HE PROPOSED.....

MzV1991

MzV1991

New Member
and im freaking out!!!! :perplexed We have been together for a yr and about 7 months and i reallly love him but you would think i would jump for a joy bc ive been fantazizing about this moment for forever. But im panicking...and its weird. i told him I will get back to him. I made the whole situation weird...all he said was ummm...okay :look: I dont wanna end up being a run a runaway bride just because im too nervous :lachen:. Do you think because im hesitating its bc im nervous or is it bc im just not ready. But thats a understatement bc deep down i know im ready. This is the guy i want to spend forever with yet the word yes seems so hard to say.



Ladies what the hell is wrong with me??????:ohwell:
 
Maybe it was unexpected right now maybe you still have a few things to hash out internally..talk to him though so he won't feel too defeated.Congrats however..I can't wait to just have a real relationship let alone engaged
 
Congratulations! Til Death Do Us Part can make anyone nervous -- even when it's what you want.

Are there any specific things that are keeping you from saying yes? Anything bothering you?

BTW, I love the quote in your siggy.
 
Hmmm....very interesting! :scratchch

I would think that if you're with the right person, and you love the man then you would be quick to say "yes", but then again....I've never been proposed to before so..... :look:

I think maybe some more information about the relationship needs to be shared here.

You're hesitant for a reason. Just WHAT is it exactly are you afraid of??? You know the answer... :yep:
 
well thnx ladiessss....i had to do some soul searching and i realized i have this huge fear of marriage changing everything and next thing you know im getting a divorce. I know NO ONE that is happily married. Everyone i know that is married is on their way to divorce. So im assuming im afraid of change.
 
How old are you? Do you feel that you are too young for marriage?

Do you have examples of healthy marriages among your family and friends?
 
MzV1991 said:
well thnx ladiessss....i had to do some soul searching and i realized i have this huge fear of marriage changing everything and next thing you know im getting a divorce. I know NO ONE that is happily married. Everyone i know that is married is on their way to divorce. So im assuming im afraid of change.
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You answered my question just as I was typing it!
 
i have no idea what im going to say when i see him tonight....am i gunna go for it and give myself the real excuse to put my gym membership to good use or am i going to just be like sorry but i am too scared to make that commitment...knowing him he will come up with a list of all the reasons i should say yes lol
 
I take it your birth year is 1991? So, you're 18 or just turned it? I could see why you're to nervous. To me, the teen years (and sometimes even early early 20's) is just too young to get married. How old is he?
 
Awe....let him know your scared.

I understand we're your coming from....feel like whats the point of getting married when there is a chance that the one you love so much could turn around and not love u anymore and here comes the divorce. You can't avoid him but if you need more time, he should understand but hopefully it won't break his heart.

See, I'll show you

Will Smith: Tamara, will you marry me?
Me: Yes, yes Will, I will marry you.
Will Smith: Woo hoo, she said yes.

See, so easy & simple. Lmao
 
MzV1991 said:
i have no idea what im going to say when i see him tonight....am i gunna go for it and give myself the real excuse to put my gym membership to good use or am i going to just be like sorry but i am too scared to make that commitment...knowing him he will come up with a list of all the reasons i should say yes lol
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I take it that you weren't expecting this so suddenly. Tell him the truth of how you feel. When exuses and lies come about thats where drama begins within a relationship. Somethings wrong, if you feel the need to lie or make exuses to him, which means you're probably not ready.
 
Nothing really to add but I hope you the make the right decision for you. Have you two talked about marriage in the months you have been dating so far? You need to think things over to make an informed decision. Sounds like him popping the question surprised you.
 
Don't feel obligated to say yes to marriage just because you been asked. But if you have been in this relationship for 1.5 yrs then you should be thinking long term and asking yourself "is this the man I want to marry?" If he is good enough for you to be in this relationship with him then he is good enough to be your husband. right? If the answer is No then why be in a relationship with him. If yes then you will have time to think about it again while you are engaged and planning for the wedding. Make the special date farther down the road to give yourself enough time for all the things to come together!

Don't make the mistake of getting married to young like alot of people do. I am speaking for myself and I felt tied down alot then the kids came into the world. I felt like I missed out on somethings. At the same time I know I don't go through what a alot of single and married people go through. So I am greatful for that.

Congratulations and I wish you the best.
 
Sooo much advice...thanks ladies.....I even see someone pointed out my age....but in my culture I'm actually a old hag and should of been married by now. But I've decided yes I will marry him. Not because I feel forced or not wanting to let him down. The proposal came as a shock not bc I wasn't ready but just the time and place. We were watching the movie grownups and then he walked me to my favorite spot (the brooklyn bridge at night). Whick I'm ready to relax and then came the proposal my 1st instinct was to jump over the bridge lol But anyway I want to marry him bc he has always been there for me I don't see myself with anyone else its weird bc I was expecting the proposal but when it happened its like omg its actually happening. But I told him yes. My dad already knows bc he asked my dad beforehand without me knowing. So ladies I'm getting married....... :-)
 
MzV1991 said:
well thnx ladiessss....i had to do some soul searching and i realized i have this huge fear of marriage changing everything and next thing you know im getting a divorce. I know NO ONE that is happily married. Everyone i know that is married is on their way to divorce. So im assuming im afraid of change.
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Awww....sorry you feel this way. :hug2: It can be hard to trust unfortunately when you don't see examples of happy marriages or relationships around you. However, just because other friends or family members of yours have been divorced, it doesn't necessarily automatically mean that you will end up in an unhappy marriage.

If you don't love this man then by all means don't marry someone you don't love. But if you are in love with this man and he treats you right, by all means don't deny yourself the chance to be happy in married life simply due to fear. :(. There are soo many things in life we could end up not doing due to fear. But we could end up missing out on a lot in life. :ohwell:
I agree with others....you should have an honest talk with your man about your fears.
 
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IF you are as young as you say (old hag are you kidding me lol!) then perhaps you want to stay engaged for several years. That way you can feel more comfortable with being engaged (and enjoy that stage). I never understand why people rush it, when they don't have to. I'm older than you and I just talked my fiance into waiting over a year. I wanted to get married next march, but the dates that I want are NOT available at the hotel, but they are the next year (in Jan or March). So that's fine with me. I just informed my family of the change, and we had that date nailed in stone at first! I told him we can just enjoy this stage.

Don't let your age make you do anything rash (or you feeling that you are an "old hag). Marry him because you love him, and don't rush the engagement because of everyone else's expectations. Heck if I were your age and I wanted to get engaged (Though that was NOT my plan at that age) I would stay engaged through college and then get married (you are going to college?). Good luck whatever you decide hon!
 
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Its a bit complicated lol I was adopted into a indian family since I was 3 and grew up respecting in their culture. My mom wanted to have arranged marriage at 16 but my dad decided I must choose someone by 17 and they are not exactly happy that I've waited this long but I'm an american girl with american views also so I explained I have to marry someone I actuallly love. You think I'm missing screws they expected me to marry this guy after dating him for only 3 months!....But I had to be sure and I feel like I'm making the right decision. What parents don't know is I'm having the wedding in 2 yrs I must finish school first. Both me and my man understands this bc he wants to finish school too
 
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Oh, wow. I'd just advise you to use the two years to get to know yourself and get to know what you want out of a marriage, and see if the two of you have the same goals in life. Especially since you don't have many good examples around you -- you need to plan for how you're going to be different. Without models, that will be tough. Good luck!!
 
It (a marriage proposal) can be a shocking event even when things are "perfect". I know I wasn't ready to be married in my early 20s, but I also know of PLENTY of couples who have dated and married in their early 20s and are still together (like 45-50 years later).

I guess the hardest part is family and marriage (heck NOTHING) is like things used to be back in the day. People had a whole different level of morals and decorum that helped couples pull through the rough patches in the past, but today, more people don't seem to TRULY wish other well and support them in their joys. It's like they're looking for something to point out so others can be as unhappy and miserable as they are (I'm not talking about anyone here, just in general).

For example, back in the day, a heaux knew her place and if a husband cheated, it was their secret, but today before he's pullin' up his pants, she on the phone tellin' every body all the details. I say all this to mean that it seems that you have your family's support and what ever you decide, stay under their shield and protection. Don't let outsiders (myself incl.) tell you what to do about your relationship, they can offer perspectives and advice, but you follow through with what YOU and YOUR people decide.

Most importantly, congrats for finding a love that believes in doing the right thing in proper order and I hope you two are very happy, or at least devoted to each other.:congrats:
 
MzV1991 said:
Its a bit complicated lol I was adopted into a indian family since I was 3 and grew up respecting in their culture. My mom wanted to have arranged marriage at 16 but my dad decided I must choose someone by 17 and they are not exactly happy that I've waited this long but I'm an american girl with american views also so I explained I have to marry someone I actuallly love. You think I'm missing screws they expected me to marry this guy after dating him for only 3 months!....But I had to be sure and I feel like I'm making the right decision. What parents don't know is I'm having the wedding in 2 yrs I must finish school first. Both me and my man understands this bc he wants to finish school too
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Oh I see. I definitely understand the indian family thing. One of my good friends is fighting with that right now as her parents think she is old (she's in her late twenties like me) and want to ship her off to India so she can marry before it's too late. I am starting to be aware of the pressure in that culture.

Either way I am a little relieved. I went through this with some of my cousins. They all just wanted to be married, married, married! And I'd say and then what? Cause they didn't have that part figured out. It was like they were in love with the idea of marriage (I mention them as they are in your age group, and some a little older now...my dad has a large family so I have tons of cousins). Anyways I urged them to at least wait until they finished school but NOOOO they just HAD to get married. And now one of them was like "you were right" to me sadly, as she's had two babies and keeps having the hardest time going back. Things just keep coming up. I'm sure she can find the strength to go back, but I think that in Undergrad you should finish first. By the time people get to advanced degrees I don't have any beliefs there. Cause I KNOW they're going to finish. You don't go that far if you aren't going to finish. I see people marry as law students, phd students, med students, etc and they finish school despite being married. But I believe that they surround themselves with people who want that to happen, and know what it takes to make it through those times. Basically they have a support system in place to make sure that all the hurdles are out of their way. I'm in that position as I finish my masters. I'm in my latter twenties but I had issues keep me from school: got sick and hospitalized and had to recover, had orbital decompression for my eyes (and sight problems), some financial snafus because I had to take a medical leave when my student loans came due. But when I got my health together as much as possible, I vowed to go back. But with marriage, Basically I made sure to know that I can continue through school without problems, and also do everything I need to do (writing and creatively) while being married and that my fiance is on board.


But the people I see marrying in undergrad just drop out...not intending to (pregnancy, etc) and HOPE they can come back...and just wander off struggling to get back on track. That's not everyone, but a lot. And at that age, I think it's also because you're young and just in love, but don't consider the consequences: marriage...how long are you going to wait to have kids...are you compatible (not just does he have a nice butt)....how are you going to raise your kids...where are you going to live...how are you going to continue(on your career...or staying home or what)...will this impede your path or add to it? I just think when you're older these things are easier to think about because you're not just swept up in love (yes you use your heart but it's not the only factor).

I'm saying this from a big cousin stand point. Even though you're on lhcf you're a lhcf sister to me! So anyways I wish you the best, but I think it's EXCELLENT that you're getting your schooling out first.:grin:
 
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We and now fiancee... wow that sound weird. We have talked about a lot of this. Trust me the whole I'm sooooo in love feeling that clouds judgement passed months ago. We both agree on what we want. Kids no time soon most likely in my late twenties because education is so important to us. We both believe in setting ourselves up before kids come along because I don't want to be struggling with school. Husband ...work and then a kid...no way! I appreciate everyone views on this. But I realized I'm not marrying because of the idea of marrying is fascinating or bc ill b damn any1 else end up marrying my man lol just it works. Plus even if it takes longer than 2 yrs until the wedding were in no rush he just want that ring on mah finger to symbolize were official
 
Plus girllllll me drop out of school lol I had to laugh at that. There is no way ithat would happen. I don't believe in brakes I believe in getting things done....plus If I ever dropped out my man would kill me with lectures on the importance of education and I would truly have to hurt him lol In the end he keeps me grounded. We been through a lot and I'm not going no where. I believe if me and him continue to work together than divorce who? Lol
 
^^Never assumed an engagement would cause you to drop out lol! I'm talking about marriage. And I heard never drop out from all three of my cousins who got married young of which NONE has completed their degrees and ALL want to continue but things have gotten in their way. I keep telling them its not over. I had medical obstacles and went back. ANYONE can go back but it takes a will of steel and as you grow older more things get in the way (finances, etc) to the point where it just slows you down a little. It's better to be free of the weights while you can and just go straight through. BUT it seems that you have your head on your shoulders so I'm happy for you!
 
Just remember, Don't rush ANYTHING!

Marriage is like a train to Atlantic City with a 50% chance of derailing.

just ask yourself "is where I'll end up really worth the risk a commitment like this involves?"
If the answer is yes, then you'll probably be fine.

Good luck!
 
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