Helpless

[shorthairdiva09]

Lately, my pride has been shut down due to the recent break-up i experienced. This past lover was my first sexual partner and I feel I let myself down by going against myself and waiting until marriage but there was something or so I thought in his eyes that made me feel really secure but as time progressed things went downhil from there and we would rarely talk. I bought him a psp (during the first year) and a playstation 3 (for an anniversary present) just to see where i stood with him but it seems in my eyes that he used me for my money and forgot about the great helpful girlfriend i was. He moved to another town and got a 16 year old pregnant and figured things could still be the same, unfortunately she lost the baby and i feel like i should be there to help him but he seems to not even care.

I also found out he was talking to another girl while we were together and he let her borrow my ipod i let him use and he took it to her house and things just meshed together and now i am back to hating him again and i feel so dumb ... the price for being young dumb and vulnerable. This girl and i are becoming good friends but i was in tears last night when we were talking and he was doing and saying the exact things to her that he was saying to me to make me love him more.. and in return her also. I couldn't believe this could happen to me... i never did anything wrong during the relationship except spend money on him and what not.

how should i approach this? should i confront him about the recent information i found out or leave it in the past, i am hurt so much that it is causing my hair to break off alot and i sleep entirely too much to hide the pain i am going through. I hold my pain internally because i am not good with verbalizing my feelings (a trait i got from my mother).

 

[tmichelle]

I am really scared for you. If he got another girl pregnant. Run, don't' walk and never look back. He can easily give you any number of diseases, don't stick around to find out which ones if he hasn't started giving you some unknown "gifts" already.

Don't go talk to him. Don't try and get "closure". Just leave. If you have too change your cell phone/number. Don't return calls or e-mails. Don't chase after him. Try really hard not to think of him more than you can help.

Also, try doing something new and fun like a jewlry making class, dance class at the local YMCA or going to chuch more regularly.

When I broke up with a looser it helped to write a note/letter to God whenever I got stuck thinking about him or wanting to call. The good thing about writing is you can do it at school/work and nobody knows what you are doing.

Also get a girlfriend or even your mother and plan a movie night with one of them every weekend for at least a month.

STAY STRONG!

 

[NYAmicas]

I think the above post was very helpful.
OP, you went above and beyond with a creep. You are better than this. You dont owe that dude ANYTHING. Think about the quality of life you had before you knew him and seriously ask yourself if he brought about anything good. You may be lonely for a while but the sense of peace you'll ultimately have is so much better than the hurt you have now. That dude sounds exactly like someone my cousin was seeing......right down to her meeting the other females and hearing the same things he said to her repeated.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

I bought him a psp (during the first year) and a playstation 3 (for an anniversary present) just to see where i stood with him but it seems ....
Sorry for the disappointment, but without sounding mean and insensitive, here is where you may have went wrong and can possibly learn from your mistakes. NEVER buy a man anything unless he is your husband. You waited a whole year to find out where you stood with him, and then tried to buy his affections. Wrong move. If a man is truly interested in you, you don't have to buy him anything to find out...you'll know by his actions.
in my eyes that he used me for my money and forgot about the great helpful girlfriend i was.

I don't think he used you for your money (unless he asked you to purchase these things). If he did ask you, that is a differnt story, as you should NOT under any circumstances purchase anything for a man unless he is your husband. Now, if he didn't ask you, then shame on you, because a man is only going to do what you allow them to do. Again, if this is the case, then you allowed yourself to be used. What has he done for you? You can't buy love, friendship, happiness or affection. It just doesn't work.

I also found out he was talking to another girl while we were together and he let her borrow my ipod i let him use and he took it to her house and things just meshed together and now i am back to hating him again and i feel so dumb ... the price for being young dumb and vulnerable.

Don't be so hard on yourself, as you shouldn't feel dumb or vulnerable. Just learn from your mistakes. Always think of YOU first. See, men are going to be men, not making excuses, but this is what they do, especially if they are young, and it sounds to me like the both of you are young. Please, whatever you do, keep your money in your pockets and your things to yourself, especially your womanhood. I can't stress this enough. What he did was very disrespectful towards you, and shows that he has no respect for your. At the end of the day, when it is all said and done, you only have yourself. Respect should always be demanded, and as a young woman, please do not allow a man to use you. I know it hurts right now, but don't feel dumb and vulnerable. Learn from this and keep your head up. You are better than that and deserve to be treated with respect, like all women should.

how should i approach this? should i confront him about the recent information i found out or leave it in the past, i am hurt so much that it is causing my hair to break off alot and i sleep entirely too much to hide the pain i am going through. I hold my pain internally because i am not good with verbalizing my feelings (a trait i got from my mother).

LEAVE IT IN THE PAST. I know there is a part of you that has to let him know, but honestly, you won't have to say anything, because the girl you spoke to will probably mention it. In fact, I would disconnect from the both of them. If you approach him with it, all he is going to do is lie, and say those same things to you to get back on your good side. And, he will tell you that the other girl is lying too, play you two against each other, then you have DRAMA.

To be honest, he is not worth the hurt. Honestly, he's not. I think you are more hurt that he took advantage of you and you feel bad about it. But guess what...it happens to the best of us. It's called life experiences. If you want to let it out by crying, then do so. It's ok to do that. But more importantly, keep yourself up. Don't ever let them see you sweat. And for your sake, leave him alone. If not, if will be more hurt down the line. And with HIV, STD's running rampid out here, that is the LAST thing you need. You think your hurting now. And besides, if he is having unprotected sex, that just shows you how reckless and careless he is with himself and other women. Shows you just how much he really cares...he doesn't. I hope this word of advice helped you.

Last, pray. Prayer is powerful. HE listens, and trust me..it helps. I hope you feel better. Treat yourself to something nice to make yourself feel better, like an outfit or something. Go out with some POSITIVE people and enjoy this life. You only get one. Take care....

 

[chicacanella]

*hugs*

Sweetie, don't make yourself feel worse than you should because this was a learning experience for you. Now, if you go and make the same mistake again, then that is the huge problem.

Block all his calls, emails, any type of way he can contact you and break contact with that girl also. you don't want anything else to remind you of how stupid your actions may have been. you want to get over this as much as possible.

Get back in church and ask God to forgive you and help you get over this. he will if you come to him with a sincere heart.

 

[shorthairdiva09]

thanks everyone for the kind words, its funny cause i know in my mind that i dont owe him anything but a smack in the face but my heart just reaches for him because he took my virginity but i will get better. i am happy for this hurt, and to be weird i kind of dont trust the other girl but she seems nice to talk to but when she brings david up its like a trap or something... who knows i am about to turn 21 this year and i am in my senior year and a semester of college so i dont need this in my life i hope i can be level by time school starts ... i dont want to fail a test because of him again lol

 

[Farida]

OP let the dumbass go.

Also, sometimes it takes a big mistake to strengthen our character. I would advise you, get tested for STDs, and now that you know how much your chastity means to you, don't sleep with another man. It is also very natural to feel attached to the man you lose your virginity to, and that's perhaps why you started buying him expensive stuff and trying to hold on to him.

Pace yourself, don't go out on a limb and spend more than you can afford.

In my 1st yr of college my roommate had been dating a guy for almost 4 years. Everyone thought they would get married. She went home for christmas and gave him a $500 guitar. He broke up with her that same holiday season. Don't spend your last penny trying to impress a man. Thoughtful gifts still go a long way.

 

[shorthairdiva09]

OP let the dumbass go.

Also, sometimes it takes a big mistake to strengthen our character. I would advise you, get tested for STDs, and now that you know how much your chastity means to you, don't sleep with another man. It is also very natural to feel attached to the man you lose your virginity to, and that's perhaps why you started buying him expensive stuff and trying to hold on to him.

Pace yourself, don't go out on a limb and spend more than you can afford.

In my 1st yr of college my roommate had been dating a guy for almost 4 years. Everyone thought they would get married. She went home for christmas and gave him a $500 guitar. He broke up with her that same holiday season. Don't spend your last penny trying to impress a man. Thoughtful gifts still go a long way.

oh i havent slept with him since last year and he did this in march so i know i am ok lol. i got tested in april for everything but thnks again for the kind words i know i am holding on to air but i will let it evaporate eventually.