How Should I Play This?

scorpio70

scorpio70

New Member
So, I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months. We usually see each other a couple of times a week. We have not had 'the talk' yet.

Things had been going well...that is until this weekend. Here's the breakdown of the events over the past few days:

1. I haven’t talked/chatted/or gotten an email him since Friday. On Friday, we had a date, his child’s mother had an emergency and he ended up having his son that day. I said, well, that’s fine, we can get together later on in the weekend. He couldn’t do that b/c he was going to a concert on Sunday and would have his son through Saturday.
2. His last text to me was…’I miss you’. (Reference to us not having our date this weekend)
3. Saturday, no communication. I texted him. No reply.
4. Sunday, no communication.
5. Monday, no communication. I happen to be looking on his school’s alumni site (I know - very stan-like)...and on there, I see a comment he left for some girl suggesting they hook up this week.

What should my next move be?

Here are my thoughts:

1. Fall back...don't initiate communication.
2. Maybe the girl he left the comment for is just a friend. I have friends from college too right?
3. Send a low level communication e.g. text or email. (But then, I couldn't hear the tone of his voice.)

What do you guys think?
 
That's my first inclination to fall back. I'm also inclined to let his communication fall on deaf ears at least once when/if he reaches out.

Thanks for the replies ladies!
 
I dont think you should play it any type of way. Just do you...I dont think its that serious to start with the games. If you wanna talk to him, call him and ask how his weekend was. If he doesn't answer the phone, leave a message, He'll call back
 
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Like you said it could be just a friend but as you said you haven't had the talk I'm assuming that the talk to be exclusive? If you're not exclusive then I would not be mad at him for seeing other people if that's not what you both agreed on.
 
scorpio70 said:
So, I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months. We usually see each other a couple of times a week. We have not had 'the talk' yet.

Things had been going well...that is until this weekend. Here's the breakdown of the events over the past few days:

1. I haven’t talked/chatted/or gotten an email him since Friday. On Friday, we had a date, his child’s mother had an emergency and he ended up having his son that day. I said, well, that’s fine, we can get together later on in the weekend. He couldn’t do that b/c he was going to a concert on Sunday and would have his son through Saturday.
2. His last text to me was…’I miss you’. (Reference to us not having our date this weekend)
3. Saturday, no communication. I texted him. No reply.
4. Sunday, no communication.
5. Monday, no communication. I happen to be looking on his school’s alumni site (I know - very stan-like)...and on there, I see a comment he left for some girl suggesting they hook up this week.

What should my next move be?

Here are my thoughts:

1. Fall back...don't initiate communication.
2. Maybe the girl he left the comment for is just a friend. I have friends from college too right?
3. Send a low level communication e.g. text or email. (But then, I couldn't hear the tone of his voice.)

What do you guys think?
Click to expand...


@ the bolded: You already have tried to talk to him and he is ignoring you.
Yeah,its hard to let go.But ummm...HE JUST NOT INTO YOU!!
I recently (as of last week) had to catch a clue too.And this was someone ive known for 6yrs.:nono:
So dont worry...you aint the only one. :bighug:
 
It could be a friend, but if you 2 aren't in an exclusive relationship, maybe he's dating other people.
I say do #1.
You have already tried to contact him and nothing happened, so now it's his turn.
If he wants to see you, he will call.
 
Owest said:
I dont think you should play it any type of way. Just do you...I dont think its that serious to start with the games. If you wanna talk to him, call him and ask how his weekend was. If he doesn't answer the phone, leave a message, He'll call back
Click to expand...


Bad advice.:nono:
 
Eh you've already made an attempt to contact him. Whatever the reason for him not responding, if he's interested he'll get back at you.
 
cupcake said:
Do nothing.

JMHO.
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IA. Do NOT make contact and when he does, do not respond. Make him try to contact you for a few days. And when he does, act like all is well. Very casual conversation is in order. "Hey, how's it going?". "I've been busy, but I missed chatting with you". Do not be phased whatsoever. Let it go, chalk it up. You cannot let a man know that every little thing he does gets to you.
 
armyqt - your approach is most in line with where my head is at.

thanks to everyone else for sharing your opinion.

peace out!
 
Are you ready to have the "talk" with him now? It's sounds like it's time to either define your relationship so you know where you stand, AND/OR move on, OR be a doormat.

It's up to you, don't give him the upper hand.
 
hi frizzy - yeah as recently as last week, i did want to have 'the talk'. based on his previous consistent and open behavior and future plans we've made (that he initiated) i started thinking that we should probably define things soon. now, i'm just going to wait it out.

to try to define things at this point seems like using gum to stop a leak...at least if i initiated it.
 
I don't think he could provide an excuse good enough to validate why he hasn't contacted you over the weekend. I'm sorry, but if he cared about you, he would keep in touch with you. Even if he was "busy", he could have called for 1 minute, and said, "hey, I'm busy, but I wanted to say hi, and I'll get back to you soon". Even if you're not in an exclusive relationship, he should show that cares enough to call.

BTW: Every woman that I know who went through this, whether they were exclusive or not, the guy was always seeing someone else; and that was their reason for not calling. Sorry to say, but that may be the case. Regardless, you should move on.
 
Just curious as to why you weren't included in the concert plans Sunday? This would've been a great weekend date.

But I agree with the other ladies. Don't try and contact him anymore, let him find you. I got caught up in a situation like this that went on for almost a year. I never felt like I was a priority, and I let him dictate how our relationship went. Never again. :nono:
 
scorpio70 said:
hi frizzy - yeah as recently as last week, i did want to have 'the talk'. based on his previous consistent and open behavior and future plans we've made (that he initiated) i started thinking that we should probably define things soon. now, i'm just going to wait it out.

to try to define things at this point seems like using gum to stop a leak...at least if i initiated it.
Click to expand...


IMO you will have to initiate the topic, he's gonna come back like he did nothing wrong, and pick up where he left off.

You have to let him know what you don't want from him. Don't get emotional or anything, talk to him like you're talking to a homey (which he is) and let him know the stuff you ain't cool with. Set your rules and standards from here on out.
 
Armyqt said:
IA. Do NOT make contact and when he does, do not respond. Make him try to contact you for a few days. And when he does, act like all is well. Very casual conversation is in order. "Hey, how's it going?". "I've been busy, but I missed chatting with you". Do not be phased whatsoever. Let it go, chalk it up. You cannot let a man know that every little thing he does gets to you.
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:up:
Do what she just said. In the meantime, open up a book and chill until the weekend.
 
scorpio70 said:
1. Fall back...don't initiate communication.
Click to expand...

i'm sorry :sad:. do the first step. you've tried to reach out to him already but he hasn't had the decency of contacting you back.

if he contacts you again, keep your eyes wide open. i'd seriously be considering just moving on right now since you're not official and you haven't been seeing each other long. maybe in his mind, you guys aren't "exclusive" so other women or lack of contact is not a problem. i'm guessing this is out of character for him though so he's probably game-playing.
 
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Don't get me wrong, definitely don't call or text him anymore, but when he gets in contact with you (by Wednesday :rolleyes:) that's when you need to get him straight. He will be back in contact with you for sure.
 
frizzy said:
IMO you will have to initiate the topic, he's gonna come back like he did nothing wrong, and pick up where he left off.

You have to let him know what you don't want from him. Don't get emotional or anything, talk to him like you're talking to a homey (which he is) and let him know the stuff you ain't cool with. Set your rules and standards from here on out.
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I agree with him. You need to let him know its not acceptable!!
 
Well, I'll try to respond to everyone at once.

1. I don't think he's doing anything 'wrong' by going out with someone else. My feelings are hurt b/c I think I'm fabulous, and I wonder how he could possibly see past my glow to spot another woman. LOL (kidding about my fabulousity, not kidding about the fact that this isn't technically 'wrong'...We're not a couple. This just hurts the ego a bit.)

2. He and his friends got the tickets to the concert before we started going out.

3. If/when he calls, I will be playing it cool. A conversation about what's going on with us, will occur, but, certainly not off the bat.

That's it, I think...

Thanks again for all of your responses. For me, it's settled.
 
Armyqt said:
Bad advice.:nono:
Click to expand...

Right because you will have plenty chances to play the sucker if he calls back!!! Believe he will when you're not even thinking about it and if he doesn't then oh well. Too many men in the sea to be worrying about one lousy one that doesn't know how to pick up his phone.
 
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