He doesn't like to meet other ppl?

[yokoyokogirl]

Ok here's the deal, my girlfriend has a "perfect guy"--he seems kind, takes care of her and is very faithful. She has never complained about him once.

But he doesn't like to go out in groups (even with just one other person) with her friends. It's always just the two of them. Doesn't matter the event or time of day--BBQs, lunches, drinking parties, sporting events--He always says "no thanks, but you can go". He's never met any of her friends, unless they were out and ran into them.

He says he doesn't feel comfortable meeting new people and actually every time they talk about it, he gets defensive. BUT the two of them always go out together, he takes her on trips, and she went to his best friend's wedding with him. (So I doubt he's ashamed of her) I think he's extremely anti-social, but maybe just comfortable with her? And he's an only child too.

Yesterday she said, if we get married, will he go to the baby showers or family reunions? (But he said family is different) I'm not really sure what else to think of thiserplexed

 

[dlewis]

I'm the same way. I don't like crowds and don't like being around people. I'm alot better than I was when I got with DH (people use to think he was lying when he told them he was married to me). I REALLY really don't like certain groups of people. My family is different.

 

[MissYocairis]

SO is similar to this. He will meet my friends and family and spend time around them for me and he does it without complaint. But, he needs time to disengage from external people on the regular and have it be just he and I.

I'm similar being an only child so it doesn't bother me. I don't want folks around me constantly and also need my time to veg out alone. I've noticed the urge or need to be alone increases when either he or I has a really busy week professionally. If there are lots of meetings and speaking engagements where he has had to exchange energy with people he isn't close to, he can get drained and need time to recalibrate. I'm the same way.

So, I wouldn't worry about it and your friend just should respect that some folks do not rely on consistent interaction with others in order to feel fulfilled. Many times they are just the opposite and need time alone or with their closest loved one only in order to truly be fulfilled.

 

[qchelle]

SO is similar to this. He will meet my friends and family and spend time around them for me and he does it without complaint. But, he needs time to disengage from external people on the regular and have it be just he and I.

I'm similar being an only child so it doesn't bother me. I don't want folks around me constantly and also need my time to veg out alone. I've noticed the urge or need to be alone increases when either he or I has a really busy week professionally. If there are lots of meetings and speaking engagements where he has had to exchange energy with people he isn't close to, he can get drained and need time to recalibrate. I'm the same way.

So, I wouldn't worry about it and your friend just should respect that some folks do not rely on consistent interaction with others in order to feel fulfilled. Many times they are just the opposite and need time alone or with their closest loved one only in order to truly be fulfilled.

Whoaaa get outta my head! I'm the same way! I don't like big groups and after a big social event, it's like I'm sooo drained! Even if I didn't do/say anything! It's like I have to work myself up to go, then when it's over, it's like *whew!* now I can breathe

I really don't think she has anything to worry about. He's just shy/doesn't like groups at social gatherings. Alot of people are like this.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

That's good advice.

I was (over analyzing) thinking he is ashamed of her or doesn't want to be seen together because he never goes to any events. Small crowds or big, he always says no. But he and her will go on trips all of the time.

I've never seen that before and also she said it worried her a bit, but it's good to know that you ladies have experienced this too.

 

[nikolite]

My hubby's the same way. He hates going out with other people and only goes out to be with me most times. He's perfectly happy with just hanging out with me or another friend of his occasionally--otherwise he's happy alone. There's nothing wrong with that. Its just his personality. He will go out in public/crowds/groups if he has to but just doesn't like it. A baby shower/wedding may make an exception, but I don't think this is abnormal at all.

Btw, my hubby is one of 9 children.

I enjoy crowds sometimes, but I have introverted tendencies where I need to be alone too, so I bounce back and forth sometimes (I think I'm a dead on mix of extroversion and introversion). So I understand it.

 

[Lynnerie]

I dont see what the problem is. Why would she want to take her man around her friends anyway?

As long as they are going places together and they attend family events and he doesn't restrict her from hanging out with her friends I don't see what the big deal is.

He's in a relationship with HER not her Friends and in my opinion thats the way it should be. I hate to be so ol' school but as soon as you start bringing your man around a bunch of "friends" there's a possibility that you open your relationship up to a whole lot of potential mess if you know what I mean.

 

[Whimsy]

Oh gosh!

I think I'm like that guy.

I'm social and love people, but I am largely a house mouse and don't want to deal with John's peoples. I get uncomfortable sometimes dealing with large groups and lots of new people at once.

I love dealing with my friends and family of course though lol

 

[ladylibra_30]

Ok here's the deal, my girlfriend has a "perfect guy"--he seems kind, takes care of her and is very faithful. She has never complained about him once.

But he doesn't like to go out in groups (even with just one other person) with her friends. It's always just the two of them. Doesn't matter the event or time of day--BBQs, lunches, drinking parties, sporting events--He always says "no thanks, but you can go". He's never met any of her friends, unless they were out and ran into them.

He says he doesn't feel comfortable meeting new people and actually every time they talk about it, he gets defensive. BUT the two of them always go out together, he takes her on trips, and she went to his best friend's wedding with him. (So I doubt he's ashamed of her) I think he's extremely anti-social, but maybe just comfortable with her? And he's an only child too.

Yesterday she said, if we get married, will he go to the baby showers or family reunions? (But he said family is different) I'm not really sure what else to think of thiserplexed

@ the bolded/underlined - See, I would have an small issue with this. Why is it ok for her to go with him to his bestie's nuptials BUT he refuses to go anywhere her friends are? Are his friends better than hers?

I'm only asking since he differentiated his preference of hanging out between/with family vs. friends.
Best Friends, although they may feel like it, are not family last time I checked.

Your friend obviously is feeling a little put off by this so she should honor her feelings, break through his defensive mechanism, and hash it out (if it is really important to her).

 

[caltron]

I am not very social either and if I were in his shoes I would be the same way. The only problem I see is they may be incompatible. If she's really social and he's not, is she going to be o.k. with that? He's not going to change (and shouldn't have to change) so she needs to figure out how important it is to her to have a man that likes hanging out with her friends.

Also, it could be that he just doesn't like her friends. I know my best friend's husband rubs me the wrong way at times to the point where I have to balance how badly I want to maintain a relationship with my friend against my preference not to be around him.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Am I the only one who sees this as a little bit of a red flag??
Not glaringly obvious...but just a teeny bit odd?? They're dating right? Not married?

 

[dlewis]

[/U][/B]

@ the bolded/underlined - See, I would have an small issue with this. Why is it ok for her to go with him to his bestie's nuptials BUT he refuses to go anywhere her friends are? Are his friends better than hers?

I'm only asking since he differentiated his preference of hanging out between/with family vs. friends.
Best Friends, although they may feel like it, are not family last time I checked.

Your friend obviously is feeling a little put off by this so she should honor her feelings, break through his defensive mechanism, and hash it out (if it is really important to her).

I feel better around the people I know than the people DH knows. I prefer to be around people who have shown they care about me. I'm sure I'm not the only one like that.

 

[qchelle]

I feel better around the people I know than the people DH knows. I prefer to be around people who have shown they care about me. I'm sure I'm not the only one like that.

You're not. I was just about to say this. He knows his friends. He doesn't know her friends. Big difference.

 

[ladylibra_30]

I see what you ladies are saying and if your S/O's are cool with that then those are the parameters of your relationship...cool beans. However, the OP's friend is a little put off by his refusal to socialize with her friends. Or in the least, questions it according to the post.

At one time she didn't know his friends but at least she was willing to meet them. There's no I in US when it comes to relationships and the art of balance and compromise within reason should be in the forefront.

 

[awhyley]

Am I the only one who sees this as a little bit of a red flag??
Not glaringly obvious...but just a teeny bit odd?? They're dating right? Not married?

I was wondering the same at first, but if he doesn't restrict her or make her feel guilty about hanging out with her peeps, then I guess he's okay. Only time will tell.

 

[Gigi-07]

I'm like her boyfriend. I really don't like people. I have my few besties, my fam, my dog...and I'm good. I've found, about 95% of the people I encounter are a ssholes. The few I find that are decent to me are really treasures, they really are. I can understand if he knows he won't exactly "warm up" to her peeps right away. It takes people like "us" with barriers up and with a general distrust of people, to like "new" people we meet. Not everyone "new" is good.

 

[Duchesse]

There doesn't seem to be any need to overthink, or read anything deeper into his actions. He probably just gets uncomfortable around new people or folks he doesn't feel like dealing with. I'm kinda like that myself.

 

[TowsonGirl]

....................

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Honestly, I don't see a problem. But then again, he sounds like me. I don't like group anything even if it is family. I'm content with hanging out the person I like. Not interested in getting to know others. You can call me "anti-social" and I won't be offended.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

Jumping into a new crowd of people that already have an established relationship is sometimes odd in the beginning... other times not. Some people are just shy and slow to warm up to others.

 

[dlewis]

I'm like her boyfriend. I really don't like people. I have my few besties, my fam, my dog...and I'm good. I've found, about 95% of the people I encounter are a ssholes. The few I find that are decent to me are really treasures, they really are. I can understand if he knows he won't exactly "warm up" to her peeps right away. It takes people like "us" with barriers up and with a general distrust of people, to like "new" people we meet. Not everyone "new" is good.

I feel the same way. When I make a friend we are friends for life.

 

[Bunny77]

Am I the only one who sees this as a little bit of a red flag??
Not glaringly obvious...but just a teeny bit odd?? They're dating right? Not married?

I'm kinda with you.

I'm not even a social butterfly that goes out that often, but my job requires more than a little bit of public interaction. Sometimes, people bring their SO/DH/DW... I wish I would have my man always being like "Naaaah," when I ask him to come along so that I don't always have to be alone.

I did date a guy like this once. We went to a wedding and he sat there like a bump on a log. People tried to engage him and he was just a stone. Now, I recognize that he just was not comfortable and that's just how he was... but that was not a good match for ME. I'm not trying to take a man somewhere and have him just be an emotionless lump.

Anyway, the guy in the OP might be a perfectly decent guy, just one who's not very social. But if the woman doesn't like that, then yes, it is a problem because they aren't compatible.

 

[LilMissRed]

MY DH is similar to this.. he doesnt like big crowds- he prefers the smaller intimate settings, BUT he will venture out with me occassionally. I dont pressure him.. when he doesnt want to go-cool.. see ya when I get back Babe

 

[Arian]

My bf is exactly the same too and I'm happy to see a similar story~ He too, took me to a wedding of a friend of his and came to meet with my family, but double dating and all that jazz he won't do...

However, we did try the double date thing once and the other girl treated me so bad, that he vowed never to do it again...

 

[*CherryPie*]

It's called SOCIAL ANXIETY.

He's okay, he just doesn't feel comfortable in certain situations, and around lots of people. There's so many people like him.

 

[blkbeauty]

I dont see what the problem is. Why would she want to take her man around her friends anyway?

As long as they are going places together and they attend family events and he doesn't restrict her from hanging out with her friends I don't see what the big deal is.

He's in a relationship with HER not her Friends and in my opinion thats the way it should be. I hate to be so ol' school but as soon as you start bringing your man around a bunch of "friends" there's a possibility that you open your relationship up to a whole lot of potential mess if you know what I mean.

I agree with this totally. However, the dating scene with the younger generation is quite different. They do "group dating" where everything is with everyone! I think some look at Sex and the City and believe that is the reality of relationships.

 

[sunshine2010]

I'm dealing with this exact situation as we speak.

 

[ambergirl]

I'm cosigning with those who are raising questions here. Maybe he's just not a social person, but in my experience when a guy was weird about meeting my friends it was for a reason. You can probably figure out what the deal is by looking at his other behavior.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I agree with this totally. However, the dating scene with the younger generation is quite different. They do "group dating" where everything is with everyone! I think some look at Sex and the City and believe that is the reality of relationships.

And I don't like this because I don't want people in my business like that. When I'm trying to get to know someone, I like speaking to them one on one not one against 2,3,4+ people at one time. Then you have those who get jealous if your talking to one person longer than anyone else...it's just not easy trying to talk with someone when a group is around.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

I think it's just that he has social anxiety.

They always spend time together and the wedding was of his best (and only) guy friend. He usually avoids all work parties, weddings, etc. He told her, "I just don't feel comfortable around all those ppl I don't know."

He also said that he doesn't want to "have to be nice making small talk and having to interact with people who may judge him because he's quiet."

So that makes sense. She's outgoing and he's not, but I told her all the responses on her and she seems very positive now.

Thanks ladies!