Have you given a chance to a dude who wasn't your "type"?

[YankeeCandle]

Yup. My dear partner of 6 years.

I thought I wanted a male version of me: intellectually stimulated and stimulating, multiple degrees and titles, spiritually-and culturally curious.

I took a chance on: bread-and-butter/salt-of-the-earth, equivalent of an Associate's degree, once a week pew-sitter, limited interest in cultures, even the one he was raised in.

He also didn't "look" the part that most people tell me they associated with me--besides the obvious ethnic differences, he dressed according to his job (he works with his hands; no desk job), and I would describe his facial features as homely (U.S.A. use of the word).

The clothes and appearance initially threw me off and I was reluctant to go out with him more than a few times...shows how foolish we can be to put all our stock in outward outward impressions. Luckily, I didn't, and continued to go out with him until I got to know his heart.

Quite simply, he is the kindest human being I've ever met and will ever meet. Just a sliver of his soul outshines the entire being of most people I know. After a few years of basking in his radiant warmth, I looked around me and realized that I would be a fool to throw away a priceless jewel just because people who know nothing about gems looked at it and saw only a rock.

 

[Amerie123]

Yep, and we are the happiest married couple. same for a friend of mine, and they're engaged. but when i think about what i used to want in a man, i realized that he was my "type" all along.

ETA: It seems like a lot of us are happily married to guys that wasn't our type, and most of us agree that it's the best thing we could have done. I need to tell my single friends this.

 

[Bunny77]

I did, and I'm so incredibly happy.

Actually, he is my type in every important way (shared values, intelligence, kindness/consideration for women, family-oriented)... he just wasn't my physical type.

And it's not like he's bad looking... not even close! I just had a certain type that I liked and he wasn't it. But I looked past the type... and I'm glad I did!

 

[aribell]

I did, and I'm so incredibly happy.

Actually, he is my type in every important way (shared values, intelligence, kindness/consideration for women, family-oriented)... he just wasn't my physical type.

And it's not like he's bad looking... not even close! I just had a certain type that I liked and he wasn't it. But I looked past the type... and I'm glad I did!

That's wonderful to hear.

 

[southerncitygirl]

Everytime I have its been high drama or a nightmare.....from here on out i will stick with what I know( No African or Carribean men I'm African-American and Southern) and if someone is not my type I'm not going to settle and compromise who I am in the process.

 

[Duff]

I did, and I'm so incredibly happy.

Actually, he is my type in every important way (shared values, intelligence, kindness/consideration for women, family-oriented)... he just wasn't my physical type.

And it's not like he's bad looking... not even close! I just had a certain type that I liked and he wasn't it. But I looked past the type... and I'm glad I did!

that is the situation I'm in now and I guess I'm a little hesitant....

 

[The Princess]

Yes, my SO for almost 3 years now. We been through ups and down and through it all we still together. I never ever, ever, ever, thought we would last 2 weeks.

Especially him being alot older than me to, had to figure out what he was really after. He is so good to me.

Like they say, its the one you least espect.

 

[ScorpionQueen]

yes and I married him..been together for over 8 years now..I didn't think he was my type when I first met him but I realized that he was everything I ever wanted, needed and more..

 

[Choclatcotton]

Wow, Im facing this right now and contemplating weather or not I should give him a chance or not? You all have encouraged me!

 

[Renewed1]

Yep. I recently liked a guy who wouldn't be considered my "type". But he had most of the characteristics I like in a man. We're both the same height (5'7); I'm a lady and he is acts like an old school little "G". We click, which is odd.....time will tell.

So this situation taught me to not judge a book by its cover; but judge the story.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Yes I did. Got scared of the feelings I was experiencing though and ran like heck from him That man made my physically weak by just looking at me and speaking to me. Wanted to marry me ASAP and my STUPID SELF rannnnnnnn.


SIGH***** I think there is still a chance though. We'll see.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

For me, I have tried, tried, and tried, but for some reason...the short (under 5-11), bald-head (if you aint Morris Chestnut), light-skin (get away from me Sinbad), any other race than black (sorry I got enough nationalities in me for us both), younger (did you steal my Etch-A-Sketch?), dreadlock (did you steal my joint & kool-aid?) & ugly (how dare you and I gave you a chance), 2 kids 3 baby mama's (why am I trying to figure out if they got your face?)...never seem to work out right...I snatched back my "gave you a chance anyway coupons back"!

Life is too short to settle...I need me a 6-3, 233lbs, college cut, chocolate bar that has a combo of book/street smarts with no kids and I'm game. I know what I want and can't see myself without it!

 

[Ms Red]

*highfive*

For me, I have tried, tried, and tried, but for some reason...the short (under 5-11), bald-head (if you aint Morris Chestnut), light-skin (get away from me Sinbad), any other race than black (sorry I got enough nationalities in me for us both), younger (did you steal my Etch-A-Sketch?), dreadlock (did you steal my joint & kool-aid?) & ugly (how dare you and I gave you a chance) never seem to work out right...I snatched back my "gave you a chance anyway coupons back"!

Life is too short to settle...I need me a 6-3, 233lbs, college cut, chocolate bar that has a combo of book/street smarts with no kids and I'm game. I know what I want and can't see myself without it!

 

[CocoBunny]

Yes, and I dumped him because we were NOT compatible.

I've noticed men usually hold out for what they want. What's wrong with women doing the same thing? Now I do think some of us need to work on being what we're looking for

Some times what we are looking for is not what we need. I have also found with that sometimes women are so afraid to be in relationship (intimacy issues) that the type either doesn't actually exist or the chances of finding him are slim to non.

I have a friend who is almost 50. She's very successful, never married never had kids. She is looking for a man within 5 years of her age, who makes more money than she does (and she is rolling!), has a better education than she does (MBA and Doctorate), has never been married and has no kids. But wait there is more: he must be at least 6 inches taller than her, work out at least 4 days per week and be well traveled and able to travel freely, no pets and no familial obligations (sick parent or sibling he needs to take care of). She has all of this (and more) written down and when she meets a guy she literally checks her list, he must meet EVERY qualification no exceptions. I have know her for 15 years. She's had the same list... I think she is destined to be alone... Yet she wont budge and she won't even consider dating outside her type.

 

[epiphany braids]

yup, he became my first born's father. i only have one till this day. a sure eye opener.

 

[Arian]

Yes. He ended up in jail.