How do you guys feel about a man w/ great qualities but he's cheap?

K

Kiadodie

Well-Known Member
He is a good man and has all the qualities that you look for in a husband...but....he's cheap.:ohwell: He's doing very well, owns a lovely home but he is extremely tight with his money. Would you give this man a chance or let him go? What do you guys think?
 
I think I'd give it a chance. That cheapness may have made him very financially stable and secure, while the guy who is free and easy with his money may be borrowing from peter to pay paul, iykwim.
 
glam- said:
I think I'd give it a chance. That cheapness may have made him very financially stable and secure, while the guy who is free and easy with his money may be borrowing from peter to pay paul, iykwim.
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Yeah, I'm trying to see it as a good thing cause here I am finanically just making it w/ loans that I have to repay for school. :ohwell:
 
kia said:
He is a good man and has all the qualities that you look for in a husband...but....he's cheap.:ohwell: He's doing very well, owns a lovely home but he is extremely tight with his money. Would you give this man a chance or let him go? What do you guys think?
Click to expand...

That's probably how he was able to afford the lovely home, by being thrifty (not cheap) with his money. Sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and knows what's important. He is investing his money (buying a home instead of renting).
 
Now what kind of cheap is he?

If it's 1-ply toilet paper cheap or he wants you to pay for everything if you go out cheap then run.

But if he takes you out and uses a coupon cheap - that's ok.

I need more info.
 
JCoily said:
Now what kind of cheap is he?

If it's 1-ply toilet paper cheap or he wants you to pay for everything if you go out cheap then run.

But if he takes you out and uses a coupon cheap - that's ok.

I need more info.
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Same here.........
 
JCoily said:
Now what kind of cheap is he?

If it's 1-ply toilet paper cheap or he wants you to pay for everything if you go out cheap then run.

But if he takes you out and uses a coupon cheap - that's ok.

I need more info.
Click to expand...


Ok..this is the type of cheap he is:

- He will make me pay for some things (not all) or do the you pay this time and I'lll pay next time type thing. :ohwell:


We're just friends right now but it could lead to more, it has potential BUT I've seen things already. :sad:
I like to be treated like a queen. I think you can spend on a girl w/o going broke so why be so darn thrify cause I KNOW he has it.
I have to admit, I'm sure that I'm not financially stable as he is but one thing I love about a man is a generous one. Don't get me wrong, not an idiot that just spends and doesn't have anything but one who wines and dines me like he has no problems with it. Not one that thinks about every penny he has every time he does something. I just don't know if I'm being to hard but that's how I feel.:ohwell:
 
kia said:
Ok..this is the type of cheap he is:

- He will make me pay for some things (not all) or do the you pay this time and I'lll pay next time type thing. :ohwell:


We're just friends right now but it could lead to more, it has potential BUT I've seen things already. :sad:
I like to be treated like a queen. I think you can spend on a girl w/o going broke so why be so darn thrify cause I KNOW he has it.
I have to admit, I'm sure that I'm not financially stable as he is but one thing I love about a man is a generous one. Don't get me wrong, not an idiot that just spends and doesn't have anything but one who wines and dines me like he has no problems with it. Not one that thinks about every penny he has every time he does something. I just don't know if I'm being to hard but that's how I feel.:ohwell:
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Ehhh... okay, I don't like this part... I'm down with thrifty, but if he's courting you, he shouldn't be making you pay at all. If you're just friends, then fine. But if you're dating him, he shouldn't be having you pay anything so early in the game.

I am involved with a guy now (yay!) who is in grad school so his money isn't as free-flowing as it was when he worked full time at an insurance company. But never once has he said, "Okay, I'm in grad school and have loans, so you pay for this." We've just gone to cheaper places (buffets, matinees, etc.) and I've helped by finding coupons for some of these places so he doesn't have to pay full price. I am also willing to treat every once in a while (maybe every fifth meal, approximately), but he has no intention of going dutch AT ALL even though his money is tight.

This guy sounds like he's not serious, IMO.
 
kia said:
Ok..this is the type of cheap he is:

- He will make me pay for some things (not all) or do the you pay this time and I'lll pay next time type thing. :ohwell:


We're just friends right now but it could lead to more, it has potential BUT I've seen things already. :sad:
I like to be treated like a queen. I think you can spend on a girl w/o going broke so why be so darn thrify cause I KNOW he has it.
I have to admit, I'm sure that I'm not financially stable as he is but one thing I love about a man is a generous one. Don't get me wrong, not an idiot that just spends and doesn't have anything but one who wines and dines me like he has no problems with it. Not one that thinks about every penny he has every time he does something. I just don't know if I'm being to hard but that's how I feel.:ohwell:
Click to expand...

Whateva.......back in the day I would've said "he's a good man....blah blah blah". No deals on men like this now. There's a certain lifestyle I want for me and my kids and a penny pinching man can't do nuttin for us.:nono:

Here's the thing. There are so many women (including ones on the board) who have men that treat them like queens. There's absolutely no reason why I can't have one too!
 
Bunny77 said:
Ehhh... okay, I don't like this part... I'm down with thrifty, but if he's courting you, he shouldn't be making you pay at all. If you're just friends, then fine. But if you're dating him, he shouldn't be having you pay anything so early in the game.

I am involved with a guy now (yay!) who is in grad school so his money isn't as free-flowing as it was when he worked full time at an insurance company. But never once has he said, "Okay, I'm in grad school and have loans, so you pay for this." We've just gone to cheaper places (buffets, matinees, etc.) and I've helped by finding coupons for some of these places so he doesn't have to pay full price. I am also willing to treat every once in a while (maybe every fifth meal, approximately), but he has no intention of going dutch AT ALL even though his money is tight.

This guy sounds like he's not serious, IMO.[/quote]

Yeah, maybe not Bunny. Honestly, we're just friends right now but we hang out A LOT. Sometimes I feel like he's pushing for more in a slow way but not in a bad way (physically). He's just trying to know me, which is good. Just seeing how he is now, it makes me think..would I want to be with someone that is thrifty to this extent? :perplexed I don't think so. :nono: I've had guy friends before and they still would pay for things most of the time and I used to love that.
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klb120475 said:
Whateva.......back in the day I would've said "he's a good man....blah blah blah". No deals on men like this now. There's a certain lifestyle I want for me and my kids and a penny pinching man can't do nuttin for us.:nono:

Here's the thing. There are so many women (including ones on the board) who have men that treat them like queens. There's absolutely no reason why I can't have one too!
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Yeah, me too and overall he's a great catch but there's a certain way I want to be treated and live and penny pinching just dont' get it for me.:ohwell:
 
I dated a wonderful man that was cheap :nono:. I just felt like it was a waste of time. His cheapness was a battle to me and I got tired of it. And by the way he didnt EVER change.
 
Cheap is a deal breaker for me. I can't get with a cheap man. I know myself and that would be a problem down the road. But everyone has their level of toleration for things. When I was 18, I dated a man who was incredibly tight with money. My feelings for him decreased with each example of cheapness he displayed. I can see if you are short on cash and you HAVE to watch your pennies. But this dude was in his thirties and making serious money, yet he didn't want to spend money on a basic set of dishes (he ate out of one of his two pots) and he bought the cheapest car he could with no radio and no air conditioning. EVERYTHING we did had to be off a coupon. He was an extreme example, but the lesson was learned on my part. After that, if a dude gave hints that he was cheap I was out...period. I just can't get with that.
 
Cichelle said:
Cheap is a deal breaker for me. I can't get with a cheap man. I know myself and that would be a problem down the road. But everyone has their level of toleration for things. When I was 18, I dated a man who was incredibly tight with money. My feelings for him decreased with each example of cheapness he displayed. I can see if you are short on cash and you HAVE to watch your pennies. But this dude was in his thirties and making serious money, yet he didn't want to spend money on a basic set of dishes (he ate out of one of his two pots) and he bought the cheapest car he could with no radio and no air conditioning. EVERYTHING we did had to be off a coupon. He was an extreme example, but the lesson was learned on my part. After that, if a dude gave hints that he was cheap I was out...period. I just can't get with that.
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Co-sign on this entire post. Cheap men are deeply unattractive.:nono:
 
Bunny77 said:
Ehhh... okay, I don't like this part... I'm down with thrifty, but if he's courting you, he shouldn't be making you pay at all. If you're just friends, then fine. But if you're dating him, he shouldn't be having you pay anything so early in the game.

This guy sounds like he's not serious, IMO.
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ITA with the bold. As for his being serious it could be that he is serious about finding a mate that is willing and prepared to go dutch/half as well as, be in a committed intimate relationship with him. Now the question for the OP is are "you down for a man that wants to be head of household without totally upholding the house?" :look:

Sorry I believe in traditional roles and I don't do dutch. I have no problem reciprocating and treating a deserving man well.

He is tripping imo. A man has to show how he can and will provide for your future during the dating/relationship phase. His actions are saying we gon be roommates w/benefits along with you havin wife duties too. Shiznit I aint no supa woman:lachen::lachen:
 
firecracker said:
ITA with the bold. As for his being serious it could be that he is serious about finding a mate that is willing and prepared to go dutch/half as well as, be in a committed intimate relationship with him. Now the question for the OP is are "you down for a man that wants to be head of household without totally upholding the house?" :look:

Sorry I believe in traditional roles and I don't do dutch. I have no problem reciprocating and treating a deserving man well.

He is tripping imo. A man has to show how he can and will provide for your future during the dating/relationship phase. His actions are saying we gon be roommates w/benefits along with you havin wife duties too. Shiznit I aint no supa woman:lachen::lachen:
Click to expand...

No deals!!!:nono:
 
Cichelle said:
Cheap is a deal breaker for me. I can't get with a cheap man. I know myself and that would be a problem down the road. But everyone has their level of toleration for things. When I was 18, I dated a man who was incredibly tight with money. My feelings for him decreased with each example of cheapness he displayed. I can see if you are short on cash and you HAVE to watch your pennies. But this dude was in his thirties and making serious money, yet he didn't want to spend money on a basic set of dishes (he ate out of one of his two pots) and he bought the cheapest car he could with no radio and no air conditioning. EVERYTHING we did had to be off a coupon. He was an extreme example, but the lesson was learned on my part. After that, if a dude gave hints that he was cheap I was out...period. I just can't get with that.
Click to expand...

To the original question I was going to say we'd be a perfect fit. I'm cheap but not that cheap as your date.
 
kia said:
Ok..this is the type of cheap he is:

- He will make me pay for some things (not all) or do the you pay this time and I'lll pay next time type thing. :ohwell:


We're just friends right now but it could lead to more, it has potential BUT I've seen things already. :sad:
Click to expand...


I'd say pass.

He could be 'testing you', which in itself IS game. :nono:
 
klb120475 said:
Whateva.......back in the day I would've said "he's a good man....blah blah blah". No deals on men like this now. There's a certain lifestyle I want for me and my kids and a penny pinching man can't do nuttin for us.:nono:

Here's the thing. There are so many women (including ones on the board) who have men that treat them like queens. There's absolutely no reason why I can't have one too!
Click to expand...

I like that way of thinking. :yep:
 
I don't do cheap men. :nono: Like Mizavalon said, cheap is deeply unattractive. Plus cheap people have a "lack" mentality. He will always find himself not having enough. I want a man with "abundance" thinking.
 
kia said:
He is a good man and has all the qualities that you look for in a husband...but....he's cheap.:ohwell: He's doing very well, owns a lovely home but he is extremely tight with his money. Would you give this man a chance or let him go? What do you guys think?
Click to expand...

Kia,

I cannot deal with a cheap man especially one who seems more concerned about his finances and keeping them straight than mine. I am all about a man who will wine and dine me because that is what I am accustomed to. My "friend" seems to live a very basic and thrifty life, but he has a lot to show for it and he is not cheap when it comes to me.
 
Thanks for all your responses ladies. I thought about it and I just can't do it :nono:. Yes, as someone said, he might be testing me but I don't like that.

I remembered he even asked me if my family was well off :huh:. I was like "no". Thinking about it..he hints here and there about money..and I feel like this kind of person is always feeling like he's lacking. :ohwell: I mean, he's doing real well..so what is the damn problem? I don't like that at all :nono:. So bottom line, we'll remain friends but that's about it. Cheapness is a major turn off for me. :bye:
 
kia said:
Thanks for all your responses ladies. I thought about it and I just can't do it :nono:. Yes, as someone said, he might be testing me but I don't like that.

I remembered he even asked me if my family was well off :huh:. I was like "no". Thinking about it..he hints here and there about money..and I feel like this kind of person is always feeling like he's lacking. :ohwell: I mean, he's doing real well..so what is the damn problem? I don't like that at all :nono:. So bottom line, we'll remain friends but that's about it. Cheapness is a major turn off for me. :bye:
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Right!!!!:nono:
 
Cheapness is relative to one's situation, but it may be indicative of unwillingness to give in other ways. If I see that you throw money around senselessly in other ways, but when it comes to the relationship you are keeping tabs on every penny, then I will be exiting stage left. Can't do it.

Cheapness differs from frugality. If you are frugal because you have financial obligations, and you are trying to prepare yourself for the future, then I can only respect that. If you are just cheap for the sake of it, then I gotta roll.
 
This type of cheapness makes me think he is greedy. Eating out of two pots? That is ridiculous.He doesn't want to buy more pots because he wants to keep his money. I even be around people like that.
 
kia said:
Ok..this is the type of cheap he is:

- He will make me pay for some things (not all) or do the you pay this time and I'lll pay next time type thing. :ohwell:


We're just friends right now but it could lead to more, it has potential BUT I've seen things already. :sad:
I like to be treated like a queen. I think you can spend on a girl w/o going broke so why be so darn thrify cause I KNOW he has it.
I have to admit, I'm sure that I'm not financially stable as he is but one thing I love about a man is a generous one. Don't get me wrong, not an idiot that just spends and doesn't have anything but one who wines and dines me like he has no problems with it. Not one that thinks about every penny he has every time he does something. I just don't know if I'm being to hard but that's how I feel.:ohwell:
Click to expand...

If I were you, I'd run for the hills, man. :nono: I've been in a nickeling and diming relationship before and it truly sux. Personally, I wouldn't mind offering to pay for some dates, but if he is courting YOU, I don't think he should be "making" you pay. :ohwell: Being cheap is NOT necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes that cheapness carries over to other things, like affection, compassion, etc. I'd run. :perplexed
 
klb120475 said:
Whateva.......back in the day I would've said "he's a good man....blah blah blah". No deals on men like this now. There's a certain lifestyle I want for me and my kids and a penny pinching man can't do nuttin for us.:nono:

Here's the thing. There are so many women (including ones on the board) who have men that treat them like queens. There's absolutely no reason why I can't have one too!
Click to expand...
:yep::yep::yep:

ThickHair said:
He is only going to get tighter as he gets older. Thrifty I can deal with, cheap is a no go.
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:yep: Good point.

firecracker said:
ITA with the bold. As for his being serious it could be that he is serious about finding a mate that is willing and prepared to go dutch/half as well as, be in a committed intimate relationship with him. Now the question for the OP is are "you down for a man that wants to be head of household without totally upholding the house?" :look:

Sorry I believe in traditional roles and I don't do dutch. I have no problem reciprocating and treating a deserving man well.

He is tripping imo. A man has to show how he can and will provide for your future during the dating/relationship phase. His actions are saying we gon be roommates w/benefits along with you havin wife duties too. Shiznit I aint no supa woman:lachen::lachen:
Click to expand...

PREACH! :lachen:
 
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