Help me before I hurt this man!!!!

[Minx]

Okay, so my honey and I are having a little spat about my appearance.
I'll describe myself since I don't have pics:

I'm deep brown-skinned.
I am newly natural 4B.
I wear my hair in twists or a fro.
I wear makeup, tastefully applied(I used to sell cosmetics).
My family members say I look like Natalie Cole.

Alright, I said all that to say this:

I wear glasses but I also have contacts, they happen to be hazel.
I got my contacts two years ago before I met my honey and before I went natural.
My honey has never seen me in them.

So I tell him on the phone today that I'm gonna wear my contacts for a while.
I'm sick of my glasses for now.

He says, "Don't do that, babe. You know I won't like it. You know I'm all about originality."

So I'm like, "Honey, I know, but I bought 'em, I paid for 'em, and I wanna wear 'em."

He says, "Yeah, but that was along time ago. You won't look right now, wearing your natural hair, but wearing fake eyes. Don't try to be something you're not. You know I'm not into that, I'm all about natural-ness...." (Honey has gorgeous locs.)

My response," Well honey, this ain't about you, it's about me and I want to wear them. True, this is not my natural eye color, however African Americans do sometimes have hazel or light brown eyes, so it's not like I'm putting in blue or light green or something. And I was not trying to be something I'm not, I just thought they would look good, just for a change..."

We didn't agree and we left it alone for a couple of hours.

Later, honey called back just to shoot the breeze.
So we chatted for a while and after a good conversation which ended in me saying "I love you", and him saying "I love you too", I was about to go on with my day feeling all good and what not.

Just then honey says,"And remember what I said about those contacts....that ain't cool."

At that moment all the "good feelings" left my body.

I poked my lips out, squinted my eyes and said,
"Uh huh, I heard you."

I hung up the phone, and after taking a brief moment to consider his feelings, I went into the bathroom and proceeded to put in my contacts.

QUESTION:
What do y'all think?
Can a natural-haired sister wear colored contact lenses?
Am I looking foolish for doing so?
Or
Is honey trippin'?

Please be honest, I really wanna know your opinions.

Blessings,
dk

 

[need2accumulate]

My honest opinion, I agree with him. Not because it is un-natural or it makes you any less natural. I think I just feel like it is played out to wear color contacts. I am not Miss Fashion though.

Please don't hit me!

 

[Arcadian]

Wear them if you want! I still have a few pair around so they get worn from time to time. My SO dosen't care, sometimes I just wanna be weird and freaky so he's all for it.

Soooo I don't see how its hurting anyone and, not like you're permantly changing your eye color.

-A

 

[BeetleBug]

I say put them in to show him how you look in your contacts. If they look natural-like on you, I say go for it. But if they don't, you should toss them out because I have seen too many people with hazel or chestnut contacts and looks like their eyes are jumping out at me.

 

[blackmaven]

I say do whatever makes you happy wear the contacts. Sometimes couples can find the darnest things to spat over. Tell him to find something serious to kick it off.

 

[BrownSkin2]

I say wear them. It's not like they're your permanent eye color. Have fun with them.

 

[Cocotte]

Put on those contacts girl! Do what makes you feel good everyone needs a change from time to time, maybe your So will come around to liking them as well.
I agree with March87 as long as you look natural in them and ur eyes are not jumping out at people.

 

[CAPlush]

Color contacts are just another accessory if you aren't trying to perpetrate anything. It's all about the intent of the wearer, and if you feel like a change, then what's wrong with a change? Contacts are something you take off every day, just like make-up, clothing, jewelry, so I don't see how it really effects your honey.

 

[EMJazzy]

I wear colored contacts....there is NOTHING wrong with it either! Here is a pic of me wearing them....do they look *fake* to you? They are just regular browned eyed contacts, my real eye color is dark brown, the contacts are slightly lighter than my own eyes.

 

[sareca]

I have grayish-blue ones (like my Dad's eyes) I have no problem wearing them whenever the mood strikes me. You do you!

 

[Mook's hair]

"Well honey, this ain't about you, it's about me and I want to wear them."

That is not the right attitude to have in a relationship. That's the comment of a single person who is allowed to be selfish with no regard for someone else.

It doesn't sound like he's being unreasonable. Why do you want this so bad?
It obviously means something to him. If he's telling you he won't like it, I think you're asking for trouble.

Just my opinion. Is this your husband or your boyfriend?

 

[carmella25]

He's trippin. I used to wear contacts all the time blue, or green. What ever I felt like. Alot of people thought they were natural.

Do what makes you happy. Sometimes its good to have a change.

 

[*Michelle*]

My first thought was what does your hair have to do with your eyes I do agree with the poppin out contacts though

Then I read this:

"Well honey, this ain't about you, it's about me and I want to wear them."

That is not the right attitude to have in a relationship. That's the comment of a single person who is allowed to be selfish with no regard for someone else.

It doesn't sound like he's being unreasonable. Why do you want this so bad?
It obviously means something to him. If he's telling you he won't like it, I think you're asking for trouble.

Just my opinion. Is this your husband or your boyfriend?

This is her honey (leads me to beleive he is her BF) NOT her husband, therefore she IS single. If I'm wrong I stand corrected.

I say all this to say as women we need to keep it real from the BEGINNING (by real I mean dress, walk, talk, likes, dislikes,, weave, colored contacts etc)
He needs to accept her for who she is and vice versa. Since she seems to really want to do this he needs to ease up, in the real scheme of things its not THAT serious...this has nothing to do with being selfish. IMHO! Just in case: I've been married for 15 happy yrs.

My .02

Ok, off my soap box...sorry

 

[Radianthealth]

What do y'all think?
Can a natural-haired sister wear colored contact lenses?
I don't think anyone should wear colored contacts, like one of the first posters said they are kinda played out and they never look natural to me. Just really weird. I feel embarrassed talking to people with colored contacts on.

I understand it is a style choice and not about hating the race, they just look bad to me

Am I looking foolish for doing so?
In my oppinion yes

Or

Is honey trippin'? No he is not, Be thankful that you have a Man that appreciates your natural appearance.

Ultimately it is your decision

 

[MissMarie]

I say put them in to show him how you look in your contacts. If they look natural-like on you, I say go for it. But if they don't, you should toss them out because I have seen too many people with hazel or chestnut contacts and looks like their eyes are jumping out at me.

^
thats true, your biggest concern should be whether or not they are flattering, if they are and you like wearing them then thats your choice. he might like them if they're flattering, natural-looking, whatev
if their not its still your choice, but I do agree with other posters that bad colored contacts are kinda scary looking

 

[*Michelle*]

^
thats true, your biggest concern should be whether or not they are flattering, if they are and you like wearing them then thats your choice. he might like them if they're flattering, natural-looking, whatev
if their not its still your choice, but I do agree with other posters that bad colored contacts are kinda scary looking

WOW...look at all those beautiful black women with beautiful thick hair! Is this your family? I wish I had a family photo like that!

ETA: hmmm as I'm looking harder at this pic, they begin to look familiar....

 

[hottopic]

I understand that you want to consider his feels…But consider this, if you let him control the contacts now, what else will he restrict. It is good to consider the other person, but some people are just extremist. He sounds like he is a fanatic when it comes to being natural. Let him know that you only live once. Make the decision on your own. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

 

[MissMarie]

WOW...look at all those beautiful black women with beautiful thick hair! Is this your family? I wish I had a family photo like that!

I wish!
I'm going to just start lying to people and claim these women as my own I think they're from some school group.
Their hair is beautiful, I saw the pic and figured it was perfect for LHCF.

 

[BlkOnyx488]

Ok why is it considered an attack on our blackness if we were fake eyes.

We wear fake hair, fake nails, fake lashes, fake boobs, No matter what we package our selves in the content remains the same.

My only concern is, is it safe to wear 2 year old contacts?

 

[tnorenberg]

Girl, wear your contacts. Does he complain so when a woman colors her hair or change her fingernail polishtoo? We ,women, like to adorn ourselves, to accessorize. It's truely not about him so tell him to get over it!

 

[guesswho]

I'm sorry I just couldn't help laughing at the title of this thread lol,

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

My mama always said," Don't start what you ain't willing to put up with."

 

[DarkAngell]

ok. in a tiny way i see where he's coming from about the whle natural thing ....BUT....

#1. Its not like its an outlandish color and im sure it looks nice on you. I dont really pay too much attention to whats "in" right now and all that. if i like something. i buy it. I tried the color contact thing but its turns out im part of that small percentage that can never have color contacts fit right over my pupil.

#2. THEY'RE ALREADY PAID FOR....so y let all that money go to waste. Like someone else said...they're not permanent!

Go ahead and wear them! im sure you look beautiful with them!

 

[nomoweavesfome]

girl - for one thing - you need to see first and foremost. So whether it's glasses, contacts, gray , yellow, blue , orange , green, brown, use something to . I can however, appreciate his genuity on loving you all natural. That is rare these days in the land of BET. When I was courting back in the day, my sugadaddy bought me like a case of clear contact lenses to last me over a year(he liked me natural as well) and I couldn't afford to please somebody else at MY OWN expense if you get what I'm sayin.

I think you should have a sit down with honey if you guys are planning on being long term - to indefinite and let him know that you love him for who he is and you expect him to love you for who you are, and that contacts doesn't change who you are, but it's merely an accesory. I think you already done this but bottom line is honey, in all beautiful, successful, healthy relationships, there are things that each other does that the other party will clearly disagree with, but you are not going to let something as petty as a colored piece of silicon/ plastic/ whatever to help you see for Christ's sake get in the way of your love. Consider his feelings yes, but not at the expense of you being yourself.

I think you'll look fine by the way.

 

[jwhitley6]

Well, I think colored contacts are played and most are very unnatural looking. Just get some clear contacts and accentuate your eyes with makeup.

 

[Mahalialee4]

Contacts are scary when things go hairy!!!!
A lady I know had a pair that she popped in from time to time. She was very comfortable in them. she left them in too long ( a matter of hours too long) cause she was really feelin 'em and forgot and fell asleep with them in and ended up in emergency with them embedding into the flesh of her eyeball, and they had to be cut away.....okay..., .....be careful! bonjour

 

[love2alicia]

He must just love you very much. My opinion on contact lenses is they have the potential to look awful and/or fake. Ive had many friends who love to try the Hazel ones but they rarely look good.

However If it were my friend I wouldnt say anything, but if they ask me I tell the truth good or bad. If it were my boyfriend Id ask him not to wear them simply because I dont think Id fancy him and they eek me out.

If its a matter of money though Id say wear um'. Your a very lucky woman to have a man who loves you the way you are tho. I don't think your wrong to wrong to want a diff style but if hes more for natural women and you like to experiment you may be mismatched.

By the way he should try seeing you in them first before making his decision.

 

[tarheelgurl]

The only thing I am going to say is make sure that they aren't too old. I pulled out an old pair once and couldn't take them out fast enough! No matter what I did to them. I guess they were just to old!

 

[patient1]

I'm not into colored contacts but you get to do you regardless and ALWAYS. I woulda just popped them in sans the discussion and forecast.

p1

 

[Hil84figer]

So if her man told her to cut her hair she should do it. You should grow natural or grow your hair long. If the person is happy with who they are why change that aspect. Because not doing it will be selfish. How are you selfish. If you really get mad over hair and eye contacts and that carries on for a long time, then something is wrong. I just don't know. I felt that that was wrong. How is that an issue?


I'm confused. I know dont' have experience is relationship but when does hair, contacts relate to the partner. You can't tell someone not to do something. You advise. How can you be in a relationship without compromising your decision abilities? I'm just wondering.