How important is physical attraction?

asubeauty

asubeauty

Well-Known Member
I mean, really? I know a healthy relationship isn't just about physical attraction, and considering that I've had the worst relationships with the most handsome guys should be a testament to that. But how important is it to be physically attracted to a potential SO?

I'm wondering about this because there is a guy (obviously... :lol:) who is super nice, smart and funny. I like hanging out with him, usually in a group and it was pretty well established that we are friends. He once sent me a drunk text (it was like 2 or 3 AM) saying that I was the possibly the most amazing woman that he'd ever met (Insert heart melt here). He and I ended up at the mall one afternoon because he asked me to help find something for his mom on Sweetest Day (awww...). We ended up at Godiva eating truffle samples and I helped him put together a box for his mom. He bought two boxes and gave me one for Sweetest Day.

Now he texts me to tell me that I look "beautiful" and to wish me luck on exams. He's really a great guy: nice, personable, generous, funny, smart, loves the heck out of his mama, and comes from a great family. I know that a relationship with him would be great and fun and romantic.

The only problem: I am so not physically attracted to him. I tried, but I can't... The thought of kissing him... :nono:. Thank goodness that I'm not in the coloring business right now. (Although I'm pretty sure that it would be the most romantic coloring book ever... :lachen:)

Should I give it time? Can physical attraction come if you are really attracted to a person's personality? My friend thinks I should date him, and that the "hotness" isn't important, I just need to find someone who is good to me and be happy. I think I agree, but if I'm not attracted to him, and it doesn't come with time, I'm afraid I'll end up hurting him. :sad:

I need some input here. Ladies with DHs and SOs, give me input... What's the most satisfying or important aspect of the relationship? The can't keep your hands off each other :kiss2: or the emotional :love: ???
 
Last edited:
I'll be honest as hell..in order for me to have the big O I need both the physical and emotional attraction to be there.
 
Physical attraction is VERY important. However, it depends on your reasons for not finding him physically attracted. Is it how he wears his hair? His teeth? His smile? The way he dresses? His height? Things like the way he dresses, his hair or teeth MIGHT be able to change. But I'm worried that you said you can't imagine kissing him.

I remember meeting my BF and not being able to get past his big nose. Now I don't even notice it and I actually think it's kind of Mandingo-ish LOL. But I still had an attraction to him at first and never was turned off by him.

I know you already know that it's how a person treats you that really matters. So think about if you'd rather have somebody kinda unattractive treating you like a queen or someone you'll have to beat the women off with all day who treats you horrible.

Either way, I couldn't be with anybody I couldn't stand to wake up next to in the morning. Whether it's because of their looks or them treating me bad.
 
SO and I met online and we exchanged pictures. I thought he was ok and whatnot, but when we met in person he was a bit pudgy and doughy, nothing like the guys (physcially) that I have dated in the pass. I thought we would be cool as friends and I wanted to take it slow, Lord knows I did not want to see him naked in any way shape or form. He still looks the same and the closer we get I can not imagine my life without him. He is still the same pudgy\doughy dude, but we love each other, our personalities mesh, our goals mesh, our work ethic mesh, our family values mesh, we both love the Lord, we want to marry each other, we want to have our first child and other's with each other, he wants to provide and protect me and he thinks my size 20 behind is the sexiest thing on the earth and he loves me to pieces and I love him. So he may not be a physically beautiful man, but at the end of the day, he is perfect for me.

So yes, physical attraction is important, but for me I had to look deeper than that, because the fine men that I have known have been of little substance.

BTW: My SO turns me on by his intelligence and ambition. Corny? Yes, but that gets me going.
 
Last edited:
Looks can change, girl. Is it something you can work on? A fixer upper?

I'd hate for you to walk out on a guy who makes you laugh, smile, and feel great-- just because he isn't knocking down the doors of beauty :lol: He just seems like such a good, genuine guy. And those are SO hard to find. I've known a many a person who has lived to regret moves like that. But you have to weigh what is important, having a future stallion on your arm who may or may not cut it.... or having a donkey now who melts your heart. :lol: It's a risk.

I'm big into intelligence and personality- so as long as someone wasn't just unfixably egregious it was okay :lol:
 
2 things to say:
Physical attraction IS important.
Physical attraction CAN change over time.

Some of the men I couldn't keep my hands off of were the WORST guys for me. Sure they looked good but that was about as far as it went.

Keep that in mind. As long as he's not asking you for some sort of commitment, at this point you really don't have to decide right now. Keep him around - he builds your own sense of confidence, he is confident enough to be comfortable and willing to tell you that you're beautiful (you'd be surprised how hard it is for men to do that without trying to get in your pants in the same breath).

Take your time.
 
it is almost as important as everything else but you have to have a genuine connection and compatibility with that person because looks fade...
 
Idk, I think physical attractiveness is kind of important. I know looks change and fade over time but a quality that a guy has that you were originally attracted to, will always be there for you. For instance, if one of the qualities you like is his smile, even if years later, he gets busted teeth or something else about him physically changes, whenever you look at him, you will always see that smile that attracted you to him in the first place.

::Sigh:: I'm actually in the same situation as you OP and i don't know what to do either. So thanks for posting. Everyone's responses are helping me decide what I should do

But, like someone else said, just take your time. He seems like a good guy to be friends with, if nothing else. And who knows, maybe his looks will grow on you. Or maybe you will find that one physical quality that will spark your attraction.
 
Last edited:
I've never needed a man to be a knock out, but I can't get with a gargoyle (even if he does have a heart of gold). If you're typically the type of person who can grow to love someone solely based on their personality, then I think he may eventually "grow" on you. But, if physical attractiveness is a requirement for you, I think you should be honest with yourself and acknowledge this (especially since not doing so may cause him to get hurt later on). As far as DH goes, the physical and emotional components go hand in hand.
 
i once dated a guy who was nice but very unattractive and things ended very badly....no one is saying that a man has to look like a movie star or have a body like adonis but a man has to have something i find physically attractive in addition to his personality, like a beautiful smile, nice skin, pretty brown eyes, and/or a half-way decent body cause i am also anti-fatty and i don't date guys with horrible eating habits. no one wants to roll over in the morning and scream nor do you want to get upset with your partner and in an argument and blurt out that his arse is ugly and he makes you sick! there has to be a balance of a great personality and at least average looks, imo.
 
Is he a fixer upper? Or is it his facial features that turn you off?

I think there needs to be some physical attraction, but a great personality does do a lot.
 
southerncitygirl said:
i once dated a guy who was nice but very unattractive and things ended very badly....no one is saying that a man has to look like a movie star or have a body like adonis but a man has to have something i find physically attractive in addition to his personality, like a beautiful smile, nice skin, pretty brown eyes, and/or a half-way decent body cause i am also anti-fatty and i don't date guys with horrible eating habits. no one wants to roll over in the morning and scream nor do you want to get upset with your partner and in an argument and blurt out that his arse is ugly and he makes you sick! there has to be a balance of a great personality and at least average looks, imo.
Click to expand...

The bolded made me LOL! But everything you said was very truthful...
 
Physical attraction is really important to me. I remember one guy I was seeing was so unattractive. I was trying not be be shallow by dating him and I thought he was a cool guy. Once he made an ugly face when he was messing around and I was in total shock. Right there and then I asked myself if I could seriously wake up to him every morning. I stopped seeing him. He made it easy to anyway. He started acting like an a$$.

More recently, there was another guy who I was not physically attracted to at the beginning (guess he just wasn't my type physically) but then our conversations and the type of interaction we had made me interested in him and suddenly I found myself attracted to him physically and otherwise and dating him.

It is important yes but even if it isn't there initially, it can happen over time if you and the person have a good rapport or connection. It can't be forced. It will either come or it won't.
 
Looks can never trump quality.
But in answer to your question, very important... 'specially if you want to have children someday :look:
 
Well, he's not PAINFUL to look at... but I've seen better... I don't see him that much, maybe he's one of those "The more I look at him..." Hopefully... You think? :lachen:
 
I definitely need to be physically attracted to the guy I'm with. If not, what's there except friendship? However it's not completely based on looks and can manifest itself over time. I find many guys who are drop-dead gorgeous are complete jerks because they KNOW they are good-looking and that women will flock to them like white on rice. Guys I was physically attracted to at first glance, I've too often lost interest after getting to know them. I find physical attraction works best for me if it comes over time and complements the deeper connection I already have with a guy. However there are some guys I know I'll never be physically attracted to. No matter what.
 
Funny you mention this - I've been going through this for quite some time also. Same situation: friends, love hanging out, great personality, treats me like a queen, I am NOT attracted to him. And here's the thing - he's not unattractive, it's just that I am not attracted to him. I tried - looked at him sideways, while I was tipsy, with one eye slanted - it didn't work. The thought of him kissing me or doing anything else makes me cringe. With all that said, and knowing the best relationships start from friendships, I can't do it. I wouldn't suggest you do either. Everyone keeps telling me that I would be settling, and I'm not willing to do that. I'd rather just be friends.

*eta* Like the other ladies said, if it's something that can be changed, then I wouldn't throw in the towel so fast - but if it's just raw attraction, eh - I'd advise you to pass.
 
Physical attraction is VERY important.

BUT...as you get to know the person, what's on the inside can and will draw you in, even more than the outside.

I think that unless you are just flat out not attracted to a guy AT ALL (i.e. the thought of kissing him makes you squirm or you tense up when he touches you), give the guy a chance for a bit. Give him an opportunity to show you who he is. Granted, while doing this, I STRONGLY recommend you date around (there are multiple reasons for this). If after a while there's just no attraction, then cut it loose. At least you will have given it a shot.
 
I am currently in a situation where I am getting to know an "ok" looking man, someone who is nothing like my normal "type." My first impression was that he would be a great "friend" but as I'm getting to know him I am seeing that we have similiar goals and values and compliment each other's short coming so well. This confident, well groomed, driven man with this wonderful personality is becoming far more attractive to me then a "gorgeous" one who knows nothing about how to treat me.

I think you should continue your relationship with him slowly and see if your feelings change. Don't force it, just see what happens. Try to get to know him on a more personal level, meet a different side of him, you may just find you like what you see. I want to caution you of two things though: 1. If it ain't there, don't beat yourself up about it, you aren't "wrong" or "bad" or "petty" for feeling this way and 2. Please be honest with your friend. He is obviously very interested in you so sharing with him that you still aren't sure where you want this relationship to go yet, or that you want to take things slowly, is an essential conversation.
 
To me it is extremely important. I can't open all the way up with someone that I'm not into, I just can't.

I also can't go from not finding someone attractive to finding them attractive after I get to know them. I am either attracted to you right away or I never will be.
 
watch out der na.....

now i done took n told yall bout physical appearances. be careful, specially if u plan on havin chirren. i've said this before...u gotta go in those family albums n see what gramma, aunt retha, uncle rayray n dem look like. sometimes it'll skip a generation, and tag, ur child is it.

das all i'm sayin bout da situation. i think i told yall bout my cousin. him and his wife had a baby, and dat po thing is so ugly....but here is da kicker. she ain't cute either. u ever look at a baby and try to find cute but can't...not even his hands or feet.

i just told my cousin to chalk it up n go on ahead n sign dat boy up for karate lessons cuz he gonna need it.

then there is a flip side to datin da ugly.

*whispers* sometimes, dem ugly ones know how to throw down in da bed tho. will blow da bottom outta ur bunker....da only thing is, u want him gone before sunlight tho....and u just can't jump out der n start introducin him to folks. gotta ween him in...break it down easy with the introductions.

i know a lady who told me this very same thing bout two months ago. now i seen her man upclose n personal. cocked eyed, just ugly....i can't even stare at him long enuff...i gotta squint or try to look pass him like ova his shoulder. i ain't exagerratin either. but she told me his sex is da bomb and she fell in love with him.

i said congrats to u shuga....and i just said to myself...bless her heart....
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
watch out der na.....

now i done took n told yall bout physical appearances. be careful, specially if u plan on havin chirren. i've said this before...u gotta go in those family albums n see what gramma, aunt retha, uncle rayray n dem look like. sometimes it'll skip a generation, and tag, ur child is it.

das all i'm sayin bout da situation. i think i told yall bout my cousin. him and his wife had a baby, and dat po thing is so ugly....but here is da kicker. she ain't cute either. u ever look at a baby and try to find cute but can't...not even his hands or feet.

i just told my cousin to chalk it up n go on ahead n sign dat boy up for karate lessons cuz he gonna need it.

then there is a flip side to datin da ugly.

*whispers* sometimes, dem ugly ones know how to throw down in da bed tho. will blow da bottom outta ur bunker....da only thing is, u want him gone before sunlight tho....and u just can't jump out der n start introducin him to folks. gotta ween him in...break it down easy with the introductions.

i know a lady who told me this very same thing bout two months ago. now i seen her man upclose n personal. cocked eyed, just ugly....i can't even stare at him long enuff...i gotta squint or try to look pass him like ova his shoulder. i ain't exagerratin either. but she told me his sex is da bomb and she fell in love with him.

i said congrats to u shuga....and i just said to myself...bless her heart....
Click to expand...

:lachen: :lachen: :lachen: You ain't right...
 
It can be important if you are wanting something casual or are just dating for fun. If I'm wanting something real and committed, I only focus on how the man makes me feel. If I feel great and fulfilled, physical attraction automatically comes with it, even if he is not a looker. Ive been with some handsome guys that made me feel like crap. Now, with that said, I just can't get with a gargoyle either.

When it gets down to it, it depends on what you value at a certain time in life.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

H
Physical Attraction
2
Replies
31
Views
793
Crystalicequeen123
Crystalicequeen123
sjprincess182
Long term realtionship but starting to loose physical attraction
Replies
2
Views
137
sjprincess182
sjprincess182
M
Attraction
Replies
19
Views
362
Britt
Britt
Etherealsmile
Have you ever had a strong physical attraction to a man
2
Replies
42
Views
1K
Do_Si_Dos
Do_Si_Dos
L
Attraction, Weight, Thoughts
2 3
Replies
60
Views
2K
Sarabellam
Sarabellam
Back
Top