yokoyokogirl
New Member
trust again after someone has lied and cheated on you? Even though you have totally gotten over that person, how do you NOT scrutinize everything the next person says or does?
How do you
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Vintageglam
New Member
By just letting it go. I know it sounds tough but hang on in there.
I had a a cheater bf and the best thing I ever did was stay single for almost 3 years after that relationship ended and just focus on me, my career and my family & friends and my home.
The pain and doubts just evaporated. I also tried not to get too caught up in other peoples drama and not take dating too seriously. I didn't sweat it if he didn't call or email. I just got on with me.
I had a a cheater bf and the best thing I ever did was stay single for almost 3 years after that relationship ended and just focus on me, my career and my family & friends and my home.
The pain and doubts just evaporated. I also tried not to get too caught up in other peoples drama and not take dating too seriously. I didn't sweat it if he didn't call or email. I just got on with me.
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
Loving, trusting, and being vulnerable is a chance we all have to make and take if we want to love and be love back. I can only tell you how I did it.
I started with being pursued by my suitor first. Him showing his desire for me helps alot.
Second, I let him know my issues with my past and how it may effect me now. Open communication is so important with your future prospect if your going to move on and have him help.
Third, he must be a 'trustworthy' person. If he hasnt done anything 'wrong' than dont accuse him of anything.
Fourth, dont talk to him all the time about your ex. Though you want to be open with him about your issues, if you talk about your ex alot, he'll think you are not over him and that will be a whole other problem in itself.
Fifth, every day replace memories of past with memories of present happiness and remember that you went through what you did for a reason and you're to blessed to be stressed about something that is long gone.
In time, you'll be past it and you wont hold someone else's mistake against an innocent bystander.
I started with being pursued by my suitor first. Him showing his desire for me helps alot.
Second, I let him know my issues with my past and how it may effect me now. Open communication is so important with your future prospect if your going to move on and have him help.
Third, he must be a 'trustworthy' person. If he hasnt done anything 'wrong' than dont accuse him of anything.
Fourth, dont talk to him all the time about your ex. Though you want to be open with him about your issues, if you talk about your ex alot, he'll think you are not over him and that will be a whole other problem in itself.
Fifth, every day replace memories of past with memories of present happiness and remember that you went through what you did for a reason and you're to blessed to be stressed about something that is long gone.
In time, you'll be past it and you wont hold someone else's mistake against an innocent bystander.
melissa-bee
Well-Known Member
I personally treat every man differently. I wouldn't call my self paranoid, some people might...but i never trust a new person a 100%. I only trust them like 80% and the trust will either go up or down. Obviously i don't sit down making calculations but what i'm trying to say is just take people as they are untill they do you wrong, but don't put a 100% trust in anyone you meet at first.
zenith
New Member
trust again after someone has lied and cheated on you? Even though you have totally gotten over that person, how do you NOT scrutinize everything the next person says or does?
If you truly were over them, then you wouldn't carry what they did over to the next person.
It's easier to say "i'm over them!" But not really be over them.
They are still an issue in your life.
Forgiving them and yourself is key here.
Helpmeblongagain
New Member
I was just about 2 say that!! You are NOT over it! Take time 2 urself and heal...and then move on...
I was in a situation like that n it took me a while 2 really have a healthy relationship again
I am not distrusting because of cheating or anything, it is just men will say what they are going to do and don't follow thru with actions. So instead of me trusting and then realizing that a guy isn't trustworthy, now you are not trustworthy until you prove yourself.
I have always been a trusting soul and that has always gotten me hurt in the past, NOW a man has to prove himself. But shouldn't that always be the case???
I have always been a trusting soul and that has always gotten me hurt in the past, NOW a man has to prove himself. But shouldn't that always be the case???
Arian
Loc'ing Up!
^^^I agree with everyone who said take your time and heal...
I jumped into my current relationship after only a few months shy of breaking up with someone who really hurt me, and it wreaked havoc on our relationship for at least 2 years...(seriously)... it wasn't until he finally left me, that I realized I was missing out on a good thing because of my past failed relationships...(we did get back together, though)...best decision I ever made in the end, but you definitely don't need to bring baggage into a new relationship...and no matter how hard it is to believe, all men are NOT the same....
I hope it gets easier for you...
I jumped into my current relationship after only a few months shy of breaking up with someone who really hurt me, and it wreaked havoc on our relationship for at least 2 years...(seriously)... it wasn't until he finally left me, that I realized I was missing out on a good thing because of my past failed relationships...(we did get back together, though)...best decision I ever made in the end, but you definitely don't need to bring baggage into a new relationship...and no matter how hard it is to believe, all men are NOT the same....
I hope it gets easier for you...
yokoyokogirl
New Member
Thanks for all the insightful responses. It has pretty much been a year since my last disastrous relationship and believe me BELIEVE me I am over him. If I were to see him, I'd be so whatever.
But I do have a bit of cautiousness with everyone I have dated since then. And that's maybe what's keeping me from getting really serious. I'm always double checking.
But I do have a bit of cautiousness with everyone I have dated since then. And that's maybe what's keeping me from getting really serious. I'm always double checking.
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
You recognize that you don't know someone until you allow yourself to get to know them. In addition, you just tell yourself to pay attention to the person someone shows you they are as opposed to who they tell you they are.
