Has anyone ever been to a dating coach before?

[GraceJones]

I'm trying to figure out how to date guys, and I've never been out on a date! I'm looking towards trying to get a dating coach, but they cost thousands of $$$!

I ain't got that kinda change! So I'm trying to figure out how else I can learn. So much of dating is social and I have a really difficulty with social cues and non-verbal communication.

 

[Country gal]

LHCF needs to be your dating coach. I need to brush up my skills too.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

@County gal I'm going to politely disagree with you and then slowly back out of this thread.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I know someone who worked with a dating coach. The advice she has shared isn't much different than I've read from books, on LHCF, etc. Now a therapist or counselor might be a wise investment if you feel there are specific internal issues.

 

[Country gal]

@County gal I'm going to politely disagree with you and then slowly back out of this thread.

Bunnyhaslonghair- lol. Why? I thought everyone here is a unicorn.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Have you looked at any books? Some books are better than others. Websites can also be helpful. And also find an accountability partner so you can motivate one another to practice.

A website I like is therulesrevisited.com, he has a post that talks abt dating in your twenties vs thirties and he has a lot of practical basic information, it's a good starting point.

Books I like include how to marry the man of your choice by Margaret Kent and getting to I do by pat allen

 

[GraceJones]

I know someone who worked with a dating coach. The advice she has shared isn't much different than I've head from books, on LHCF, etc. Now a therapist or counselor might be a wise investment if you feel there are specific internal issues.

I'm already seeing a counselor but thanks

Have you looked at any books? Some books are better than others. Websites can also be helpful. And also find an accountability partner so you can motivate one another to practice.

A website I like is therulesrevisited.com, he has a post that talks abt dating in your twenties vs thirties and he has a lot of practical basic information, it's a good starting point.

Books I like include how to marry the man of your choice by Margaret Kent and getting to I do by pat allen

What I'm having most trouble with is reading social cues and sending social cues to men to approach me. Also, when going to social events like bars and music concerts, where to stand, showing that I am willing to talk to someone (approachability). That's what I'm having most trouble with.

Usually when guys approach me it's on the street and I really don't feel comfortable with that and the manner that they do it in (catcalling). Like blowing their horn at me, talking to me from their cars, bumping me when I walk past them in the street. I don't really like all of that.

I would want someone to approach me respectfully but I don't know the signals to give off

 

[Belle Du Jour]

What I'm having most trouble with is reading social cues and sending social cues to men to approach me. Also, when going to social events like bars and music concerts, where to stand, showing that I am willing to talk to someone (approachability). That's what I'm having most trouble with.

Usually when guys approach me it's on the street and I really don't feel comfortable with that and the manner that they do it in (catcalling). Like blowing their horn at me, talking to me from their cars, bumping me when I walk past them in the street. I don't really like all of that.

I would want someone to approach me respectfully but I don't know the signals to give off

I have similar issues. I tend to be oblivious to male attention. I also find that non-black men are generally more subtle. Where others could seeit a mile away, I was questioning it lol. Now my antenna is up if a guy starts talking to me for no discernible reason. I think it comes down to practicing and keep working at it.

 

[nlamr2013]

LHCF needs to be your dating coach. I need to brush up my skills too.

no girl

Op make a social friend and you will be forced to be social too lol

 

[Layluh]

At the very least hopeful could be your dating coach.

 

[sounbeweavable]

If I don't get a date by September I'll be hiring one from a matchmaking company.

 

[SincerelyJane]

I'm already seeing a counselor but thanks



What I'm having most trouble with is reading social cues and sending social cues to men to approach me. Also, when going to social events like bars and music concerts, where to stand, showing that I am willing to talk to someone (approachability). That's what I'm having most trouble with.

Usually when guys approach me it's on the street and I really don't feel comfortable with that and the manner that they do it in (catcalling). Like blowing their horn at me, talking to me from their cars, bumping me when I walk past them in the street. I don't really like all of that.

I would want someone to approach me respectfully but I don't know the signals to give off

I'm not the friendliest or the most approachable person, so I get it, but I don't think it matters that much honestly. I don't think there's much utility in thinking about this too hard.

I think the last guy who "approached" me initiated the conversation while my back was turned to him after I had made a point of ignoring him for most of the night and was trying to look very busy. So he went out of his way to get my attention and talk to me about basically nothing. It really didn't matter if I was approachable or not, he was going to find a reason to talk to me about whatever.

Most guys aren't like that though. So personally I am not above "approaching" a guy. If I'm interested, I'll ask a question to give them an opening. Usually they perk up and take it from there and I'll fall back and take the lead. I think the last guy I did that with I invited him to a party that never even happened, but he ended up asking me out and things were great for awhile.

So yeah just say something. It will definitely be awkward at first, but everyone gets better with practice.

Also if I were you I would first put my efforts toward looking cute, partly because it will make more guys want to approach you and also because if you look cute, most guys will not mind you approaching them and will be flattered.

I think looking attractive is actually really important and people kind of gloss over it for whatever reason, but I don't know why, its something we all have a lot of control over in this day and age. Looking attractive actually covers up a lot of sins. When you're cute, "awkward" becomes "quirky"

 

[cheetarah1980]

Also if I were you I would first put my efforts toward looking cute, partly because it will make more guys want to approach you and also because if you look cute, most guys will not mind you approaching them and will be flattered.

I think looking attractive is actually really important and people kind of gloss over it for whatever reason, but I don't know why, its something we all have a lot of control over in this day and age. Looking attractive actually covers up a lot of sins. When you're cute, "awkward" becomes "quirky"

YES!!!! Yes to all of this. The first and most important step is to look good. Looking good gets you even further than being approachable. I'm a big proponent of the feminine silhouette. Skirts and dresses are your friends. Use them liberally.

 

[Flourishnikov]

Yep cosigning on all the ladies emphasizing working on your physical appearance.

Whatever money you are willing to spend on a coach, I would invest that money into my clothing, makeup, hair, weight management, facials or any area of your physical appearnce you think needs work.

Men are visual creatures, so as long as look good and are smiling or making an effort to look positive (no resting b!tch face) they will come. Also, when you look good, you FEEL good which will naturally allow you to look and feel more confident. Double win for you and the lucky gent you attract!!

 

[JustifiablyMe]

I think looking attractive is actually really important and people kind of gloss over it for whatever reason, but I don't know why, its something we all have a lot of control over in this day and age. Looking attractive actually covers up a lot of sins. When you're cute, "awkward" becomes "quirky"

This is so true. If I'm not mistaken, someone on here said the only difference between being called creepy or romantic is your level of attractiveness.

 

[bluediamond0829]

I have not personally used a dating coach but have been to there events that they hosted, had some free one on ones, and listened to the advice they have given. Most of the advice like someone mentioned you can read in a book. Work on yourself(clothing, grooming, putting yourself out at the right places, social groups with males) get comfortable with interacting with males on a normal basis. And some of them I realize give out recycled information.

ITA with GrowGrl09 put that money toward working on yourself because just think if you hire a coach and your not ready for it or even them setting you up with guys. Not saying you aren't to that point or physically appealing but I would just work on the overall outer appearance and also getting prepared mentally.

 

[Oasis]

i didnt go on my first date til i was 23. never even kissed a guy. i dont know anyone who was more awkward around men than me. no books or coaches helped. what helped was practice and lots of it. i created a profile on okc and went out with a **** ton of doods. dating gets progressively easier once you do it a while.

 

[Supervixen]

Yep cosigning on all the ladies emphasizing working on your physical appearance. Whatever money you are willing to spend on a coach, I would invest that money into my clothing, makeup, hair, weight management, facials or any area of your physical appearnce you think needs work. Men are visual creatures, so as long as look good and are smiling or making an effort to look positive (no resting b!tch face) they will come. Also, when you look good, you FEEL good which will naturally allow you to look and feel more confident. Double win for you and the lucky gent you attract!!

With this, always have fun! If you're out on the prowl look like you're genuinely having fun and genuinely have fun.

 

[GraceJones]

I really don't know what else I can do to be more attractive besides get a weave or something? I've already made steps towards my acne. I already wear skirts and dresses and things like that.

 

[Flourishnikov]

GraceJones

Sounds look your off to good start! Why would you need a weave? Your natural hair should do as long as it is well maintained.

Do you wear makeup? Maybe get some faux natural looking lashes professionally applied to spice up your look. Do you accessorize? Anything that plays up your femininity is a good look.

Also, when you are out make sure you make eye contact and smile at the gents that you are attracted to.

 

[Flourishnikov]

GraceJones

Sounds look your off to good start! Why would you need a weave? Your natural hair should do as long as it is well maintained.

Do you wear makeup? Maybe get some faux natural looking lashes professionally applied to spice up your look. Do you accessorize? Anything that plays up your femininity is a good look.

Also, when you are out make sure you make eye contact and smile at the gents that you are attracted to.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I really don't know what else I can do to be more attractive besides get a weave or something? I've already made steps towards my acne. I already wear skirts and dresses and things like that.

Can you show us some pictures of your outfits? It's not just about wearing a dress or a skirt. Make sure the cut and color of your clothing is flattering.

 

[GraceJones]

GraceJones

Sounds look your off to good start! Why would you need a weave? Your natural hair should do as long as it is well maintained.

Do you wear makeup? Maybe get some faux natural looking lashes professionally applied to spice up your look. Do you accessorize? Anything that plays up your femininity is a good look.

Also, when you are out make sure you make eye contact and smile at the gents that you are attracted to.

I don't really know how to style my natural hair at all. Plus it's a lot of work and manipulation to do a twist-out or something like that everyday. I'm trying to grow my hair to about BSL and I don't really see myself doing my hair daily until I'm just able to wear long (natural) braids or something.

I'm working on my acne with a dermatologist and just got off Accutane. I still have scarring so he might put me back on.

Yeah I have makeup. I'm still trying to work on my application. I have foundation, eyeshadow, mascara, all that good stuff.
I don't really accessorize that much TBH. I'm going to try to get some earrings and I already have bracelets.

I want to lose about 20 lbs but that's not hard at all to me since I was a athlete in HS. The difference isn't that big on me because I'm tall but I think it would be helpful

I really think the hair would help me a lot though.

Can you show us some pictures of your outfits? It's not just about wearing a dress or a skirt. Make sure the cut and color of your clothing is flattering.

Yeah, I'm V shaped and I wear circle and skater skirts. I also wear V-cut T shirts to break up my shoulder line.

I don't really think all of that matters though. Maybe I'm just not that personable or interesting? IDK I'm not doing something right because people don't really approach me.

Guys just pass by me on the street and say stuff like "It's too hot, right baby?"

I'm like "WTH is that???" lmao

 

[cheetarah1980]

I don't really know how to style my natural hair at all. Plus it's a lot of work and manipulation to do a twist-out or something like that everyday. I'm trying to grow my hair to about BSL and I don't really see myself doing my hair daily until I'm just able to wear long (natural) braids or something.

I'm working on my acne with a dermatologist and just got off Accutane. I still have scarring so he might put me back on.

Yeah I have makeup. I'm still trying to work on my application. I have foundation, eyeshadow, mascara, all that good stuff.
I don't really accessorize that much TBH. I'm going to try to get some earrings and I already have bracelets.

I want to lose about 20 lbs but that's not hard at all to me since I was a athlete in HS. The difference isn't that big on me because I'm tall but I think it would be helpful

I really think the hair would help me a lot though.



Yeah, I'm V shaped and I wear circle and skater skirts. I also wear V-cut T shirts to break up my shoulder line.

I don't really think all of that matters though. Maybe I'm just not that personable or interesting? IDK I'm not doing something right because people don't really approach me.

Guys just pass by me on the street and say stuff like "It's too hot, right baby?"

I'm like "WTH is that???" lmao

I think you may be underestimating how much the right clothes, hair, and makeup matters. If you're saying that you don't get approached (I'm assuming you mean by the type of guy you want approaching you) then I'd wager to guess the biggest issues are attraction and proximity. A man doesn't know your personality to be turned off by it unless he's approached you for a conversation. If you're not even getting to that stage then focus on your presentation.

We often aren't the best judge of if we're putting our best foot forward in terms of packaging. You say you have 20 pounds to lose. I'm tall as well and have lost close to 30 pounds over the last 14 months. Even though we tall ladies carry excess weight better, that doesn't mean losing it doesn't make a huge difference in our appearance. Clothes fit better and there's more of your body that you can accentuate and show off. Do you have a male friend you can ask for candid feedback? If not, ask a woman whose look and style you admire for advice.

Once the guys are coming to you then you can see whether they're sticking around.

 

[Flourishnikov]

I think you may be underestimating how much the right clothes, hair, and makeup matters. If you're saying that you don't get approached (I'm assuming you mean by the type of guy you want approaching you) then I'd wager to guess the biggest issues are attraction and proximity. A man doesn't know your personality to be turned off by it unless he's approached you for a conversation. If you're not even getting to that stage then focus on your presentation.

We often aren't the best judge of if we're putting our best foot forward in terms of packaging. You say you have 20 pounds to lose. I'm tall as well and have lost close to 30 pounds over the last 14 months. Even though we tall ladies carry excess weight better, that doesn't mean losing it doesn't make a huge difference in our appearance. Clothes fit better and there's more of your body that you can accentuate and show off. Do you have a male friend you can ask for candid feedback? If not, ask a woman whose look and style you admire for advice.

Once the guys are coming to you then you can see whether they're sticking around.

Cosigning 100%!!

 

[GraceJones]

But aren't we social animals and give off social signals? Maybe I'm giving off the wrong social signals?

Anyway this is what I'm going to work on:

Hair:
Straight wig, low maintenance. Re-curl every few days
Style- Flexirod curls

Skin:
Dermatologist Regimen
Accutane next month

Nails:
MSM daily, home manicures

Eyelashes:
Search Groupon for Eyelash extensions

Clothes:

I mostly wear V-Necks t-shirts with skater skirts, ruffle skirts, tulip and circle skirts
If it's cold I'll wear a cardigan

Shoes:
Ballerina Flats (mostly from DSW)
H&M, F21 and Payless shoes fall apart quickly

Did I cover it?

 

[TayMac]

Have you done any online dating?

I would invest money in a dating coach at all but definitely not until I was actually getting dates and things were going awry.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I have an unpopular opinion: while appearance is important, I don't think it's the most important. I mean, look around. You see all different ethnicities, sizes, grooming levels etc boo'd up with people. In my heart of hearts, I think it's the internal vibe/aura/core belief that we have about ourselves that lead to success in attracting others. Some people are just magnetic. I have seen overweight women OWN a room. By most people's standards, no one should even notice them but they do. I ultimately believe in being our best self but primarily because it makes US feel better which projects out to the world. However, a change in attitude cannot be underestimated.

 

[cheetarah1980]

But aren't we social animals and give off social signals? Maybe I'm giving off the wrong social signals?

Anyway this is what I'm going to work on:

Hair:
Straight wig, low maintenance. Re-curl every few days
Style- Flexirod curls

Skin:
Dermatologist Regimen
Accutane next month

Nails:
MSM daily, home manicures

Eyelashes:
Search Groupon for Eyelash extensions

Clothes:

I mostly wear V-Necks t-shirts with skater skirts, ruffle skirts, tulip and circle skirts
If it's cold I'll wear a cardigan

Shoes:
Ballerina Flats (mostly from DSW)
H&M, F21 and Payless shoes fall apart quickly

Did I cover it?

I doubt you're giving off the wrong social signals because men aren't great signal readers. They tend to like what they see and then react. That's it.

I can't tell whether your hair, clothes, and makeup plan is good because I can't see it. I can't see how skater skirts look on you. I can't see how you look with straight hair. Listing types of clothes and hairstyles tells nothing about how it looks on you.

From what you've written I would say you need to lighten up on the tshirts and work more blouses, camis, and light sweaters into the mix. Cardigans often look matronly. Blazers and jackets (denim, leather, corduroy, etc) pull an outfit together better. And ballet flats do not go with everything. Heels are your friends. Now there is a ton of variety within the categories I mentioned so how you look in these types of pieces all depends on the cut, color, and fabric. Also, I highly recommend having your clothing tailored to ensure the best fit. But most of all get someone who has seen you and your clothes, hair, makeup, etc to give an honest assessment. Ask guys (straight men). They will tell you if your packaging is right to attract the kind of man you want to approach you.

 

[CaraWalker]

I have an unpopular opinion: while appearance is importance, I don't think it's the most important. I mean, look around.

but you dont know where those women are meeting their men. its one thing to have a lot of sources of potential partners from friends and work and other types of environments. but if you dont have access to those and have to rely purely on meeting men under your own steam, i think your looks ARE whats most important.