Help with my ex

Georgia_Curly

Georgia_Curly

New Member
My ex wants a women that’s not Light skin but caramel to brown skin and without “nappy” hair. He thinks 4a hair type is nappy and ugly..also needs relaxing for it to look good. He told me he had a little girl (I’ve seen pics of them together like he really was her dad but) 8 months into the relationship, he said that the little girl was not his and that he will continue to call his ex HIS BABYMOMMA because she was there for him when he was on the streets and had no one else. He said the little girl’s father is not around and all she know is(my ex) him. She also calls him daddy. I feel bad for the little girl.

My conflict with him is:

I’m transitioning to back to natural and I think my hair type is 4a from what I see. He hasn’t seen my natural hair yet. He thinks my hair looks 3B/3C. I don’t want him to ran away from me because of this. It makes me mad because he should think like that but he does. I’m not going to change him or anything I just want to know why he thinks that 4a hair is ugly. He also thinks that he has “good hair” because it’s(rolls eyes) 3B/3C type. He thinks that I’m mixed because of my hair and skin.( I look like a reg black person to me) I have been told that I have mixed ancestors but no facts yet (I’m doing my research as I speak…only one census says mulatto but then a later one said black who knows. my family research isn’t just to find race but 1st where most of my ancestors come from, learn the language and culture. also to actually feel whole and not curious anymore as to who I am). I keep forgetting that mixed people back then was checked off as black (and no biracial or mulatto, and Creole(not in Georgia) )because on the skin tone…that’s going to be hard to find out unless I’m willing to pay $100-400 for a autosomal dna test. which is a lot of my money(for a college student) but worth its(why so much lol) if I’m not mixed then I’m not. If I am then I am I wouldn’t start bragging how mixed I am.

Anyhow, how do I explain that my hair isn’t bad or ugly and that 4a hair is curly/coily? Because he thinks, coils or curls that are straw size are naps with no definition. As far as the baby momma thing, I’m pissed because He might love/care for her a lot but that still doesn’t give you the reason to call her babymomma (I found that very disrespectful to me when I was with him). I told him if he wants to call her that then dont mention her name or say babymomma around me. I have no problem with him being a father figure to the little girl what so ever. He thinks the little girl looks like him but she looks identical to the mother the reason he thinks the little girl is his because the of skin tone. He even took a dna test and she wasn’t his. I broke up with him 4-6 months afterward but not because of that. I’m still attracted to him but not as much. I’m still in love with him but those reasons make me not want to talk to him. I tried not talking to him and ignoring him but it doesn’t work. I want him to still be in my life. He was my first love. What should I do? Should I not care what he calls her as long as he doesnt mention her?( even when he doesnt its the thought that he does think she's his babymomma)


Please no negative comments thank you :)
 
Um... I read through the whole post, but can't past him thinking type 4 hair is ugly, so this is the only thing I will address. Why would you want to be with someone who's going to call your natural beauty ugly? You do realize that if you 2 were to have a kid together, chances are the kid would have type 4 hair. Do you really want someone who's going to think negatively about his own child for something so trivial as hair type. I think you should thank your lucky stars you're not with him and keep it moving to someone who will appreciate everything about you
 
Why do you want to be with this ignorant man? Tell him to find someone else to educate him and he needs to find a woman that doesnt have 4a/4b hair
 
Your post really saddens me. It seems you are hoping to find that you have some non-black relatives to keep him believing you're biracial? Most Black Americans are 'mixed' somewhere down the line anyway. It is like you are allowing him to believe you are someone that you are not with this hair and race thing so that he doesn't leave. His opinion is that 4a hair is ugly and that ain't gonna change. You can't make him like your hair no matter how you explain it. I think that you should just forget him and be grateful that you don't have kids with him yet. Like the previous poster said, the last thing that you would want is for them to grow up with self esteem issues cause they're not mixed or have 3-type hair. Good luck.
 
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darkangel25 said:
Your post really saddens me. It seems you are hoping to find that you have some non-black relatives to keep him believing you're biracial? Most Black Americans are 'mixed' somewhere down the line anyway. It is like you are allowing him to believe you are someone that you are not with this hair and race thing so that he doesn't leave. His opinion is that 4a hair is ugly and that ain't gonna change. You can't make him like your hair no matter how you explain it. I think that you should just forget him and be grateful that you don't have kids with him yet. Like the previous poster said, the last thing that you would want is for them to grow up with self esteem issues cause they're not mixed or have 3-type hair. Good luck.
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I'm not hoping to find anything but I want know if its true or not..whats wrong with knowing that? I know most black people are mixed i'm saying that looks obvious that they are mixed..do you see what I'm saying? I wish he would change his train of thought with the hair thing.
 
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blaqphoenix said:
Um... I read through the whole post, but can't past him thinking type 4 hair is ugly, so this is the only thing I will address. Why would you want to be with someone who's going to call your natural beauty ugly? You do realize that if you 2 were to have a kid together, chances are the kid would have type 4 hair. Do you really want someone who's going to think negatively about his own child for something so trivial as hair type. I think you should thank your lucky stars you're not with him and keep it moving to someone who will appreciate everything about you
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I do realize that and that's Why I dont date him now because I wouldnt want him doing that to my kids. Those reasons right there laned him being just an associate to me.
 
Georgia_Curly said:
My ex wants a women that’s not Light skin but caramel to brown skin and without “nappy” hair. He thinks 4a hair type is nappy and ugly..also needs relaxing for it to look good. He told me he had a little girl (I’ve seen pics of them together like he really was her dad but) 8 months into the relationship, he said that the little girl was not his and that he will continue to call his ex HIS BABYMOMMA because she was there for him when he was on the streets and had no one else. He said the little girl’s father is not around and all she know is(my ex) him. She also calls him daddy. I feel bad for the little girl.

My conflict with him is:

I’m transitioning to back to natural and I think my hair type is 4a from what I see. He hasn’t seen my natural hair yet. He thinks my hair looks 3B/3C. I don’t want him to ran away from me because of this. It makes me mad because he should think like that but he does. I’m not going to change him or anything I just want to know why he thinks that 4a hair is ugly. He also thinks that he has “good hair” because it’s(rolls eyes) 3B/3C type. He thinks that I’m mixed because of my hair and skin.( I look like a reg black person to me) I have been told that I have mixed ancestors but no facts yet (I’m doing my research as I speak…only one census says mulatto but then a later one said black who knows. my family research isn’t just to find race but 1st where most of my ancestors come from, learn the language and culture. also to actually feel whole and not curious anymore as to who I am). I keep forgetting that mixed people back then was checked off as black (and no biracial or mulatto, and Creole(not in Georgia) )because on the skin tone…that’s going to be hard to find out unless I’m willing to pay $100-400 for a autosomal dna test. which is a lot of my money(for a college student) but worth its(why so much lol) if I’m not mixed then I’m not. If I am then I am I wouldn’t start bragging how mixed I am.

Anyhow, how do I explain that my hair isn’t bad or ugly and that 4a hair is curly/coily? Because he thinks, coils or curls that are straw size are naps with no definition. As far as the baby momma thing, I’m pissed because He might love/care for her a lot but that still doesn’t give you the reason to call her babymomma (I found that very disrespectful to me when I was with him). I told him if he wants to call her that then dont mention her name or say babymomma around me. I have no problem with him being a father figure to the little girl what so ever. He thinks the little girl looks like him but she looks identical to the mother the reason he thinks the little girl is his because the of skin tone. He even took a dna test and she wasn’t his. I broke up with him 4-6 months afterward but not because of that. I’m still attracted to him but not as much. I’m still in love with him but those reasons make me not want to talk to him. I tried not talking to him and ignoring him but it doesn’t work. I want him to still be in my life. He was my first love. What should I do? Should I not care what he calls her as long as he doesnt mention her?( even when he doesnt its the thought that he does think she's his babymomma)


Please no negative comments thank you :)
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Why do you care what your ex thinks about you?

Stop worrying about DNA tests and what your hair will look like if/when you transition.

The little girl is not your problem either. If he wants to be the girl's play daddy so be it. That's his choice.
 
shockolate said:
Why do you want to be with this ignorant man? Tell him to find someone else to educate him and he needs to find a woman that doesnt have 4a/4b hair
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I dont want him anymore(because of the way he thinks of 4A hair) I just wish that he would learn more about hair and that all types are beautiful. I have tried to educate him on that and he wont listen I hope he will find someone that he'll will listen to. To me he shouldnt be dating my hair. Hair type shouldnt matter when your dating and marrying. It should be about whats in your brain, and heart...I want to look pass the hair.
 
FlowerHair said:
Why do you care what your ex thinks about you?

Stop worrying about DNA tests and what your hair will look like if/when you transition.

The little girl is not your problem either. If he wants to be the girl's play daddy so be it. That's his choice.
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I wanted to talk about when I was in the relationship but I couldnt. I wanted to know what was other peoples opinion about it is. I know the little isnt my problem she isnt my problem I have no problem with her as I said. He came at me with this little girl and ex g/f stuff I didnt ask was it his at all. He popped up out the blue and told me this.

dna thing have you ever watched African American Lives by Henry Gates...that what I want to do. Whats wrong with knowing ? I know nothing of my great great grandparents nothing
 
Georgia_Curly said:
I wanted to talk about when I was in the relationship but I couldnt. I wanted to know what was other peoples opinion about it is. I know the little isnt my problem she isnt my problem I have no problem with her as I said. He came at me with this little girl and ex g/f stuff I didnt ask was it his at all. He popped up out the blue and told me this.

dna thing have you ever watched African American Lives by Henry Gates...that what I want to do. Whats wrong with knowing ? I know nothing of my great great grandparents nothing
Click to expand...

There's nothing wrong with wanting to know your heritage, but it seems that question is very tightly tied to your wish to have 3 something hair/being mixed.

Don't worry about men that you're no longer involved with. He just wants to see how high he can make you jump. He seems superficial and I think you're worth much better. :yep:
 
1. He's a loser

2. If he wants to be a father figure that's his choice. Now if that is something that you have a problem with then getting back together wouldn't be an option or a good idea.

3. If you want to find out your heritage then that's cool but hopefully it's not just because you're hoping you're mixed. Since he's no longer your man, don't worry about his ignorance towards hair types. I'm not sure I know too many men who care that much.
 
My opinion is that women should stop trying to be friends with EXes and move the heck on with their lives... and stop trying to play the "I must save all ignorant black people," game.

I wouldn't even be bothered, ESPECIALLY not enough to write a long post about it!
 
Why did this post leave me with a frown? :perplexed No offense to you OP, but you should not give a cuss about what this fool thinks of you and your hair.:nono:
 
FlowerHair said:
There's nothing wrong with wanting to know your heritage, but it seems that question is very tightly tied to your wish to have 3 something hair/being mixed.

Don't worry about men that you're no longer involved with. He just wants to see how high he can make you jump. He seems superficial and I think you're worth much better. :yep:
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No I'm not hoping to be mixed and definitely dont wish to be a type 3. I'm just glad I that there's hair on my head and that's all that matters to me. and thank you for your pos comment FlowerHair :)
 
I'm a bit confused by your post. Tell me if I got it right:

You are asking us how you can get back with him by convincing him that your natural hair is not ugly. And you are asking us if it's disrespectful (to you) for him to refer to his ex-ex- as his "babymomma". And if it is, what you should say to him about it.

Is that right? I'm not sure what you are asking.
 
I don't see the conflict.

My suggestion is that you not worry or stress yourself about things that don't matter. Since you all are not together anymore his pseudo child should be of no importance to you and your hair texture should be of no importance to him.
 
The ladies have given you some very good advice regarding the ex. We are all grown and make choices and decisions in our lives.

It sounds like even after you have explained these certain issues to him to help him understand he still chooses to believe otherwise. As the saying goes you can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.

He is believing what he wants to believe it does not mesh with your beliefs or what identifies you as a beautiful woman of color. Now here is where you have choices you can move on with your life and find someone who will see the beauty in your or you can keep trying to make him understand. I think you realize the women here are all in agreement that you should move on completely. In time, what he thinks and how he thinks won't matter one bit to you.

Now for your hair and typing. If you have NOT had a relaxer since May of 2008 (which you posted in your siggy, you should have by now seen some considerable new growth to at least make some determination of what your hair type is.

You have managed to keep your hair growing with the two textures and it looks healthy in your siggy so you are doing something right no matter what the texture is.

Let me say this it is GOOD HAIR regardless of the type. It is healthy and growing THAT is GOOD HAIR.

This man is a lot of drama which I don't think you need at least not that type of drama. Let him stay your ex and create for yourself the atmosphere and people you want to surround yourself with.

Wishing you all the best.
 
Georgia_Curly;9065006[B said:
]My ex wants a women that’s not Light skin but caramel to brown skin and without “nappy” hair. Why do you care what type of woman he want? Sound like you still want to be with him.
[/B]

( I look like a reg black person to me) I have been told that I have mixed ancestors but no facts yet (I’m doing my research as I speak…only one census says mulatto but then a later one said black who knows. my family research isn’t just to find race but 1st where most of my ancestors come from, learn the language and culture. also to actually feel whole and not curious anymore as to who I am). I keep forgetting that mixed people back then was checked off as black (and no biracial or mulatto, and Creole(not in Georgia) )because on the skin tone…that’s going to be hard to find out unless I’m willing to pay $100-400 for a autosomal dna test. which is a lot of my money(for a college student) but worth its(why so much lol) if I’m not mixed then I’m not. If I am then I am I wouldn’t start bragging how mixed I am.

Umm what does a regular black person look like? Do you want to be mixed or find out that you actually are "mixed"? I hate the word "mixed" because it reminds me of dogs or animals. Now 'Ive heard of people wanting to know their heritage/lineage but a DNA test? That's a bit much IMO




good luck with everything I guess
Click to expand...
 
Why ask a question if you don't want all comments pos and neg? Sorry but you can't dictate what responses you will get and obviously you know that your question is "unique" or you wouldn't have added that at the end.

Let your ex be your ex. Your hair looks nice to me whatever type it is.
 
Georgia_Curly said:
My ex wants a women that’s not Light skin but caramel to brown skin and without “nappy” hair.
Click to expand...

All due respect, but you could have stopped this post right here and saved yourself some key strokes and us some reading. :nono:

You really don't need to be wasting your time trying to play Captain "Educate an Ignorant A** Negro" to any dude, let alone an EX bf.

And I'm not EVEN gonna address the faux "baby daddy" stuff. SMDH.
 
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mwedzi said:
I'm a bit confused by your post. Tell me if I got it right:

You are asking us how you can get back with him by convincing him that your natural hair is not ugly. And you are asking us if it's disrespectful (to you) for him to refer to his ex-ex- as his "babymomma". And if it is, what you should say to him about it.

Is that right? I'm not sure what you are asking.
Click to expand...
no, How can I convince him that 4a isnt ugly? I dont want to be with him. I was saying it is disrespectful to me.
 
BellaLunie said:
Georgia_Curly;9065006[B said:
]My ex wants a women that’s not Light skin but caramel to brown skin and without “nappy” hair. Why do you care what type of woman he want? Sound like you still want to be with him.
[/B]

( I look like a reg black person to me) I have been told that I have mixed ancestors but no facts yet (I’m doing my research as I speak…only one census says mulatto but then a later one said black who knows. my family research isn’t just to find race but 1st where most of my ancestors come from, learn the language and culture. also to actually feel whole and not curious anymore as to who I am). I keep forgetting that mixed people back then was checked off as black (and no biracial or mulatto, and Creole(not in Georgia) )because on the skin tone…that’s going to be hard to find out unless I’m willing to pay $100-400 for a autosomal dna test. which is a lot of my money(for a college student) but worth its(why so much lol) if I’m not mixed then I’m not. If I am then I am I wouldn’t start bragging how mixed I am.

Umm what does a regular black person look like? Do you want to be mixed or find out that you actually are "mixed"? I hate the word "mixed" because it reminds me of dogs or animals. Now 'Ive heard of people wanting to know their heritage/lineage but a DNA test? That's a bit much IMO




good luck with everything I guess
Click to expand...
you guess??

I dont want to be mixed. I like said If I am mixed then I am. It doesnt matter one way or another. I dont think(dna test) its a bit much at all but like you said it is your opinion and I respect that.
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Georgia_Curly said:
no, How can I convince him that 4a isnt ugly? I dont want to be with him. I was saying it is disrespectful to me.
Click to expand...

You can't. Stop trying.

All you can do is be you. Either he wants to evolve his understanding or he doesn't, but you can't make him change. I'm trying to understand why it matters anyway, HE'S AN EX. Forget him and be focused on you.
 
Georgia_Curly said:
no, How can I convince him that 4a isnt ugly? I dont want to be with him. I was saying it is disrespectful to me.
Click to expand...

I. just. can't.

ednorton.gif
 
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