hunnychile
Well-Known Member
Snip. Settled. 
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How do I get rid of my boyfriend's mother.
- Thread starter hunnychile
- Start date
PinkyPromise
Well-Known Member
Best not to move in together until you are married. Especially in another state. His mother knows this which is why she's following you. She's his wife for now and WILL start to come for you and remind me you that you're just the gf. Been there done that. It left me ALONE, to pay ALL OF THE BILLS and ALL OF THE RENT. I had to get a second job just to keep up and it still didn't suffice. That's just my experience though. Now that I've been there I see why they tell you to get married first.
PinkyPromise
Well-Known Member
Btw. YOU CAN NEVER COMPETE WITH MOMMY. If anything, you need her on your side. What y'all need is an understanding. You don't need to dominate her.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
his mom is going to move to another state with her son but live in a different house?
that sounds crazy as hell to me but as long as she wouldnt be living with you i dont think i would care if it were me. other than the obvious mommy issues 
but as far as the actual moving this wouldnt make me not move if i really wanted to.
that sounds crazy as hell to me but as long as she wouldnt be living with you i dont think i would care if it were me. other than the obvious mommy issues but as far as the actual moving this wouldnt make me not move if i really wanted to.
kandiekj100
Well-Known Member
From what I've seen/heard from others with boyfriends with problematic, difficult, codependent, etc. type of mothers is that the problem will (not maybe) only get worse. And it can't be you setting your foot down, it has to him. You can't wait until after you're married. At this point if he isn't willing to change the dynamic of his relationship with his mother, it won't magically happen and is less likely to occur after marriage. I think you need to figure out how much this bothers you now before you get marriage and whether it's make or break.
Do you think you could talk to him about this and much of a problem you think this is? Do you think you could ask him to talk his mother out of moving also? Then you have to think about what if he doesn't want to say anything to his mom or he doesn't convince her.
Do you think you could talk to him about this and much of a problem you think this is? Do you think you could ask him to talk his mother out of moving also? Then you have to think about what if he doesn't want to say anything to his mom or he doesn't convince her.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
why does his mom have no life of her own that she is willing to uproot everything and follow him to another state
and i thought family dinners and unexpected family visits with boyfriends were annoying
and i thought family dinners and unexpected family visits with boyfriends were annoying
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
I would never try to put my foot down, but rather guide him to put his down. He's out of town right now so we haven't really had a chance to sit down and seriously discuss it. But in the brief discussion we did have I got the distinct impression that my work would be cut out for me.
He says she keeps talking about "when we move this, when we move this" and he's told her several times he does not want to live with her (idk about actually MOVING with her). I think she's going to start packing up with the rest of them and I'm trying to stage an intervention before it's too late.
I completely agree with you about him standing up to her.
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hunnychile
Well-Known Member
his mom is going to move to another state with her son but live in a different house?
I'm wondering if maybe I'm overreacting since she'll be in a different house. But still, something about it just BOTHERS me. Especially bc it's only a year.
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BostonMaria
Well-Known Member
You should get married before moving in. If you're going to act the wife role (cooking cleaning etc) then make it official. Being the wife gives you more power to make demands. Of course this is just my opinion. If you decide to move in anyway, at least try to set a wedding date. I've seen too man of my friends engaged for 5, 10+ years and never get married because the guy got comfortable.
As far as his mom, try to work with her. You might be the one taking care of her in her old age. You might need her on your side one day. Maybe she's too over dependent on her sons, but if they're all she's got then that may be a battle you can't win.
As far as his mom, try to work with her. You might be the one taking care of her in her old age. You might need her on your side one day. Maybe she's too over dependent on her sons, but if they're all she's got then that may be a battle you can't win.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
I say break up with him. His mom IS crazy. Not, 'she might be ', but IS. She's following her son to another state? Please lol. and the fact that he doesn't understand that, is bad. You said you've only been together a year? Get out while you can.
(This is probably impractical advice my bad lol)
And I don't think there is such a thing as a sahg. I mean I guess there is. .but you're not legally protected if something were to happen. in America.
Hey, how old are yall both?
(This is probably impractical advice my bad lol)
And I don't think there is such a thing as a sahg. I mean I guess there is. .but you're not legally protected if something were to happen. in America.
Hey, how old are yall both?
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
Why should I get married before I move? Just curious.
I am young with no kids, no career, and no real ties to where am I now. If we didn't work out I would just keep it moving.
What would marriage change?
I am young with no kids, no career, and no real ties to where am I now. If we didn't work out I would just keep it moving.
What would marriage change?
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
I was being cheeky with the SAHG but if I were to move with him I wouldn't have to work and I can't act like that's not appealing.
We're both early twenties.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
i understand why marriage isnt an imperative for you especially if youre early to mid twenties. i would be about that carefree life too if i were that age and had nothing tying me anywhere geographically. i want to get up and move randomly but i feel too tied to my life here.
curlicarib
Lovin'' All of Me
Does he live at home with his Mom now? Why does she want to move with him? Does he support her? What about her other children?
Something is very off about this and the fact that he does not see that is concerning. I would breakup with him, not because his mom wants to move too, but because he does not see the problem with that. I can see much bigger issues with this thought process later on in the relationship.
Something is very off about this and the fact that he does not see that is concerning. I would breakup with him, not because his mom wants to move too, but because he does not see the problem with that. I can see much bigger issues with this thought process later on in the relationship.
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
He doesn't want her to move either but he says she talks over him like she doesn't hear it. Move plans haven't been finalized yet. We're going to talk and then he'll handle his mother and we'll go from there.
Another thing is he has a twin who doesn't seem to have as much of a problem with his moms behavior as we (me and bf) do.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
bc if yall move up there and he nuts up and kick you out, where you gonna go? You get there and can't find a job and then you stuck like chuck.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
i'm glad you asked.
Living with a man is very much like a marriage, especially once those finances start mingling. It's not like having a room mate, where it can be fun and you guys have a cute little living arrangement. When ish hits the fan, one of you will have to leave. And while being single and carefree makes things easier, it is not easy to extract your life from someone else's when you've been shacking up for so long. Even if it does work out, the point is that you guys will have responsibilities that go beyond just being bf/gf...so don't bother unless you are truly serious about him...and not just hoping for it to work.
I've been there, done that and I will not live with another man unless we are engaged.
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
I would just go back home.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
ok hunnychile (your name fits lol)
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
My mom calls me it all the time lol.
And yall should really let me know if there's something problematic here. I'll only be living with him 8 months and while my current living situation isn't terrible, it's not ideal. Why not move to a new town?
I would always have my own money and if things went left while there I would just go home or move somewhere else altogether.
Come on, lhcf aunties.
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
I don't really have a trusted "older woman" in my life, so I value hearing from ladies who have the wisdom I dont.
bebezazueta
Well-Known Member
If something happens to your boyfriend God forbid, you get nothing. Actually the mother would get it. If he breaks up with you, that's it for you, but his mama will always be his mama.
If you insist on moving and not be married, at least get a job/career.
I have more to say but I'll leave it at that.
If you insist on moving and not be married, at least get a job/career.
I have more to say but I'll leave it at that.
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
I'm thinking maybe finding a job and moving on my own to the same town. I am very attached to my independence so the whole moving in thing is a topic I haven't seriously reflected on just yet.
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hunnychile
Well-Known Member
You should say it. PM it to me?
At student loan boyfriend. If it's temporary and you're okay with it go for it! I just would never give the impression that I'm okay dropping everything (not matter how big or small) to follow a man that's not my husband around. That is my reasoning. I usually wouldn't but circumstances are different here. I really wish I could give you guys more details but I will say that this is student loan bf....he says won't give me any money unless I move.
faithVA
Well-Known Member
If it's only for 1 year, I would suggest you stay put and just have a long distance relationship for 1 year. If you two get engaged during that time frame then you can reconsider. Spend the year working on your career and your independence.
I know some people have lived with others and it worked out but I'm not sure its the majority. I just think there is a psychological piece that happens in the relationship when I a man takes care of his girlfriend that doesn't usually benefit her. Also living with a man when not engaged can be like doing volunteer work but the organization acts like you are a full time worker without the pay.
When it ends in marriage I guess the time seems like an investing but when it doesn't it just feels like a waste of time.
I know some people have lived with others and it worked out but I'm not sure its the majority. I just think there is a psychological piece that happens in the relationship when I a man takes care of his girlfriend that doesn't usually benefit her. Also living with a man when not engaged can be like doing volunteer work but the organization acts like you are a full time worker without the pay.
When it ends in marriage I guess the time seems like an investing but when it doesn't it just feels like a waste of time.
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
He says he would love it if I didn't have to work so I could pursue my interests. Can't you see how appetizing that is?!!? I don't even know what my interests are.
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