What do you want from marriage?
Sorry for the late reply, I had to go to a work event and didn't see the later posts.
To answer your question, I don't think I want anything that crazy. I want love/to be cherished, companionship, children.....
I think for me the problem is the traditional marriage set-up. Women traditionally do a lot of the emotional/relationship-building work and men traditionally bring a lot of financial and practical benefits to the table.
As a result, men (even in bad marriages) experience better health, better emotional well-being, better earning power, improved social status, etc. from marriage. Married men live almost a decade longer than single men. The weird thing is that studies show no similar benefit to women. In fact, women in bad marriages die sooner than never married women.
I think that in the past the trade-offs were worth it because all women except for very rich widows didn't have the financial, social, legal status to move freely in the world without men. That's not the case anymore. The thing that feminism did for the average American woman is give her the freedoms that used to be reserved for very very rich women.
So now for me the question is what do I get if I give up my freedom in order to marry. If I were to meet and marry a soul mate, someone that I loved very much, the benefit would be obvious. But most people don't marry a soul mate.
For me, marrying for financial resources only makes sense if the other person is upgrading your lifestyle significantly. For many women these days, that's tough to find. Many men just don't have the financial resources to be a provider in the traditional sense. So if I were to marry someone who is basically in the same financial position that I'm in, and I am expected to do the emotional/relationship building work plus the financial work of the relationship, marriage starts to look like a bad deal.
The other considerations - children, sex, companionship, social standing....to me those are not reasons to marry when you are young. It's easy to get those things on your own these days. To me, marriage after 50 makes sense because when you are old(er) stability becomes more important. You are less mobile, less likely to meet new companions and/or find new lovers, and your ability to increase your social standing through work generally decreases after 50 (esp. for women).
To me, the only reasons women want to marry so badly is because (i) we want to have children in wedlock or (ii) we want marriage status or (iii) we have been indoctrinated to believe in the fairy tale.
On having children in wedlock, I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I think it's overrated. Originally paternity was difficult to determine and illegitimate children had no rights. Today, in the US, that's not the case. Legitimate children and illegitimate children have equal rights to support. Frankly, a smart woman could secure more resources for her children by having illegitimate children with alpha males, and having several monogamous (in spirit) relationships with easier to control beta males. I know there are other considerations, but I don't think they are enough reason to marry.
On marriage status, this marriage benefit mainly accrues to men, IMO. Women may be looked down upon for not being married after a certain age, but that stigma is fading and mostly associated with desirability. A desirable unmarried woman will always have a great deal of status and power. Women rarely get anything professionally for being married.
On the fairy tale, well happily ever after, IMO, is real -- if you marry for love (or marry someone very very rich)-- but most don't. For most then, happily ever after is nonsense, IMO. The man will not take care of you, most likely you will spend your most productive years giving birth to his offspring, and your waning years nursing him through his illnesses.
The man will not slay your dragons, he probably wants to, but he's no more capable of identifying and killing them than you are. Plus, though the man might care for you, unless it's a true love match, his interest probably isn't enough to cause him to suffer the inconvenience.
I could go on and on, LOL! I'm not against marriage, I just think that most women marry for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a very peculiar institution with very limited benefits for women, and I think that women who choose to take part need to have their eyes open.
erplexed because it puts the blame on the woman, yet again.
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