Have you ever taken a break from sex?

[Vinyl]

While in a long-term relationship?

I have low self-esteem and it's recently extended into my sex-life. Basically, we didn't have sex for awhile and my self-esteem in that area died, and when we did finally have it all I could think about was how terrible I must be. We've already talked about that aspect, but I haven't proposed this idea to him yet.

I'm thinking about taking an intimacy break so that I can develop my self-esteem/feel good about myself in other areas, then re-tackle/practice that one with a more healthy mindset. My theory is that if I feel good about myself in general, I can look at this as simply a problem to be solved and actually solve it instead of not being to do/try anything because I keep putting myself down during the act.

Has anyone taken a break like this (for any reason), and how did it turn out? Did it affect the relationship (positively or negatively) and how long did you do it for?

 

[wofford16]

I commend you on taking the time to work on your issues before you bring them into a relationship. Rupaul said it best "If you don't love yourself, how the h*** you expect someone else to love you".

Make sure you express what you want to do and why you want to do it with your partner so that he doesn't misunderstand the situation. Communication is the key.

After my divorce I took a long break from dating just so I can work on me and I think it was the best thing that I could have done for myself because I had to understand myself in order to express it to my next partner. Give yourself all the time you need and Good luck sweetheart.

 

[chickle]

Yeah, I have been on break for 19 years.

I am 19 years old!

 

[Filmatic]

Not in a ltr but afterwards to re-evaluate me. It was a great help and I feel I am more ready now. You should talk about it in depth with your partner and then try to tackle your self-esteem.

 

[mjsliberiangrl]

I have been with my SO for two years. We have taken on and off breaks from intimacy for 2 or so months at a time. As a result we have gotten closer, as we spent more time talking, joking, and getting to know each other better.

I think time off from anything always serves to put things into perspective. I hope everything with you and your SO works out for the best!

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Yep for 5 yrs..Im not in the ltr but I wouldn't do anything sexual with a man until Im married..sexual issues or intimacy issues are things I would rather deal with in a marriage not a nonmarriage thing..but if you desire that then tackle what ever issue you have bc a man won't stay for too long with someone who is so low in self worth if he a good man bc it gets tiring bring someone up all the time..whatever those issues are write them out and deal head on

 

[DarkChyld]

19 years is nothing. Try 26 years, and that has taken a whole lot of effort and prayer. Temptation is all around us.

 

[NaturallyGraceful]

I commend you on being honest about who you are at this point in your life. You don't hear very many people admit to having low self esteem while they're in the midst of it.

That said, yes I have taken a long break and I must say that it does bring you closer( we did primarily for spiritual reasons).
Sex can cloud things incredibly. Good sex makes you tolerate things you might not otherwise lol!

 

[gabulldawg]

While in a long-term relationship?

I have low self-esteem and it's recently extended into my sex-life. Basically, we didn't have sex for awhile and my self-esteem in that area died, and when we did finally have it all I could think about was how terrible I must be. We've already talked about that aspect, but I haven't proposed this idea to him yet.

I'm thinking about taking an intimacy break so that I can develop my self-esteem/feel good about myself in other areas, then re-tackle/practice that one with a more healthy mindset. My theory is that if I feel good about myself in general, I can look at this as simply a problem to be solved and actually solve it instead of not being to do/try anything because I keep putting myself down during the act.

Has anyone taken a break like this (for any reason), and how did it turn out? Did it affect the relationship (positively or negatively) and how long did you do it for?

Was there a reason why you and your SO took a break from sex the first time? Did you guys discuss why you weren't having sex? Did he imply that it was because of you?

 

[Vinyl]

Sorry I didn't answer sooner Gabulldawg, I didn't realize there were more responses in the thread.

I'm not really clear why there was a break. At first he was tired from work most of the time, then he suggested that he felt our relationship was based too much on sex. He never implied it was because of me, but I assumed it was because I've gained a lot of weight since we first started dating.

We talked about it, but the talks didn't really go well... We haven't officially had a "let's take a break from sex" talk, but I'm trying to spend time with him more without it leading to sex and at the same time work on my self esteem so I don't need him to feel sexy.