Hair/Beauty Envy...Sigh

[prettybyrd]

I think the biggest source of happiness has been with the fact that I think I have finally found my passion. And it took a horrendous period of time to get to that. But everything I went through during that time period prepared me for it. Don't worry so much about why you're here. Find happiness where you are and let things happen.
I don't think I will ever get rid of the perceived ugliness feeling. It's been engrained for so many years and been around for so long. But I know I can control letting that feeling take over so much that it impacts my life as much as I've let it in the past. That's the decision part.
I think you'll be fine. I already know telling you that you are beautiful won't change how you feel. It never did for me until recently. Instead, it just frustrated me to be told that when everything else in my life just confirmed that I wasn't. But I do know that being happy with yourself lets you drop down some of that guard that you have up to try to protect yourself from letting other people hurt you since people have done that so much in the past. Instead of becoming angry or thinking people were mocking me or lying to me by giving me compliments, I am still utterly surprised to have anyone say anything nice to me but because I took charge of my change (just smiling everyday!) and let God do the rest, I can accept them a little easier now.
Do I think I'm beautiful? I can't say I do.
But I definitely know that I am not as hideous as I was made to think by others and myself, and that's a huge step.

davisbr88, everytime I see your avi I think about how pretty you are. You are gorgeous! I hope that you one day see just how truly lovely you are.

drmuffin, , anyone with a smile that bright...wow! You are so pretty. About your hair, I would say, just love your journey.

When I first cut my hair after swearing I wouldn't again, I was amazed at how fast my hair grew when I stopped fretting over it. I didn't have time to notice my hair growing slowly when I spent so much time really enjoying it. I wish you the best, you seem to be a beautiful person inside and out.

 

[Drtondalia]

@drmuffin

We all get hair envy. Sometimes we can envy someone else's hair and not appreciate the strides our own hair has made. Take weekly pics of your hair progress even if you don't post them on here. take them just for yourself so that you can see where you came from and where you are now. Any progress is progress.

The other part about you thinking you look hideous is absurd. You are a beautiful woman in my opinion. Sometimes we get in a funk and feel so bad that it turns to self hate; just picking at any and every flaw we have. And even creating flaws that don't exist.

I dont know if you read or watched the Secret by Rhonda Byrne but it teaches that you are what you believe you are. You attract the results you focus on.

So my advice is to focus on thinking positive thoughts.


Oh Try half wigs till you get the length you long for. They are a protective style.

 

[Arian]

You are definitely not ugly but I can relate to what you are saying. Your hair is cute girl!!!! One confidence booster for me since my hair is also short is to make sure my make up and earring game is on point. That always gives me a nice boost. You are beautiful and so is your hair. Please know this.

THIS...

For a long time, especially since chopping my hair and having my ex break up with me RIGHT after that, my self-esteem took a nose dive. And then I realized one day when I looked at myself that I wasn't really dressing the way a girl dresses to FEEL pretty. I would wear tshirts, jeans, and tennis shoes ALL of the time. I did that when I was with my ex and it got worse after I chopped my hair. He should see me today! Earrings, heels, colored lip gloss to bring out my full lips...etc. And now I feel like a million bucks...

You are a beautiful woman--find a feature that stands out and play on it. I do that with my lips all the time...

 

[DrC]

I have nothing to add cause you will get there but i do want to know what is going on in your siggy...

Looks like something you watch when you're high...



Continue to follow your hair regimen, and put your focus on something else drmuffin. Its not hard when you're occupied in other activities ( i.e. makeup, cooking, shopping, reading books etc.) Your hair will get to the length you want.

ETA: Hey that's the Wonderful World of Gumball!! Me and my boyfriend always miss that show.

 

[southerncitygirl]

drmuffin

you are not ugly at all, stop with that mess! i agree with the ladies that other activities and interests will help you feel more confident. check out the other areas of the forum and do meetups on meetup.com to learn new things and meet new people. your hair will be longer than you ever imagined before you know it...patience grasshopper...patience!

 

[lilyofthenile]

I am someone who has endured these struggles again and again. I'm 19 and I feel that I have to grow so much more.

I have been bullied for so many years at school and now I struggle with some confidence and esteem issues. It does get better though - but you have to really want it to get better.

I used to feel sad about the progresses that women made on here because I wasn't making such a progress. But I have encountered women in the same boat as me - slow growers, or those who are still struggling to find what works for them, or those who are aiming for the same length at me for the same period of time.. That makes me feel like I am not alone and that makes me feel like I will get the support I need. So chin up, the other ladies here gave some wonderful advice which I'll be reading through myself ^^

 

[lilyofthenile]

@CityGirlLuv Thank you! I'm sitting here, just looking at myself in the mirror, and almost in tears because of how bad I feel. I also suffer from depression, and it is not fun at all. you sound exactly like me. I've been trying for years to figure out why I felt like this, but to no avail. Me looking exactly like my father doesn't help either...big nose and all. erplexed I am trying, though!

I have a hairline that goes back, giving people the appearance that I have a big forehead. I got bullied about this for years and years and yeah I am insecure about it. But what i have realised is that it is what i have and it shows where I'm from (I guess it's characteristic of East Africans?). I find that I never had a problem with it and I only did because other people did. But why should how I look like bother them?

It takes so much to be able to accept and be happy with your personal appearance. You may change it, but I'd never change it because first of it is what God intended. It is what it is. I have diagnosed bipolar disorder so I completely understand your depression.

It takes a lot, you know, because things don't change and I struggle with this mindset and dislike I have for my personal appearance, but there is so much about myself which I love which I know outweighs the negatives, so please, do feel free to rant, but love yourself as God intended to make you.

Your + and -'s, make you, you.

 

[Janet']

drmuffin One, know that if anyone tells you that they feel 100% about themselves at all times, they are lying to you and themselves...Clinical depression though, understandably is not one of those things that you can just snap out of...but please know that this forum is full of women who are understanding and caring and empathetic...I myself joke about having hairnorexia but honestly, even though my hair is the length that it is...I still don't think that my hair is as lovely as the majority of the heads on this forum

davisbr88 You know that I think that you and your hair are the bees knees...Intelligent and cute to boot But...knowing about psychology and the like--I know that until you can believe it, truly believe it for yourself...it kind of doesn't count...but I'm going to keep telling you anyway

 

[camilla]

That MUST not be your pic in your siggy!!! cuz if it is you are gorg!!!!! i use to compair myself to other when i was younger i know know that god made us all beautifully unique you will get there i started out with a nape cut and now mbl have patience and when you get bored put on a curly half wig/lace and rock it out!!!!!! i mostly protective style in the winter so i can wear wool hats scarves etc

 

[drmuffin]

Thank you ladies so much for all of these kind words...yeah that's me in my avatar. Lol that's like nicest pic of myself I could find! I'm starting to feel a little better, until I randomly got on the scale yesterday. The results were not good y'all! No bueno at all. Apparently I let myself go to the point where I gained 15 pounds. But what's done is done and I just have to make improvements. I got so upset after weighing myself, I wanted to completely shut down. But I remember everything that you guys have said and that made me feel ok and determined to work to get where ever I want to be. Y'all are some real life Dr. Phils! Again I can't thank you guys enough. And Like so many of you have said, I am definitely a work in progress, as we all are.

I stopped taking my SSRIs about a week and a half ago, and I'm trying to see how well I can function without. For the most part, I feel human again. I actually feel emotions, instead of just being angry all of the time. And if I wasn't angry, then was dull as bricks. Another thing I DEFINITELY need to do is to reconnect with God. My faith has been on the downslope and I definitely need to reverse that. But thank you guys so much for reaching out and helping a desperate sister in need! I love you all!

 

[davisbr88]

prettybyrd
Janet'

I appreciate your compliments

 

[youwillrise]

I gotta be honest, i feel the same way. I've never had much self esteem, especially when it comes to how I look. Honestly, there's nothing physically beautiful about me...but at least I'm not a super horrible person...maybe that makes up for where I'm lacking. From your picture, you look great to me.

 

[Lucille]

I think you're beautiful but that doesn't matter. The only thing that truly matters is how YOU feel.

OP, I remember there were times I would go out and not get a single compliment. I would come home feeling crap. But as time grew and I learnt not to care what others think I became much happier. I now don't care whether I get compliments or not because I'm fine either way.

Once you learn not to let other people's words affect your life so much, you will be much happier. Don't allow compliments to dictate your happiness.

When God made you, he made you beautiful.

Live.be happy.and rejoice that you are creation of God.

Bless