He says he's not stable?

[**SaSSy**]

He's been 2, 3, almost 4 years and you are still his "wifey" but not even his fiance. He says "I would marry you, but I know you want the total package,and I'm not stable". what would you do? Is it time to go, or would you wait another 2,3, almost 4 more years?

 

[january noir]

Re: He says he's not sable?

He's been 2, 3, almost 4 years and you are still his "wifey" but not even his fiance. He says "I would marry you, but I know you want the total package,and I'm not sable". what would you do? Is it time to go, or would you wait another 2,3, almost 4 more years?

Do you mean stable?

 

[Connie]

He's been 2, 3, almost 4 years and you are still his "wifey" but not even his fiance. He says "I would marry you, but I know you want the total package,and I'm not stable". what would you do? Is it time to go, or would you wait another 2,3, almost 4 more years?

How does a woman skip being a fiance and end up a "wifey" to a guy who says he can't marry her?

 

[dlewis]

Girl, you know you can start some threads.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

How does a woman skip being a fiance and end up a "wifey" to a guy who says he can't marry her?

 

[sunnydaze]

Believe him.

 

[MsKipani]

Believe him.

I agree 100%! When men say stuff like that, they're usually pretty honest - whether he's insinuating mentally stable, financially stable, or a combo of both, he's also just saying he's not ready.
In the end it's up to the woman...wait as long as you feel is right for you. If he's not ready and you are or if he's simply not maturing on the same level as you, then you probably need to bounce - whether you're with him for a year or 10

 

[Keen]

Has he been doing anything to get stable? Does he even want to be stable? It really depends but the way it sound, if you're looking for stability, then you may need to move on.

 

[locabouthair]

I agree 100%! When men say stuff like that, they're usually pretty honest - whether he's insinuating mentally stable, financially stable, or a combo of both, he's also just saying he's not ready.
In the end it's up to the woman...wait as long as you feel is right for you. If he's not ready and you are or if he's simply not maturing on the same level as you, then you probably need to bounce - whether you're with him for a year or 10

I couldnt agree more. When men say that, move on. Unless you wanna keep playing wifey.

 

[MzLady78]

Sounds like a bullshyt cop out to me........

 

[Aveena]

..................

 

[MJ]

He's telling the truth. Believe him and move on.

 

[MizAvalon]

Believe him.

My feelings exactly. BELIEVE HIM and run for the hills.

Whether he is actually being truthful or is just saying that to avoid commitment, I would still be gone. If you are sincere about wanting me, then get yourself "stable" and then come back. I may or may not be available.

 

[Ms Red]

It hurts to do this, but this is the truth

My feelings exactly. BELIEVE HIM and run for the hills.

Whether he is actually being truthful or is just saying that to avoid commitment, I would still be gone. If you are sincere about wanting me, then get yourself "stable" and then come back. I may or may not be available.

 

[filthyfresh]

Stable?
Financially or "I'm crazier than cat sh*t" ?
Either way, it sounds like he's copping out.
Two years is long enough for anyone to start getting their lives together.
Now if he's just koo-koo-bananas, then let him ride into the sunset with some meds.

 

[naijamerican]

Stable?
Financially or "I'm crazier than cat sh*t" ?
Either way, it sounds like he's copping out.
Two years is long enough for anyone to start getting their lives together.
Now if he's just koo-koo-bananas, then let him ride into the sunset with some meds.

I couldn't have said it better myself...

 

[ThickHair]

He doesn't want to marry you, he may want to be married but it isn't you, if this is about you. Unstable and broke people get married all the time and are very successful.

Believe what he is telling you and quit playing wifey. Play independent woman who has a boyfriend not husband.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Bounce immediately: he's a stringer

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I agree with everyone else.

He's telling you the truth, so believe him.

However, whether or not you should move on depends on the circumstances.

My best friend has been with her boyfriend for about 8 years. Most women would have been like "Eight years?? What the hell???"

But here's their situation - they met when she was 19 years old. If they had dated for 2 or 3 years and then gotten married, it would have been a DISASTER! Out of college, NEITHER of them knew what they wanted to do. She's only been in a stable job that she wants to move forward in for the past 3 years and he's only just now finding the right field for him.

They're getting married this fall.

So if you're dealing with THAT kind of situation, then I'd say, don't fret. Him wanting to wait to marry until he's stable is actually a SMART move.

But if we're talking about someone in their late 20s to early 30s (or older), then we're talking about a different situation. Generally speaking, men should have some kind of stability by this time. But many times, many of them do not for various reasons.

I think the only reason for you to stick around if this is the case is if he's unstable with his job and has only just found what could potentially be his niche. Some guys don't want to take that leap until they feel they can be a good provider.

However, outside of that, if you know you're stable, you should just move on my dear

 

[drasgrl]

I am not dealing with anyone who is not mentally stable I'm sorry. The minute he tells me that I gots to go.

If he's talking about financially I can work a little better with that. If he has a steady job but isn't making much money I can help him better his skills and try to find better opportunities as long as he has the drive and ambition to better himself financially.

 

[FlowerHair]

He's most likely telling you the truth - he thinks you deserve someone better and more stable. That's actually a good thing, because he obviously cares for you and wants the best for you.

He's not ready for a commitment and it won't do you any good to force him into marriage at this point.

If you have all the time in the world and don't care about getting married, go ahead and continue the relationship. Otherwise, it's time to let go...

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I agree with the ladies who've said believe him and move on. Waiting for some promise of future stability is a CROCK, and it will usually end with your heart being broken and you growing resentful of wasting time and energy waiting on him, coaxing him, and being patient with him.

He has told you in no uncertain terms who he is and what he's about. If he wanted to marry you, he would, plain and simple. If he is TRULY feeling unable to support you financially or otherwise, he should be able to lay out a DETAILED, CONCRETE plan of what he is actively doing to get to this place of stability, AND he should be able to give you an estimated deadline of when he believes he'll be done with the process. If he is vague, off putting, or talking out of both sides of his mouth, please do yourself a favor and get out of dodge.

Leopards don't change their spots...