Hair Prejudice, From women of color

[kizzylonghair]

My only concern about looking after our hair, caring for our hair and getting it to long lengths is that……..
WE DIDN’T LEARN IT EARLIER!!!!!

There is still so much prejudice about a women of color with long hair, and its sad to say but most of comes from our own kind.
I am very early in my hair care and I myself have started to notice the difference people around me are starting to have towards my hair.
My hair is starting to get the length that is considered to be a good length!! (In many women of colors eyes anyway, on this board its not considered long by any means) But too many its long and healthy!

I want to club on Monday and I couldn’t believe the reception I got.
I was actually judged by my hair!!!!!

Anyway I was in toilet and these girls get chatting to me. They commented that they thought I have nice healthy hair. ( I love hair compliments DAMN I work hard enough on my hair). I said thank you.
She asked me what I used on my, its really surprising how many women think that there is ONE MIRACLE PRODUCT that I must have used to get me healthy.
WE KNOW IT AINT. Anyway I said it’s a long story. Her friend quickly butted in and said ’She thinks she is to nice because she has long hair’. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t bother to answer after that.

Anyway later that night an old friend of mine said that guy you like over there will properly like you instead of me because you have nice hair. He did come over and talk to me, but I be damned if he just saw HAIR!

Then on the way out of the club it was really windy. My friends hair blew up and stayed there. But mine blew back and forth and back into position with minimum effort. One of my friends does always have to wear a weave due to constant damage. I remember doing some of the same damaging things to my hair, But now I have stopped.
And I am starting to see green eyes from some of my friends not all.

I am not JUST HAIR, I am a person. No-one of this was an issue back in November 04 (Look at my album) when my hair was unhealthy. I shouldn’t have to feel bad because its healthy and I have worked hard on it. I am always willing to share my regimes but most of the time they aint interested and what a quick fix.

Kizzy x

 

[Tene]

I totally agree with what you're saying.

 

[Enchantmt]

I just viewed your album. You have very pretty hair, and have made a total turn around in less than a year. Good job! Unfortunately when you take steps to improve yourself the folx closest to you can become threatened and totally turn on you. What are you supposed to do? Not take care of your hair when you know how to keep them in their comfort zones? When I would diet and start to lose weight my mom, who NEVER buys sweets would come home with all kinds of cookies and stuff. Its just part of the territory. Sad but true.

 

[Queenie]

Wow... I'm sorry to hear that. There is so much jealousy when it comes to hair. Your hair has changed a lot. Just let the ignorant comments roll off of you.

Those people would have a heart attack if they ever came to a meeting and saw a bunch of us from the board in person.

 

[kizzylonghair]

I just viewed your album. You have very pretty hair, and have made a total turn around in less than a year. Good job! Unfortunately when you take steps to improve yourself the folx closest to you can become threatened and totally turn on you. What are you supposed to do? Not take care of your hair when you know how to keep them in their comfort zones? When I would diet and start to lose weight my mom, who NEVER buys sweets would come home with all kinds of cookies and stuff. Its just part of the territory. Sad but true.

Hi Enchantmt, I am glad you understand what I am staying. Thank You for the compliment. Its so funny before I got my regime nailed and when I had my big cut. Folks had no problem telling me my hair looked jacked up. Even though I knew it would get better. It made me very depressed that people who I talk to through a screen (YOU) were more suppostive than people who are close to me and see me all the time.
So I know exactly what you mean about mother. You really need to stick to your judgement and trust in yourself that what your doing the right thing

Kizzy x

 

[Bmm]

next time direct them ( women that ask what u use on your hair) to the board. She probably thought u didnt want to share your hair secrets...

 

[kizzylonghair]

Wow... I'm sorry to hear that. There is so much jealousy when it comes to hair. Your hair has changed a lot. Just let the ignorant comments roll off of you.

Those people would have a heart attack if they ever came to a meeting and saw a bunch of us from the board in person.

Queenie, I knw they would have an heart attack if they saw some of the folks on here, No doubt the weave card would be played.
I really dont know whey we as black people we have this fasination about long hair, I am guilty myself before finding this site of looking at a person long hair twice. But it would never be negetive thoughts

Its so horrible if I was working as hard to lose weight would that stigma be there? No

Kizzy

 

[brittanynic16]

I haven't had that problem in a while. But, I know the problem is there. Now that I have a big bush a lot of people like it but they really don't want it or they don't want to start over. So, they just tell me they like it and move on. The only people who ask what I use are usally men. LOL They want their hair to be laid like mine.

 

[SerenityBreeze]

Hey, I am sorry you had to experience that. I know exactly what you are talking about.

Every time I used to go out with my best girlfriend, she would tell me, "Now that you have a little bit of hair, all the men are going to want to talk to you instead of me" or " I dont want to stand next to you because if they had to choose they woudl choose you"

Now she is a very attractive woman, no reason to be overlooked. Now, what I do is just twist my hair up when I go out with her.

But like Bmm said, I am always praising this site. That would really show them what long hair is.

BTW, your hair is looking great!!

 

[kizzylonghair]

next time direct them ( women that ask what u use on your hair) to the board. She probably thought u didnt want to share your hair secrets...

I know I will next time, I answered long story and would have quite take all day about my hair care. If that girl didnt butt in. She was so ignorant.
Not to bring anyone down, but she would of benefited from what I had to say the most??

 

[kizzylonghair]

I haven't had that problem in a while. But, I know the problem is there. Now that I have a big bush a lot of people like it but they really don't want it or they don't want to start over. So, they just tell me they like it and move on. The only people who ask what I use are usally men. LOL They want their hair to me laid like mine.

I just cant believe that its 2005 and we still need to justify the way we wear our hair. I am sure other races dont put that much effort into watching peoples hair

 

[imstush]

It's the crab mentality...unfortunately people can't let go and just be happy. I say people...because a white woman at work said to me one day while I was in the bathroom (I was wearing my usual wash and go), I was combing my hair back into a ponytail and she said to me...I didn't know you had that type of hair! um ok...what do you say. I came on this board with the interest to find out how to get healthy hair. After spending a lot of time on other hair boards, where some people act like you are going to hell if you have a perm...I finally found a board where people are willing to help and share their hair secrets, regardless if you are natural, texturized or relaxed!!!!

 

[kizzylonghair]

Hey, I am sorry you had to experience that. I know exactly what you are talking about.

Every time I used to go out with my best girlfriend, she would tell me, "Now that you have a little bit of hair, all the men are going to want to talk to you instead of me" or " I dont want to stand next to you because if they had to choose they woudl choose you"

Now she is a very attractive woman, no reason to be overlooked. Now, what I do is just twist my hair up when I go out with her.

But like Bmm said, I am always praising this site. That would really show them what long hair is.

BTW, your hair is looking great!!

Hi Serenity, Thanks for the compliment. I am glad you understand.
I by no means think that I am better than anyone else because my hair is healthy. But I still get the comments and the green eyes.

Just under a year ago to have this length and to know ITS GROWING and CAN GROW as long as it can. Is a dream come true.

So why should some people try and Sh** on my picnic

 

[kizzylonghair]

It's the crab mentality...unfortunately people can't let go and just be happy. I say people...because a white woman at work said to me one day while I was in the bathroom (I was wearing my usual wash and go), I was combing my hair back into a ponytail and she said to me...I didn't know you had that type of hair! um ok...what do you say. I came on this board with the interest to find out how to get healthy hair. After spending a lot of time on other hair boards, where some people act like you are going to hell if you have a perm...I finally found a board where people are willing to help and share their hair secrets, regardless if you are natural, texturized or relaxed!!!!

Its such a shame that we have to EXPLAIN ourselves all the time. This site is accessible to anyone who has an interest in their hair, regardless of the type or condition of hair. We are not hiding a big secret, its just common sense hair maintenance. Once you know how??

Kizzy

 

[brittanynic16]

I can't believe people reacted like that...well yes I can. Women can be so silly sometimes. So, what if the guys do look at you. Is that where their self value lies? In the eyes of some jerk on the street. I mean really these women need to get a grip. I just don't understand why women have to compare themselves to one another. Men don't do that. Honestly, most men could really careless especially if you have another feature they enjoy. When men see two beautiful woman they don't say. I am going to past her up because her hair is short. Men don't see it as one being better than the other. They just see two different flavors. Thats real. I know because I ask and that is the consistence.

 

[MizAvalon]

This post was right on time. I always think it's so funny how disappointed some women are when they hear my hair didn't grow by using some mysterious, miracle product but by old fashioned patience and care. They look like they got the wind knocked out of them. "Oh, is that all? You mean you don't have Indian in your family?"

 

[Desert Skye]

Its true, I have recieved the most trouble from women of color about my hair and its really sad. One time I met two girls and one commented on how long and thick my hair has become. Then the other said "Oh she has her hair like that because she is mixed." in a tone that was rather rude. I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!! inside. Even though I am mixed, if I did not give it the care it needs it would be jacked up just like anyone else who abuses thier hair.
Why is it that when some women of color see other women with nice hair,they become jealous and judge her instead of encouraging her to keep up her good work and continue prove to the world we actually CAN grow beautiful hair like any race? I guess its easier to talk trash about somone doing something good for herself than to try to fix thier own problems.

 

[foxybrownsugar]

welcome to the club! ive had these comments all my life. in undergrad i was standing in the cafe line and a girl gave my hair a compliment but before i could say thankyou she said in her best martin shanay-nay voice said "i know, i know, you got indian in your family. it was so funny, the way she said it i couldnt be mad at her. also i was talking to one of my classmates i graduated with on the phone around 2004 and she asked me how was my hair was doing before she asked me how i was doing. I just stuttered in shock and said oh fine, fine. Thats the day i really realized the the effect my hair has on people. And im not going to even start talking about men! my goodness i keep my hair in buns or twists 90% most of the time and their reaction to my hair is so hilarious like my friend told me one day when i wore it down to lab "they were runnin' around you like a chickens with its head cut off!" The thing is any woman can have healthy drop dead gorgeous hair...... patience is a virtue. btw, women do roll their eyes at me and seem not to like me or my hair. i mostly stay to myself unless they want to befriend me.

 

[OneInAMillion]

It's sad, but I feel like most of us have had these same experiences, especially when our hair is thriving. My hair is starting to turn around, and I have this issue everytime I get a growth spurt of some sort. Black women are like, what do you do to your hair now, and so I tell them about the site. But that's NEVER good enough. I had an old friend visit and she saw vitamins and insisted that they were my magic ticket. I told her that it was them in combination with everthing I learned here, but never good enough. Also, my hair is fine, so I get a lot of BS for that, from, "Oh you must be mixed, my blowouts don't look like that," to "you have white ppl hair." It's so interesting to me that everyone hates fine hair on the board tho

From black men, it's even worse. I went to an event once, met a nice guy, and we planned a date. In the meanwhile, I cut my past shoulder length hair to above my shoulders for eveness. At our date, he goes, "why did you cut your hair like that, it WAS long before." The date ended 5 minutes later to make a long story short.

I'm really tired of having to deal with this as a people. Yeah, I want long healthy hair, but I've never had it before. Who knows what's next, I may cut it, transition to natural, whatever. But the fact is, we all know that in 2005 this is still a prevailing issue. I'm a grad student, and I mentioned to my black advisor that I would go natural in the future and she was told me to be concerned about how I would be perceived as an academic. I almost passed out, but this is the sick way we treat each other. Every sick racist ideology about skin color, hair, etc. is perpetuated by us daily, and it saddens me.

Sorry ladies I had to vent. Kizzy, just know that many of us go through it, and the only thing we can do I suppose is to embrace our hair and promote it's health, long or short, so our kids don't take on these issues.

Take care.

 

[Cinnabuns]

I'm sorry to hear that about your friends. I think that you have nice hair and maybe with a little inout to your friends maybe they could have it also...or they could join the forum.

 

[hopeful]

You should be very proud! So much beautiful progress in less than a year.:notworthy I have a new inspiration. Btw, don't know what to say about the envy--just do the best you can to surround yourself with people who aren't envious (easier said than done). Good luck and enjoy your pretty hair.

 

[kizzylonghair]

OMG, I am not the only one who has experienced this treatment. Its so bad that some ladies cant just compliment our hair and MOVE ON.
I have always been a strong women, before I started to grow my hair and if I transition or shave it off. Nothing will change who I am.

It comes back to that UNIVIRSAL image of what is considered attractive
Black women esp should be over that by now, so should men.

A lot of my friends think that to get to SHOUDLER LENGTH whether natural or relaxed it has to be a weave. Now I have showed them its not the case. They have a problem with me ------ Go Figure

 

[kizzylonghair]

You should be very proud! So much beautiful progress in less than a year.:notworthy I have a new inspiration. Btw, don't know what to say about the envy--just do the best you can to surround yourself with people who aren't envious (easier said than done). Good luck and enjoy your pretty hair.

Thank You, Hopeful.

Its just so hurtful sometimes when we work so hard on our hair to get knock backs from people.
When I hit bra-strap I better GO HIDE!!

 

[Cheleigh]

OMG,
It comes back to that UNIVIRSAL image of what is considered attractive
Black women esp should be over that by now, so should men.

In advance--people might vehemently disagree with me, but...

How can anyone be over it when we're not over it? I'm not trying to be contentious, but long, straight hair (healthy is a plus, but not required) IS the standard for beauty, and a bunch of us are on here trying to attain it.

I KNOW that there have been guys who've been attracted to me (initially) because my hair was long (it probably made up for the fact that I'm dark skinned). And I'd be lying if I acted like I never used that to my advantage or that it never factored into my mindset.

Also, I'm not minimizing that people are haters, because they are. Although most of my friends in HS had hair my length or longer, I'm sure that there were other girls who talked about us (for a variety of reasons, including hair length). Maybe because I've pretty much always dogged my hair out and it's still had nerve to want to grow, I've been fairly "impervious" to any comments that women may have made about my hair (or maybe because my hair isn't all that long, I dunno).

Just like some women dog out the white, Latina, or Asian women who are worshiped by black men as the most feminine/attractive, or biracial or multiracial women, or curly haired women, or thin, slender women--some people will always criticize women who benefit from the "cultural ideal"--usually because they don't benefit from it themselves. So as unacceptable it is to be dogged out for any reason, I guess others would say don't look a gift horse in the mouth--being talked about for having an attribute of the cultural ideal is more desirable than being talked about for having an attribute opposite of the cultural ideal.

 

[brittanynic16]

In advance--people might vehemently disagree with me, but...

How can anyone be over it when we're not over it? I'm not trying to be contentious, but long, straight hair (healthy is a plus, but not required) IS the standard for beauty, and a bunch of us are on here trying to attain it.

I KNOW that there have been guys who've been attracted to me (initially) because my hair was long (it probably made up for the fact that I'm dark skinned). And I'd be lying if I acted like I never used that to my advantage or that it never factored into my mindset.

Also, I'm not minimizing that people are haters, because they are. Although most of my friends in HS had hair my length or longer, I'm sure that there were other girls who talked about us (for a variety of reasons, including hair length). Maybe because I've pretty much always dogged my hair out and it's still had nerve to want to grow, I've been fairly "impervious" to any comments that women may have made about my hair (or maybe because my hair isn't all that long, I dunno).

Just like some women dog out the white, Latina, or Asian women who are worshiped by black men as the most feminine/attractive, or biracial or multiracial women, or curly haired women, or thin, slender women--some people will always criticize women who benefit from the "cultural ideal"--usually because they don't benefit from it themselves. So as unacceptable it is to be dogged out for any reason, I guess others would say don't look a gift horse in the mouth--being talked about for having an attribute of the cultural ideal is more desirable than being talked about for having an attribute opposite of the cultural ideal.

Great points!!

 

[mscounselor]

I've been here since I could understand what envy looks like. Before transitioning, I was hated because I could get scissor happy and it would still grow back before the new school year. "You have good hair" or its because grandma is white, or some other non related comment was always given. I even had a guy friend who ONLY dates natural women tell me I shouldn't be single long because I have that "good hair". (HUH!! ) I continued on taking care of my hair into college and was still hated on. It was even suggested which sorority I should choose if I was interested in pledging. (don't ask me for an explanation, I still don't know ). Now that I chose to transition, I get EVERYONE trying to convince me that its wrong. The same people hating on me want me to continue with relaxers and have longer hair.

I have to agree with Cheleigh, I still want my natural hair to be long as well. But I'm tired of my confused sisters not knowing whether to hate or to hinder my progress. Maybe if we stopped staring at other peoples' hair and took care of our own, we could work on more socially impactful issues.

Thanks for letting me vent. That was 15 years of annoyance!

Just a thought: Are white, indian, etc. (all the races that seem to produce good hair when mixed with our genes) aware that we covet their blood to mixed with ours? Or are they worrying about how to take care of their own hair? Hmmmm food for thought.

 

[brownhaired_bonanza]

Wouldn't it be wonderful if:

We could wear out hair down straight and flowing, without the burden of all sorts of evil eyes staring down at us?

We could casually flip (not in anyone's face- that's rude) our hair to get it out of our face or t-shirt and not see the rolled eyes or hear the sucked teeth from the person(s) standing near you?

Instead of being dismissed as being mixed or having indian in our family, we actually get credit for pampering and taking care of our hair?

We could just enjoy our hair without all the baggage?

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Then on the way out of the club it was really windy. My friends hair blew up and stayed there. But mine blew back and forth and back into position with minimum effort.

Kizzy x

I was hearing what you were saying but this part kinda lost me. What does that have to do with anything? Did your friend mention it or is this your observation that her hair did not blow back down (should it lol? Mine prolly wouldn't since I;m natural).

 

[Enchantmt]

I was hearing what you were saying but this part kinda lost me. What does that have to do with anything? Did your friend mention it or is this your observation that her hair did not blow back down (should it lol? Mine prolly wouldn't since I;m natural).

I dont think she meant anything negative or condescending by it. Shes just giving a contrast between the condition of her hair and her friends hair. Its just to give a better understanding. For the most part, when your hair is relaxed and healthy, has a good shape/cut, and isnt weighed down by a lot of grease/pomade/product you can get hit by the wind and it falls back into place. You have movement and bounce. When my relaxed hair wasnt healthy or my hair needed cut it looked good while it was combed into place but then once the wind hit you could see my ends, and nothing I could do would make it look right again. When it was healthy and doing its thing, moisturized, not dry, stiff or brittle, it falls right back into place with maybe a few wisps flying about. I'm natural now too, so I dont have the movement I'm used to. Maybe as it gets longer it will have some swing, but if not, oh well, its not meant to be.

 

[WesternEyes]

kizzy, ur hair is growing really nicely. very inspirational.