Been to some parties recently and found some men attractive but they were sitting or standing far from me and usually having a conversation with someone (man or woman). Some were standing alone, looking around but standoffish. I get awkward when it comes to approaching men. How should I go about approaching these men without it being awkward?
How Do You Approach Men At Parties?
- Thread starter abioni
- Start date
I get approached but usually by men I have no interest in. I would rather wait to be approached by the men that I'm interested in but in a dimmed room with 150+ people and 70% more women than men, it's not easy to be seen or noticed by everyone. I feel I need to be more proactive to get who I actually want than wait for it to happen.
Miss_C
Well-Known Member
You don't. At least it's not that effective if you do. Most guys expect to be the aggressor. Usually if I see a guy who is handsome I might smile and say hi, but that's it. It's generally enough of an in for a guy who is interested in you to approach. If not, he won't, and you shouldn't take it personally. He could be married, gay, or just not interested. Most of the guys who advocate walking up to them and making all the moves are mitches, IME.
I guess you mean moreso...being more visible in a room to catch a guys eye...
short version....but all depends on what scenario is happening
wear a bold color that suits you and stands out a bit....
arrive early maybe 10-15 mins to an event before your guest and wait by the bar
chat people up, people usually notice nice friendly people who are social in a room...
take the longer route to the bathroom so you get to walk the entire room...
stand up when everyone is sitting to adjust your coat or etc
short version....but all depends on what scenario is happening
wear a bold color that suits you and stands out a bit....
arrive early maybe 10-15 mins to an event before your guest and wait by the bar
chat people up, people usually notice nice friendly people who are social in a room...
take the longer route to the bathroom so you get to walk the entire room...
stand up when everyone is sitting to adjust your coat or etc
Miss_C
Well-Known Member
All these are good. Notice how none of it includes walking up to a man like "what's up with you?"
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
I don't. I let them approach me.
Just go about you business, smile, nod if you walk by one who catches your eye or smile while continuing to wherever you're going, get into convos with "groups", etc and be personable. If they like you they will approach.
Just go about you business, smile, nod if you walk by one who catches your eye or smile while continuing to wherever you're going, get into convos with "groups", etc and be personable. If they like you they will approach.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
I don't approach men. But for what it's worth, you can gently bump into them. A friend of mine met her husband that way. She wanted to meet him while at a mutual friend's wedding and her mother suggested bumping into him. She tried to do it and chickened out so she went again this time with her mother for "moral support". Her mother damn near shoved her into him. They're now married and are living happily ever after lol.
I'm not sure how this will work in a professional setting though.
I'm not sure how this will work in a professional setting though.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
"Accidentally" bumping into them with my boobs, then feigning embarrassed apologies while making eye contact usually got a conversation started. 42H's were handy that way. A big booty can get the job done too.
The art of the approach is to leave the dude thinking it was his idea to get things started.
If you're not comfortable with direct physical contact, then eye contact is always good. If you're new at it the best deal is the 'let him catch you looking then look away shyly'. If he catches you twice and doesn't come over then move on to the next one. Practice a signature 'come and get it' looks in the mirror. Lots of women think they have these down but they just look constipated.
The art of the approach is to leave the dude thinking it was his idea to get things started.
If you're not comfortable with direct physical contact, then eye contact is always good. If you're new at it the best deal is the 'let him catch you looking then look away shyly'. If he catches you twice and doesn't come over then move on to the next one. Practice a signature 'come and get it' looks in the mirror. Lots of women think they have these down but they just look constipated.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
It still works. I don't like to manufacture things but hey if you're going for it it definitely works. When I worked with a matchmaker as her assistant years ago, she also suggested dropping something. If he's a gentleman he'll help pick it up. That is, if you are into making it happen. Adjust a bracelet and let it fall while you're trying to snap the clasp, etc. Nothing messy like a drink. It works other places too if your hands are full, say with a book or two. Let one slip and stop to pick it up. Again this works if you want to manufacture a meeting and gets a guy to instinctively "help" and aid a damsel in distress. I prefer to let things happen naturally but again if you want to make them happen, this is for you.
Ipanema
Well-Known Member
At parties people form those little groups. I go from group to group, and try to speak to everyone. If an attractive man happens to be in my path around the room, well... I speak to him, too. Try to make it look equal. Then I'll sit down somewhere to relax. An interested guy will later approach me while I'm relaxing since I've already established myself as friendly.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
Just start a convo. I start convos with men I'm not interested in as well. I wouldn't push up full on but they would get the hint that I was interested and leave it at that.
For example:
How do you know C (the host)?
A general compliment
And that's all I got....lol
For example:
How do you know C (the host)?
A general compliment
And that's all I got....lol
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Bunnyhaslonghair
Ebonics Queen
I personally start with just a smile and a hi when I happen to be near them. I don't make a b-line to the guy. If the guy is interested this is plenty enough for him to begin a convo with you. They usually look happily surprised you spoke, start talking your ear off, and will engage on and off throughout the night.
If they don't respond much to my smile or casual Hi I cut my losses and move on to the next. I like to be pursued so he is not going to be my type anyway. Unless you want to be the aggressor...
If they don't respond much to my smile or casual Hi I cut my losses and move on to the next. I like to be pursued so he is not going to be my type anyway. Unless you want to be the aggressor...
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
This. This until the death of me. Lol. My husband still doesn't know I had the hugest crush on him. I made myself visible but preoccupied. Like I'm in your building...to get something notarized because I'm busy but smiling and happy ...oh, hello, colleague that women are interested in who was on the way up at the time. Sure, we can converse while you hit on me and I'm coy while my future husband who I have a crush on is like "why is she in my building.....talking to him.,.laughing....smiling....oh walking away. Let me catch her".
And I'm (three years ago) all like "myes?" On the outside. But on the inside I'm like "yes!"
Anyway don't approach the guy but approach his general direction whilst looking cute and fun and he will approach you (or he is not the guy. There were plenty of guys who did not approach me and I didn't get it at the time--I may be overconfident(?)
--but later I'm relieved. Like, "oh, that guy got arrested for DV" or "oh. That guy is on the news for misusing his expense account." The point is that: don't get bummed if a certain guy doesn't approach. Don't let that make you approach him. The right guy will approach).
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
I also think it's okay to look at a guy a little obviously long. Not in a corny, unnatural "come hither" way like you're doing something from the movies, but I straight up state at people if I know I look cute enough to not make them feel weird. and by "people" I mean men. And I guess I mean that this is what I used to do
I'm not necessarily going to stare if I look objectively busted, which its good to avoid looking busted, just on GP. But if you look cute then staring is a conversation piece but he still has to be the aggressor.
I'm not necessarily going to stare if I look objectively busted, which its good to avoid looking busted, just on GP. But if you look cute then staring is a conversation piece but he still has to be the aggressor.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I don't approach men. I may strategically place myself near him if he's by the food table and make small talk but I expect him to be the aggressor.
I may strategically place myself near him if he's by the food table and make small talk but I expect him to be the aggressor.
caribeandiva
Human being
Kindheart
Well-Known Member
Yup this . It also gives a little sneak peek of your and his personality ,when you both standing there expecting the other person to make the move you re in for disappointment . A lot of men nowadays are "feeling themselves " due to the fact a lot of women are approaching them/wanting them. They can't handle rejection therefore the more attractive you are the more standoffish they will be . . You have to stand out by balancing the act ,not too hard /not too easy .
Omg her mom is crazy but it worked
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
Commenting from the opposite of the hair spectrumI do eye contact with a smile or I wear something low-cut. Either way works
My hair (usually big natural hair in a curly fro) is also kind of a conversation starter. Dudes usually comment on it, like, hey girl I love your hair.
and 
hair is a great conversation starter, especially when it's big and curly or when your fade is crisper than theirs 
UniquelyDivine
Well-Known Member
I approached my crush at a party but I kept it short and cute, I NEVER approach men
but he was hosting a big party and getting pulled in a million different directions so I figured the chance of him stopping to talk to me, a stranger, was slim to none.
but he was hosting a big party and getting pulled in a million different directions so I figured the chance of him stopping to talk to me, a stranger, was slim to none.
Rocky91
NYE side boob.
Your fade ishts on every single black boy in this high school and probably 99% of those that i encounter on a daily basis in the outside world..Commenting from the opposite of the hair spectrum
without any question.
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
Aww thanks boo!Your fade ishts on every single black boy in this high school and probably 99% of those that i encounter on a daily basis in the outside world..
Godsdaughter001
Well-Known Member
great thread; great replies/advice
I agree with the poster who mentioned a stare...or a long look. In my single days, I did that quite often. It always worked. I would look at them and smile (always from a distance) and hold their gaze for a few seconds then look away. I would look at them often like that. Then they would come approach me. Worked every time. And I always acted like I was surprised, like I wasn't ever looking in their direction.
Of course, you have to make sure you are looking on point and hella cute
This don't work for everybody.
I agree with the poster who mentioned a stare...or a long look. In my single days, I did that quite often. It always worked. I would look at them and smile (always from a distance) and hold their gaze for a few seconds then look away. I would look at them often like that. Then they would come approach me. Worked every time. And I always acted like I was surprised, like I wasn't ever looking in their direction.
Of course, you have to make sure you are looking on point and hella cute
This don't work for everybody.
Rocky91
NYE side boob.
Sometimes, when I'm out and really bored with the whole routine of "let's stand around and take selfies while doing a slight two step to the music" I play a game called...can i get this guy to talk to me just on eye contact alone.
Works every time I do this thing where i just let my gaze linger on them a little longer while giving a shy half-smile.
i should probably stop now that i'm not single tho
Works every time
I do this thing where i just let my gaze linger on them a little longer while giving a shy half-smile. i should probably stop now that i'm not single tho
chile im married and im still very flirty its like its in my blood ..i cant help it....i cant turn it off....Sometimes, when I'm out and really bored with the whole routine of "let's stand around and take selfies while doing a slight two step to the music" I play a game called...can i get this guy to talk to me just on eye contact alone.
Works every time
i should probably stop now that i'm not single tho
Or according to my friend, really light skinned. I can't believe I went there
Make eye contact and smile
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