man I must say that that sense of empowerment is bound to fail.

Empowerment comes from within...not in what you do, not in what you succeed in doing, and certainly not in who you succeed in finding and keeping.

 

[rozlips]

Oh please Parvathi. Nowhere did I say that a woman gains empowerment through her ability to get or keep a man. I did say that women need to be empowered in their relationships so that they can make decisions that are to their benefit. Which is why I recommend not wasting time or energy sofa sitting or spending hours on the phone with men. Too man women relinquish their power in relationships and become totally absorbed in the man. Something that I recommend strongly against.

 

[NeeSee]

Just wanted to add: ladies, WE ARE THE PRIZE!! They should be following rules to 'snatch us up,' not the other way around.

Girl I agree with you so much!! But all and all I am not that serious about getting the man I just like to play the game. I personally enjoy the getting more than I do the having.

 

[Parvathi]

Oh please Parvathi. Nowhere did I say that a woman gains empowerment through her ability to get or keep a man. I did say that women need to be empowered in their relationships so that they can make decisions that are to their benefit. Which is why I recommend not wasting time or energy sofa sitting or spending hours on the phone with men. Too man women relinquish their power in relationships and become totally absorbed in the man. Something that I recommend strongly against.

Your entire argument is based on the assumption that there is a power struggle in place within a relationship, correct?

But lets not switch gears here since we are not speaking of relationships but the hunt...in your exact words the "game" or "games" which preclude a relationship.

Or perhaps you are inferring there is always a game to be played within and without a relationship?

My point is it does not matter if it is through a man, from a man, or in a relationship with a man, the fact still remains that a man needs to be present to have that sense of empowerment.

That female empowerment is not self created, but can only take place when a man or men are present.

And this is the exact reason why so many women are deceived, misused and abused because so much of their self worth is dependent on the male creature.

And might I add a thread entitled "How to Get(And Keep) a Man 101" does not initially imply to the reader that it is a thread on female empowerment. Not even your first post implies that.

Actually, female empowerment has no place in this discussion. As presented, it is about using tools to attract the opposite sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

And in my opinion, NO man, NO teacher, NO "experienced" woman, and NO "how to guide" can help empower the female.

As argued earlier, that comes from within.

Happy teaching.

 

[rozlips]

My point is it does not matter if it is through a man, from a man, or within a relationship with a man, the fact still remains that a man needs to be present to have that sense of empowerment.

That female empowerment is not self created, but can only take place when a man or men are present.

Are you saying that or are you saying that I said that? Because I know I never said any such thing. My pointers were about not relinquishing your power in a relationship and thereby getting hurt or fcuked over. I'm not sure what your point is. You cannot gain empowerment through anything other than yourself. But you can certainly relinquish that power in a relationship with a man and many women do, to their peril.

And might I add a thread entitled "How to Get(And Keep) a Man 101" does not initially imply to the reader that is is a thread of female empowerment. Not even your first post implies that.

The thread title was meant to be tongue in cheek. You know, humorous? I know sarcasm doesn't go over well on the internet, but I think most folks understood where I was coming from. My working title was "Stop Getting Fcuked Over In Relationships," but I thought this one was funnier.

Actually, female empowerment has no place in this discussion. As presented it is about using tools to attract the opposite sex. Point blank, nothing more, nothing less.

Nope, actually its about using tools to preserve your power in a relationship. I can't be held responsible for the way you chose to read it. See ya on the other side.

And in my opinion, NO man, NO teacher, NO "experienced" woman, and NO "how to guide" can help empower the female.

Well, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. But I certainly gained empowerment from other women. My mama, my sister were certainly my greatest role models. But I've also learned through other women including my son's godmother. I've learned from books from folks like bell hooks and Jill Nelson. I think women can and always have learned empowerment from other women.

 

[matuncks]

The way I see it, since I use hardwork, rules, tools, guidelines, along with helpful advice from successful people in order to be successful in my career, finances, hair and body health, etc., I should apply rules, tools, guidelines, along with helpful advice from successful people as far as attracting and keeping a man. It's just another aspect of my life that I have to continuously keep up to date and work on, just like anything else. And since I don't know everything, threads like these can provide additional helpful information, just as the financial, hair and body care threads do.

 

[Synthia]

Male peacock, aside... men hunt and women lure.

Argue, resist, curse the Heavens, but thats how the genders are wired.

Yes, wonderful, independent, powerful women (while still doing other great feats) attempt to lure whatever man they've targeted as an ideal mate (or sometimes non-ideal just for the sport of it).

There is biology, instinct, and intuition at the root of it ...and at best I agree it should be natural, organic and unforced.

But Humans often circumvent and mar Nature ...so things don't always work so smoothly.

Hence very worthy women, by their own unconscious sabotoge, have prevented themselves from mating (myself, my cousin, and a few friends included).

For those who married without conscious luring, great!

But all things are based on cause and effect, even your marriage. And you did something to effect (bring about) that marriage whether subconsiously or strategically.

I see no problem with strategy being used as a supplement to repair and vamp what's natural.

Now anyone memorizing and trying to execute these points to the letter will be very pitiful indeed. But hopefully most will use these for gentle coaxing and develop an original approach.



I think strategy is even MORE IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN than men when it comes to marriage because we are on a more pressing time schedule and many would like to have babies and start a family while they still ovulate.


Men will just settle down (and they will find a woman because they are so plentiful) when the spirit moves them. They can produce babies until they are old and gray.

 

[honeycomb719]

Male peacock, aside... men hunt and women lure.

Argue, resist, curse the Heavens, but thats how the genders are wired.

Yes, wonderful, independent, powerful women (while still doing other great feats) attempt to lure whatever man they've targeted as an ideal mate (or sometimes non-ideal just for the sport of it).

There is biology, instinct, and intuition at the root of it ...and at best I agree it should be natural, organic and unforced.

But Humans often circumvent and mar Nature ...so things don't always work so smoothly.

Hence very worthy women, by their own unconscious sabotoge, have prevented themselves from mating (myself, my cousin, and a few friends included).

For those who married without conscious luring, great!

But all things are based on cause and effect, even your marriage. And you did something to effect (bring about) that marriage whether subconsiously or strategically.

I see no problem with strategy being used as a supplement to repair and vamp what's natural.

Now anyone memorizing and trying to execute these points to the letter will be very pitiful indeed. But hopefully most will use these for gentle coaxing and develop an original approach.



I think strategy is even MORE IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN than men when it comes to marriage because we are on a more pressing time schedule and many would like to have babies and start a family while they still ovulate.


Men will just settle down (and they will find a woman because they are so plentiful) when the spirit moves them. They can produce babies until they are old and gray.

Well put Sythia, and I agree 100%

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

ok good tips.


but can someone please explain the warm words cool actions part. For example if you're upset at a man are you not supposed to let him know by telling him and also back up your words with actions. I guess that would be called cold words cold actions?
Seriously how would a guy know if you don't also tell him?

or are you supposed to say nice things like nothings wrong but act cold? Don't you think that's a little well crazy?

please expalin more

 

[Lucie]

Feel the need to insult?

The mere fact that you created a thread on how one can go about GETTING and KEEPING a man is an insult to these women in and of itself. It implies that women have not the capabilities to attract men on their own accord but need guidance/assistance in that field.

More disheartening is the fact that you are contributing to the belief that women are not the diamond in the ruff, rather it is men and women need the right tools to get hold of that "virtuous'' prize...

You are only contributing to the failures we see in marriages since women are taught to believe that it is them who are at fault...it is them who need the tools to not only save a dying marriage but now hunt down a man?

No matter what "how to" guides you or other "experienced" women purport the fact remains that there are no set rules to dating, serious relationships or marriage. All relationships are a work in process and it takes TWO to tango, not ONE.

Alas, you and your guidelines are evidence of a woman who supports the patriarchal society we are all part of.

I didn't get a chance to respond yesterday but I agree with you 100%. This thread did rub me the wrong way. What makes anyone so insightful on relationships?

I could be married 50 years and just because certain things flow for my husband and I, it does not mean it will work for you.

 

[rozlips]

You are only contributing to the failures we see in marriages since women are taught to believe that it is them who are at fault...it is them who need the tools to not only save a dying marriage but now hunt down a man?

Excuse me, clearly you haven't read my comments on other threads. Me say that men don't have any faults? Yeah right! Where in any of my posts did I say anything about hunting down a man? I didn't. If you want a thread about men and their faults, by all means start one. I'll be thrilled to comment.

What makes anyone so insightful on relationships?

So insightful? Interesting comment. Are you really saying that after seven years of marriage with the same man you have no insight or any advice to give other women?

My parents were married 50+ years, you better bet I gained tons of insight from them. As did my dh from his parent's long-term marriage. I gained insight from my son's godmother who has had a happy marriage for a number of years.

Folks on this board give advice all the time based on nothing more than their own experiences. Indeed, folks get upset if a person recommends a hair product that they themselvs haven't tried. What makes someone so insightful about hair? What makes someone so insightful about finances? Computers? For that matter, anything at all? If your life experiences don't give you any insight that might be useful to others that's all well and good. But to claim that no one else does...hmmm I dunno.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

I don't need any of the tips or information, but I'm enjoying reading this thread, it's interesting.
And I understand both points of view on this subject.
I myself am not going to play games with a guy, either he wants me or he doesn't (and he always does! )
But many of the things Roz listed when it comes to flirting come naturally to me.

And whether it's about female empowerment, getting married by 35, not being anyone's doormat, or however you see it, I think this thread does have a purpose.
Some women really don't have a clue as to how the opposite sex thinks and PLAYS THEIR OWN GAME. And they want to know how to create their own strategy...otherwise how could you explain the plethora of books out there that basically outline how to trap the man of your choice from beginning to end?

But the bottom line is, as Bublnbrnsuga said, remember ladies: YOU ARE THE PRIZE. And no tutorial can make that your reality, you have to feel it in your heart.