Have you ever asked out a SO?

[Glib Gurl]

I'm wondering - has anyone here asked out a man who eventually became a significant other? A part of me is holding onto this fantasy about Prince Charming wisking me away . . . but the more I talk to folks I realize that many more women are taking the initiative these days to ask men out. I know at least two women who basically stalked their now-husbands in order to get them to go out with them . . . not exactly the most romantic thing in the world, but it makes me wonder.

 

[cocoaluv]

With my last boyfriend I phrased it to make him think that HE came up with the idea....he was kinda slow lol

 

[Sui Topi]

It was kind of mutual, but I think its so cool if the woman does it. I kinda wish I did DH lol but given the situation that would have been kind of hard

 

[Kenedie]

Good question!! I want to know too. Patiently waiting for responses.

 

[reallynow]

Yep-well DH always says I "trapped" him. LOL-I didn't ask him out per se but I sort of felt he was liking me and I know I was attracted to him, soooooooo. We were having a conversation regarding the dating game, finding good people, possible mates, what we wanted in relationships etc. Just totally having a friendly conversation (I was of course scoping out all of his answers). At the end of the convo I said well in three years if we are still single, etc. we should go out on a date and see what happens. We shook hands and I proceeded to go out on my date (oh yeah I let him know I had a date that night, wasn't sitting around at home). I totally set up the situation to make the first move. The next day he asked if he could call me to chat some more, I obliged and suggested meeting for drinks in the near future. And the rest as they say is "ourstory"................we were married about a year and a half later.

 

[poetist]

I'm wondering - has anyone here asked out a man who eventually became a significant other? A part of me is holding onto this fantasy about Prince Charming wisking me away . . . but the more I talk to folks I realize that many more women are taking the initiative these days to ask men out. I know at least two women who basically stalked their now-husbands in order to get them to go out with them . . . not exactly the most romantic thing in the world, but it makes me wonder.

He might not come on horseback, but he definitely will come for you. I know many women have great success with approaching and asking guys out, but thats not my thing. I really like being pursued and men like to pursue (at least the ones that Im attracted to). My DH found me, made his intentions known, and 100% pursued me. Dont worry, Glib, its not a fantasy. It still happens and WILL happen for you!!!

 

[cocosweet]

I'd say I planted the seed......

There was a guy who'd come to the health bar at the store I worked in. One day I was working in the aisle and he asked me about one of the products. From there, we'd chat whenever he'd come in.

He started to get concerned about getting me in trouble so I said,"Well, maybe sometime we could have a chat outside of here so we don't have to worry the man looking over our shoulder." He asked me out a day so later.

We's married now

 

[Kiadodie]

I've NEVER chased a man and would never. I just believe that if a man really truely wants you, he will initiate things. I'm sure there are exceptions, right?

 

[Kenedie]

I've NEVER chased a man and would never. I just believe that if a man really truely wants you, he will initiate things. I'm sure there are exceptions, right?

I don't think asking a man out on a date is chasing. The asking is simply an invitation for an opportunity to get to know each other, in my opinion. He will then procede to do all the chasing, if he is interested. I was in the mind set of never asking but the older I become, the more open I am for other options. If I see someone that I would be interested in and would like to have coffee with, why not ask?? All he can do is say "no" and I'll keep my swagger moving to the next opportunity.

 

[Mocha5]

I don't think asking a man out on a date is chasing. The asking is simply an invitation for an opportunity to get to know each other, in my opinion. He will then procede to do all the chasing, if he is interested. I was in the mind set of never asking but the older I become, the more open I am for other options. If I see someone that I would be interested in and would like to have coffee with, why not ask?? All he can do is say "no" and I'll keep my swagger moving to the next opportunity.

I SOOOOOO agree. There is nothing wrong with asking a man out on a date. If he says no...his loss. With that said..dh tried to date me in college. I was wrapped up in someone else. He eventually dated someone else. About 2 years later after we both graduated I went to one of his parties with a date. While my date was somewhere else I slipped DH my number and told him to call me. And he did. In the words of Cocosweet, "We's married now!"

Sidebar: My date was a big time player. I knew it wouldn't lead to anything serious. In college we use to call him Mr. JSU cause he was always grinning and talking to some woman. He had a great sense of humor though.

 

[cocosweet]

I've NEVER chased a man and would never. I just believe that if a man really truely wants you, he will initiate things. I'm sure there are exceptions, right?

Dh was shy about asking me out even though it was clear he liked my company. So when I made the suggestion that emboldened him. Besides, theres a world of difference between casually asking someone out and chasing. Chasing is pretty obvious. You keep making overtures or asking him out and he won't bite.

 

[Kiadodie]

I don't think asking a man out on a date is chasing. The asking is simply an invitation for an opportunity to get to know each other, in my opinion. He will then procede to do all the chasing, if he is interested. I was in the mind set of never asking but the older I become, the more open I am for other options. If I see someone that I would be interested in and would like to have coffee with, why not ask?? All he can do is say "no" and I'll keep my swagger moving to the next opportunity.

Yeah, I guess. I just feel that w/ men these days, they take you for granted when you initiate things..especially @ the beginning.

 

[Kenedie]

Yeah, I guess. I just feel that w/ men these days, they take you for granted when you initiate things..especially @ the beginning.

That's a sweeping generalization about men. I talk to men quite often and I get the opposite response. Two of my male friends are very happily married and both were asked out initially by their wives. One guy asked me point blank "Has any of your previous methods of meeting guys worked for you?" Obviously not since at the time I was single with no prospects. So now I have taken their words under advisement and when an opportunity presents itself, I am not going to sit idle and wait. I will ask if necessary. What I got to loose?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

He might not come on horseback, but he definitely will come for you. I know many women have great success with approaching and asking guys out, but thats not my thing. I really like being pursued and men like to pursue (at least the ones that Im attracted to). My DH found me, made his intentions known, and 100% pursued me. Dont worry, Glib, its not a fantasy. It still happens and WILL happen for you!!!

I completely agree with Poetist. I think that men still want and KNOW how to pursue a woman that they are really interested in. Even the "shyest" of men will pursue in some way if they are really interested in a woman.

I had to learn the hard way that chasing a man does NOT work. I asked out a guy friend of mine on many occasions because I "sensed" he was interested in me, and he would come (sure enough!) but I never quite felt secure in his feelings for me. Oh yeah eventually when I stopped "pursuing" him, he would ask me out, but I never did feel 100% sure that he liked me a lot. Ask me what happened to that relationship! It led me down a path of frustration, hurt feelings, heartache.

So umm...yeah, I learned my lesson.

I've NEVER chased a man and would never. I just believe that if a man really truely wants you, he will initiate things. I'm sure there are exceptions, right?

Well yeah, of course there will be exceptions to everything. But at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you, and what makes YOU feel best. If chasing after a guy or asking a guy out feels good to you, then go ahead!

But if you deep down would rather the guy to take the initiative, then don't ask a guy out. You can be friendly, flirty, and maybe hint about how you would like to go see a new play, exhibit, concert, etc. But to actually ASK the guy out?? Mmm... if that doesn't feel right for you, then maybe that's a sign that you shouldn't try it.

I don't think asking a man out on a date is chasing. The asking is simply an invitation for an opportunity to get to know each other, in my opinion. He will then procede to do all the chasing, if he is interested. I was in the mind set of never asking but the older I become, the more open I am for other options. If I see someone that I would be interested in and would like to have coffee with, why not ask?? All he can do is say "no" and I'll keep my swagger moving to the next opportunity.

Well, maybe I'm in the minority I guess. Call me old-fashioned I suppose. All I know is that asking a guy out has not worked for me in the past. I still feel that men (TRUE men) who are interested in a woman will somehow make SOME kind of overture if they are really interested.

I know that in the past I have never had to pursue a man who was REALLY into me. I was simply nice, receptive, and sometimes....I wasn't even NICE and the guy STILL pursued me! So, go figure!

Plus I've also learned never to believe a THING guy friends tell me. Ha! Yeah, they'll say that they love for the woman to ask them out and pursue and yaddda yadda yadda... But then I looked at the girls that THEY went after, and it was never the girls that asked them out. Hmm..... Plus, most of the men that I know who are married pursued their wives...and they pursued them to the very end! Most guys do like a "challenge", despite how many times they try to deny it.

And if there are some women who have gotten married due to asking a guy out first...maybe that was simply because the guy was already pretty much into them and it was just a matter of time before the guy was going to ask the woman out himself! So...you just never know. I personally wouldn't start to ask guys out simply because it has worked for some women only because I know what I've personally experienced in my life...and I've tried both ways...and TRUST me, being asked out by the guy feels WAAAY better to me than me having to ask him out.

The guy that I want to marry will be one that had to pursue me, not the other way around.

 

[lexi08]

I completely agree with Poetist. I think that men still want and KNOW how to pursue a woman that they are really interested in. Even the "shyest" of men will pursue in some way if they are really interested in a woman.

I had to learn the hard way that chasing a man does NOT work. I asked out a guy friend of mine on many occasions because I "sensed" he was interested in me, and he would come (sure enough!) but I never quite felt secure in his feelings for me. Oh yeah eventually when I stopped "pursuing" him, he would ask me out, but I never did feel 100% sure that he liked me a lot. Ask me what happened to that relationship! It led me down a path of frustration, hurt feelings, heartache.

So umm...yeah, I learned my lesson.



Well yeah, of course there will be exceptions to everything. But at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you, and what makes YOU feel best. If chasing after a guy or asking a guy out feels good to you, then go ahead!

But if you deep down would rather the guy to take the initiative, then don't ask a guy out. You can be friendly, flirty, and maybe hint about how you would like to go see a new play, exhibit, concert, etc. But to actually ASK the guy out?? Mmm... if that doesn't feel right for you, then maybe that's a sign that you shouldn't try it.



Well, maybe I'm in the minority I guess. Call me old-fashioned I suppose. All I know is that asking a guy out has not worked for me in the past. I still feel that men (TRUE men) who are interested in a woman will somehow make SOME kind of overture if they are really interested.

I know that in the past I have never had to pursue a man who was REALLY into me. I was simply nice, receptive, and sometimes....I wasn't even NICE and the guy STILL pursued me! So, go figure!

Plus I've also learned never to believe a THING guy friends tell me. Ha! Yeah, they'll say that they love for the woman to ask them out and pursue and yaddda yadda yadda... But then I looked at the girls that THEY went after, and it was never the girls that asked them out. Hmm..... Plus, most of the men that I know who are married pursued their wives...and they pursued them to the very end! Most guys do like a "challenge", despite how many times they try to deny it.

And if there are some women who have gotten married due to asking a guy out first...maybe that was simply because the guy was already pretty much into them and it was just a matter of time before the guy was going to ask the woman out himself! So...you just never know. I personally wouldn't start to ask guys out simply because it has worked for some women only because I know what I've personally experienced in my life...and I've tried both ways...and TRUST me, being asked out by the guy feels WAAAY better to me than me having to ask him out.

The guy that I want to marry will be one that had to pursue me, not the other way around.

ITA with your posts. I'm old school and I don't believe asking men out works for the average woman in the long term. Many men will accept the offer because you ask, not because they were truly interested, IMO. As for the male friend thing.... men give women advice that favors their best interest not the woman's. It took me a while to realize this but it is true IMO. Of course there are exceptions, but I am not betting on exceptions

 

[Bunny77]

I've asked out men before. They've accepted and we've had a great time on the dates.

None of those men ever became a boyfriend/SO.

The ones that did become SOs (including the current one) all asked me out... so, if I'm ever back on the market, I'm sticking with what worked for ME, and that's to let the man ask me out... this doesn't mean that I can't strike up a conversation first and be open, friendly, a little flirtatious and inviting, but I won't be asking a man out on a date.

 

[BrownieBrie]

I guess I did. This was way back in HS, but I told a mutual friend I was interested in him and he said he wanted to "talk" to me (as we used to say then), The rest is history.

 

[discobiscuits]

2007???

yes, i have/did. my betrothed & i met when i saw him @ his job i wrote my # down, approached him, asked him if he was married (no), seeing anyone/girlfriend (no). so i handed him my number and said TTYL. he called that night. we've only had one date (really 1/2 a date b/c it was interrupted by some gun toting hooligans) & we've been friends ever since.

 

[rafikichick92]

Well, my BFF who is getting married (in a couple of years, lol) asked her fiance if he liked her as a friend or more. He had been hinting that he liked her, but apparently was scared to ask her because when she asked him, he answered that he really did, but thought she didn't. (We're all on the younger side, lol.) That's not asking out, and I don't think it's pursuing either, and it obviously worked for her ... To each her own, I say. Personally I might give a little nudge in one direction or the other, but I wouldn't actively pursue a guy.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I asked out my FH and we've been together since...I don't believe in waiting in line with others...if I want something I'm gonna go out and get...I ain't waiting on nothing and giving someone else a chance to do what I could've done...its the way I approach life. friends. business. and all that I do...so this ideal is practiced in all aspects of my life including love...

I know within one of these threads (I'll look it up and post it lata) I was telling the ladies that I use corny a$$ pick up lines on guys to get a laugh first, it breaks the ice and allows for a smoother conversation once I get him to smile...I did this with FH and I still do it to this day...he just got a Xmas card and I told him..."I must be a snowflake because, I've fallen for you!"...he will laugh and getting to see his smile confirms our love for each other and that its still about all the little things that we do for each other...

We leave it up to men to ask:

Do you want to go out?
Do you want to be my gurlfriend?
Would you be my wife?
Would have my baby?

Do you know how many times a man hears NO so many times before he hears YES?...Give them a break...its okay to have fun...you and a guy been winking all day at each other...whats wrong with stepping to him and asking "Do I get more than a wink?"...he says "What else do you want?"...you can reply back "going on a date to get to know you better?"...IMO nothing if a man is going to pursue you he will do just that but men will say all the time that majority of the time the forgo the rejection side and keep it moving...

Men are expected to do so much legwork in pursuing a relationship that IMO...a woman approaching a guy could potentially be a breath of fresh air for someone who may often have doors slammed in his face...Its something about being "extraordinary"

 

[MizAvalon]

Nope, never.

 

[princessnad]

Never asked a SO out but I flirted super hard (blamed it on the alcohol) then waited for him to make his move. Shonuff he did. Who can resist my charm?