How in the world can I meet guys?!?

[SurferBabe]

Hi everyone!

Obviously, as you all can see, I'm new here! This site was suggested to me by someone as a great place to go to get some REAL TALK about relationships among other things.

So here is my dilemma. I'm single because I cannot even get past the first step--that is, actually meeting the guys and having them approach me. I'm at my wits end and have been considering saying "to hell with it" and just approaching men myself!

Don't get me wrong, men approach me all of the time, but they are not the type of guys I would give the time of day. These men are usually out of my age range or the types who approach women for sport. The type of men I like are usually on the shy/awkward side and may steal a glance but getting them to actually approach me is like pulling teeth. When I dabbled in online dating, these men came out of the wood works, but it seems like I have no chance with them in the real world. I'll admit that I don't get out as much as I should, and I'm afraid to hit the town alone. Do you all think that getting out alone will give these guys more confidence to approach? Where should I go, what should I do, and how should I do it? I'm not a huge fan of online dating but that seems to be the only way to get men to approach me. I'm ready to start meeting more men in the real world.

 

[Xavier]

Welcome EdgyGirl!!!

The relationship forum is full of threads just like yours. You might want to do a search and look for the advice that many women like you have been given over the years. It will provide you with endless entertainment...that I promise.


To answer your question, as a single myself getting out has to be something you do on a regular basis. The best advice I can give you is make sure you look approachable and like you are having a great time amongst your friends. Guys are less likely to approach women who look serious, mean, or bored in social settings. They don't like being rejected and if they feel like the chances of them being rejected is high, they won't even try, which might not be the case at all.

I tend to meet men in the most unconventional places like the grocery store, pumping gas, parking lot...Try to look your best when going out and smile when you see a nice looking guy that you are attracted to. If you decide to go to a social setting alone make eye contact and smile to let men know you are interested. Honestly, you can say a lot with your eyes and a beautiful smile. I am not one to approach men but the smile and eye contact works most of the time for me as far as getting them to come over and chat.

 

[Xavier]

I just realized I didn't really answer the where should you go part. How old are you? Are you in school? Also, if you are comfortable saying, what city do you live in?

 

[SurferBabe]

Welcome EdgyGirl!!!

The relationship forum is full of threads just like yours. You might want to do a search and look for the advice that many women like you have been given over the years. It will provide you with endless entertainment...that I promise.


To answer your question, as a single myself getting out has to be something you do on a regular basis. The best advice I can give you is make sure you look approachable and like you are having a great time amongst your friends. Guys are less likely to approach women who look serious, mean, or bored in social settings. They don't like being rejected and if they feel like the chances of them being rejected is high, they won't even try, which might not be the case at all.

I tend to meet men in the most unconventional places like the grocery store, pumping gas, parking lot...Try to look your best when going out and smile when you see a nice looking guy that you are attracted to. If you decide to go to a social setting alone make eye contact and smile to let men know you are interested. Honestly, you can say a lot with your eyes and a beautiful smile. I am not one to approach men but the smile and eye contact works most of the time for me as far as getting them to come over and chat.

Thanks for the advice! The problem is that, I've tried most of these things and I am still not seeing results. I guess it would be one thing if I never got approached, but the issue is that I get approached all of the time--the men are just not my type! I do need to work on making and holding eye contact---because that is my weak point. Sometimes I feel so powerless as a woman because we are expected to just sit back and wait. I wish I could be more proactive without the undesirable results. I just don't see anything happening for me out and about. I've thought about joining some clubs or attending male-dominated events. It is just a matter of finding those things. It seems like everything here is so oversaturated with women. Even when I volunteered, I was around a bunch of women all of the time. Where are these single guys?

 

[SurferBabe]

I just realized I didn't really answer the where should you go part. How old are you? Are you in school? Also, if you are comfortable saying, what city do you live in?

I'm in my mid twenties. I attended college and for whatever reason, failed to meet any guys there despite being in a male-dominated field of study. I live in the South in a very "urban"-type area so I have a hard time finding other people similar to myself, period.

 

[DrC]

Hello EdgyGirl,

You want to know where to meet guys or you want to know where to meet the CUTE guys??

 

[SurferBabe]

Hello @EdgyGirl,

You want to know where to meet guys or you want to know where to meet the CUTE guys??

Good question! I'm not even all that into looks, but I do have a type. I see these guys around occasionally, but the issue is getting them to approach or knowing how to read if they are into me. My type would be like Turk or J.D. on Scrubs. They are both super smart with a fun, quirky sense of humor and personality. Turk is obviously more aggressive and is the type who would approach a girl he was diggin' but in the real world, guys are more like J.D.. If you are lucky to meet them and get to know them in a social, non-threatening setting you are set, but expecting those guys to approach you anywhere else is going to lead to disappointment. I really didn't like online dating much but that is the only place where these guys are comfortable approaching me. Out in the real world I'm lost.

 

[LovelyPiratess]

Good question! I'm not even all that into looks, but I do have a type. I see these guys around occasionally, but the issue is getting them to approach or knowing how to read if they are into me. My type would be like Turk or J.D. on Scrubs. They are both super smart with a fun, quirky sense of humor and personality. Turk is obviously more aggressive and is the type who would approach a girl he was diggin' but in the real world, guys are more like J.D.. If you are lucky to meet them and get to know them in a social, non-threatening setting you are set, but expecting those guys to approach you anywhere else is going to lead to disappointment. I really didn't like online dating much but that is the only place where these guys are comfortable approaching me. Out in the real world I'm lost.

If you are into quirky guys, I would recommend that you hang out in areas that are quirky in nature....maybe your local art area or the spot for young people. I would also highly reccommend that you involve yourself in activities that most likely your type of guy would be involved with. For example, I know that in a number of cities, there are kickball teams which seems very much like a Turk/J.D. thing to do.

 

[SurferBabe]

If you are into quirky guys, I would recommend that you hang out in areas that are quirky in nature....maybe your local art area or the spot for young people. I would also highly reccommend that you involve yourself in activities that most likely your type of guy would be involved with. For example, I know that in a number of cities, there are kickball teams which seems very much like a Turk/J.D. thing to do.

Good idea! What are your thoughts on me going to these places alone? I no longer have any single female friends because they have either moved away or are boo'ed up so going places alone is my only option. I'm going to start researching more clubs and activities that would attract these guys. I just need to make sure ahead of time that there will not be a bunch of women there as is the case with most stuff around here.

 

[LovelyPiratess]

Good idea! What are your thoughts on me going to these places alone? I no longer have any single female friends because they have either moved away or are boo'ed up so going places alone is my only option. I'm going to start researching more clubs and activities that would attract these guys. I just need to make sure ahead of time that there will not be a bunch of women there as is the case with most stuff around here.

I think that's a great idea. I've read on other sites that men are a little intimidated by approaching women in groups due to the fear of rejection. There are threads/stories by women here who've gone out alone and have had success.

 

[SurferBabe]

Thanks! Okay, I think I'm going to take the plunge and do it! For the last few months I've been making plans to go out to places alone but end up chickening out at the last minute. Who knows what would have happened had I stuck with it?

 

[Theo]

My question is what is your social life like period?

Sometimes people get so caught up in meeting new guys, but I think they also might think about making some new friends and developing a good social life.Developing some new friendships. I know it can be difficult to do after college, but its worth it IMO. The people I know with a good dating life have a good social life in general.

 

[Xavier]

Quirky men you say...I find those men at poetry/spoken word sessions, live band functions, hip-hip battles.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with them. No harm is saying Hi. If he's interested, he'll do the rest of the work.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Welcome to the board EdgyGirl.

Chile if you were here in DC this weekend you could have met a TON of men bcuz the Q's were in town. All thirty THOUSAND all ova downtown DC. Boy did I have fun!!!! U Street was off the chain.

You would have had your pick....trust.

 

[SurferBabe]

My question is what is your social life like period?

Sometimes people get so caught up in meeting new guys, but I think they also might think about making some new friends and developing a good social life.Developing some new friendships. I know it can be difficult to do after college, but its worth it IMO. The people I know with a good dating life have a good social life in general.

I would really, really like to make new friends but it is very hard because the friends I made throughout college either moved away or have families now. I start a new job this week so I hope I can build some friendships there!

 

[Victorian]

Welcome EdgyGirl
We probably have similar taste in men. Also none of my friends from college live near me, and I didn't make much of an effort to make new friends while I was in grad school here.
Now I'm sort of starting from scratch. I'm doing the online thing right now, but I will echo what others have mentioned about just getting out more in general. I prefer not to go places alone in my city (Chicago), so I've been joining a bunch of groups on Meetup.com. It is GREAT for finding like-minded people to hang out at events with. I belong to 2 that are women only, just for the socializing and finding new friends aspect. But others are co-ed and centered on topics I find interesting like museums, live music, etc.
While I haven't met anyone in particular as a dating interest through these groups yet, it is great for meeting new people and getting "out there" without feeling all the awkwardness of going someplace by yourself.

 

[SurferBabe]

Welcome EdgyGirl
We probably have similar taste in men. Also none of my friends from college live near me, and I didn't make much of an effort to make new friends while I was in grad school here.
Now I'm sort of starting from scratch. I'm doing the online thing right now, but I will echo what others have mentioned about just getting out more in general. I prefer not to go places alone in my city (Chicago), so I've been joining a bunch of groups on Meetup.com. It is GREAT for finding like-minded people to hang out at events with. I belong to 2 that are women only, just for the socializing and finding new friends aspect. But others are co-ed and centered on topics I find interesting like museums, live music, etc.
While I haven't met anyone in particular as a dating interest through these groups yet, it is great for meeting new people and getting "out there" without feeling all the awkwardness of going someplace by yourself.

Hi! I also live in a very "urban' environment and fear going out alone. I've checked out the Meetup groups for my city but like most things, all of them are oversaturated with women and people out of my age range. Soooo....I am thinking about attending a few sports games around here. I can get some free tickets to our local minor league baseball team so that is a possibility. The only thing holding me back is fear of going alone. I will have to figure something out.

 

[babyu21]

Make sure you tell your friends you are looking. My friends stay trying to hook me up with someone. If you like shy men you may need to try online dating as they don't seem to be the type to approach a woman first. If you are having that much difficulty online maybe the way to go.

Do you have any male friends? You should find a friend that you would consider your type of guy and ask him where he likes to hang out. That will be a great way to narrow in on your type of guy and the places they hang. Have you joined a gym? Most of the guys I know hit the gym several times a week.

I have the most success in meeting guys when I force myself to go out and smile out. I would say aim to go out at least 2 a week. You also might want to pick up the book called How to Find the Man of Your Dreams by Bob Grant. He gives great tips but you have to be willing to put them into play.

One exercise is to call and have a conversation with a different person for 14 days straight. This exercise opens you up and makes you contact people you might be out of touch with who you might hang out with or may know someone to introduce you to. HTH

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Also try online dating...

 

[SurferBabe]

I tried online dating and it just wasn't my cup of tea but I may have to go back to that. Seems like men these days are just not as aggressive in going after what they want as they used to be...or perhaps, it is an American thing. In college, the Central European guys had the smarts I liked and they were not shy at all about asking me out. I just didn't want to start a relationship at that age with a guy who I knew was going to move away. The Romanian guy would have been a great catch but he wanted children like NOW. The African men also had those qualities but were very open about their expectation to marry an African girl. I prefer American men overall because of the cultural similarities.

The guys online seem to still have some issues with social interaction. They were fun and quirky through email and over the phone but in person they would act all shy and intimidated. It is as if they were not used to a girl being interested in them. I guess I will give it another go along with getting out more when I have free time and trying to make friends. I'm going to make it a personal goal of mine to only visit new and unexplored territory for my outings. No more of the same cafes, bars, and restaurants. Wish me luck!