Hair Prejudice, From women of color

[kizzylonghair]

I dont think she meant anything negative or condescending by it. Shes just giving a contrast between the condition of her hair and her friends hair. Its just to give a better understanding. For the most part, when your hair is relaxed and healthy, has a good shape/cut, and isnt weighed down by a lot of grease/pomade/product you can get hit by the wind and it falls back into place. You have movement and bounce. When my relaxed hair wasnt healthy or my hair needed cut it looked good while it was combed into place but then once the wind hit you could see my ends, and nothing I could do would make it look right again. When it was healthy and doing its thing, moisturized, not dry, stiff or brittle, it falls right back into place with maybe a few wisps flying about. I'm natural now too, so I dont have the movement I'm used to. Maybe as it gets longer it will have some swing, but if not, oh well, its not meant to be.

Enchantmt

Thank you for clearing that up for me, I couldn’t have said it better

My healthy hair now blows and swings and then falsl right back into place, when it was unhealthy I would have to hit the bathroom with a comb and totally restyle.( Like my friends had to)

 

[kizzylonghair]

In advance--people might vehemently disagree with me, but...

How can anyone be over it when we're not over it? I'm not trying to be contentious, but long, straight hair (healthy is a plus, but not required) IS the standard for beauty, and a bunch of us are on here trying to attain it.

I KNOW that there have been guys who've been attracted to me (initially) because my hair was long (it probably made up for the fact that I'm dark skinned). And I'd be lying if I acted like I never used that to my advantage or that it never factored into my mindset.

Also, I'm not minimizing that people are haters, because they are. Although most of my friends in HS had hair my length or longer, I'm sure that there were other girls who talked about us (for a variety of reasons, including hair length). Maybe because I've pretty much always dogged my hair out and it's still had nerve to want to grow, I've been fairly "impervious" to any comments that women may have made about my hair (or maybe because my hair isn't all that long, I dunno).

Just like some women dog out the white, Latina, or Asian women who are worshiped by black men as the most feminine/attractive, or biracial or multiracial women, or curly haired women, or thin, slender women--some people will always criticize women who benefit from the "cultural ideal"--usually because they don't benefit from it themselves. So as unacceptable it is to be dogged out for any reason, I guess others would say don't look a gift horse in the mouth--being talked about for having an attribute of the cultural ideal is more desirable than being talked about for having an attribute opposite of the cultural ideal.

I agree with you, It isn’t over is it. You only have to pick up a magazine or watch TV and you see what is considered IDEAL, whatever race they represent their cultural ideal.

I would be lying if I said that I don’t want to be more desirable, all women have some insecurities. And I believe if something can be done about it then do it.

I never thought that I could get my own hair to great lengths, but now I know its possible I am going to try and do it.
My problem with this is that I am not a person that like confrontation with people and I find myself getting pulled into that just because of HAIR!!!

 

[Enchantmt]

Enchantmt

Thank you for clearing that up for me, I couldn’t have said it better

My healthy hair now blows and swings and then falsl right back into place, when it was unhealthy I would have to hit the bathroom with a comb and totally restyle.( Like my friends had to)

YW

 

[esoterica]

It think its uncredibly stupid for any woman of color to look down on another woman because she is making the effort to look after her hair. It happens all the time but its purely because these "haters" are in serious denial. They are always looking for an excuse to justify their laziness. Which is why they always want to believe that there is one miracle product which will transform their hair. They do not want to believe that they can have long healthy hair because then they will be the ones responsible for its current state. Its easier for them to blame it on "I'm not mixed so my hair doesnt grow that long" or "she must have indian in her" because it allows them to deny the truth. I have no sympathy for this kind of mentality.

 

[esoterica]

Enchantmt

Thank you for clearing that up for me, I couldn’t have said it better

My healthy hair now blows and swings and then falsl right back into place, when it was unhealthy I would have to hit the bathroom with a comb and totally restyle.( Like my friends had to)

Black people always think of this as a white thing, but you are proof that it's a health thing.

 

[kizzylonghair]

It think its uncredibly stupid for any woman of color to look down on another woman because she is making the effort to look after her hair. It happens all the time but its purely because these "haters" are in serious denial. They are always looking for an excuse to justify their laziness. Which is why they always want to believe that there is one miracle product which will transform their hair. They do not want to believe that they can have long healthy hair because then they will be the ones responsible for its current state. Its easier for them to blame it on "I'm not mixed so my hair doesnt grow that long" or "she must have indian in her" because it allows them to deny the truth. I have no sympathy for this kind of mentality.

Asphyxxia,

I agree with you. I understand that there are people out there who have not been fortunate enough to have found this site etc.
But If people around me seriuosly want to know how I got my hair healthy I help with whatever info I can.

But I cant take the negetiveness.

kizzy xx

 

[esoterica]

But If people around me seriuosly want to know how I got my hair healthy I help with whatever info I can.

Unfortunately everyone wants a magic pill and if you really told them what you go through to get healthy hair they wouldnt always be open to trying it. Please dont let these people bother you. The fact that there are your friends is probably what makes it worse because its not like you can avoid hanging out with them. Best of luck.

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Enchantmt

Thank you for clearing that up for me, I couldn’t have said it better

My healthy hair now blows and swings and then falsl right back into place, when it was unhealthy I would have to hit the bathroom with a comb and totally restyle.( Like my friends had to)

OK thanks for the clarification. Haven't had a relaxer since I was a wee thing so I didn't get it!

*Off to check what happens the next time the wind blows through my hair!*

 

[Vintagecoilylocks]

Kizzylonghair,

I feel its a bit unfair to say we as blacks are obsessed with long hair. There are more hair salons and website for whites and other races who love long hair. There is even a yahoo site for people who love longafrofrizzy hair. Most of the members are men and the photo's are of caucasion women with waist and longer 4a and frizzy hair. There is the floor length club and a site that has thousands of members who just adore long hair. Woman of other races get a lot of evil about having their long hair. Older woman with long hair get it too. Visit some of those sites and you will see what they do to get their hair long and often have to deal with. It takes work and determination for most people. And others, for what ever reason, resent it or critisize the people with it. I don't know why. I love long hair and I will compliment ladies any where I see it because I know they have probably been given grief about it from friends family and strangers. I also know they made a decision and are taking control of their life. So what is so wrong with that. Nothing but it freightens others when it happens. The hair can just be such a statement of this. Its out there and can be seen. Well look what happens when over weight people lose weight. I have known some to loose husbands and friends for that. In my opinion your hair is a natural part of the human body so there is nothing wrong with loving it and admireing it in its natural state of being as long as it can be. That is all it is. It is natural for the hair to grow as long as we make it able to. So I want to say hurray for you careing for your self. All of your self. Enjoy your journey to long hair and I hope you make your goals.
I also want to add that long hair has always been admired and desired. Even Native American indians had a thing about long hair. God deemed it as a womans crown and glory. So don't beat yourself up for wanting it. Its natural for you to achieve it, so be it. Treating your hair the best you know how can not ever be seen as a bad thing. Tell your ladies friends the majic is have a tenderloveing attitude toward your hair and self then the rest will fall into place once you learn how to love it. Then give them this or other website addresses.

 

[kizzylonghair]

Kizzylonghair,

I feel its a bit unfair to say we as blacks are obsessed with long hair. There are more hair salons and website for whites and other races who love long hair. There is even a yahoo site for people who love longafrofrizzy hair. Most of the members are men and the photo's are of caucasion women with waist and longer 4a and frizzy hair. There is the floor length club and a site that has thousands of members who just adore long hair. Woman of other races get a lot of evil about having their long hair. Older woman with long hair get it too. Visit some of those sites and you will see what they do to get their hair long and often have to deal with. It takes work and determination for most people. And others, for what ever reason, resent it or critisize the people with it. I don't know why. I love long hair and I will compliment ladies any where I see it because I know they have probably been given grief about it from friends family and strangers. I also know they made a decision and are taking control of their life. So what is so wrong with that. Nothing but it freightens others when it happens. The hair can just be such a statement of this. Its out there and can be seen. Well look what happens when over weight people lose weight. I have known some to loose husbands and friends for that. In my opinion your hair is a natural part of the human body so there is nothing wrong with loving it and admireing it in its natural state of being as long as it can be. That is all it is. It is natural for the hair to grow as long as we make it able to. So I want to say hurray for you careing for your self. All of your self. Enjoy your journey to long hair and I hope you make your goals.
I also want to add that long hair has always been admired and desired. Even Native American indians had a thing about long hair. God deemed it as a womans crown and glory. So don't beat yourself up for wanting it. Its natural for you to achieve it, so be it. Treating your hair the best you know how can not ever be seen as a bad thing. Tell your ladies friends the majic is have a tenderloveing attitude toward your hair and self then the rest will fall into place once you learn how to love it. Then give them this or other website addresses.

Hi Vintage,

Great Points

I am sure that other races also have this fascination with long hair. But there growth looks effortless compared to what the average black women has to go through. I am not saying they don’t have to work just as hard.
But if I didn’t have the help of sites like this and sisters like you to ask questions. If I didn’t educate myself I would still be struggling with my short hair due to bad treatment and looking about at longer hair ladies and saying ‘its not fair’.

I am trying to enjoy my hair journey and others are starting to take notice and I just can’t stand the negative statements.
WHEN I reach bra-strap how am I going to be treated then!!!!

Before the hair care, if my hair didn’t look right then I didn’t feel right. Now I am having better hair days and I am in better moods with increased confidence this is maybe misunderstood as thinking I am better than them. There are various other things in my life that are contributing towards my good moods not just my (NEW) hair.

 

[imstush]

Get this...this guy said to me (black man who dates outside of his race)..."I hate nappies, but you I would give a pass card cause you have good hair"!.....ugh duh (that's my dumb look)

 

[kizzylonghair]

Get this...this guy said to me (black man who dates outside of his race)..."I hate nappies, but you I would give a pass card cause you have good hair"!.....ugh duh (that's my dumb look)

OMG :shock:

How dare he. Now wonder so many women are insecure about embracing their Nappies

Kizzy

 

[Hairryette]

I completely relate to so many of this, the hair prejudice, it really is sad and it causes so many of us to downplay who we are

I've experienced LOTS of that myself & its never an easy thing...and I admit that I have downplayed my hair in order to keep the peace, kept it wrapped up, or just plain curly so that no one could tell just how long it was

I'm slowly getting to a point where its like "F" it, its my hair, its beautiful and I have every right to let my hair down, etc etc

Notice that I said SLOWLY its still a process & deep down I feel like I still carry scars from the hatred that I've experienced and also the never-ending curiosity/questions, its just so unsettling to me to have people comment on my hair, ask about it, etc etc

I get that your hair is your crown & all that jazz but when you're black...it takes on a whole new meaning, I guess some women feel like your hair is some type of unfair advantage if its long

I have such unresolved feelings towards this, on one hand I do want to celebrate my hair, sh*t, its mine, its lovely, its nice to have your hair blow in the wind on a nice summer day & it makes for a damn good scarf too in the winter but on the flipside, there is the hatred, the feeling that SOMEBODY thinks that YOU think you're better, prettier because of your hair the people who question your heritage, make you feel like you just cant be really black and wondering if men like you for you or is it partially about your hair.

Ok granted, I've personally never met any man who liked me soley for my hair (kinda hard to do since I'm always hiding it in one form or another) but I did have a few guys make comments about my hair being pretty and it sorta makes me wonder if my blackness is being questioned or something....or maybe on some level they seem me as some showpiece

OR maybe I'm just paranoid & having Post Traumatic Stress Hair Disorder?

 

[kizzylonghair]

I completely relate to so many of this, the hair prejudice, it really is sad and it causes so many of us to downplay who we are

I've experienced LOTS of that myself & its never an easy thing...and I admit that I have downplayed my hair in order to keep the peace, kept it wrapped up, or just plain curly so that no one could tell just how long it was

I'm slowly getting to a point where its like "F" it, its my hair, its beautiful and I have every right to let my hair down, etc etc

Notice that I said SLOWLY its still a process & deep down I feel like I still carry scars from the hatred that I've experienced and also the never-ending curiosity/questions, its just so unsettling to me to have people comment on my hair, ask about it, etc etc

I get that your hair is your crown & all that jazz but when you're black...it takes on a whole new meaning, I guess some women feel like your hair is some type of unfair advantage if its long

I have such unresolved feelings towards this, on one hand I do want to celebrate my hair, sh*t, its mine, its lovely, its nice to have your hair blow in the wind on a nice summer day & it makes for a damn good scarf too in the winter but on the flipside, there is the hatred, the feeling that SOMEBODY thinks that YOU think you're better, prettier because of your hair the people who question your heritage, make you feel like you just cant be really black and wondering if men like you for you or is it partially about your hair.

Ok granted, I've personally never met any man who liked me soley for my hair (kinda hard to do since I'm always hiding it in one form or another) but I did have a few guys make comments about my hair being pretty and it sorta makes me wonder if my blackness is being questioned or something....or maybe on some level they seem me as some showpiece

OR maybe I'm just paranoid & having Post Traumatic Stress Hair Disorder?

Hairryette – Great Name by the way.

The thing that gets me is that my hair isn’t particular long yet and not got to its full potential. But the fact they can see the length coming and its healthy is driving them nuts.
Don’t play down your hair for anyone, its yours. But I know what you mean.
Women can be so EVIL and men can be so STUPID.

One of my friends who is full black has thick long hair and has learned how to look after her hair before me, had a ex-boyfriend (Full Black) say to her that if they had kids then at least they would have good hair.
Which is not the case, the child would happy nappy hair and when the child grows up and decides how to wear it. If they look after properly can grow just as lush and long as any other race/mixed race person.

Kizzy

 

[Hairryette]

Good Morning Kizzy

Yup, some people are just lazy & evil, yeah stupid too

Amazing

 

[mscounselor]

Get this...this guy said to me (black man who dates outside of his race)..."I hate nappies, but you I would give a pass card cause you have good hair"!.....ugh duh (that's my dumb look)

TRANSLATION: I'm insecure/unhappy about my own blackness but I don't know how to deal with it so I'll pass on the angst to someone else.

 

[Lovelylocs]

Prejudice sucks! The way I see it is that we DO have good hair. I don't have naturally wavy, straight etc. hair, but it is healthy and therefore good. Some people use the word "good hair" to describe my "lovely locks" meaning straighter easier to manage hair, but I know that if I fall off my regimine my hair will look a mess. I have the kind of hair that I can not comb through around retouch time. I can't stretch relaxers either. I have "good" 4a hair, that's right good, beautiful, and HEALTHY. I don't really mind being "just hair". I use it to my advantage. I am a hair fanatic. I love my hair and work so hard to make sure that it is as perfect looking as possible. I love it when people give me compliments, want to touch my hair, look envious of my hair, etc. I love all the things that come with long healthy hair. I can't wait until I am midback! I say don't fret, enjoy it!

 

[aileendq]

K,
Just let it rest...Some women will cut you down to make themselves feel better. Your hair is beautiful and so they had to find something to disdain. Your hair = all your hard work. No use explaining that to strange, rude women.

And for the men: I'm not surprised that they would be that superficial. But not all of them are. (I use the "glaze" test. As in, if their eyes glaze over when I'm trying to have an intelligent converstation with them - or if they can't hold their end of the conversation- then I don't want THEM!)

Be proud. Be picky!

 

[jasmin]

This soo rude and sadly not surprising.

Then on the way out of the club it was really windy. My friends hair blew up and stayed there.

I'm sorry but I couldn't help but at this.

 

[czyfaith77]

Serenity, you are so pretty twisting your hair up or wearing it down won't make a difference . You may want to reconsider some things if your friend is this insecure though. I am sorry that you had this experience because good friendships are hard to come by.

Hey, I am sorry you had to experience that. I know exactly what you are talking about.

Every time I used to go out with my best girlfriend, she would tell me, "Now that you have a little bit of hair, all the men are going to want to talk to you instead of me" or " I dont want to stand next to you because if they had to choose they woudl choose you"

Now she is a very attractive woman, no reason to be overlooked. Now, what I do is just twist my hair up when I go out with her.

But like Bmm said, I am always praising this site. That would really show them what long hair is.

BTW, your hair is looking great!!

 

[Lovelylocs]

This soo rude and sadly not surprising.



I'm sorry but I couldn't help but at this.

lol... yup. Sadly, I think this was most of us at some point in our lives tho.

 

[Southernbella.]

Wow, I almost started a topic like this the other day. I had two people ask me (in the same day) if my hair was real. I was so discouraged.

It's like, why bother to have healthy hair if nobody will believe it's yours? And it makes me sad that people have to tell themselves that your hair is fake to feel beter about their own hair. And this isn't just a long hair thing. Back when my hair was totally ragged, I got it cut Halle Berry style (2 years ago). People then asked me if it was a wig, because my stylist had it looking so healthy and shiny. But it's worse now that it's long again.

I know you shouldn't worry about what other people think, but it's really hard. I can relate to what you're saying and I think you are doing great. We're all in this together.

 

[jasmin]

lol... yup. Sadly, I think this was most of us at some point in our lives tho.

yep I can relate and that's why I mainly laugh.

 

[cece22]

Girl, your hair has done a 360 and I am impressed. If I was your friend I would be all up in your business trying to figure out what you did. I would be saying to myself if she can do it I can to, I will not be hating on you. Unless you wouldn't tell me all the details (even then I would never hate on a friend)? Believe it or not some of the stuff learned on this site would be like a miracle to a chronic jacked up hair, braided, weave wearing sista like I used to be and there are many more still out there. Thinking our hair is doomed and can't grow. Well your progress encouraged me I never met my goal relaxed. Now I am a full breed natural and I am loving your experience!! Girl get that dirt off your shoulders, cause if they jealous now, what they going to do when you hit bra strap, mid back, and waist? There eyes would be like how she do that.

 

[Healthb4Length]

Wow, I almost started a topic like this the other day. I had two people ask me (in the same day) if my hair was real. I was so discouraged.

It's like, why bother to have healthy hair if nobody will believe it's yours? And it makes me sad that people have to tell themselves that your hair is fake to feel beter about their own hair. And this isn't just a long hair thing. Back when my hair was totally ragged, I got it cut Halle Berry style (2 years ago). People then asked me if it was a wig, because my stylist had it looking so healthy and shiny. But it's worse now that it's long again.

I know you shouldn't worry about what other people think, but it's really hard. I can relate to what you're saying and I think you are doing great. We're all in this together.

People are always going to have something to say, all you need to know is, it is your own hair and you worked damn hard and put so much into it that you should be very proud. Wear your hair like a badge of honor or your crowning glory because it is.

 

[Healthb4Length]

Kizzy, your hair has grown so nicely, please don't pay no attention to these haters spitting haterade. I get it all the time too, but instead of feeling bad I just flip my hair over my shoulders hold my head up high and laugh like a queen. I know it can be annoying sometimes but I take a long and hard look at the doubters, see the conditions of their hair which is usually horrible and I keep it moving, cause they are wasting my time! About a month ago my neighbors were like is that your hair or a wig? After telling her it's my hair a million times, I've just stop answering her cause she's full of it, if she' interested in taking care of her hair she should ask me instead of accusing me of having 'false hair!' You'll find that as your hair grows longer, its a mixed blessing, you'll get equal amounts of admirerers and haters, what can you do? Just love your hair and keep it moving!

 

[caligirl]

Don't let your hair be long AND naturally curly or wavy. Then its ON.

 

[Healthb4Length]

Don't let your hair be long AND naturally curly or wavy. Then its ON.

That's right girl, cause then you know you think you 'too cute' cause you got 'good hair!'

 

[curlygirl493]

Don't let your hair be long AND naturally curly or wavy. Then its ON.

lol...so true

 

[lala]

Hair prejudice is like any other form of discrimination whether it's within the race or outside. It's ignorance or lack of knowledge which leads people to form their conclusions. Look at the historical pics of black women in slavery, they always had a scarf on their heads, or their hair was matted to their heads. They were enslaved and didn't have access to books, so how could they get access to hair care products? When I get questioned about the length of my hair, I just chalk it up to that person's insecurity or ignorance. I think it's rude and annoying, but I'm not sure what marketing we could do to turn that way of thinking around. As a human being, it would be nice to have us being credited with being able to grow long heads of hair just like everybody else. It's ridiculous!!!!