Help! My husband hates my eyes

[yardyspice]

Q. Husband Hates My Glasses: My husband and I have worn glasses since we were teens. We're now in our mid-30s and have two boys together. A few years ago, he started feeling really uncomfortable to be in glasses. He doesn't like how he looks in pictures with them. He tried contacts, and didn't like them. Last year, he went for eye laser surgery, and he has been happy with his vision and feels good about himself. Since then, once in a while he would ask me if I wanted to get the laser surgery as well. I said no. I'm comfortable with the way I am. The past few months though, he's grown more persistent in wanting me to either change to contacts or getting the surgery, because he said the glasses make my eyes look small. I'm Asian, so I think it's just how I was born. He pointed out a photo where he said I look like I was sleeping, while in fact I was smiling at the time. Prudie, how can I ask him to stop? I'm really comfortable with my glasses, and really if we have the money for the expensive laser eye surgery, I'd rather spend it on a nice family vacation.

A: From the sound of your letter your husband is not Asian, so it's a bit of a shock to hear that after many years of marriage he is just discovering that Asian eyes have an epicanthic fold. If a co-worker repeatedly pointed out his interesting observations about the size of your eyes, or that when you smile your eyes make it look like you're sleeping, you'd probably be marching over to HR. It's great that your husband is happy with his change. But pressuring one's spouse to have elective surgery for cosmetic reasons is a very dangerous game. Tell him the conversation about your eyes is closed. And if his commentary won't stop (and are the kids hearing any of this?) tell him you two need outside help.

 

[Lilmama1011]

I'm sorry but .....lol. At first i thought he was going to be talking about when she took off her glasses she look funny, I was about to say don't all people look funny when they take their glasses off because they have been wearing it so long. But when she said she was Asian i was rolling. But he didn't have a problem with her when he first met her, sounds like he is looking for something to complain about. If she gets that surgery her eyes are still going to be "Asian like" so..... And I wish my SO would suggest surgery and to me any surgery is dangerous, why does someone have to go under the knife to make someone else feel better?

 

[MD_Lady]

So, her husband is pressuring her to have surgery, and possibly finding fault with a physical trait common to members of her racial group, and she doesn't know HOW to ask him to stop... REALLY?

 

[LaughingOctopus]

I hope she doesn't run out and get that double eyelid surgery.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

That is so racist.

 

[Curlee_lurker]

Why is this in the relationship forum when these are usually in OT?

 

[LiftedUp]

The surgery is lasik not eyelid surgery.

Last year, he went for eye laser surgery, and he has been happy with his vision and feels good about himself. Since then, once in a while he would ask me if I wanted to get the laser surgery as well.

Second she should put her foot down and tell him to stop asking her to get lasik, it's not going to happen, she's comfortable with her glasses.

 

[FelaShrine]

perhaps she looks dowdy with glasses and he's having a midlife crisis and wants a less dowdy wife. iono

why would he mention how her eyes look in a pic when his issue is with the glasses..

 

[LdyKamz]

He said the glasses make her eyes look small, probably because the lens are so thick? I notice that with a lot of people too. Her argument is that even without the glasses her eyes would look small because she's Asian and she has small eyes. So I don't think he is being racist in this instance.

However, he needs to relax and back off. He had the surgery and is finally happy with the way he looks. Great. Now he needs to respect that his wife is already happy without the surgery. Sometimes for some people it is hard for them to imagine that a person would be happy with someone when they themselves wouldn't be. In this case he hated his glasses so he can't possibly understand why his wife would want to continue wearing hers. And pointing out the "flaws" while wearing glasses is probably his way of getting her to see his side. He probably wanted her to say "you're right, my eyes look so small. I'm getting rid of these" Sounds like she's standing her ground. Good for her.

 

[frizzy]

Yep, she prolly has a super thick prescription that make her eyes look tiny. I do take a double look at folks that have the opposite of that and their eyes look HUGE through their glasses. O_O

 

[Lucie]

He needs to find a hobby.

 

[beingofserenity]

She should just get the surgery. Maybe he doesn't find the glasses attractive anymore on her. Why is she writing in about this? Shouldn't she just address this with her hubby?

 

[CocoBunny]

As mentioned before it could be that the glass lens is super thick and it makes her eyes look beady and it something that now bothers him. If it bothers him it bothers him. Not everything is racist.

 

[Vshanell]

People are so superficial. It just gets disgusting after awhile.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[frizzy]

He probably doesn't really mean any harm, he wants her to experience the freedom he has from the surgery.

But as a fellow glasses wearer who is not wanting surgery either, he needs to STHU and let it go until she wants it done for herself.

 

[Foxglove]

Like I'm gonna get SURGERY because you're uncomfortable with the way you look with glasses so I'm supposed to feel the same about myself. ***

 

[frida1980]

Do we women need to draw up a no surgery premarital agreement? Section 1: you may not ask for any surgical "enhancements. They were good enough when you married me, so deal. In exchange I will never ask for an surgical extension on your part.

I seriously cannot believe I said that.

 

[Briabiggles]

If my SO wore glasses, I'd encourage him to get LASIK. Not bc I wouldn't like the way he'd look with glasses but because being free from wearing them is AWESOME! I had LASIK a couple years ago and can't imagine wearing glasses again.

Unfortunately, it looks like this lady's husband isn't encouraging her to get it with good intentions.