He’s having a baby….

[Kinkyhairlady]

With someone else and I am hurt.

I am just a mess this morning and kind of just want to vent a bit, not looking for sympathy or anything. I have been talking to this guy for about 5 years on and off and for the first 2 years I had reasons why I did not want to get involve with him. He proposed to me in 06 and I turned him down because I was not ready and I felt he was pressuring me in a sense and I was just confused about a lot of things. In 09 I agreed to be with him and he did not take me seriously and kept on blaming me for us not being together at that point I just did not care because I know that I gave him the option and he was acting strange.

Same year a random chick calls me cussing me out this creates a huge argument in which I just stopped talking to him. Apparently he was messing around with some women that took his phone and called every female on the phone. Again I just let it be because this was not my concern. Then around January of this year we start talking again and he continues to complain that I don’t want to be with him blah blah, at this point I love him but I was afraid of being hurt so I kept my distance, trying to figure things out. Well last week he tells me he is expecting a baby and had a baby shower. I am like what the heck you talking about, I did not believe him but last night his family members confirmed this for me. My heart shattered into pieces. I called him and told him I did not know if this was true and why would he not tell me he was even seeing someone. If the chick is about to pop that means he was still calling and asking to see me and be with me the whole time, that pissed me off. He starts crying on the phone, and saying I ruined his life and forced him to settle with someone cause he needs a child he is getting old.

What is more hurtful is that his family is blaming me because I did not give him a chance all these years and he had no choice because he really wanted a family. They are making it seem like I am the one with the issues not knowing that I opened my heart once but he is such a pessimistic person he did not believe me. One of the biggest issues I always had with him is that he would complain about how miserable his life is and he is not happy. He would threaten me and say that if I don’t be with him I will force him to be with someone else and his misery for life will be in my hands. Things like that used to bother me but over the years I just got used to him talking nonsense and really did not expect him to do this. He was not my man and really does not have to tell me what he is doing but I guess I am just disappointed this is the route he took and he and his family are holding me responsible. Family gatherings will definitely be awkward now since he claims he still loves me and I am working on getting over my feelings. he claims he won’t bring the girl around with the baby but I don’t see how he can avoid that. I wished him luck and hopefully I can get over this, I am just hurt.

Lesson learn is that if you love someone don’t play games just open your heart and let things play out. I know when I first met him, his feelings were strong but it was a bad time for me, then when it is a good time for me it is a bad time for him. All these years back and forth I guess it needed to come to an end. Hearing him say he is not happy does make me feel bad for him but when the baby is here I guess that may bring him the happiness he was looking for but unfortunately I am not giving that to him because of my foolishness.

 

[**SaSSy**]

first off I know it's hard now, but it's good to rid yourself of unnecessary drama.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

I agree. I know you probably love this man and got comfortable with him, but good riddens..

 

[Miz_Complexity]

Remeber your too blessed to be stressed. It seems that you will be better off without someone like him who tried to bring you down.

 

[foxee]

I'm so sorry you're hurting. You'll feel better over time. On the bright side, you just dodged a bullet. He has way too much drama and his family seems a little suspect too (I mean blaming you because their kid is impatient and decided to settle? Really?).

 

[Highly Favored8]

Just came in here to give you a ((((((((BIG HUG))))))))! Sorry you are hurting.

 

[changingSeasons]

I am very sorry that you are hurting. But something seems a little off about him. Blaming you for how his life turned out?!? sounds like he doesnt have much personal accountability. And he should have been honest with you before the baby shower. I am sure you are much too Awesome for him anyways.

 

[Goombay_Summer]

Count your blessings that you did not procreate with this guy, I wouldn't want to dip into that crazy gene pool. How can they blame you (dude & his family) because he's having a baby with someone else? Did you hold a gun to his head and force him to have sex with someone else without using protection. Bottom line is he's not the one for you.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I am very sorry that you are hurting. But something seems a little off about him. Blaming you for how his life turned out?!? sounds like he doesnt have much personal accountability. And he should have been honest with you before the baby shower. I am sure you are much too Awesome for him anyways.

Yes something was definately off with him because he was always a downer and I mean always complaining about his life and that was such a turn off at times. He would put so much responsibility on me and say if I would finally be with him he would of progressed much further. He brought a house 2 years ago and just got a brand new car and he has a good paying job but he still complains. The complaining is really what would get us into arguments because I wanted a man who was confident and could stand on his own, he would tell me sob stories but they only made me nervous which is why I was scared to get serious.

Our relationship was strange because we were similiar on some level but at the same time he cried more then I did which was odd for a man. Part of me wanted a child as well and I guess this is why it hurts because we both wanted the same thing and loved one antother but were too scared for some reason to take it to that level well I was too scared. I don't know I am just confused right now, just have to clear my head and this will all make sense I guess.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

He starts crying on the phone, and saying I ruined his life and forced him to settle with someone cause he needs a child he is getting old.
*pulls newport one hunnits out bra...grabs lighta n lights one*

Git da phuck outta hea wif da bu'shyt.....stop playin. lemme git dis hea straight. u mean to tell me he gits some otha chick pregnant, and he calls n starts cryin on da phone and havin a serious DIVA moment sayin u ruined his life and forced him to settle. he got some broad pregnant and he still not happy. so, in otha words, u forced him to stick his penis in some otha chick n git her pregnant. u put da gun to his head and he pulled da trigga....U shoulda walked right thru da phone n punched him dead in his dayum throat for tellin u some bu'shyt like dat. chile puleez... don't let dat man mind phuck u like dat...

He's gonna call u and rub in ur face that he's havin a baby and done had da baby shower, da whole nine. why u trippin?

*in sign language* wake up sweetie. he told u he's havin a baby. not gettin married. obviously, da chick ain't good enuff to wife, she just carryin his child.

you said u weren't ready for marriage and u had ur reason as to why u didn't marry him. imma need u to revisit those reasons and stop trippin ova da fact dat he got some chick pregnant a) and b) stop lettin him take u on these emotional rolla coasta rides.

imma also need u to understand dat his unhappyness ain't got shyt to do witchu so stop taking responsibility for dis guy cuz he got some serious mommy & daddy issues. seriously.

phuck'em n feed dem jokas beans. him and his family. be thankful u didn't get pregnant by him. everything happens for a reason. you won't see it now, but down the line you will. be da bigger woman and stop lettin him live in ur mind rent free cuz fa real fa real..u wasn't really feelin him anyway. it wasn't about him then, and it ain't about him now. It should always be aboutchu. ur just upset cuz someone is givin him something he THOUGHT he needed. be glad it ain't you. if it was meant to be, it would have been.

let her deal with the headaches of him, his family, etc. trust on this one.

 

[ThickHair]

1st of all, family moments shouldn't be awkward, why would you want to subject yourself by being around his family? Are you serious? You dodged a major bullet and him blaming you for everything that is going on in his life is all types of wrong. Something in you kept you from being serious with him, go WITH IT.

Now cry, cry, cry, eat some cheesecake or potato chips or even better go workout, punch a pillow, then heal. You will find yourself an awesome man and homey will still be crying. This is a situation where you are going to have to let him go to keep your sainity and NO you can not continue to socialize with his family.

One day you will get that baby bump with YOUR HUSBAND and you are going to look back and ask yourself what in the world were you thinking, your grass is so much greener now.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Ok so this knucklehead just called me and is now asking me for forgiveness and he wants to marry me this weekend.

If I agree he will buy the ring tonight and we can do a civil ceremony for now and have a big wedding next year. He is dead serious. I am like having a nervous breakdown right now at work, he is driving me crazy. I told him I will call him back. He is only acting like this because I told him I was hurt so he sees he should of been patient instead of running to have a baby. Now I am becoming pissed off, my head is spinning.

 

[changingSeasons]

Dont Do it!

He has a baby from another women coming very soon. Who wants to start a marriage when you husband will be busy being a new daddy to a woman who you didnt know was pregnant?

He doesnt sound very mentally balanced. You should take some time away from him and for yourself. You should be happy getting married, not upset and stressed. He soulds like a drama filled LOSER.

 

[ThickHair]

Ok so this knucklehead just called me and is now asking me for forgiveness and he wants to marry me this weekend.

If I agree he will buy the ring tonight and we can do a civil ceremony for now and have a big wedding next year. He is dead serious. I am like having a nervous breakdown right now at work, he is driving me crazy. I told him I will call him back. He is only acting like this because I told him I was hurt so he sees he should of been patient instead of running to have a baby. Now I am becoming pissed off, my head is spinning.

Wow, I see you are still considering being with him. Good luck, because of everything you have put forth, he doesn't seem like he could enhance you. In addition to having a baby to care for.

How old you the 2 of you?

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Wow, I see you are still considering being with him. Good luck, because of everything you have put forth, he doesn't seem like he could enhance you. In addition to having a baby to care for.

How old you the 2 of you?

I honestly love him very much but this is too much. I don't know what I will do I have to go home and think about this. I partially blame myself because I should have not been playing this hard to get game for so long. I am 30 and he is 34. this has been going on since I was 25 but at 30 when I'm finally ready to settle down with him, he goes and does this just cause he wanted a child so bad. He only did this because all of his siblings have children except him so he became desperate. At the end of the day I want to be with someone who loves me and vice versa but sometimes folks make it difficult with the drama they involve in their lives. I did not expect for him to call me with this proposal so yes I am sitting here thinking about what to do.

 

[ThickHair]

I honestly love him very much but this is too much. I don't know what I will do I have to go home and think about this. I partially blame myself because I should have not been playing this hard to get game for so long. I am 30 and he is 34. this has been going on since I was 25 but at 30 when I'm finally ready to settle down with him, he goes and does this just cause he wanted a child so bad. He only did this because all of his siblings have children except him so he became desperate. At the end of the day I want to be with someone who loves me and vice versa but sometimes folks make it difficult with the drama they involve in their lives. I did not expect for him to call me with this proposal so yes I am sitting here thinking about what to do.

Read the next to the last paragraph that you wrote in the original post of this thread. Start about half way through with "I hope one day............" http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=479866&highlight= You know you deserve better Kinkyhairlady.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

{{{hugs}}}, but honestly? Close call!

 

[MissJ]

Are you going to be at these family gatherings? From the way you tell it, it sounds like you are, but I doubt that's the case. Why do you even care about his family gatherings?

Also, he was not your man. He got somebody else pregnant. I don't understand why that wasn't the end of the story.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Read the next to the last paragraph that you wrote in the original post of this thread. Start about half way through with "I hope............" http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=479866&highlight= You know better Kinkyhairlady.

I do know better but it is so hard when you love someone to just let go like that. I want the best for myself yes and I knew he could provide me with stability and be a good husband but this all fell on me unexpectidly. He thought I did not want to be serious and he went and did this thinking I won't settle down anytime soon when in fact I was ready. Yeah I def need to sit and reflect, I am not going to answer him today.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Are you going to be at these family gatherings? From the way you tell it, it sounds like you are, but I doubt that's the case. Why do you even care about his family gatherings?

Also, he was not your man. He got somebody else pregnant. I don't understand why that wasn't the end of the story.

I am very close with his siblings, I met him through the family. We were talking for 5 years, I have not been in any serious relationship and have always thought we would eventually end up together. I was just being way to cautious I guess (overthinking everything). I knew he may have been messing around never told him to not do so but for him to intentionally find someone to have his child because he could not wait anymore is what hurt me. 34 is not old for a man. He thought that I would never let him in cause he is negative about so many things. I am as well but he takes it to another level.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

It may hurt you now, but you are better off free from this person. It sounds like you really didn't have a great relationship from the get go. You spent 5 years on this person. Do you think you would be happier dealing with him for a lifetime? How would you have felt if you were the baby mama? I wish you peace and happiness. You deserve it. Find a new man who will treat you with love and respect.

 

[Kerryann]

oh son son is douche bag he just trying to mess your head over so that he can take the focus off him being the FUK up

 

[MissJ]

I swear, these posts in the relationship forum get more and more far-fetched. I hope you're not seriously thinking about giving this guy anoother chance. He sounds like my ex with his messiness and having his family involved in all your business. Let me guess. His family members are mostly female? I don't know why anyone one put herself in this situation.

 

[MissJ]

I am very close with his siblings, I met him through the family. We were talking for 5 years, I have not been in any serious relationship and have always thought we would eventually end up together. I was just being way to cautious I guess (overthinking everything). I knew he may have been messing around never told him to not do so but for him to intentionally find someone to have his child because he could not wait anymore is what hurt me. 34 is not old for a man. He thought that I would never let him in cause he is negative about so many things. I am as well but he takes it to another level.

You really believe that story he told you? *scratches head*

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I swear, these posts in the relationship forum get more and more far-fetched. I hope you're not seriously thinking about giving this guy anoother chance. He sounds like my ex with his messiness and having his family involved in all your business. Let me guess. His family members are mostly female? I don't know why anyone one put herself in this situation.

His family is mostly males and a few sisters, I am friends with 2 of his brothers and 1 sister. There are about 21 of them all together. I know due to his dads ways and having all these kids that he was trying to do the right thing and marry and have a family but when his brothers were having kids back to back I could always see it in his face that he wanted his own child. No family is perfect mine sure isn't and that is why we understand eachother when it comes to things we went through growing up and how are families are today. I cannot post everything on this board it would take forever but I have my reasons why I love him and why my answer cannot just be a simple no , I must think about it first.

 

[intergalacticartist]

WOW that's a grown man acting like that
I wish you all the best OP. I know when you find time to clear your head you will make the right decision

 

[WAVES4DAYS]

He starts crying on the phone, and saying I ruined his life and forced him to settle with someone cause he needs a child he is getting old.
*pulls newport one hunnits out bra...grabs lighta n lights one*

Git da phuck outta hea wif da bu'shyt.....stop playin. lemme git dis hea straight. u mean to tell me he gits some otha chick pregnant, and he calls n starts cryin on da phone and havin a serious DIVA moment sayin u ruined his life and forced him to settle. he got some broad pregnant and he still not happy. so, in otha words, u forced him to stick his penis in some otha chick n git her pregnant. u put da gun to his head and he pulled da trigga....U shoulda walked right thru da phone n punched him dead in his dayum throat for tellin u some bu'shyt like dat. chile puleez... don't let dat man mind phuck u like dat...

He's gonna call u and rub in ur face that he's havin a baby and done had da baby shower, da whole nine. why u trippin?

*in sign language* wake up sweetie. he told u he's havin a baby. not gettin married. obviously, da chick ain't good enuff to wife, she just carryin his child.

you said u weren't ready for marriage and u had ur reason as to why u didn't marry him. imma need u to revisit those reasons and stop trippin ova da fact dat he got some chick pregnant a) and b) stop lettin him take u on these emotional rolla coasta rides.

imma also need u to understand dat his unhappyness ain't got shyt to do witchu so stop taking responsibility for dis guy cuz he got some serious mommy & daddy issues. seriously.

phuck'em n feed dem jokas beans. him and his family. be thankful u didn't get pregnant by him. everything happens for a reason. you won't see it now, but down the line you will. be da bigger woman and stop lettin him live in ur mind rent free cuz fa real fa real..u wasn't really feelin him anyway. it wasn't about him then, and it ain't about him now. It should always be aboutchu. ur just upset cuz someone is givin him something he THOUGHT he needed. be glad it ain't you. if it was meant to be, it would have been.

let her deal with the headaches of him, his family, etc. trust on this one.

You sure have a way with words...but you speak the truth!!!!! Did you drop the mic?

OP, don't go blaming yourself for his stupidity! Let the door knob hit him, where the good lord split him!

 

[itismehmmkay]

Ok so this knucklehead just called me and is now asking me for forgiveness and he wants to marry me this weekend.

If I agree he will buy the ring tonight and we can do a civil ceremony for now and have a big wedding next year. He is dead serious. I am like having a nervous breakdown right now at work, he is driving me crazy. I told him I will call him back. He is only acting like this because I told him I was hurt so he sees he should of been patient instead of running to have a baby. Now I am becoming pissed off, my head is spinning.

I need you to reconsider.

 

[yaddad123]

I feel bad for you. Sorry that happened.

 

[Lynnerie]

I am very close with his siblings, I met him through the family. We were talking for 5 years, I have not been in any serious relationship and have always thought we would eventually end up together. I was just being way to cautious I guess (overthinking everything). I knew he may have been messing around never told him to not do so but for him to intentionally find someone to have his child because he could not wait anymore is what hurt me. 34 is not old for a man. He thought that I would never let him in cause he is negative about so many things. I am as well but he takes it to another level.

Hol up wait a minute.... This man is 34 acting like this?



Be glad you got away after 5 years.