He flipped the Script! Upset because I did not call

[kayte]

Dating this great guy....talking nearly two months...
really beautiful person in and out. All is going amazingly well
I feel very connected to him...super atttracted to him
he's a scientist and cerebral.... but so funny...and adorable
my date with him was a dream...in every way..took care of everything ..
I felt adored and spoiled
his kiss was explosive and he was the one wh insisted it was
OUR FIRS DATE and he was going home and respcted that and me. texted me on the way home... all of it wonderful
Making some great plans~

Last week we have a late night conversation about Spring break...he's a professor,and he was talkng about finishing finals and doing one makeup but glad to relax and have time ot see me...we decide on movies..and he cracks me up because he says it will have to be a boring movie as he will pay no attention to an interesting movie. meaning his attention will be on me
we leave it with he will call me
5 days go by and I'm puzzled and hurt..
A friend I trust reassures me if it were her and since it does not seem casual.... she'd be straightforward and just call and say's hey...what;s up

So I did..after praying on it. He said...he was hoping I would have called him ...that
so far he's calling and he likes to call.. but he wanted the phone to ring..from me
and to know I had missed him
He was upset! He said he figured on the weekend I had plans ..which I did
then I reminded him of our last conversation and he just reiiterated..it would have
been nice to hear FROM ME

I could tell he was honest ..he disclosed EVERYTHING he did over the last few days...so that I could see he was waiting to hear from me..we came to a lovely understanding ...
he confirmed if he was not into being together...he would never just
disappear...he would tell me
and going forward I can trust that...I promised the same

I don't think he is comfortable with me multi-dating as cool as he tries to be about it
He asked to get together tommorow and I changed the subject because I was startled
to get together right away..and I am going to Maundy Thursday service and soooo wanted as he is a believer to worship together but dint dare ask
but..finally revealed my schedule for the week..which did not include other dates
(after he said you are changing the subject)
he seemed more upbeat after that. "Are you glad to know what I'm doing?"
and he laughed YES!{ cas not dating anyone else this week
he said "So...to be clear I am CALLING YOU"..lol ..and before I could say when
he said TONIGHT

UPSHOT
he's going to church with me Thursday..when I mentioned it he said he secretly wanted to go with me but did not want to impose...I thought why not ask him
he is SUCH a sweetheart and so sexy

and then Saturday we are going to the movies
he knows I like classics and was going to research

but!
what a misunderstanding..so confusing
bizarre to learn some men are sensitive to being wanted via this action
of the phone

I dunno..he's not American..but I thought ALL men are pretty much alike
in male culture
he did warn me that he was not a "typical guy"

 

[aribell]

I was actually talking to my sister a while back about the same thing. She said her current SO disappeared for a minute when they first began talking, and when she called him he just said "You can call, too." He said it was so that they know that you are feeling what they are feeling. He's actually really attentive toward her, but sometimes I think they do want that reassurance.

Something similar happened to me. And me putting a call out there seemed to make things right as rain. This person also would make a point to thank me for calling whenever I did happen to call, which I think was supposed to be a hint that he didn't want to do all the calling.

Now, there was another man who said in our first conversation something to the effect of, "I like a woman who will call me and do something nice for me, not just wait for me to do it." And that one I didn't speak to again because his attitude seemed to indicate laziness rather than just wanting to see a clear indication of a woman's interest.

 

[Guitarhero]

I think that when women call, they are looking desperate. But he's not American. Still, something inside me says that men like to do the pursuing. Wait until the weekend to figure it all out. He better show up lol.

 

[kayte]

and when she called him he just said "You can call, too." He said it was so that they know that you are feeling what they are feeling. He's actually really attentive toward her, but sometimes I think they do want that reassurance.

Yes...exactly! If it was a casual dating thing.
.like...we will touch base .....whenever...
no big deal
but he is acting like a boyfriend...the thread would have been too long to
illustrate all of that
but clearly he likes to be called too as special

I DID lose a potential date who said EARLY ON
and directly those SAME words ..YOU CAN CALL ME TOO
he meant it...but I DIDN'T and now he is on Facebook with some one who evidently DID call
lol

Something similar happened to me. And me putting a call out there seemed to make things right as rain. This person also would make a point to thank me for calling whenever I did happen to call, which I think was supposed to be a hint that he didn't want to do all the calling.

Again right on ..he WAS upset! He answered the phone
the way I would have answered if h had called after 5 days
aloof and upset

but calling ...made it okay and I LEARNED so much about him
he ALSO said btw
THANK YOU for the lovely call

wow

 

[kayte]

I think that when women call, they are looking desperate. But he's not American. Still, something inside me says that men like to do the pursuing. Wait until the weekend to figure it all out. He better show up lol.

He's European....he IS different...I am rapidly learning this
but no..he's definitely pursuing

even when I called.....the agenda was
WHEN AND HOW SOON CAN I SEE YOU

I mean...
He's going to church with me tomm...
as well as a date-date Saturdaynight
that says a lot to me

but the desperate thing....it was good to touch base
with a woman friend I admire and highly respect who mirrored back
what the real deal was...clarity
and prayer which helped me to call and see what was up

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Awww...cute story Kayte!

Yeah, I agree...some men are very sensitive, I have to admit. I guess this goes against everything they say in "The Rules" huh?? What are us "Rules Girls" supposed to do? LOL!!

I personally think that while men want and LIKE to be the pursuers, they ALSO like to know if a woman is truly feeling them. If a man is REALLY feeling you then he will start to get a little insecure if you don't reciprocate as much. Some men are just sensitive that way. *shrugs* That's why I think there's nothing wrong w/calling a guy (after you both have established that you two are "dating"/"talking" or whatever) once for every 3 or 4 times that he calls you. In other words...INITIATING that call.

I learned just last year that sooo many guys may have this tough "macho" exterior on the outside, but deep inside, they want some of the SAME things we women want. They want validation too! Perhaps even MORE so. Of course, no man is going to just come right out and say that though.

So, I personally think you did the right thing in calling him. Of course, I would still make sure that he's the one doing most of the pursuing...and keep him on his toes a little bit (don't get TOO lax in other words) ,but by the 6-month mark you guys should be so comfortable w/each other that these silly little "rules" that we have for the beginning stages of a relationship won't even really matter that much.

 

[kayte]

Awww...cute story Kayte!

Yeah, I agree...some men are very sensitive, I have to admit. I guess this goes against everything they say in "The Rules" huh?? What are us "Rules Girls" supposed to do? LOL!!
I personally think that while men want and LIKE to be the pursuers, they ALSO like to know if a woman is truly feeling them. If a man is REALLY feeling you then he will start to get a little insecure if you don't reciprocate as much. Some men are just sensitive that way. *shrugs* That's why I think there's nothing wrong w/calling a guy (after you both have established that you two are "dating"/"talking" or whatever) once for every 3 or 4 times that he calls you. In other words...INITIATING that call.

I learned just last year that sooo many guys may have this tough "macho" exterior on the outside, but deep inside, they want some of the SAME things we women want. They want validation too! Perhaps even MORE so. Of course, no man is going to just come right out and say that though.

So, I personally think you did the right thing in calling him. Of course, I would still make sure that he's the one doing most of the pursuing...and keep him on his toes a little bit (don't get TOO lax in other words) ,but by the 6-month mark you guys should be so comfortable w/each other that these silly little "rules" that we have for the beginning stages of a relationship won't even really matter that much.

PREACH!

That's where I got confused..
oKAY?

those*&^% RULES

You make such good sense!!
I did not know
There's a confusion at times w/ reciprocity
and chasing

he's the one doing most of the pursuing...

I asked hm if he missed me a litle
and he said no..not a little
I DREAMT about you

 

[dlewis]

I think even American men like to be called sometimes. I know when I was dating DH he was the one doing all the calling. He decides not to call me to see if I would call him and I did NOT. And he didn't call me. That's the only day is 14 years that I didn't talk with him and he's never let me live that down.

 

[dlewis]

Awww...cute story Kayte!

Yeah, I agree...some men are very sensitive, I have to admit. I guess this goes against everything they say in "The Rules" huh?? What are us "Rules Girls" supposed to do? LOL!!

I personally think that while men want and LIKE to be the pursuers, they ALSO like to know if a woman is truly feeling them. If a man is REALLY feeling you then he will start to get a little insecure if you don't reciprocate as much. Some men are just sensitive that way. *shrugs* That's why I think there's nothing wrong w/calling a guy (after you both have established that you two are "dating"/"talking" or whatever) once for every 3 or 4 times that he calls you. In other words...INITIATING that call.

I learned just last year that sooo many guys may have this tough "macho" exterior on the outside, but deep inside, they want some of the SAME things we women want. They want validation too! Perhaps even MORE so. Of course, no man is going to just come right out and say that though.

So, I personally think you did the right thing in calling him. Of course, I would still make sure that he's the one doing most of the pursuing...and keep him on his toes a little bit (don't get TOO lax in other words) ,but by the 6-month mark you guys should be so comfortable w/each other that these silly little "rules" that we have for the beginning stages of a relationship won't even really matter that much.

Yep.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

PREACH!

That's where I got confused..
oKAY?

those*&^% RULES

You make such good sense!!
I did not know
There's a confusion at times w/ reciprocity
and chasing

Haha!!! Right! Well IMO, for us ladies who choose to do "The Rules", there has to be a balance. I mean, use common sense for goodness sakes!! LOL!! I think "The Rules" is pretty much just a guidline for women to recognize and show their self-worth instead of CHASING after a man. It also helps to weed out the guys who are really just "Not That Into You".

But in YOUR case, you're not "chasing" after this guy at all. You're allowing him to pursue you while also at the same time getting to know him SLOWLY so that you don't get your head all "twisted" lol. So, that's all "The Rules" are pretty much. Don't chase after a guy, and don't do more than he would do for you.

This guy is calling you, wanting to see you, and is planning dates w/you in advance, so I think it's pretty safe to call him every once in a while....especially if he's practically begging for it lol. I think the "don't call" rule came about because some women would end up chasing and calling up a guy who wasn't even really thinking of them, or who only contacted them because something "better" didn't come along, so they felt the need to protect themselves. And in general, I don't think the woman should be doing most of the calling in the "courting" stages anyway. But if a guy seems bummed about you not calling him, and he's been doing most of the work, then by all means...give his ego a little boost. I think ALL men (even American men) appreciate this from time to time. Make it random too. Don't always call at the same day/same time. Keep him guessing! But it is pretty clear in your case where your guy's head is at!! On YOU!

I asked hm if he missed me a litle
and he said no..not a little
I DREAMT about you

WOW!!!

This one's a keeper!

 

[kayte]

WOW!!!

This one's a keeper!

I live near the Empire State Building
and he says whenever he sees it ...he think of of me
or...he walked down my street...he teaches at the Graduate center
sometimes...it's a block from me and
he said I wonder what she's wearng ..now that it is so warm
and will I see her

that was a few weeks ago
I'm trying to stay calm..lol...
thinking maybe this is a REAL possiblity of ...what I've
held out for...for so long

but disclaimer
I thought this with the man who was a writer
but he quickly revealed some disturbing character stuff
so we will see

but he's got it ALL
goodlooking sexy..a PHD
brainy attentive funny....explosive kissing!
no drama..respctful...
my age range

I like him soooooooooooooo much
thus far

 

[kayte]

I think even American men like to be called sometimes. I know when I was dating DH he was the one doing all the calling. He decides not to call me to see if I would call him and I did NOT. And he didn't call me. That's the only day is 14 years that I didn't talk with him and he's never let me live that down.

I am really learning this
it's calling....right? and NOT chasing ..
that gets confused

 

[HoneyA]

In the end, it has a lot to do with the vibe you are giving off whether you call or not. From recent experience, the "I could care less if I hear you or not, happy go lucky, whatever" vibe is the one that mysteriously gets them chipping so that must be the vibe you have. He thought you weren't really interested in him and wanted to make sure.
It's the strangest thing but the best thing about it is having fun at the same time and not giving a hoot.

 

[Bmack]

I live near the Empire State Building
and he says whenever he sees it ...he think of of me
or...he walked down my street...he teaches at the Graduate center
sometimes...it's a block from me and
he said I wonder what she's wearng ..now that it is so warm
and will I see her

that was a few weeks ago
I'm trying to stay calm..lol...
thinking maybe this is a REAL possiblity of ...what I've
held out for...for so long

but disclaimer
I thought this with the man who was a writer
but he quickly revealed some disturbing character stuff
so we will see

but he's got it ALL
goodlooking sexy..a PHD
brainy attentive funny....explosive kissing!
no drama..respctful...
my age range

I like him soooooooooooooo much
thus far

You got me blushing . I am happy for the both of you. Have fun on your date.

 

[kayte]

You got me blushing . I am happy for the both of you. Have fun on your date.

ohh.thank you

He kept blushing at dinner....all the time
I'd shake my hair out of my eyes or touch his wrist
or laugh and ..he'd bl...uuuuuuuuuuush
I said..what IS going on? are you okay?

and he said I am intimidated by your beauty

I was like.....oh please
it's so nice and rare when the attraction is that mutal,though
I heart that he is going to my church for MaundyThursday
that is a powerful and blessed date indeed
I am very excited that we have in common we both love Jesus Christ

 

[kayte]

This guy is calling you, wanting to see you, and is planning dates w/you in advance, so I think it's pretty safe to call him every once in a while....especially if he's practically begging for it lol. I think the "don't call" rule came about because some women would end up chasing and calling up a guy who wasn't even really thinking of them, or who only contacted them because something "better" didn't come along, so they felt the need to protect themselves. And in general, I don't think the woman should be doing most of the calling in the "courting" stages anyway. But if a guy seems bummed about you not calling him, and he's been doing most of the work, then by all means...give his ego a little boost. I think ALL men (even American men) appreciate this from time to time. Make it random too. Don't always call at the same day/same time. Keep him guessing! But it is pretty clear in your case where your guy's head is at!! On YOU![/QUOTE]

You should write the Cliff notes to the Rules~
Excellent advice which I am going to take
@underlined...yes..he's pretty involved so far..sometimes cautious
...he's no wuss.. ...I like he's calling me tonight
to church tomm....movies & dinner Saturday...lol...making up for lost time
I mean ..no one's holding a gun to his head

yet

 

[aribell]

kayte, you seem to have the most lovely dating experiences. Hoping the best for you.

 

[-PYT]

aww this is lovely. I need to learn from this too as I'm the type to wait for a guy to miss/call me--thus leaving me wondering why I'm not being contacted lol