How soon do you move on?

[Phoenixsky13]

So I recently started talking to someone that I used to date in college. He visited my city, we spent some time together and decided to stay in touch. We communicated every day for about 5 weeks (yes I was counting lol) via text or phone. I made sure there was a good mix of initiation on both our parts.

Recently the communication (Thursday to now) has slowed. I stopped initiating to make sure I wasn't overreacting and I have not seen any efforts on his part. After checking on him Tuesday just to make sure he was alive. ( he is and doing great) I've decided to move on.

So when dating someone new, and communication falls off how long do you wait to cut ties?

 

[LiftedUp]

I'm sorry he's such a jerk. Since it was only 5 weeks and it died a natural death, I don't see why you can't move on immediately.

 

[Holla]

Move on from what? You didn't have a relationship with him.

 

[Phoenixsky13]

Holla I don't see anywhere in the OP where I said I did :/

 

[Browndilocks]

Move on now. You're giving this non-relationship way too much air time.

 

[Holla]

@Holla I don't see anywhere in the OP where I said I did :/

So then what are you moving on from? A friendship? A meetup? I'm trying to understand WHAT it is that you need to move on from.

 

[NinasLongAmbition]

Phoenixsky13...I know exactly what you mean. I try to move on after about 4-5 days of no contact, if I really like them I might wait it out 7 days to see if any hope is left. I'm on a mission, there is no time to waste on guys who are not giving me 100% interest and attention.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Aww... even if you don't have a relationship with someone you can still develop somewhat of an attachment to a person. 5 weeks is a good amount of time. And you must have liked him if you were keeping count.

I don't think you can ever move on too soon, in my opinion lol. I think its fine to acknowledge whatever feelings you might still have for the person, and let the disappointment register for a little bit, if its even there. And whenever you're done with the process, keep it moving.

I like to block people. It might seem excessive, but it kills the anticipation/hope for an interaction and you just put your mind on other things. It also freaks them out a little bit. And the validation I get from the relief and concern they express when they do finally get in contact with me is helpful. Therapeutic, almost.

Weird, I know. But I'm a weird person.

 

[Phoenixsky13]

I totally get that. I am in the process if moving on. I already hid him on Facebook lol.

 

[lux10023]

i understand. in your situation as a single lady i would date and enjoy dating with a rotation of sorts...

in this situation you two have history so i get it--but just keep living life and be fabulous...

always have a couple eggs in your basket...

he will be back--what you do when he comes back is up to you..i like a man who makes it clear on what his intentions are for me...no MIA stuff and no disappearing..when ppl value things they act right...

 

[Sosoothing]

I move on as soon as I feel comfortable.
Knowing me, I wouldn't have much to move on from if I were in your situation. I would be more than likely already getting to know a couple of other guys.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

However long Toni Braxtons "Let it Flow" is.

At the end of it. Chuck the emotional deuces.

 

[DarkJoy]

Immediately.

At five weeks, he wouldn't have been the only one.

 

[Fine 4s]

I've had great convos and or short lived relationships with folks I met on line. One I am still in touch with. But as you pointed out, we just fizzled out for whatever reason. Since I wasn't sexing or emotionally attached, it's no sweat to me. But sometimes I do wonder "what the heck went wrong?" Also if they take too long to make a move, I take it as them being unsure and I'm no longer interested. Met this dude in January and still no move nothing! Total and utter friend zone.....

 

[Phoenixsky13]

Fine 4s. I think that not having a concrete reason is hard for me. It's like a mind game. Logically I know that there's no real excuse, he isn't interested.

I'm sure men do this on purpose in order to keep options available. I'm not here for it.

 

[CaraWalker]

i kinda know what you mean. i met this guy under less than ideal circumstances and we had a thing in january. then recently we got together again and i was like ****, he's great, too bad this isn't going to happen. so i sort of always keep it in a position to be dismissed. in situations like the one you described i never put it on the happy train, so to speak - it's always assumed that its not going to work out rather than it will. so im always just waiting for the day where i go, ok forget it. i move on as soon as i decide for sure nothings gonna happen.

in your circumstances i wouldnt have gotten attached in the first place, just like i didnt get attached or get my hopes up in this one. i entertain it while its there but expect it to end.