He Asked Me About Moving.... Help!

[LivingDol1]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months and we were acquaintances prior to that for 2 years. So, I knew since the beginning that he hoped to eventually move back to his hometown across the country and be closer to his family.

He took me out to dinner this past weekend and he asked me (and he prefaced this saying it might be too soon to ask) about a hypothetical situation... If, in a year from now, his job relocated him to his hometown, would I also consider moving with him and looking for a job, etc.

I was really casual with my answer, saying that I'd be open to the possibility of moving. I also asked him if he would do the same if I needed to be closer to my family and he said of course.

The thing that's bugged me ever since is that I never said that I'd need to be engaged or married prior to moving. I don't want to bring it up again but I also don't want him thinking that he could get me to move without a major commitment. Me moving is a bigger deal than him because he could do his job anywhere. We also agree that we don't want to live together prior to marriage.

Should I forget about it for now? Or bring it up the next time he mentions his hometown? I'm overthinking!!! Driving me bonkers.

 

[niknakmac]

I think you should let him know that you have thought about this and you are willing to move if you are engaged or married. I think this is totally reasonable.

 

[frizzy]

I would lay low for now and give him a few months to present me with an engagement ring. The answer you gave was good enough for now.

 

[LivingDol1]

Thanks, ladies. I think I will lay low. He loves to talk about the future and he'll do goofy things like hum "here comes the bride" when we are walking together. It sort of shocks me! But we are still a long way away from that stage... We haven't even met each other's families yet!

 

[emilymichelle]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months and we were acquaintances prior to that for 2 years. So, I knew since the beginning that he hoped to eventually move back to his hometown across the country and be closer to his family.

He took me out to dinner this past weekend and he asked me (and he prefaced this saying it might be too soon to ask) about a hypothetical situation... If, in a year from now, his job relocated him to his hometown, would I also consider moving with him and looking for a job, etc.

I was really casual with my answer, saying that I'd be open to the possibility of moving. I also asked him if he would do the same if I needed to be closer to my family and he said of course.

The thing that's bugged me ever since is that I never said that I'd need to be engaged or married prior to moving. I don't want to bring it up again but I also don't want him thinking that he could get me to move without a major commitment. Me moving is a bigger deal than him because he could do his job anywhere. We also agree that we don't want to live together prior to marriage.

Should I forget about it for now? Or bring it up the next time he mentions his hometown? I'm overthinking!!! Driving me bonkers.

if this is your bottom line, he will respect you more if you don't bend on it. if you compromise now i think you'd be setting yourself up for years of this to happen again and again (him having a reasonable request and you going along with it even though it's in direct conflict with your long term goals).

 

[LivingDol1]

if this is your bottom line, he will respect you more if you don't bend on it. if you compromise now i think you'd be setting yourself up for years of this to happen again and again (him having a reasonable request and you going along with it even though it's in direct conflict with your long term goals).

Good point. I just don't want to be unclear... And I think I left the topic with some holes. We are getting together on Saturday. I will see about mentioning my clarification then.

 

[Oneprettypa]

Enjoy your day on Saturday! I wouldn't clarify until HE brings it up again, but your feels aren't unreasonable so they should definitely be discussed when the opportunity presents itself.

 

[SincerelyJane]

I think your feelings on this are perfectly valid.

 

[Sosoothing]

I agree with Oneprettypa

I don't think you should worry about it until he brings it up again, then use that chance to be clear about your expectations. Good luck to you .

 

[Honey Bee]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months and we were acquaintances prior to that for 2 years..

LivingDol1, Congrats, girl. Is this the same guy from before, the one who went to Israel?

On topic, though, I agree with what's been said. Don't feel bad for making your wishes known. And, yes, you're allowed to make amendments to your initial answer. He did kinda ask you out of nowhere, you didn't have a real chance to think it out. Men respect women with boundaries.

 

[LaBelleLL]

OP I would clarify if you felt things needed to be clarified. It would be in a light and casual way but I would be sure to get my boundaries out there sooner rather than later. If it's done right, he shouldn't freak out or feel pressure. In his head, what you say should be noted and that's it.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[*CherryPie*]

I would ask him about it now. Don't let time pass, then ask him, then have him ask you why you didn't bring it up sooner. Why are so many women afraid to ask their own men important questions? If he reacts harshly, then, you don't really need to be going anywhere with him. You need to know what the answer will be now...especially if he's from a different country.

 

[*CherryPie*]

If you don't do it now, It's going to be on your mind nagging you until you do.

 

[Ms Red]

I agree with the other ladies. I would casually state the conditions of moving when you see him Sat. No ultimatum, just provide clarification.