How Does One Become A Good Wife
- Thread starter Iammoney
- Start date
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
@Mai Tai @hopeful @Zaynab
I don't know them personally but they seem to give good wifely advice on the board.
The answer would vary depending on who you ask.
I've heard:
Cook, clean, take good care of children, dress conservatively, respect your husband, let him make decisions or let him THINK he makes the decision in the home, give it up when he wants it or else risk losing him, keep flirting, set strong boundaries, have a life outside of him blah blah blah.... I've heard it all. Whatever you want, you'll find someone out there who believes it's part of the blue print.
In the end, if he loves you, you'll be a good wife no matter what you do
ETA: Good question, I'm curious to see what others suggest.
I don't know them personally but they seem to give good wifely advice on the board.
The answer would vary depending on who you ask.
I've heard:
Cook, clean, take good care of children, dress conservatively, respect your husband, let him make decisions or let him THINK he makes the decision in the home, give it up when he wants it or else risk losing him, keep flirting, set strong boundaries, have a life outside of him blah blah blah.... I've heard it all. Whatever you want, you'll find someone out there who believes it's part of the blue print.
In the end, if he loves you, you'll be a good wife no matter what you do
ETA: Good question, I'm curious to see what others suggest.
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
I say, just be yourself. If you meet the right man for you, that will be enough, because you both will want to take care of each other to the best of your ability.
I don't list chores as being a good wife, because not every marriage requires you to know how to cook etc. Your husband may be the cook in the family... You see?
I think, people really need to stop with all of those rules. Every relationship is different, and so is what's required to make that relationship successful.
I don't list chores as being a good wife, because not every marriage requires you to know how to cook etc. Your husband may be the cook in the family... You see?
I think, people really need to stop with all of those rules. Every relationship is different, and so is what's required to make that relationship successful.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I agree with everything she said. I'm still learning. I'm brand new to the game. I would also add@Mai Tai @hopeful @Zaynab
I don't know them personally but they seem to give good wifely advice on the board.
The answer would vary depending on who you ask.
I've heard:
Cook, clean, take good care of children, dress conservatively, respect your husband, let him make decisions or let him THINK he makes the decision in the home, give it up when he wants it or else risk losing him, keep flirting, set strong boundaries, have a life outside of him blah blah blah.... I've heard it all. Whatever you want, you'll find someone out there who believes it's part of the blue print.
In the end, if he loves you, you'll be a good wife no matter what you do
ETA: Good question, I'm curious to see what others suggest.
Be reflective-- don't focus on being a good wife. Just focus on being a good person. Whatever that means for you. For me that meant therapy and keeping a journal to keep myself accountable for the things I do.
Learn to not nag and instead compromise or make him thing your ideas are his own haha.
Have married friends "mentors" as you would say.
Be happy before yall tie the knot. Happiness is a choice. It starts with you. Not your relationships, family, job, or etc.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry but I've just go too much going on right now to respond adequately and as I'd hope. I would suggest really figuring out who you are and what you want, being boundaried in a healthy and loving way, and reading through www.baggagereclaim.com. It is one of the best relationship websites out there. Best of luck to you.
BackToMyRoots
Happy
I agree.
Iammoney
Wealth magnet
That's a very good point
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
Iammoney
Wealth magnet
Layluh
Well-Known Member
Sort of. Little things like straightening his tie or something.
Wasn't a damb thing wrong with his tie but he still looks so happy.
just depends on what you're naturally good at.
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
Be supportive, patient, understanding and honest. You also have to respect his feelings and opinions. I'm struggling with this right now, because my husband and I are so different. Sometimes I don't understand where he's coming from.
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
futurelonglocks
Well-Known Member
Respect him- men value respect. I have found that in my marriage, men require a lot more and are high maintenance. In addition to respect they want a cheerleader for support, a lover, and overall easy/less stressful home life. For me I found when I gave those things to him, he gave me exactly what I needed without asking him as well. I am a spiritual person so prayer helps me. I found that when I have an issue with him, it's best for me to take it to God first and He works it it for me.
HisBestFriend
Well-Known Member
@blqlady
I find that being a good wife means being a good person. We focus on our mutual progression and help one another when we are weak. You have to be the real - real you. If you don't like to cook then don't until you decide that you want to for the betterment of your relationship. If he's not neat and you KNEW this then know that you can't nag him into submission no more than he could nag you into cooking without there being some resentment. (Personal examples....)
I learned to be a "good wife" by giving him all the things that I wanted from him, support understanding, patience, good communication. After awhile I figured out what I could not get from him. The things that I KNEW he couldn't give in return turned into my "20%". I don't spend time worrying over that small part. Instead I concentrate on the rest. (Not so easy....)
In short. you two have to figure out what "good spouse" means to the two of you and agree on what you can, work on it, and the rest will fall into place.
I find that being a good wife means being a good person. We focus on our mutual progression and help one another when we are weak. You have to be the real - real you. If you don't like to cook then don't until you decide that you want to for the betterment of your relationship. If he's not neat and you KNEW this then know that you can't nag him into submission no more than he could nag you into cooking without there being some resentment. (Personal examples....)
I learned to be a "good wife" by giving him all the things that I wanted from him, support understanding, patience, good communication. After awhile I figured out what I could not get from him. The things that I KNEW he couldn't give in return turned into my "20%". I don't spend time worrying over that small part. Instead I concentrate on the rest. (Not so easy....)
In short. you two have to figure out what "good spouse" means to the two of you and agree on what you can, work on it, and the rest will fall into place.
HisBestFriend
Well-Known Member
@blqlady
No problem. I think, in marriage, so many people focus on telling the woman what she should be doing for her man, or directing her how to get him to do things for her instead of concentrating on what they do together to stay happily together.
As an example (the one I always use) I did not cook when I got married.. burned water to be exact. I married a man who I knew valued a wife that cooked. However, I refused to cook because he knew I didn't cook before he married me. So he cooked for the first six months of our marriage. He'd make his comments and I'd remind him who he married. Then one day, he came home from work exhausted, but we needed to eat - I was hungry. But something in me, seeing my husband tired but still headed to the kitchen made me decide to at least try that night. It was awful, garbage food to be exact, but the effort was made and it was the start. The love I received in return for my effort made me try harder the next time. 12 years later, I cook almost every single night.
On the other hand, I still can't get that joker to put his socks in the hamper every night. I know this, I've tried to force it, and now I let it go. Sometimes I let his socks pile up for a few days before I decide to move them when I get home But then lo and behold, he's done it already and yes - just like I would my kids, or like he did for me, I let him know its appreciated.
I know, I've written a dissertation just to say that you have to find a balance of respect for your spouse while being true to who you are. That freedom to be me and not involuntarily yield to expectations (even the reasonable and good ones) made me want to be all he thought he wanted in a spouse and he says the same about me.
No problem. I think, in marriage, so many people focus on telling the woman what she should be doing for her man, or directing her how to get him to do things for her instead of concentrating on what they do together to stay happily together.
As an example (the one I always use) I did not cook when I got married.. burned water to be exact. I married a man who I knew valued a wife that cooked. However, I refused to cook because he knew I didn't cook before he married me. So he cooked for the first six months of our marriage. He'd make his comments and I'd remind him who he married. Then one day, he came home from work exhausted, but we needed to eat - I was hungry. But something in me, seeing my husband tired but still headed to the kitchen made me decide to at least try that night. It was awful, garbage food to be exact, but the effort was made and it was the start. The love I received in return for my effort made me try harder the next time. 12 years later, I cook almost every single night.
On the other hand, I still can't get that joker to put his socks in the hamper every night. I know this, I've tried to force it, and now I let it go. Sometimes I let his socks pile up for a few days before I decide to move them when I get home But then lo and behold, he's done it already and yes - just like I would my kids, or like he did for me, I let him know its appreciated.
I know, I've written a dissertation just to say that you have to find a balance of respect for your spouse while being true to who you are. That freedom to be me and not involuntarily yield to expectations (even the reasonable and good ones) made me want to be all he thought he wanted in a spouse and he says the same about me.
Britt
Well-Known Member
Thank you for sharing your story
