How do you keep the passion in a marriage?

:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:Arent' we suppose to be talking about the positive aspects of marriage? zzirvingj is going to cuss us out.
 
dlewis said:
:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:Arent' we suppose to be talking about the positive aspects of marriage? zzirvingj is going to cuss us out.
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You know what though I think we ARE still on topic. Everyone talks about the rosey happy Disney Fairy Tale side of marriage, never the real stuff people NEED to know. I think part of the way you keep the passion alive is by identifying and correcting what kills it:yep:

Both of us have obviously very passionate relationships with our DH's:blush::look: and I think the main reason we do is not because we have some mystical connection where things fall into place perfectly and are just so compatible but because we're willing to work on ourselves and work with our spouses to keep things right. It's about more than what you do it's what you stop (or work toward stopping) doing. It's having a willingness to work with the person rather than discard them as "not right for you" because a relationship takes a lot of work.

I mean I guess I could have something predictable like "Do date nights, wear sexy lingerie, send love notes, etc." but I' be lying if I said that's all it takes to keep a marriage alive.

7 years and four kids....it's a lot of work to stay connected and a big part of that is learning to not to offend and piss each other off:lol: My DH will hit it if I'm in rollers and a towel in the kitchen making a sandwich:sekret: lingerie is overrated IMO. It's doing the things that matter to that person and them doing the same for you that keeps the passion alive. IMO.
 
ITA!!!! with everything.

I believe these type threads get people an ideal of what most marriages go through. Most couples are not just made for one another, no matter what my husband might think:look:. I tell people Gd just felt sorry for me and decided he would bless this mess I created for myself.:perplexed It took many years to get this marriage I like now:yep:. I didnt like being married most days for a long time after I was first married.

And lingerie is overrated.:look:
 
dlewis said:
ITA!!!! with everything.

I believe these type threads get people an ideal of what most marriages go through. Most couples are not just made for one another, no matter what my husband might think:look:. I tell people Gd just felt sorry for me and decided he would bless this mess I created for myself.:perplexed It took many years to get this marriage I like now:yep:. I didnt like being married most days for a long time after I was first married.

And lingerie is overrated.:look:
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I was about to fuss at you and say "Hey you take your H for granted, he's a goo man." But then I remembered "Oh yeah well DH was many an axsole and I was very much a blitch when we first got together so nevermind:rofl:

Lingerie is so dumb:lol: Bare skin is much more effective especially when covered in lather:sekret: I'm a shower assaulter. I'll just say there are creative ways to help him wash his back and leave it at that:blush:

Sexy pichas do work wonders though:sekret:

Great, now I'm thinking about sekks again....

Oh speaking of which LADIES it helps a LOT to tell him when you're thinking about sekks and specifically what you're thinking about doing and your current "moisture situation...you will be on his mind all day.:sekret: Ok enough of that, not tryna get banned:blush:
 
:nono: Girl you stay horny. I guess that's why you keep getting pregnant.


Oh speaking of which LADIES it helps a LOT to tell him when you're thinking about sekks and specifically
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I do that to. If I have a dream about it, I tell him exactly what I excepted in the dream.:yep: When it happens, it's like a dream cum true.:lachen:
 
dlewis said:
:nono: Girl you stay horny. I guess that's why you keep getting pregnant.




I do that to. If I have a dream about it, I tell him exactly what I excepted in the dream.:yep: When it happens, it's like a dream cum true.:lachen:
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:lachen:I tell you Ima end up having a million kids. I'm in the Heidi Klum Childbearing Club:rofl:

Oh and don't think I didn't catch that:blush::lachen:
 
dlewis said:
Yep my husband is just that easy. He tells me all the time "I work for you. I don't need all this, I only need you. I want you to be proud of me." (notice he doesn't say the kids) And Ill say "thank the good Lord you found me". I am trying to learn to reword my thoughts.:look:

My husband favorite words are "I know you're like that but I need..." I try very hard to give him what he say he needs. I don't need much, just to show me you love me by providing for me and my kids, be a good father to my kids and be what I consider a good husband. and don't talk so much but I know that'll never change.

I do believe even in marriage you have to have your own. I buy things (foods) just for me that I don't want to share. Yea, food is one of my favorite enjoyments in life. I also buy everyone elses favorites that's just for them. If I buy something and hide it and you find it you better eat it. It's not right to do someone like that. This happened over the weekend. Dh ate my icecream.

Also when someone tells you they find this and that rude...well it's rude to continue to do it. I hate it when Dh eats off my plate or uses my towel. I do't care that we swap spit and other body fluid on a regular basis, I find it nasty AND rude for him to do that after I've told him it gives me nightmares.
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OMG!!!! Dlewis I so can relate to you when it comes to buying your stuff and DH eats it. I get into arguments with my DH because it. There's things that I personally buy for me and I'll be thinking about this very thing and DH will eat. That makes me furious. I know most people might say what's his is mine and vice versa, but if I personally put something away for me, I need for it to still be there when I need it. :wallbash:
 
sunshine2010 said:
OMG!!!! Dlewis I so can relate to you when it comes to buying your stuff and DH eats it. I get into arguments with my DH because it. There's things that I personally buy for me and I'll be thinking about this very thing and DH will eat. That makes me furious. I know most people might say what's his is mine and vice versa, but if I personally put something away for me, I need for it to still be there when I need it. :wallbash:
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Food is one thing I will fight over. Me, DH and our group of friends from highschool still talk about me almost getting into a fight with our friend Sammy because he took my biscuit at Hardy's. I do not play about my food.:nono:
 
sunshine2010 said:
OMG!!!! Dlewis I so can relate to you when it comes to buying your stuff and DH eats it. I get into arguments with my DH because it. There's things that I personally buy for me and I'll be thinking about this very thing and DH will eat. That makes me furious. I know most people might say what's his is mine and vice versa, but if I personally put something away for me, I need for it to still be there when I need it. :wallbash:
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See I'm a community food person so I'm always like well I'm the person who drove to the store and bought it, I'll just replace it. BUT the jacked up thing is he will help himself to MY stuff! He took my red bull the other day (I know I'm pregnant.....don't judge me:sekret:) and just tee hee'd about it. I'm like see? How come what's yours is your and whats mine is yours?:rolleyes:

He's lightened up about it over the years though....used to be bad.....writing his name on stuff having me looking at him like WTF??:rofl: No he'll "kinda" share an won't get too mad if a borrow:look: a bowl of cereal. I think he realized it was upsetting the flow of the art gallery:rofl:

I'm getting the man trained I tell you! He told me the other day "It's me who's training you! I almost have you fully domesticated." I hate to admit it but it's true.:lol: Got my thinking about decorating and house cleaning and baking and stuff:lol:
 
kbragg said:
See I'm a community food person so I'm always like well I'm the person who drove to the store and bought it, I'll just replace it. BUT the jacked up thing is he will help himself to MY stuff! He took my red bull the other day (I know I'm pregnant.....don't judge me:sekret:) and just tee hee'd about it. I'm like see? How come what's yours is your and whats mine is yours?:rolleyes:

He's lightened up about it over the years though....used to be bad.....writing his name on stuff having me looking at him like WTF??:rofl: No he'll "kinda" share an won't get too mad if a borrow:look: a bowl of cereal. I think he realized it was upsetting the flow of the art gallery:rofl:

I'm getting the man trained I tell you! He told me the other day "It's me who's training you! I almost have you fully domesticated." I hate to admit it but it's true.:lol: Got my thinking about decorating and house cleaning and baking and stuff:lol:
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:lachen:

OM Goodness. How were you before?
 
dlewis said:
:lachen:

OM Goodness. How were you before?
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I almost never cooked (I always could cook just didn't want to), would rather pay someone to clean, and my apartments never looked homey (Still don't but I'm getting better. I'm actually starting to have pieces catching my eye but not quite sure how to put it all together yet. I don't have an eye for decorating.) Basically I was very independent. I worked hard and I played hard. There was nothing remotely wifely or motherly about me:nono:
 
kbragg said:
You know what though I think we ARE still on topic. Everyone talks about the rosey happy Disney Fairy Tale side of marriage, never the real stuff people NEED to know. I think part of the way you keep the passion alive is by identifying and correcting what kills it:yep:

Both of us have obviously very passionate relationships with our DH's:blush::look: and I think the main reason we do is not because we have some mystical connection where things fall into place perfectly and are just so compatible but because we're willing to work on ourselves and work with our spouses to keep things right. It's about more than what you do it's what you stop (or work toward stopping) doing. It's having a willingness to work with the person rather than discard them as "not right for you" because a relationship takes a lot of work.

I mean I guess I could have something predictable like "Do date nights, wear sexy lingerie, send love notes, etc." but I' be lying if I said that's all it takes to keep a marriage alive.

7 years and four kids....it's a lot of work to stay connected and a big part of that is learning to not to offend and piss each other off:lol: My DH will hit it if I'm in rollers and a towel in the kitchen making a sandwich:sekret: lingerie is overrated IMO. It's doing the things that matter to that person and them doing the same for you that keeps the passion alive. IMO.
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Preach.

Now that's real talk right there! :yep:
 
I agree with many of the things already stated. (esp. back rubs!)

LOL, Kbragg I'm on your side, but I'm sure my hubby would identify with Dlewis. Interesting convo.

But I also found that time away from each other works wonders for my introverted hubby. Sometimes I purposefully spend time away from him, even if just in another room, and don't talk to him, but remain pleasant. For some reason he's all over me after a good period of absence. Then the fun begins...
 
nikolite said:
I agree with many of the things already stated. (esp. back rubs!)

LOL, Kbragg I'm on your side, but I'm sure my hubby would identify with Dlewis. Interesting convo.

But I also found that time away from each other works wonders for my introverted hubby. Sometimes I purposefully spend time away from him, even if just in another room, and don't talk to him, but remain pleasant. For some reason he's all over me after a good period of absence. Then the fun begins...
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That is interesting :yep: Did you see the link I posted earlier in this thread? There was a couple that wrote in saying they didn't have the problem of finding time to spend together...that they were an older couple (I think retired) and were together all the time and wanted to know how to get some more passion going...

The blog owner suggested that in their scenario they might actually be getting bored with each other and suggested time apart :yep: ...whether it be hobbies outside of the house that they do separately or whatever...I guess in some scenarios that cliche of that absence makes the heart grow fonder is very true...
 
zzirvingj said:
That is interesting :yep: Did you see the link I posted earlier in this thread? There was a couple that wrote in saying they didn't have the problem of finding time to spend together...that they were an older couple (I think retired) and were together all the time and wanted to know how to get some more passion going...

The blog owner suggested that in their scenario they might actually be getting bored with each other and suggested time apart :yep: ...whether it be hobbies outside of the house that they do separately or whatever...I guess in some scenarios that cliche of that absence makes the heart grow fonder is very true...
Click to expand...

I definitely agree. Took me a while to realize it though. We are the type that spend every moment together and generally has so for the past 10 years. But these days after a long while it results in him getting extra quiet and withdrawn and focusing on some electronic device, and me being bored to death. The thing is, he always wants me around, but a lot of times he wants me nearby but silent. Like some sort of doll on the bookshelf he's comforted in knowing is there, but doesn't want to feel too smothered by because of my talking. I know I can get on a roll when talking but its annoying as heck.

I finally started saying F-it and would go out on my own or with friends or just immerse myself in my own stuff (LHCF included!) and ignore him from a distance. It helps me not start being irritated with him being boring and dull and I get out some of my energy somewhere else. Then I can come back to him and miss his calming voice and demeanor. At the same time, I think it gives him a break where he can re-charge in his aloneness and quietness and then miss the "excitement" I provide. Its funny cause I spent a weekend away from him and when I came back he intently listened to me for the longest time, and he also had so many questions and things to say. He's also VERY touchy-feely so is normally all over me if he doesn't get to touch me somehow every so often.

Oh and I almost forgot, we once spent 6 months apart from each other (I was in Africa) and you'd be surprised what that did for us, although everyone else thought it was gonna be a huge mistake for some reason. It was like when we first dated again. But we will NEVER do that again! :grin:
 
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dlewis said:
I do believe even in marriage you have to have your own. I buy things (foods) just for me that I don't want to share. Yea, food is one of my favorite enjoyments in life. I also buy everyone elses favorites that's just for them. If I buy something and hide it and you find it you better eat it. It's not right to do someone like that. This happened over the weekend. Dh ate my icecream.

Also when someone tells you they find this and that rude...well it's rude to continue to do it. I hate it when Dh eats off my plate or uses my towel. I do't care that we swap spit and other body fluid on a regular basis, I find it nasty AND rude for him to do that after I've told him it gives me nightmares.
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OOOOH I buy my favorites as well hide them and he found my hiding spot. I buy his favorites as well and he eats his and mine. I dont like to share my food sometimes. You know Dlewis there are times he will eat a nice helping and a well balanced meal and after he is done he wants to eat my food as well. He is very fit and I tell him that he is greedy. I like you dont like for me to use my face towel nor eat off my plate nor drink my water :lachen:. I thought I was strange because of this.
 
natural2008 said:
OOOOH I buy my favorites as well hide them and he found my hiding spot. I buy his favorites as well and he eats his and mine. I dont like to share my food sometimes. You know Dlewis there are times he will eat a nice helping and a well balanced meal and after he is done he wants to eat my food as well. He is very fit and I tell him that he is greedy. I like you dont like for me to use my face towel nor eat off my plate nor drink my water :lachen:. I thought I was strange because of this.
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:lachen:

Dh says "why because we do this and that.." but it's different in my mind. I don't even eat behind my kids or let them eat off my plate. Never have. Kids are nasty. Husbands too.
 
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