How About a "Never Settle" Challenge for 2009?!

S

Syrah

Well-Known Member
It seems like we've all been there. Meet men whom we love, whom we care about, who we think have soooooo much potential, if only they'd hurry up and get "there" (wherever there is). They're attractive but a commitment-phobes. They look great on paper (education, career etc) but seem to think that pursuing a career and pursuing a relationship are mutually exclusive (career first mantra). They've met our families but we haven't met theirs. Their primary form of communication when dealing with serious issues is text message. They throw bait out there to keep us around but keep us at arm's distance.
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So first - in order to "get down" you've got to admit that you've settled. No "holier than thous" allowed.

Second - acknowledge the moment you realized you were settling.

Third, list at least one thing you're not going to do when it comes to relationships in the new year.
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I, MsNadi have settled by falling in love with and trying to nurture who I thought he COULD be rather than who he WAS.

I realized I was settling when I found myself treating him how I wanted to be treated, only to later realize that he came to take these "treatments" for granted (they were no longer treats, but became expectations) without returning the favor.

For the New Year (and ever): I'm treating ME how I want to be treated. Learn, take notes...and

(DivineInspiration!)

Contribute to what I'm already doing for myself, or kick rocks. :yep::yep:
 
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...and ya'll better get in here, before I start naming names. Based on posts on this board, ya'll can't hide! You know who you are! :detective:

:lol:
 
Lol, I am in.... I actually was talking about this earlier with a male friend... I was like why am I entertaining guys that I have no "real" interest in... Its wasting time, it deters me from truly encountering that is out there for me... :perplexed...
 
I'm totally in. I am soooooo tired of being CEO and face of the "work with a brotha" crew. OMG its embarassing. I need to ignore all this "but he has potential" bull when in fact if they arent doing a darn thing to enhance it its clearly not there.
 
^^^Ahh, the potential argument with oneself... Ahhh, how so much time can be wasted on that thought...
 
I'm in!

When did I settle?
In many past relationships in different ways. A couple of them were just rebounds (you know the type of guy you normally wouldn't date but he caught you at the *right time*), then somehow you become emotionally invested but your emotions are really playing tricks with you cause after it is all said and done you look back and think "what the heck was I ever doing with that loser/jerk/etc.?!" :lol:

Eventually I took a long break then upon re-entering the dating world I caught myself making compromises about the type of guy that I would date (thinking that going out with and maybe pursuing a relationship with a divorced dude with two kids and major ex-wife drama was acceptable because I was now in my thirties and had less options).

Anyway, I quickly regained my senses and am determined to hold out for what I truly want! No settling!
 
I am not in the dating scene...I am voluntarily single....I will make sure if anyone peaks my interest in the next year to behave accordingly...
 
itismehmmkay said:
:lachen: So we're >>>here<<<

I do feel that I'm just w/ him until something better comes along though. We'll see.
Click to expand...


yea.. i wasnt feeling that way before but right now im thinkin i can do better. i've said before that i was thru with him tho and somehow we always get back together. so i dont want to act tough now and say that im gonna do better and move on and not do it and l8r have LHCF'ers call me out :look:
 
I, Mocha Wisdom have settled by falling in love with and trying to nurture who I thought he COULD be rather than who he WAS.

I realized I was settling when I found myself treating him how I wanted to be treated, only to later realize that he came to take these "treatments" for granted (they were no longer treats, but became expectations) without returning the favor.

For the New Year (and ever): I'm treating ME how I want to be treated.

gosh, am I so in...
Let me change my siggy now...and forever..LOL

Everything that Ms. Nadi said I am feeling so yes, I copied and paste LOL
 
Mocha I am in agreement with everything you stated! :up:


MochaWisdom said:
I, Mocha Wisdom have settled by falling in love with and trying to nurture who I thought he COULD be rather than who he WAS.

I realized I was settling when I found myself treating him how I wanted to be treated, only to later realize that he came to take these "treatments" for granted (they were no longer treats, but became expectations) without returning the favor.

For the New Year (and ever): I'm treating ME how I want to be treated.

gosh, am I so in...
Let me change my siggy now...and forever..LOL

Everything that Ms. Nadi said I am feeling so yes, I copied and paste LOL
Click to expand...
 
cocoaluv said:
Believe me I have wasted more than enough.


Anymore ladies wanna join us????
Click to expand...

...you and I both know there are some ladies who are checking their cell phones every 15 minutes for a text message/voice mail for a dude they're not 100% sold on...

:yep::yep:
 
So first - in order to "get down" you've got admit that you've settled.
Yeah, I've settled.

Second - acknowledge the moment you realized you were settling.
I freaked out when he talked about moving in.

Third, list at least one thing you're not going to do when it comes to relationships in the new year.
As soon as I figure this isn't going to work, just go ahead and hop out.
 
So first - in order to "get down" you've got to admit that you've settled. No "holier than thous" allowed.

Yes I have settled...he was so cute, handsome and oh so good in bed except when he was a complete *******.

Second - acknowledge the moment you realized you were settling.
right about the fifth time that we broke up, which was a month ago... and I realized why and I tolerating a man like this.

Third, list at least one thing you're not going to do when it comes to relationships in the new year.

I'm not going to seriously date anyone. I'm going to for a form a basketball team of men...who care to court me....but I will not have relations with them. I just want to enjoy putting me first instead of any man first for a whole year...actually my life. If i get married it will be god, me, then my husband...hahaha
 
Every woman needs to sign up for this train of thought. Single or not. Why should anyone settle. There are far too many who do, even married women. If a man is no longer pulling his weight in a relationship, no longer taking care of his responsibilities (kids, home, etc.) why should she settle for that for life?

How am I defining settling: where mutual expectations are not being met. What one woman expects may not be what another woman expects.

Ladies, don't think this is only for single women. Every woman needs to set her standards and hold HERSELF to them. For life.

I subscribed to that train of thought years ago. I don't care how great he is on paper, how great my friends think he is, how much money he makes, if certain conditions are not met BY MY STANDARDS, I start planning my exit strategy.

My standards/expectation:

Christian (always seeking to strengthen his relationship with God)

openness (open about mutual expectations, past life events, and current activities)

inclusion (partaking in social activites with friends/family, including me in life goals)

communicator (regularly communicates so as to set expectations accordingly)

helpmate (assistance where possible with life events)

provider (ability to take care of a family)

commitment (forsaking all others and cleaving to one woman)

ambition (always seeking new ways to challenge/improve oneself)


These are just a few that are important to me. I challenge each woman to write down what is important to her.

Oh...don't have meeting your family and friends when he is introducing you to no one. I learned that too years ago. One guy didn't meet a soul...and neither did I. Kept it moving...
 
envybeauty said:
Every woman needs to sign up for this train of thought. Single or not. Why should anyone settle. There are far too many who do, even married women. If a man is no longer pulling his weight in a relationship, no longer taking care of his responsibilities (kids, home, etc.) why should she settle for that for life?

How am I defining settling: where mutual expectations are not being met. What one woman expects may not be what another woman expects.

Ladies, don't think this is only for single women. Every woman needs to set her standards and hold HERSELF to them. For life.

I subscribed to that train of thought years ago. I don't care how great he is on paper, how great my friends think he is, how much money he makes, if certain conditions are not met BY MY STANDARDS, I start planning my exit strategy.

My standards/expectation:

Christian (always seeking to strengthen his relationship with God)

openness (open about mutual expectations, past life events, and current activities)

inclusion (partaking in social activites with friends/family, including me in life goals)

communicator (regularly communicates so as to set expectations accordingly)

helpmate (assistance where possible with life events)

provider (ability to take care of a family)

commitment (forsaking all others and cleaving to one woman)

ambition (always seeking new ways to challenge/improve oneself)


These are just a few that are important to me. I challenge each woman to write down what is important to her.

Oh...don't have meeting your family and friends when he is introducing you to no one. I learned that too years ago. One guy didn't meet a soul...and neither did I. Kept it moving...
Click to expand...


Good list. I have never have introduced anyone I have dated to my family...well at least on purpose. I have met a lot of the guys familys though that I have dated or we did not meet either one of ours. I only introduce family if things are getting serious. I have dated since I was 19 and I have yet to met anyone I would take home to my parents. My last ex I was starting to consider it...and he was the only one.

My expectations:

Respect
Honesty
Communication at all times
Trust
Ambition
 
I, DaPPeR has settled for less in the month of September.

I realized I settled when I was dealin with a guy that had a one year old son and he had broke up with the mother of the child that he was with for 2 years, two months prior.

I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR A GUY WITH EXCESS BAGGAGE (I.e. Baby mothers) I never did until him so why start now? Nope for the 2009.
 
LOVE THIS. I kept thinking this way when I first read the thread....as a woman in a relationship, I believe it would be to my detriment to be lulled into settling for things that go counterproductive to my personal identity. I love my SO and he loves me, however, I find that men have a way of testing you to see what they can get away with from time to time. Maintaining that mindset of "I do not settle" keeps them on their toes and reminds them how fortunate THEY are to be in your life. I am joining this challenge.

envybeauty said:
Every woman needs to sign up for this train of thought. Single or not. Why should anyone settle. There are far too many who do, even married women. If a man is no longer pulling his weight in a relationship, no longer taking care of his responsibilities (kids, home, etc.) why should she settle for that for life?

How am I defining settling: where mutual expectations are not being met. What one woman expects may not be what another woman expects.

Ladies, don't think this is only for single women. Every woman needs to set her standards and hold HERSELF to them. For life.

I subscribed to that train of thought years ago. I don't care how great he is on paper, how great my friends think he is, how much money he makes, if certain conditions are not met BY MY STANDARDS, I start planning my exit strategy.

My standards/expectation:

Christian (always seeking to strengthen his relationship with God)

openness (open about mutual expectations, past life events, and current activities)

inclusion (partaking in social activites with friends/family, including me in life goals)

communicator (regularly communicates so as to set expectations accordingly)

helpmate (assistance where possible with life events)

provider (ability to take care of a family)

commitment (forsaking all others and cleaving to one woman)

ambition (always seeking new ways to challenge/improve oneself)


These are just a few that are important to me. I challenge each woman to write down what is important to her.

Oh...don't have meeting your family and friends when he is introducing you to no one. I learned that too years ago. One guy didn't meet a soul...and neither did I. Kept it moving...
Click to expand...
 
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