He doesnt know where we stand...

M

*~Mocha~*

Well-Known Member
Would you believe a man if he said that?

Say you've been talking to someone for a few months, let's say...3-4 months. The relationship seems to be plateauing but he still remains interested in getting closer. You ask him the ' where do you see this going' and he responds ' I don't know, haven't given it much thought'

How would you proceed?

Let's say he has a very demanding job and uses that as the reason of not having time to think about it.

Would you take this as he's simply not interested or he may be but just not sure and doesn't want whatever yall have to end..
 
He is probably keeping his options open. If the right woman comes along he will lock her down in a heart beat. I would leave this fellow alone.
 
He hasn't given it much thought???

(squinting) Sounds like a liar. He has given it thought and is just fine with where it is: ambiguous and probably unfulfilling.

Ditto on leaving him alone. I find his response insulting.
 
He's full of s***.

If you're looking for something serious, I would keep my options open or bounce completey. This dude ain't it.
 
If a man tells me that he hasn't given much thought to where our relationship is going, then I would fall back and not waste anymore time giving it much thought either.
 
I would believe it because it is actually an answer. Not the one you want but it tells me all I need to know.

He doesn't view me as the one.
 
He's just using your time/companionship as a past time. When he finds the woman he wants, he'll change his opinion on where y'all stand really quickly. It'll go from "I don't know" to "This isn't going to work out. k. thanks. bye."
 
I would fade out and start spending time with someone who can appreciate me.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using LHCF
 
he is keeping options wide. (until he finds the right woman he wants).

or maybe he is already in a relationship... difficult one.
 
Maybe he hasn't thought about it. Just like he said

This is pretty easy one. You've now effectively asked him to think about it. Go about your business, see other people or whatever. If you're not happy with this status quo and want more from him don't continue to accept the vague behavior. Give him time and space and if he's meant for you or wants you he will think very quickly.

A simple, "I understand you're busy, let me know when you've had a chance to think about it so we can discuss it"

All the while you're still polite, pretty and an all at round good woman just not as available on the phone and minimally available for one on one time.
 
You ask him the ' where do you see this going' and he responds 'I don't know, haven't given it much thought'
Click to expand...
I don't believe this for a second, but he most certainly answered your question.
 
Of course he knows where you stand after 3-4 months. He just knows he will be cut off if he tells the truth. What would happen if he said "I don't see you as marriage material but I don't want to be 100% single and celibate right now. I want to keep dating you with no commitment until I find my wife."

Kain did a video on this NSFW: http://youtu.be/1k2_wCpqFq4
 
I'm confused Op...

Is the person in that situation in a courtship and inquiring about a relationship or are they in a relationship asking about long-term/marriage?

The answer will determine my response.
 
I ran this by my SO and he shook his head lol. He said don't expect any thing from this guy.

I don't believe him either.
 
Sumra said:
I ran this by my SO and he shook his head lol. He said don't expect any thing from this guy.

I don't believe him either.
Click to expand...
mine laughed out loud when I got to that part of him saying he hadn't given it too much thought. he also reminded me that cuffing season is approaching and he may not want to get rid of his tried and true. OP, please date other people. if you're really feeling this guy, who knows, he may come around but don't count on it.
 
The "remains interested in getting closer..." vibe usually means you've been together long enough that he wants to get to the all-out freak sex part. As for the rest, he hasn't gotten that far in his train of thought yet. He probably won't.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
Would you believe a man if he said that?
Click to expand...

Yes, believe him. "Doesn't know where we stand" = "I'm not interested but will ride the wave until (a) someone I want to be with comes along; (b) I get what I want out of this; and/or (c) I wait for her to get a clue so she can make the decision I don't want to make"

*~Mocha~* said:
Say you've been talking to someone for a few months, let's say...3-4 months. The relationship seems to be plateauing but he still remains interested in getting closer. You ask him the ' where do you see this going' and he responds ' I don't know, haven't given it much thought'
Click to expand...

3-4 months is considerable time to know which direction the courtship is going. Men always know from the jump and will make that known and show it. Girl, they ALWAYS know.

*~Mocha~* said:
Let's say he has a very demanding job and uses that as the reason of not having time to think about it.
Click to expand...

Demanding job is an excuse. A man who has serious intent will make or find the time, even if its a few minutes of his day to initiate a call or set up a date night to "think about it" together.

*~Mocha~* said:
Would you take this as he's simply not interested or he may be but just not sure and doesn't want whatever yall have to end..
Click to expand...

The former.

*~Mocha~* said:
How would you proceed?
Click to expand...

Assuming this is your situation OP, as other ladies in this thread mentioned: keep your options open and do not spend most or all of your free time with this man. If he decides to keep him around and becomes aware of your dating other interested parties, watch his response. If you get an indifferent response, drop it.
 
If he doesn't have time to think about it then you don't have to time to be about it.

His interest (or lack thereof) seems pretty clear.
 
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