Hair Prejudice, From women of color

[Country gal]

Wow... I'm sorry to hear that. There is so much jealousy when it comes to hair. Your hair has changed a lot. Just let the ignorant comments roll off of you.

Those people would have a heart attack if they ever came to a meeting and saw a bunch of us from the board in person.

I believe this too. It seems people think so negatively of black women and hair. I would love for them to come to a meeting. They would be pleasantly surprised.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Get this...this guy said to me (black man who dates outside of his race)..."I hate nappies, but you I would give a pass card cause you have good hair"!.....ugh duh (that's my dumb look)

HUH??? Uhhhhh...what does he think HIS hair is in its natural state? Idiot...
Ignorant statements like this just burn me up.

I can't say I'm surprised that this "hair prejudice" still afflicts us black women. I think it's true across the races, but more so in the black race because having long hair is still kind of a "novelty" to most.
Just keep up the GOOD work ladies! Don't worry about what anyone else says.

I'm not surprised that long hair is the "ideal" for beauty though. Look at most of our black actresses, and singers. Beyonce, Ashanti, Ciara, Zoe Saldana, Gabrielle Union, Mariah Carrey, Vanessa L. Williams, Alicia Keys, Janet Jackson, etc...I could go on for ever! They all have LONG hair! Whether real or fake, they all sport (usually) long hair. Is it no wonder we've been stuck with this mentality that "longer" is "better"?

 

[kizzylonghair]

HUH??? Uhhhhh...what does he think HIS hair is in its natural state? Idiot...
Ignorant statements like this just burn me up.

I can't say I'm surprised that this "hair prejudice" still afflicts us black women. I think it's true across the races, but more so in the black race because having long hair is still kind of a "novelty" to most.
Just keep up the GOOD work ladies! Don't worry about what anyone else says.

I'm not surprised that long hair is the "ideal" for beauty though. Look at most of our black actresses, and singers. Beyonce, Ashanti, Ciara, Zoe Saldana, Gabrielle Union, Mariah Carrey, Vanessa L. Williams, Alicia Keys, Janet Jackson, etc...I could go on for ever! They all have LONG hair! Whether real or fake, they all sport (usually) long hair. Is it no wonder we've been stuck with this mentality that "longer" is "better"?

Your so right,

And its sad to say, but its not going change. I am looking forward to long but, but I am not looking forward to all the crap that goes with it.
'The weave comments' ' Your born with good hair' .
I have been through so much already.

But I suppose you cant change it

Kizzy

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

Ok, I keep hearing that people hate on those of us with long hair b/c w have 'indian in us' I am at the very least 1/8 indian, and although my texture is somewhat easier to manage than others, it dosen't make much of a difference. My niece is 1/16 cheroke and blackfeet on my side of the family, and she has a lot of indian on her dad's side, but her hair isn't as easy to manage as mine. That could be hair care routine (although her mom hooks her up, and she knows what she's doing for the most part), but some of it is the hair, plain and simple.

My niece has just about as much indian, if not more than I do, but her hair doesn't grow as fast or as thick as mine and her mom's does. (her mom is my sister).

 

[pyxis777]

Your so right,

And its sad to say, but its not going change. I am looking forward to long but, but I am not looking forward to all the crap that goes with it.
'The weave comments' ' Your born with good hair' .
I have been through so much already.

But I suppose you cant change it

Kizzy

Hey Kizzy,

I'm new to the boards. I have viewed your album and first I just want to say congrats on your growth AND especially its HEALTH! I am just starting out, but it has been an inspiration to me to see what our hair can do when we utilize the information that's out there.

I do have to take issue with your saying that things aren't going to change. In my opinion change starts with each one of us. You said in your original post that you said “it’s a long story” in response to the girl who asked you about your hair. Maybe in the future, when this kind of thing comes up you can first say that you have been using the advice from www.longhaircareforum.com?

I would venture that the girl automatically assumed you were being secretive about how you got your hair like that. While I understand your offense at what she said, please try to understand the other side. So many black women who have achieved length have not been forthcoming about their methods. Some people think that if they can keep the secret of long hair growth then they can keep the prestige they receive because of their hair to themselves. We as black people have been conditioned through the ages to turn against one another – the house slave vs the field slave, light skin vs dark skin, long hair vs short hair.

I have to admit (and I know I’m not the only one) that until a week or so ago when I found you guys if I’d seen pictures of some of the people on the forum without the proper context, I would’ve sworn that many (esp women with darker skin) had weaves or attributed their length to white/native American/asian, etc genes. But I am a changed person. And who did the changing? You ladies! By sharing your stories, trials, tribulations, and most importantly, your SUCCESSES!

I have been going to hairdressers since I was 11 (I’m 23 now) and sadly they know so little about hair. I have had my hair burned badly by poor relaxers and my hair cut off because my hair was “damaged.” I have been told my hair was nappy, and had it ripped out of my “tender head.” I only know 2 black people with waist length hair and bra strap and they clearly have native American features. I have watched my white/asian friends grow their hair long, and cut it off over several years, while mine has stayed mostly the same give or take a few inches. Therefore, it’s not unreasonable that many women think that long hair is not achievable by the empirical evidence.

What am I trying to say? Things CAN and WILL change as long as there are people out there - like those on this forum - willing to speak up and SHOW how to take care of our hair properly. I stress the "show", because that’s one thing I haven't seen in salons, only in adds for those so called get length quick schemes – testimonials or before/after pictures from hair care. This has become a class issue as well – most people who are educated do not go to work in salons as hair care professionals. So if un/undereducated people (many of whom do not have regular or convenient access to a computer) are “taking care” of hair, then it’s not going to go well for us and nothing will change. Unless we get the word out, then 50 years from now we will still have unhealthy hair because of lack of knowledge.

I’m optimistic, and I think that things are beginning to change for our hair and attitudes about our hair. This forum is proof!

Sorry for the long post!

 

[kizzylonghair]

Hey Kizzy,

I'm new to the boards. I have viewed your album and first I just want to say congrats on your growth AND especially its HEALTH! I am just starting out, but it has been an inspiration to me to see what our hair can do when we utilize the information that's out there.

I do have to take issue with your saying that things aren't going to change. In my opinion change starts with each one of us. You said in your original post that you said “it’s a long story” in response to the girl who asked you about your hair. Maybe in the future, when this kind of thing comes up you can first say that you have been using the advice from www.longhaircareforum.com?

I would venture that the girl automatically assumed you were being secretive about how you got your hair like that. While I understand your offense at what she said, please try to understand the other side. So many black women who have achieved length have not been forthcoming about their methods. Some people think that if they can keep the secret of long hair growth then they can keep the prestige they receive because of their hair to themselves. We as black people have been conditioned through the ages to turn against one another – the house slave vs the field slave, light skin vs dark skin, long hair vs short hair.

I have to admit (and I know I’m not the only one) that until a week or so ago when I found you guys if I’d seen pictures of some of the people on the forum without the proper context, I would’ve sworn that many (esp women with darker skin) had weaves or attributed their length to white/native American/asian, etc genes. But I am a changed person. And who did the changing? You ladies! By sharing your stories, trials, tribulations, and most importantly, your SUCCESSES!

I have been going to hairdressers since I was 11 (I’m 23 now) and sadly they know so little about hair. I have had my hair burned badly by poor relaxers and my hair cut off because my hair was “damaged.” I have been told my hair was nappy, and had it ripped out of my “tender head.” I only know 2 black people with waist length hair and bra strap and they clearly have native American features. I have watched my white/asian friends grow their hair long, and cut it off over several years, while mine has stayed mostly the same give or take a few inches. Therefore, it’s not unreasonable that many women think that long hair is not achievable by the empirical evidence.

What am I trying to say? Things CAN and WILL change as long as there are people out there - like those on this forum - willing to speak up and SHOW how to take care of our hair properly. I stress the "show", because that’s one thing I haven't seen in salons, only in adds for those so called get length quick schemes – testimonials or before/after pictures from hair care. This has become a class issue as well – most people who are educated do not go to work in salons as hair care professionals. So if un/undereducated people (many of whom do not have regular or convenient access to a computer) are “taking care” of hair, then it’s not going to go well for us and nothing will change. Unless we get the word out, then 50 years from now we will still have unhealthy hair because of lack of knowledge.

I’m optimistic, and I think that things are beginning to change for our hair and attitudes about our hair. This forum is proof!

Sorry for the long post!

pyxis777

Girl you have just joined and its seems you have it figured already. Some great points.
The long hair issue will always be around us, long hair women of color are a minority and will be for the next century.
The information is out there, but its the ignorance that makes ladies not find it.

Kizzy

 

[Isis]

We as black people have been conditioned through the ages to turn against one another – the house slave vs the field slave, light skin vs dark skin, long hair vs short hair.

Welcome Pyxis! You made several good points. This separation conditioning must change if we are to ever work together and become empowered as a race.
One day, long manes will be the norm among black women.

 

[Honeyhips]

next time direct them ( women that ask what u use on your hair) to the board. She probably thought u didnt want to share your hair secrets...

I would've too. You could have even just said, It took me a long time to learn how to take care of my hair but some of the basics are....

But I know how you feel when you say I'm more than my hair. I got my hair straightened last week and it really grew. More than I realized.
(my ponytail seems to be hitting at bra strap now. WOHOO!! Now I just have to keep it from drying out). I saw a girl I hadn't seen in ahwile and her eyes lit up when she saw me. I thought shew as excited to see me, NOPE, she was coming towards my hair. I even responded in a way that was like, oh yeah, you saw the hair. All weekend, one of my guy friends kept petting it, and everyone said things like, we like this sooooooo much better than that curly mess or stuff. I was like, damn... What do you want me to do?

By the way Kizzy, your progess has been remarkable. Congratulations! how have you revitalized your ends? What is your routine?

I really need to come back to this part of the board. I need to learn how to keep my hair healthy/moisturized, and I have a friend who is in desperate need of helath. Her hair feels so over processed. It is time for me to start from scratch. How frustrating.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Hey Kizzy,

I'm new to the boards. I have viewed your album and first I just want to say congrats on your growth AND especially its HEALTH! I am just starting out, but it has been an inspiration to me to see what our hair can do when we utilize the information that's out there.

I do have to take issue with your saying that things aren't going to change. In my opinion change starts with each one of us. You said in your original post that you said “it’s a long story” in response to the girl who asked you about your hair. Maybe in the future, when this kind of thing comes up you can first say that you have been using the advice from www.longhaircareforum.com?

I would venture that the girl automatically assumed you were being secretive about how you got your hair like that. While I understand your offense at what she said, please try to understand the other side. So many black women who have achieved length have not been forthcoming about their methods. Some people think that if they can keep the secret of long hair growth then they can keep the prestige they receive because of their hair to themselves. We as black people have been conditioned through the ages to turn against one another – the house slave vs the field slave, light skin vs dark skin, long hair vs short hair.

I have to admit (and I know I’m not the only one) that until a week or so ago when I found you guys if I’d seen pictures of some of the people on the forum without the proper context, I would’ve sworn that many (esp women with darker skin) had weaves or attributed their length to white/native American/asian, etc genes. But I am a changed person. And who did the changing? You ladies! By sharing your stories, trials, tribulations, and most importantly, your SUCCESSES!

I have been going to hairdressers since I was 11 (I’m 23 now) and sadly they know so little about hair. I have had my hair burned badly by poor relaxers and my hair cut off because my hair was “damaged.” I have been told my hair was nappy, and had it ripped out of my “tender head.” I only know 2 black people with waist length hair and bra strap and they clearly have native American features. I have watched my white/asian friends grow their hair long, and cut it off over several years, while mine has stayed mostly the same give or take a few inches. Therefore, it’s not unreasonable that many women think that long hair is not achievable by the empirical evidence.

What am I trying to say? Things CAN and WILL change as long as there are people out there - like those on this forum - willing to speak up and SHOW how to take care of our hair properly. I stress the "show", because that’s one thing I haven't seen in salons, only in adds for those so called get length quick schemes – testimonials or before/after pictures from hair care. This has become a class issue as well – most people who are educated do not go to work in salons as hair care professionals. So if un/undereducated people (many of whom do not have regular or convenient access to a computer) are “taking care” of hair, then it’s not going to go well for us and nothing will change. Unless we get the word out, then 50 years from now we will still have unhealthy hair because of lack of knowledge.

I’m optimistic, and I think that things are beginning to change for our hair and attitudes about our hair. This forum is proof!

Sorry for the long post!

Great post!!!

 

[Angelicus]

This is a GREAT post And it's so true!

 

[SherryLove]

hey kizzy... i just viewed your photo album, and your hair is definitely enviable... keep up the good work, and nevermind the negativity.........

 

[MissYocairis]

And im not going to even start talking about men! my goodness i keep my hair in buns or twists 90% most of the time and their reaction to my hair is so hilarious like my friend told me one day when i wore it down to lab "they were runnin' around you like a chickens with its head cut off!"

I know it. I was working an internship in a new office this past summer and I wore my hair bunned everyday because I was doing daily co-washes and MTG. Well, if I ever had a date or something special to do, I'd blow it dry and flat iron it but it had probably been about 30 days before I wore it down to work for the first time and LITERALLY , it was as if the whole entire office (a division of about 120 people) were moving in slow motion when I'd walk by. Men and women alike but the men were way more vocal and frankly stymied by the hair as though I suddenly became a new woman. Men were staring. Stopping their conversations mid-sentence. Slowing down. Double-taking. etc. I was like, "WTH?" And, the only ones to compliment me on my hair were the men (black and white) and white WOMEN. No sisters. NONE. The men were all like, "I didn't know you had that much hair!" Or, "I really like your hair down, you should do that more often!". The sisters...."Mornin' CBC." lol.

 

[beyondcute]

I don think its just a black thing. Jealusy is wolrd wide. If you have somethign someone else wants and they feel like youre flauting it *even if youre not* they will be jealous.

 

[Blossssom]

HAAAATTTTTEEEEEEEEEEE-ERS!

 

[senimoni]

I don't really think its that surprising that people are in aww or whatever when those of us who normally bun finally wear our hair down. Is that supposed to be bad??

 

[foxybrownsugar]

I don't really think its that surprising that people are in aww or whatever when those of us who normally bun finally wear our hair down. Is that supposed to be bad??

If you are a person like me, quiet/shy, being the center of attention can make me nervous or self conscience (sp?)

 

[foxybrownsugar]

I know it. I was working an internship in a new office this past summer and I wore my hair bunned everyday because I was doing daily co-washes and MTG. Well, if I ever had a date or something special to do, I'd blow it dry and flat iron it but it had probably been about 30 days before I wore it down to work for the first time and LITERALLY , it was as if the whole entire office (a division of about 120 people) were moving in slow motion when I'd walk by. Men and women alike but the men were way more vocal and frankly stymied by the hair as though I suddenly became a new woman. Men were staring. Stopping their conversations mid-sentence. Slowing down. Double-taking. etc. I was like, "WTH?" And, the only ones to compliment me on my hair were the men (black and white) and white WOMEN. No sisters. NONE. The men were all like, "I didn't know you had that much hair!" Or, "I really like your hair down, you should do that more often!". The sisters...."Mornin' CBC." lol.

This is so funny! I can picture this scene in my mind!

 

[ChasingBliss]

The things that happen to me get me so mad at times. Some women are indeed mental. My boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at a restaurant the other day, and this waitress bent down in the booth behind me to pick something up and I happened to turn around and we were face to face. This chick was all in the back of my neck. I had my hair in two braids. I guess she was looking for where the real hair ended and the fake here began. I had women follow me around supermarkets. My boyfriend has caught women giving me dirty looks to the point where it pisses him off sometimes. A lot of people on my block thought my hair was fake because I wore a bun for almost two years straight, then "out of nowhere" as they put it, I had (what they see as) waistlength hair. They would ask my daughter if that was all my hair. It's crazy, some people are very obsessed . I feel so bad because Im thinking to myself....Stoopids, you can have this too, if you'd approach me and ask questions...I LOOOOVVE sharing my hair stuff with people. I love telling people that my hair was NEVER this length before, I loooove telling people that my hair is relaxed YES relaxed and we can STILL GROW IT to great lengths, LOL.... But the only time I get that chance is when my hair is not bunned and Im in the beauty supply store. There is always another lady watching what I pick up and asking me questions about it. I get so happy, I talk there heads off, lol. They love it and wind up buying what I buy and make plans to buy other things I suggest....See, that's all, it aint gotta be all this hate, join us, it aint hard. We allllll can grow our hair as long as we want.

 

[sylver2]

And, the only ones to compliment me on my hair were the men (black and white) and white WOMEN. No sisters. NONE. The men were all like, "I didn't know you had that much hair!" Or, "I really like your hair down, you should do that more often!". The sisters...."Mornin' CBC." lol.

This scenario has happened to me many times.


I never get anyone saying anything to me about my hair. Just quiet and stares. I think they automatically assume its a weave

 

[Jewell]

Besides cordial ladies online, I don't even get compliments on my hair from African-American females. They just look and stare all google-eyed, then when I catch them staring they wanna roll their eyes or look the other way. Back in high school when my hair was close to waist length, these grown women pushed a little girl up that was with them in the store I worked in to ask me if my hair was real. I said, "It sure is, honey." "See..." (And I proceeded to part my hair with my fingers in the back of my head so they could all see there were no tracks).

I agree jealousy permeates all nationalities and races but the Black on Black hate/jealousy between us Black females is most prominent when it comes to having healthy hair (don't let it be long too...like someone else said). Its sad to say that Caucasians, Pakistanis, and Hispanics (also people of other nationalities) compliment more than my own people. I don't know what the deal is.

 

[angelk316]

I understand all of your post.
Ive come to work with afros, braids, weaves everything.
Everytime I change my hairstyle I get comments like
"Oh you changed your hair, I didnt recognize you".
"Why do you keep changing your hair all the time."
" You shoud where your hair like that more often."
At first I started to style my hair based on what I though my office would like and would say, but I got out of that quickly.
I dont have to choose my hairstyle based on what's acceptable to my co-workers

I dont see whats the big deal about hair.
I now wear head wraps because I am tired of all the attention I get because of my hair at work.

 

[Enchantmt]

Hey Kizzy,

I'm new to the boards.

Great post!! Welcome to LHCF!!

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

This is so funny! I can picture this scene in my mind!

Me too!

 

[pyxis777]

I understand all of your post.
"Oh you changed your hair, I didnt recognize you".
my hair at work.

That's a classic example of prejudice from non-blacks, and the one I get most often. I went from long braids (lots of complements, eventhough the braids were mad old), to a loose curly fro - you know, i washed my hair, blew it dry, pressed it, then put curls back in it (i didn't recognize you), to afro twists (nobody said anything about my hair period) to straight and flat curled under (i didn't recognize you).

At least most black people understand where you're coming from w/ style changes, even if they're hatin'.

P.S. thanks for the warm welcome

 

[Yellowflowers]

I totally agree that prejudice is like any other form of discrimination. But when certain types of women behave like this towards other black women there is usually deep feelings of self hatred and pain attached to it; the feeling of being not good enough and inadequate.

As black women when we exhibit that sort of ignorance towards our own people we are far worse than our white counterparts who have discriminated against us.

We should be very ashamed because we know what discrimination feels like, yet we feel free to to display this kind of negativity towards each other.

Then we wonder why we are still on the tail end, economically, socially and intellectually. It is because despite our struggles we still have not evolved and lack the intelligence as a people to move beyond this kind of sickness and more towards self acceptance and an inner sense of peace.

For all of the beautiful black women who have the knowledge and the creativity to take care of your crowning glory you will just have to refuse to be disrespected by these types of women. Don't engage in coversation or controvery with them about your hair. If they want to start a conversation about your hair that you are not comfortable with, leave the room. Don't allow these women to walk behind you in stores or to put thier hands in your head.

In order to move forward you will just have to leave these kinds of destructive elements and thier ignorance behind.

OK! I'll lighten up now. This the same speech I gave to my niece!

 

[NYCQT16]

Back in high school when my hair was close to waist length, these grown women pushed a little girl up that was with them in the store I worked in to ask me if my hair was real. I said, "It sure is, honey." "See..." (And I proceeded to part my hair with my fingers in the back of my head so they could all see there were no tracks).

LMAOOO That is so pathetic

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

I totally agree that prejudice is like any other form of discrimination. But when certain types of women behave like this towards other black women there is usually deep feelings of self hatred and pain attached to it; the feeling of being not good enough and inadequate.

As black women when we exhibit that sort of ignorance towards our own people we are far worse than our white counterparts who have discriminated against us.

We should be very ashamed because we know what discrimination feels like, yet we feel free to to display this kind of negativity towards each other.

Then we wonder why we are still on the tail end, economically, socially and intellectually. It is because despite our struggles we still have not evolved and lack the intelligence as a people to move beyond this kind of sickness and more towards self acceptance and an inner sense of peace.

For all of the beautiful black women who have the knowledge and the creativity to take care of your crowning glory you will just have to refuse to be disrespected by these types of women. Don't engage in coversation or controvery with them about your hair. If they want to start a conversation about your hair that you are not comfortable with, leave the room. Don't allow these women to walk behind you in stores or to put thier hands in your head.

In order to move forward you will just have to leave these kinds of destructive elements and thier ignorance behind.

OK! I'll lighten up now. This the same speech I gave to my niece!

Preach it Sistah!!!

 

[Lioness]

Wow.

This has to be the most interesting post I've read in ages!
Kizzy, congrats on the turnaround!!! Not only is your hair reaching lengths, its very healthy....I have a saying: If nobody is jealous of you, how will you know your doing well?
What are your girls gonna say when you get BSL?


I guess it's also a myth that African American ladies have "better" hair than Black English ladies! There are haters all around tha world


Last december, my hair was not really in good condition. It was uneven, weak, not even above kneck length. But I was transistioning also. Now my hair is like shoulder length, nearlt arpit length and very healthy with consistent good growth.
I wear a weave 99.9%, so I'm wondering how my peers are gonna react when they see it at my graduation?
I showed my friend a picture of my hair, and she was like-" How did you get the weave into a pony tail so slick with no bumps?"
I was like "Thats not a weave, its my hair"
She was shocked.
But to be honest that was a sign of progress! If they think your hair's a weave, then it must be beautiful!


There is some kind of stigma black people have with long hair--almost that we cannot achieve it, and that if we do, we must have done one amazing thing. Perhaps I am guilty of that as I used to think like that as I'd never really seen any black girls with really long hair (apart from my cousin who had waist length hair---but her dad's Indian )

EVERY black hair product shop sells weave or extensions, and the common thought amongst most black people is that if you do have long hair, it must be because a) you're not fully black (? ???WTH?) OR B) It's a weave.

This site has helped me loads.....becuase before I thought that even shoulder hair was an amazing length to be able to reach, but from seing ladies like La La and Sherry, Robin the Hair Lady and others with near waist/waist length, I know that IT IS NOT SO HARD TO ACHIEVE LONG HEALTHY HAIR!!!!


I do beleive that Long hair is a womans glory, There's nothing wrong with wanting it, and being black is no bar to it, neither should it envoke negativity.


Summa x

PS Does anyone know how to post a picture onto this site from 'my pictures' C-Drive on a pc?

 

[sweetcashew]

This scenario has happened to me many times.


I never get anyone saying anything to me about my hair. Just quiet and stares. I think they automatically assume its a weave

Yep, that's what happens to me too. Black women never compliment me, but Whites, Spanish and Indians always have something good to say. They even want to touch my hair.
Black women just stalk you trying to figure out if it's a weave or not. A couple of weeks ago I was in the check out line in H&M and these two black women were standing behind me. They were staring at my hair and suddenly started speaking in their native language (they were African)
My sis was standing off to the side and she said they were examining my hair very closely. I mean leaning in close and all that. Honestly I was aware of what they were doing so I turned around quickly to catch them unawares. They immediately stopped talking and glared at me. No kidding!!! I was like WTH! Then they went back to talking really fast like something big happened. My sis was still observing and she said they were glaring at me and rolling their necks and eyes. Yep!
And this is definitely not the first time something like this has happened.

 

[offthechainliz]

wow, great progress. keep it up and shake the haters off