thetall1
Well-Known Member
About how long were the breaks?
Has Anyone Taken a "Break" and It Worked Out?
- Thread starter TinyBlu
- Start date
About how long were the breaks?
tailormade84
New Member
it ranged from 1 week to several months - i really did not want to commit and he tried several times to convince me to, and when I didn't he would leave but he always came back. after about 3 years i decided to stop the back and forth and make a final choice
TinyBlu
Well-Known Member
Strangely, he has not contacted me directly by phone, but he has been sending me emails with silly you tube videos attached. He has a crazy, quirky sense of humor. Of course, I am holding on to every shred of hope that this is just a break. The NC still is very hard. In the meantime, I am sending him every job lead I can get my hands on just to show my support from afar. I really hope you're right!
TinyBlu
Well-Known Member
I know where you are. It is KILLING me to not talk to him, but I have read the books on the topic, and would caution youi against continuing to call and text him. That may make the situation worse. I am trying to live by the philosophy of giving him time to miss me and possibly realize how great we had it. Unlike your situation, we weren't unhappy until the weekend prior to "the break". Give it time. Take the advice of some of the other sisters on the board and stay busy.
Jen-Lise
New Member
Tinyblu, first of all sorry for what you are going through. I must agree with most of the ladies on this one. I don't see how a break would benefit the relationship when it's still in this early stage. Isn't this supposed to be the the make it or break it phase? Yes men are horrible at multi-tasking but a call just to keep you updated or at least see if you are ok isn't that much to ask isn't it? Sure it's a bummer he lost his job but these things hardly ever come out of the blue. Didn't he see it coming? Come on there are worse things in the world has he been diagnosed with cancer? Or is he living in Haïti? If he can't deal with this minor thing together with you than you should ask yourself if this is the kind of man you can only share good times with. Moreover he has time to forward you prank mails but not an How are you? I don't know about you girl but this has left a bad taste in my mouth.
thetall1
Well-Known Member
I'm really sorry to hear that. I can't imagine the pain your feel right now. I don't have any advice, but I did want to say that it will get better. I know you're thinking that'll never happen. Trust me..it does get better.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
French Rouge
Well-Known Member
Met my husband at 17,took a break at for a few years, rekindled at 27, engaged at 28, and married at 29. The moral of this story is we were teens when me met and carried teen baggage into our adult relationship. After a few years experiencing the world we learned to love properly. The break was the best decision we ever made. I think all teen sweethearts should take a break, because life experience and time will help you decide if the person is really the right one.
Bunny77
New Member
So from what I gather from this thread, the breaks that "worked" were ones where people were together from their teen years, broke up as young adults and then gravitated back to each other under their own free will.
The key also seems to be that these breaks don't have a set time period. Both parties have to move on, not expect to get back together, date other people, grow/live, etc., and THEN when they are more mature and ready, they might return to each other.
As for "breaks" when you barely know each other, y'all might as well just break up PERIOD.
Oh, I do have a sorta story. I dated a guy for five months, we argued and he was upset. He said he needed a one-week no-contact break to cool off. Now, I was okay with perhaps going the weekend without contact, but not a weeklong break.
However, I told him, "If you'd like to do that, you can, but I guarantee you that when you come back, you will not get a very positive response from me."
Guess what? His butt didn't take a break.
We did end up breaking up a month later... the fact that he wanted to react that way to an argument should have been a sign.
French Rouge
Well-Known Member
So from what I gather from this thread, the breaks that "worked" were ones where people were together from their teen years, broke up as young adults and then gravitated back to each other under their own free will.
The key also seems to be that these breaks don't have a set time period. Both parties have to move on, not expect to get back together, date other people, grow/live, etc., and THEN when they are more mature and ready, they might return to each other.
As for "breaks" when you barely know each other, y'all might as well just break up PERIOD.
Oh, I do have a sorta story. I dated a guy for five months, we argued and he was upset. He said he needed a one-week no-contact break to cool off. Now, I was okay with perhaps going the weekend without contact, but not a weeklong break.
However, I told him, "If you'd like to do that, you can, but I guarantee you that when you come back, you will not get a very positive response from me."
Guess what? His butt didn't take a break.
We did end up breaking up a month later... the fact that he wanted to react that way to an argument should have been a sign.
Yup that pretty much sums it up. In my case, teen baggage was keeping us from growing into a mature couple.
I don't think I could take a break at this age if I was single and dating. In my case, the things which caused us to argue were due to immaturity. As an adult, I'd have a hard time thinking another adult is going to have much more growth in their basic personality. Basically a kid can change a lot over time, with adults it is much harder to change.
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
I agree with the observation Bunny made. Most of my friends that have gone on breaks (including myself) were people that got into committed relationships at a very young age. In my case, it was my first serious relationship. I was still a teenager. We were together for 6 years until I realized I couldnt do it any more. I told him we needed a break because I did not want to hurt him. But I knew I did not want to be with him any more.
I think it is important for many people to date several people before settling down or committing at a young age. For some of us, after a while you subconsiously feel like you might have missed out on something (not saying this is what is going on with you and your bf). It works for some people and in my case, breaking up (or taking a break) was the best thing I ever did.
Also a "break" is really a break up because during that time it is understood that the two people are free to date, spend time or have sex with other people during said "break". There is never a guarantee that the two people will reconcile later. But it does happen.
I think it is important for many people to date several people before settling down or committing at a young age. For some of us, after a while you subconsiously feel like you might have missed out on something (not saying this is what is going on with you and your bf). It works for some people and in my case, breaking up (or taking a break) was the best thing I ever did.
Also a "break" is really a break up because during that time it is understood that the two people are free to date, spend time or have sex with other people during said "break". There is never a guarantee that the two people will reconcile later. But it does happen.
French Rouge
Well-Known Member
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
My SO and I have taken 2 breaks and have stayed together, but i'm not sure if 3 days is considered a "break."
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Hmm....a 4-month break?? Who needs a 4-month break from someone they're in love with??
Yeah, men are like that....they always come back...somehow...someway.
If I were you, I'd start dating other guys (if you haven't started doing so already). I'm sorry, but either he WANTS to be with you or not. There can't be this in between state of limbo. It's almost like he's trying to make sure you'll be right there where he wants you. If he's contacting you, then he should be telling you that he wants to stop with the break and start dating seriously again. Anything short of that is just a waste of time IMO.
Lynnerie
Well-Known Member
I'm on a break with my SO and it is stressing me out. I'm not even gonna front. We were together for a year and everything was cool until he decided that he wasn't ready to stick to the engagement date that HE set. He said we both need a break from the relationship- I need it to see if this is what I really want and can I handle him not being ready for engagement.
And although he is the one who wanted the break he wanted to come by my place a few days ago. I ignored his text message and he never called or text me back since. My mother has instructed me to ignore him and that if he wants me he will do what it takes. So I'm following her wisdom but I hate playing games. I did start talking to other guys just as friends though. When we were dating I could not have any male friends. Sorry to hijack the thread.
And although he is the one who wanted the break he wanted to come by my place a few days ago. I ignored his text message and he never called or text me back since. My mother has instructed me to ignore him and that if he wants me he will do what it takes. So I'm following her wisdom but I hate playing games. I did start talking to other guys just as friends though. When we were dating I could not have any male friends. Sorry to hijack the thread.
thetall1
Well-Known Member
Well, "technically" it's not playing games...I just state that because I'm not following my heart/emotions and only leading my actions by logic...makes sense? But yes, It's not really playing games...I just usually state that...
For an example, He's calling you 50 trillion times and you know darn well you want to answer that phone, at least one good time. But, you don't...instead of answering the phone you ignore the person etc...I don'k know how to explain this...so...yea...lol maybe Danell can chime in??
For an example, He's calling you 50 trillion times and you know darn well you want to answer that phone, at least one good time. But, you don't...instead of answering the phone you ignore the person etc...I don'k know how to explain this...so...yea...lol maybe Danell can chime in??
Bunny77
New Member
Cool... gotcha.
The reason I ask is because I notice that women say this a LOT when they aren't responding to a man's every move... and men say it too... if a woman decides she's not answering the phone, etc., then she's "playing games."
Of course, they never consider themselves to be "playing games" when they decide they want to "take a break," but then still want the same privileges they had as boyfriends.
This is just me, but I think all this "follow your heart/emotions" stuff is why women keep getting themselves in trouble. Everyone talks about how great it is to be "real" and let your emotions just be all out on the table and to just do what comes naturally... which is fine IF a man is deserving of such vulnerability and honesty. Why is this privilege given to someone who doesn't deserve it?
Women in the past seemed to believe in maintaining some degree of reserve when it came to managing their relationships. Just being open and "real" with any ole' man was not recommended or considered to be a good idea... but now we're in this era of just following your heart and emotions and men seem to be taking full advantage of that... and if a woman dares hold back with him, now she's "playing games."
And even worse, women believe that mess.
I know in both of your cases, these are men you were involved with, but since THEY were the ones who demanded a break, then they no longer should have access to your innermost emotions or feelings. That's part of breakups... now you two need to fill your roles and act like you're... wait for it... BROKEN UP!
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
I think people are "playing games" when they say one thing and mean another, or attempt to manipulate a person into doing something. Not answering the phone just means that you've decided for whatever reason that you are not going to talk to him right now. Acting in your own self-interest and according to what is important to you is not playing games.
Lynnerie
Well-Known Member
Hi Bunny77,
When I say playing games I mean the same thing as Proudnapps. I just feel like I'm playing this mind game. When he calls me I really wanna talk to him but I've been ignoring him cause its not like he wants to end the break. He's just trying to keep me hanging on a string. I'm an all or nothing type of woman.
Although I still love him I do realize that I have to do whats best for me and thats to move on and forget him. He claims that our relationship went to fast and so when i suggets we slow it down he says naw we need to take a break. But he says he doesn't want to lose me. He doesn't want me seeing other guys and has even made threats.
I know its important to watch what a person does rather than the things they say so this week I'm out of town and I'm going on a date just to keep myself occuppied. I'm not trying to start a relationship I'm just trying to get over this guy.
Thank you all for your advice.
When I say playing games I mean the same thing as Proudnapps. I just feel like I'm playing this mind game. When he calls me I really wanna talk to him but I've been ignoring him cause its not like he wants to end the break. He's just trying to keep me hanging on a string. I'm an all or nothing type of woman.
Although I still love him I do realize that I have to do whats best for me and thats to move on and forget him. He claims that our relationship went to fast and so when i suggets we slow it down he says naw we need to take a break. But he says he doesn't want to lose me. He doesn't want me seeing other guys and has even made threats.
I know its important to watch what a person does rather than the things they say so this week I'm out of town and I'm going on a date just to keep myself occuppied. I'm not trying to start a relationship I'm just trying to get over this guy.
Thank you all for your advice.
Bunny77
New Member
Okay, I was about to respond differently and then I read this part.
STAY FAR FAR AWAY FROM THIS MAN.
This is now beyond just some relationship foolishness... this man is controlling, possessive and abusive, and I'm sure he was like this all along.
Your mother is right...
As for the "playing games" part, I'll co-sign what Nicola said in her post. Acting in your own self-interest is not playing games and never has been. Men got women's heads messed up with this "playing games" stuff. I do understand that it's hard to cut ties and not talk to a man, even if he is crazy, but just because you want to talk to him doesn't mean that you SHOULD.
There's a lot of things that I want to do -- but it doesn't mean that it's a good idea for me to do them, know what I'm sayin'?
But seriously... get away from this guy ASAP.
Whimsy
Well-Known Member
I think for many people a break is the equivalent of a break up.
In my case, a break worked exactly as I needed it to. We treated it as time apart, but still connected, and we got back together after and am in the midst of our happily ever after.
I think it's how you go into it. If you treat it as a breakup, then it will be. If there are parameters set and followed, it can be a good tool to get a relationship back on track.
In my case, a break worked exactly as I needed it to. We treated it as time apart, but still connected, and we got back together after and am in the midst of our happily ever after.
I think it's how you go into it. If you treat it as a breakup, then it will be. If there are parameters set and followed, it can be a good tool to get a relationship back on track.
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
I'm on a break now. 
He doesn't want it as a break up but I'm not sure what path I'm taking with it.
He doesn't want it as a break up but I'm not sure what path I'm taking with it.Me personally I don't do "breaks" its either someone is with me or not (meaning we are over). With my current bf of 4 1/2 years during our first year we broke up for 3 months he met some fly by night girl they went out couple a times but he kept calling her by my name...lol he realized he missed me we have been together ever since. Obviously there is more to the story but just to make it short and sweet.
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