How do I get rid of my boyfriend's mother.

I think hopeful needs to get in here. She's so nice with her advice. I'm that crazy auntie who'd say the first thing that pops into my head! But, a coupla tidbits:

-hash this mommy ish out now. Be firm and direct. Let him know about your feelings. Mamas are forever. You don't want to be in competition with her. You will lose. It's up to bf to keep the peace in that regard. If he doesn't have a problem with her behavior or asks you to "just grin and bear it" then.......guess you have to ask yourself if youcan live with this situation.

-make sure your bc is on lock. No babies needed.

-move and chill with him for a year if you want to, but understand why the ladies are cautioning against it. Me? I wouldn't move out of state with a bf or even fh. Dh only status gets me to pack up my life and move. Time has a way of getting away from you. Do you really want to waste a year of your young adult life? What's your career field? Are you able to easily transition to another state?

-why has he turned down opportunities before? He didn't want to be too far from momma???

-why doesn't she have a life? Why is she moving because he is?

I have 2 sons and love them dearly, but I wouldn't want them stuck on me like that when they supposed to be grown.
 
faithVA said:
If it's only for 1 year, I would suggest you stay put and just have a long distance relationship for 1 year. If you two get engaged during that time frame then you can reconsider. Spend the year working on your career and your independence.

I know some people have lived with others and it worked out but I'm not sure its the majority. I just think there is a psychological piece that happens in the relationship when I a man takes care of his girlfriend that doesn't usually benefit her. Also living with a man when not engaged can be like doing volunteer work but the organization acts like you are a full time worker without the pay.

When it ends in marriage I guess the time seems like an investing but when it doesn't it just feels like a waste of time.
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That's how I'm starting to feel. Like I may just stay put. :ohwell:
 
i think you should go because you have nothing to lose. youre young and if you are in a good relationship that makes you happy who cares? whats the big deal?

but i also think

a. you should have fun while it lasts because this is obviously a dead end relationship :lol: when he tries to talk to his mom about it she just talks over him? what? :lol: how on earth can he possibly live his life like that like that is insane. please reconsider him as a potential husband :lol:

b. i made a lot of whimsical fun "i got time" decisions in my early twenties and im single now so
 
CaraWalker said:
i think you should go because you have nothing to lose. youre young and if you are in a good relationship that makes you happy who cares? whats the big deal?

but i also think

a. you should have fun while it lasts because this is obviously a dead end relationship :lol: when he tries to talk to his mom about it she just talks over him? what? :lol: how on earth can he possibly live his life like that like that is insane. please reconsider him as a potential husband :lol:

b. i made a lot of whimsical fun "i got time" decisions in my early twenties and im single now so
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That's how I feel, re: you're first two lines. But this momma stuff is going to have to be hashed out soon. We've never had to address it before.
 
People are cautioning you because it's emotionally dangerous. When you move in with a guy in another state he is your whole world. You wont have anyone else to call on. Unless yall are married it's truly difficult. And this mom thing. Mom needing to move too is definitely weird. Hash that out now.
What's the job he is taking? If he is going to be a pro athlete, then i get him asking you to move and you should do it of you want to stay together. Otherwise, nah. Or if you must, please get a job and save every dime. Don't depend on him for money. It can be any job, work retail, drs office, whatever. But if you move and are 100% dependent with no outside interests it will take its toll.
 
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I think you should go only if you have no intention of marrying him. Like if you're just going to live for free for a while, get some dick, and see a new place, and then move back home, that sounds great! Lol

But if you want to build a life and progress toward marriage, and eventually marry this guy, this is like the dumbest move ever. 1) you're in a new state with (I'm assuming here ) with no family or friends. ..just him and his MOM barf. so no support system. 2) What if you get pregnant? 3) you have a large savings/ emergency fund? If you gotta bounce or he bounces, etc. If yall break up, then he's mad at you, then don't expect him to give you any money anymore.

Also, even if he does love you, wants to provide for you blah, he is easily manipulated by his mom. He isn't ready to stand up to her yet. So he isn't ready to put you before her.

Like, if you're going just to go play, then by all means, go play. But don't EXPECT (it may happen, but don't EXPECT it to ) for him, his mom, or the rest of society to take you seriously if you start EXPECTing stuff lol. (Which, again, I'm all for in certain circumstances lol...so, I'm not bashing you )

Hey hey more questions. What job is he taking? This may change my answers :look: and did he grow up with his dad? This is also relevant lol
 
Oh, I see that's already been said! :lol:

Right right. Go and have fun. If ish works out, great! And if it doesn't, great! That's the attitude you should have going into this bull ish (Cuz that's what it is lol. But again! I'm all for bull ish sometimes! So, again, I'm not bashing you :lol: )
 
He sounds controlling. He won't help you with your loans unless uou uproot you life and be fully dependent on him (re: pursue your interest/ not have a job). While it's nice to be taken care of, he can still do that while you're saving your own paycheck. I wouldn't jump to break up with him though. I would just say don't move and let your relationship play out. It's only been a year. Stay put.
 
SamandI said:
He sounds controlling. He won't help you with your loans unless uou uproot you life and be fully dependent on him (re: pursue your interest/ not have a job). While it's nice to be taken care of, he can still do that while you're saving your own paycheck. I wouldn't jump to break up with him though. I would just say don't move and let your relationship play out. It's only been a year. Stay put.
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I always have the option to work. I never said I wouldn't. I said I wouldn't have to. He doesn't necessarily want me to NOT work. He just wants me to do something I am interested in/passionate about.
 
So this is a my take. I would go so long as she is absolutely not moving in with you guys. I believe she will try her best to live in your home, or in the same apartment building, or on the same street :look:. You don't sound intetrested in getting married at all, so don't. So let him do all of the work. Let him get set up with his new place and figure out all of the momma stuff. If she really is in a separate home or better yet, doesn't move at all, I'd go for it. You are young, free, and having fun. I wouldn't say a word to him about his momma. No m'am you are a girlfriend. It's just not your place. Play your position. You are the pretty, young, carefree girlfriend. I'd tell him that I'd love to trail him after he gets everything set up. If he asks if you'd mind mommy staying with you guys initially then you say oh sweetheart I'll just wait until she finds her own place. Two grown women under same roof probably won't work. You see, you are young and sweet, and he wants you to be with him, not mommy. If she is pushy and you are too nice, the three of you will be living together and he won't have to choose. So fall back and just see what he does and what happens. I personally wouldn't worry about anything. Let him work everything out. If he really wants you with him, he will figure out how to make it an offer you can't refuse. Then after a year of "fun" get your own place or get engaged or move on.
 
I agree with every word of this. :yep:

hopeful said:
So this is a my take. I would go so long as she is absolutely not moving in with you guys. I believe she will try her best to live in your home, or in the same apartment building, or on the same street :look:. You don't sound intetrested in getting married at all, so don't. So let him do all of the work. Let him get set up with his new place and figure out all of the momma stuff. If she really is in a separate home or better yet, doesn't move at all, I'd go for it. You are young, free, and having fun. I wouldn't say a word to him about his momma. No m'am you are a girlfriend. It's just not your place. Play your position. You are the pretty, young, carefree girlfriend. I'd tell him that I'd love to trail him after he gets everything set up. If he asks if you'd mind mommy staying with you guys initially then you say oh sweetheart I'll just wait until she finds her own place. Two grown women under same roof probably won't work. You see, you are young and sweet, and he wants you to be with him, not mommy. If she is pushy and you are too nice, the three of you will be living together and he won't have to choose. So fall back and just see what he does and what happens. I personally wouldn't worry about anything. Let him work everything out. If he really wants you with him, he will figure out how to make it an offer you can't refuse. Then after a year of "fun" get your own place or get engaged or move on.
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He sounds controlling, he is showing some signs already, he may get you up there and flip the script.

I won't do this if you don't do this...is troubling....also the whole "luring you with money/ not having to work/pursuing your passions" gives me pause.

He could let you do all those things now where you are..and you all could have a LT relationship, where you visit him often. It's only 8 months.
 
The other posters gave you good advice.

I have a question on the practical side: What is your plan for medical insurance during this time? Something like an ER visit or surgery could cause you to have a ton of debt. Could he claim you as a "domestic partner" and pay for your insurance? Or are you young enough to still have coverage under the 'rents?
 
BF sounds straight ish ass...any man whose mom has him by his nuts is a NO NO :mad:

Mom is moving for just a year? That right there doesn't make any a sense, is it possible for dude to grow some balls and tell his mom at this time I can not afford to move you and pay for your residence in addition to my own...

He has money ? is that why his mom latches on to him so much? Situation sounds horrible, i hope all goes well...

a man with money whose a momma's boy..his mom will alwaysssss..did i say always run the show....you would have to sit down with him and talk about this as to know what your getting into
 
You are willing to put your life on hold for a year, no ring?

plan b is what happens if things dont work out, you wasted a year? a lot of accomplishments and success can be done in a year, being a gf who chills at home is not it..LOL unless you yourself have money and its not an issue

as you can see he as a man is not putting his success or path on hold for a yr ..woman sacrifice way to much for short term gratification or wishful thinking...to be young again....deeep sighhhh!
 
Quick question OP, why can you take off from your career for a year? What do you do? If nothing, why not spend the year trying to get your career going instead of moving across state to do nothing?

I think permanently moving in with a man you are not married to is a terrible idea - let him fly you out to come visit on weekends, take the megabus to see him etc, but once you start cooking, cleaning, and sexing on demand, why would he need to marry you? Even if marriage is not your goal, you need your man to hold you on a pedestal, and living with him will get him too comfy.
 
prettyinpurple said:
The other posters gave you good advice.

I have a question on the practical side: What is your plan for medical insurance during this time? Something like an ER visit or surgery could cause you to have a ton of debt. Could he claim you as a "domestic partner" and pay for your insurance? Or are you young enough to still have coverage under the 'rents?
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I'm under my mothers insurance until I'm 26
 
JudithO said:
Quick question OP, why can you take off from your career for a year? What do you do? If nothing, why not spend the year trying to get your career going instead of moving across state to do nothing?

I think permanently moving in with a man you are not married to is a terrible idea - let him fly you out to come visit on weekends, take the megabus to see him etc, but once you start cooking, cleaning, and sexing on demand, why would he need to marry you? Even if marriage is not your goal, you need your man to hold you on a pedestal, and living with him will get him too comfy.
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If I wanted to stay home and get a career going I would still have to work to support myself. If I moved and got a career going, he would support me. He would support me regardless, and I would prefer to work so it would be the same no matter where I went or stayed.
 
Will you be my fairy godmother? This is a exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much.

hopeful said:
So this is a my take. I would go so long as she is absolutely not moving in with you guys. I believe she will try her best to live in your home, or in the same apartment building, or on the same street :look:. You don't sound intetrested in getting married at all, so don't. So let him do all of the work. Let him get set up with his new place and figure out all of the momma stuff. If she really is in a separate home or better yet, doesn't move at all, I'd go for it. You are young, free, and having fun. I wouldn't say a word to him about his momma. No m'am you are a girlfriend. It's just not your place. Play your position. You are the pretty, young, carefree girlfriend. I'd tell him that I'd love to trail him after he gets everything set up. If he asks if you'd mind mommy staying with you guys initially then you say oh sweetheart I'll just wait until she finds her own place. Two grown women under same roof probably won't work. You see, you are young and sweet, and he wants you to be with him, not mommy. If she is pushy and you are too nice, the three of you will be living together and he won't have to choose. So fall back and just see what he does and what happens. I personally wouldn't worry about anything. Let him work everything out. If he really wants you with him, he will figure out how to make it an offer you can't refuse. Then after a year of "fun" get your own place or get engaged or move on.
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hopeful said:
So this is a my take. I would go so long as she is absolutely not moving in with you guys. I believe she will try her best to live in your home, or in the same apartment building, or on the same street :look:. You don't sound intetrested in getting married at all, so don't. So let him do all of the work. Let him get set up with his new place and figure out all of the momma stuff. If she really is in a separate home or better yet, doesn't move at all, I'd go for it. You are young, free, and having fun. I wouldn't say a word to him about his momma. No m'am you are a girlfriend. It's just not your place. Play your position. You are the pretty, young, carefree girlfriend. I'd tell him that I'd love to trail him after he gets everything set up. If he asks if you'd mind mommy staying with you guys initially then you say oh sweetheart I'll just wait until she finds her own place. Two grown women under same roof probably won't work. You see, you are young and sweet, and he wants you to be with him, not mommy. If she is pushy and you are too nice, the three of you will be living together and he won't have to choose. So fall back and just see what he does and what happens. I personally wouldn't worry about anything. Let him work everything out. If he really wants you with him, he will figure out how to make it an offer you can't refuse. Then after a year of "fun" get your own place or get engaged or move on.
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Best answer in here
 
hopeful said:
So this is a my take. I would go so long as she is absolutely not moving in with you guys. I believe she will try her best to live in your home, or in the same apartment building, or on the same street :look:. You don't sound intetrested in getting married at all, so don't. So let him do all of the work. Let him get set up with his new place and figure out all of the momma stuff. If she really is in a separate home or better yet, doesn't move at all, I'd go for it. You are young, free, and having fun. I wouldn't say a word to him about his momma. No m'am you are a girlfriend. It's just not your place. Play your position. You are the pretty, young, carefree girlfriend. I'd tell him that I'd love to trail him after he gets everything set up. If he asks if you'd mind mommy staying with you guys initially then you say oh sweetheart I'll just wait until she finds her own place. Two grown women under same roof probably won't work. You see, you are young and sweet, and he wants you to be with him, not mommy. If she is pushy and you are too nice, the three of you will be living together and he won't have to choose. So fall back and just see what he does and what happens. I personally wouldn't worry about anything. Let him work everything out. If he really wants you with him, he will figure out how to make it an offer you can't refuse. Then after a year of "fun" get your own place or get engaged or move on.
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This is the best advice here. Go!!!!!!!!
 
Lemme get this straight. You have no job, career, nada. No goals, nothing. So basically, you have nothing going for yourself in terms of the future, and this boy tells you that if you don't move with him, he won't give you any money? Did I read that right?

What kind of work does he do that he can afford you not to work. Why would you want to be the type of woman, with no goals, to be dependent on a man, especially one who is still suckling from his momma's tits?

I have a daughter your age. I wish she would come n tell me she moving to go shack with some boy who offers nothing....no pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of.

Have a plan or plan to fail. I hope I read this wrong.
 
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