Hair/Beauty Envy...Sigh

[drmuffin]

Ok maybe this is just a moment of weakness, but I just need to vent.

It just seems like every time I come here I get sad because of all this gorgeous hair. I can't wait until I get where you guys are, but you guys ain't making it easy! I know I'm only (almost) 10 mos. natural, I get on here and I see long, thick full heads of hair and of course I can't help but get mad at my own head! It's like hurry up and grow already! And everybody on here is just so beautiful! I've always had a very poor self esteem and I've always thought of myself as horrendously ugly. And it's like everywhere I go, everyone's better-looking than me . Does anybody else ever feel like this? How do you pull yourself out of this funk? I'm in dire need of some self esteem boosters!

 

[Evolving78]

in due time you will learn the ways of the Jedi! seriously, you are in great company and you will achieve your goals with our support! i get like that sometimes too and i have been hanging out around here for years!

 

[CityGirlLuv]

First of off, I want to say you are gorgeous. I use to have low self-esteem from being teased heavily in school. However, regardless of how your esteem got shot, it's time to stop now and fix that. You are gorgeous and have no reason whatsoever (at least from what I see in your avatar) to be feeling like that. I use to think everyone was better looking than me, but guess what, you'd be SURPRISED how many others that you think is beautiful may think they're horrendous. I use to suffer from serious depression, but no one can help you but yourself. No matter how many people tell you you're gorgeous, you'll still feel down b/c you'll start thinking they're lying.

The best thing to do is dig deep within and go to the root of why you think like that. I had to take some time out for myself and really think on why I use to think I was no good, worthless, etc. Truth be told, it's b/c I cared about what society thought of me more than what I thought on myself.

I transitioned for 2 years and though I did chop off a lot of my hair back in Jan. I still didn't get ALL the relaxed hair. I'm still considering myself as transitioned, but honestly, all I can say is keep doing what you're doing...as long as it's making you happy

 

[davisbr88]

Ok maybe this is just a moment of weakness, but I just need to vent.

It just seems like every time I come here I get sad because of all this gorgeous hair. I can't wait until I get where you guys are, but you guys ain't making it easy! I know I'm only (almost) 10 mos. natural, I get on here and I see long, thick full heads of hair and of course I can't help but get mad at my own head! It's like hurry up and grow already! And everybody on here is just so beautiful! I've always had a very poor self esteem and I've always thought of myself as horrendously ugly. And it's like everywhere I go, everyone's better-looking than me . Does anybody else ever feel like this? How do you pull yourself out of this funk? I'm in dire need of some self esteem boosters!

I know what you mean. I went through the same thing, and it's a daily struggle.
The only thing that's helped me is to stop trying to compare myself to others and work on being the best me I can be. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, cooler, so there's no point even worrying about that. Because the one you're envious of knows of at least one person more attractive than them. Trust. You can't change what you were born with, so you have to make that conscious decision to be happy with what you have or continue to work on areas you think you can improve upon so that you can be happy with yourself. It's a decision. I know it may not seem like so right now, but it is. I made a decision to go into work everyday and smile and greet everyone every morning, regardless of how crappy I was feeling about myself or whatever happened the night before, etc. And I ended up being voted "Most Cheerful/Spirited" at work - something I never would have thought I would ever get when I was so worried about what I didn't have, how ugly and fat I was, and why it seemed like no one loved me or cared about me, or why I was single or whatever. That award showed me that I'm making a positive impact on others and that was more of a confidence booster than any physical attraction. And just so you know, the girl at my job who is much prettier than me, has a better body than me, and gets way more attention than me was jealous of ME because of that award. There will always be jealousy regardless - you just can't let it weigh you down.
Decide to greet your day with a smile. It has helped me tremendously. And now, when I see a lot of my friends getting engaged or getting into relationships, I don't sit and cry anymore. I look at it as an opportunity to prepare myself for whatever comes my way.
It's a lot easier said than done, and something you may not want to hear, but I've suffered with depression for at least 13 years, and ever since making the decision to stop entertaining those thoughts or spending nights crying, I've become a much different and better person.

 

[natural_one]

I have nothing to add cause you will get there but i do want to know what is going on in your siggy...

drmuffin

 

[My Friend]

Dr,

I'm sure you know that having long hair is not going to change what you feel when you look in the mirror maybe take some time to see why you feel that way.

While your waiting for your hair to grow, maybe learn how to do 5001 nail designs in the nail forum Need to tone or lose weight? Health and fitness girls got your back

Until your self esteem is boosted, maybe you should bypass the Entertainment forum, they go hard in the paint

Your avi pic is cute, whatchu talmbout?

 

[drmuffin]

shortdub78 yes thank you Obi-Wan! If I can only hang in there!

CityGirlLuv Thank you! I'm sitting here, just looking at myself in the mirror, and almost in tears because of how bad I feel. I also suffer from depression, and it is not fun at all. you sound exactly like me. I've been trying for years to figure out why I felt like this, but to no avail. Me looking exactly like my father doesn't help either...big nose and all. erplexed I am trying, though!

 

[drmuffin]

I know what you mean. I went through the same thing, and it's a daily struggle.
The only thing that's helped me is to stop trying to compare myself to others and work on being the best me I can be. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, cooler, so there's no point even worrying about that. Because the one you're envious of knows of at least one person more attractive than them. Trust. You can't change what you were born with, so you have to make that conscious decision to be happy with what you have or continue to work on areas you think you can improve upon so that you can be happy with yourself. It's a decision. I know it may not seem like so right now, but it is. I made a decision to go into work everyday and smile and greet everyone every morning, regardless of how crappy I was feeling about myself or whatever happened the night before, etc. And I ended up being voted "Most Cheerful/Spirited" at work - something I never would have thought I would ever get when I was so worried about what I didn't have, how ugly and fat I was, and why it seemed like no one loved me or cared about me, or why I was single or whatever. That award showed me that I'm making a positive impact on others and that was more of a confidence booster than any physical attraction. And just so you know, the girl at my job who is much prettier than me, has a better body than me, and gets way more attention than me was jealous of ME because of that award. There will always be jealousy regardless - you just can't let it weigh you down.
Decide to greet your day with a smile. It has helped me tremendously. And now, when I see a lot of my friends getting engaged or getting into relationships, I don't sit and cry anymore. I look at it as an opportunity to prepare myself for whatever comes my way.
It's a lot easier said than done, and something you may not want to hear, but I've suffered with depression for at least 13 years, and ever since making the decision to stop entertaining those thoughts or spending nights crying, I've become a much different and better person.

This!!! I see all of my friends and family in relationships and getting married and I can't help but think "What's wrong with me? Why can't I find someone to love me?" But I try to keep in mind that there is "someone for everyone." I get what you're saying though. I try to carpe diem, but when I fall, I fall HARD!

 

[drmuffin]

I have nothing to add cause you will get there but i do want to know what is going on in your siggy...

drmuffin

natural_one it's from a cartoon that I love love love! The Amazing World of Gumball. It's the sugar rush song! I even turned it into a ringtone...dorkish I know!

 

[qchelle]

Ok maybe this is just a moment of weakness, but I just need to vent.

It just seems like every time I come here I get sad because of all this gorgeous hair. I can't wait until I get where you guys are, but you guys ain't making it easy! I know I'm only (almost) 10 mos. natural, I get on here and I see long, thick full heads of hair and of course I can't help but get mad at my own head! It's like hurry up and grow already! And everybody on here is just so beautiful! I've always had a very poor self esteem and I've always thought of myself as horrendously ugly. And it's like everywhere I go, everyone's better-looking than me . Does anybody else ever feel like this? How do you pull yourself out of this funk? I'm in dire need of some self esteem boosters!

what what what?!!??!! I am looking at your avatar right now! You are beautiful!!! Now shutup with that low self esteem! lol

Your hair will get there!! Keep on being beautiful!!

 

[drmuffin]

Dr,

I'm sure you know that having long hair is not going to change what you feel when you look in the mirror maybe take some time to see why you feel that way.

While your waiting for your hair to grow, maybe learn how to do 5001 nail designs in the nail forum Need to tone or lose weight? Health and fitness girls got your back

Until your self esteem is boosted, maybe you should bypass the Entertainment forum, they go hard in the paint

Your avi pic is cute, whatchu talmbout?

My Friend thanks for that laugh! I so needed that! I do love to paint my nails! And we're on our 2 week vacay at school. So while I get a break from teaching my little "angels" I will be hitting the gym HARD!

 

[CityGirlLuv]

shortdub78 yes thank you Obi-Wan! If I can only hang in there!

CityGirlLuv Thank you! I'm sitting here, just looking at myself in the mirror, and almost in tears because of how bad I feel. I also suffer from depression, and it is not fun at all. you sound exactly like me. I've been trying for years to figure out why I felt like this, but to no avail. Me looking exactly like my father doesn't help either...big nose and all. erplexed I am trying, though!

I look exactly like my father too when I'm not wearing glasses. When I do wear glasses I favor my mom. I'm 21 and I'm a lot better than I was a year ago! I use to hate high school b/c of how low my self esteem was. I would come home crying everyday and would dread going to school. Anywho, I wish I could go back in time and just not care, but you live and you learn. You have to stop nitpicking yourself and just accept yourself the way you are. You know even celebrities aren't as hot as the media tries to portray them to be; however, give or take, I'm sure some don't even care. The root to my problem is that I wanted to "fit in". However, I'm glad I didn't b/c my personality doesn't mesh with fitting in. I'm now a lot more outspoken and outgoing than I ever was. It's not something you'll change overnight. It's just something that you have to develop, that love for yourself or else you're just bringing suffering to yourself b/c no one can literally help you AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!

I'm not Buddhist; however, a lot of his quotes were life-changing to me:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

I do kind of blame society b/c it somewhat makes it seem that if you love yourself, then you're conceited. Honestly, that was my root problem. I didn't want to come off as a conceited *****. However, I now love compliments, thank them for it, and take it in with a smile on my face. Being conceited is more like arrogance in which you think you're better than all others. Loving yourself is putting yourself first, and then others. It's okay to be selfish at times in need .

 

[drmuffin]

qchelle aw thank you! You guys are seriously making me cry! I never hear compliments in person so this means the world to me. I need some tissue now...

 

[davisbr88]

This!!! I see all of my friends and family in relationships and getting married and I can't help but think "What's wrong with me? Why can't I find someone to love me?" But I try to keep in mind that there is "someone for everyone." I get what you're saying though. I try to carpe diem, but when I fall, I fall HARD!

Like I said, it's a daily struggle. There's always that split second where I start to wonder the same thing. But I already know where those thoughts are going. Sometimes you just need a good cry, but most of the time, I try to snap out of it. I remind myself of the relationships I ruined by not being happy with myself, and realize that being in one right now when I'm still unhappy would just result in the same thing. And then I'll have something else to cry about - why can't I keep a guy?
Don't do it to yourself.
There were times I had to literally deactivate my Facebook account because of all of the engagements/relationship announcements in my newsfeed. Logging on was like emotionally cutting myself.
When you're first starting off, remove as many roadblocks as you can.
Then decide what you think you need to do to make yourself happy, and see how much of that is something you really want, and what you want to make someone else happy. Pick the ones you really want and work on them. We're all a work in progress. Focus on yourself for a while. I know it's hard because you probably don't think you're worth working on, and even if you do, it won't matter because you'll still be you and nothing will change.
It's not true. Even if no one comes into your life, you'll be happy because you've made positive changes. Ever since deciding to be happy, no one new has come into my life and I don't really see anything happening anytime soon but I am truly happy for the first time in my life because I am starting to be happier with myself. I know I have made a lot of progress but I still have a long way to go. Now my newsfeed doesn't make me want to jump off of a bridge. Sure I want that for myself, but I also know that I can't be broken going into a relationship.
Suffice it to say, work on you. Be the best you can. So even if no one notices, you can be happy with the fact that you have come a long, long way and that will give you an unspeakable joy that no one can take away.

 

[brg240]

Yes, i have felt like that often. Though I'm getting better.

I think you're going to have to become happy with yourself. I look at people's hair and think if only and i look at people and think omg so pretty... I wish. But I'm trying to come to a place that it doesn't matter. I am and me and can only be me.

You need to stop comparing yourself to others. If you do you'll always come up short, because they are setting the standard. you need to be your own standard.

Things that help me were singing Pretty Girl Rock to myself At one point in time i did it every morning. In the background of my desk i have post it notes with scriptures, inspirational sayings and positive messages. I also think that daily self affirmations help Reducing things that make you think negatively are important, i had to get rid of my fb because it made me depressed and sometimes I'll have to close out lhfc.

btw i'm looking in your avi and you're really pretty.

 

[drmuffin]

I look exactly like my father too when I'm not wearing glasses. When I do wear glasses I favor my mom. I'm 21 and I'm a lot better than I was a year ago! I use to hate high school b/c of how low my self esteem was. I would come home crying everyday and would dread going to school. Anywho, I wish I could go back in time and just not care, but you live and you learn. You have to stop nitpicking yourself and just accept yourself the way you are. You know even celebrities aren't as hot as the media tries to portray them to be; however, give or take, I'm sure some don't even care. The root to my problem is that I wanted to "fit in". However, I'm glad I didn't b/c my personality doesn't mesh with fitting in. I'm now a lot more outspoken and outgoing than I ever was. It's not something you'll change overnight. It's just something that you have to develop, that love for yourself or else you're just bringing suffering to yourself b/c no one can literally help you AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!

I'm not Buddhist; however, a lot of his quotes were life-changing to me:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

I do kind of blame society b/c it somewhat makes it seem that if you love yourself, then you're conceited. Honestly, that was my root problem. I didn't want to come off as a conceited *****. However, I now love compliments, thank them for it, and take it in with a smile on my face. Being conceited is more like arrogance in which you think you're better than all others. Loving yourself is putting yourself first, and then others. It's okay to be selfish at times in need .

CityGirlLuv I so love those quotes. I think I'm going to write those on my mirror. I've always thought Buddhism was extremely insightful. I wish I could re-do high school. To say that I have much more confidence now (and me feeling the way I do now) than in HS speaks volumes. But I have indeed come a very long way in terms of self esteem. But as you can see I've got a very long way to go. You are VERY inspirational. I need to be where you are now.

 

[fuchsiastar]

OMG, girl you are very pretty based on the pic in the avy....bright white smile, lovely face structure....there are some dog-faced girls but you are NOT one of them at all....you.are.pretty....put that on a post it and place it on your mirror in the bathroom....repeat it to yourself aloud every time you look into it.....you.are.pretty....

 

[drmuffin]

Like I said, it's a daily struggle. There's always that split second where I start to wonder the same thing. But I already know where those thoughts are going. Sometimes you just need a good cry, but most of the time, I try to snap out of it. I remind myself of the relationships I ruined by not being happy with myself, and realize that being in one right now when I'm still unhappy would just result in the same thing. And then I'll have something else to cry about - why can't I keep a guy?
Don't do it to yourself.
There were times I had to literally deactivate my Facebook account because of all of the engagements/relationship announcements in my newsfeed. Logging on was like emotionally cutting myself.
When you're first starting off, remove as many roadblocks as you can.
Then decide what you think you need to do to make yourself happy, and see how much of that is something you really want, and what you want to make someone else happy. Pick the ones you really want and work on them. We're all a work in progress. Focus on yourself for a while. I know it's hard because you probably don't think you're worth working on, and even if you do, it won't matter because you'll still be you and nothing will change.
It's not true. Even if no one comes into your life, you'll be happy because you've made positive changes. Ever since deciding to be happy, no one new has come into my life and I don't really see anything happening anytime soon but I am truly happy for the first time in my life because I am starting to be happier with myself. I know I have made a lot of progress but I still have a long way to go. Now my newsfeed doesn't make me want to jump off of a bridge. Sure I want that for myself, but I also know that I can't be broken going into a relationship.
Suffice it to say, work on you. Be the best you can. So even if no one notices, you can be happy with the fact that you have come a long, long way and that will give you an unspeakable joy that no one can take away.

This is the story of my life, from cover to cover. The end. It's like I try to distract myself from myself, but it doesn't work. I try to focus on talents or hobbies that I could be good at, you know, to make up for this perceived ugliness, but the outcome is always the same: me yelling at myself "I ain't go no talents!" And in the end, I always return to thinking that I'm a sad sack of ****. <--- self-deprecating humor there. I know I'm not all bad, but it just makes me wonder what did God put me on this earth for. Still trying to figure that one out.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

You are definitely not ugly but I can relate to what you are saying. Your hair is cute girl!!!! One confidence booster for me since my hair is also short is to make sure my make up and earring game is on point. That always gives me a nice boost. You are beautiful and so is your hair. Please know this.

 

[davisbr88]

This is the story of my life, from cover to cover. The end. It's like I try to distract myself from myself, but it doesn't work. I try to focus on talents or hobbies that I could be good at, you know, to make up for this perceived ugliness, but the outcome is always the same: me yelling at myself "I ain't go no talents!" And in the end, I always return to thinking that I'm a sad sack of ****. <--- self-deprecating humor there. I know I'm not all bad, but it just makes me wonder what did God put me on this earth for. Still trying to figure that one out.

I think the biggest source of happiness has been with the fact that I think I have finally found my passion. And it took a horrendous period of time to get to that. But everything I went through during that time period prepared me for it. Don't worry so much about why you're here. Find happiness where you are and let things happen.
I don't think I will ever get rid of the perceived ugliness feeling. It's been engrained for so many years and been around for so long. But I know I can control letting that feeling take over so much that it impacts my life as much as I've let it in the past. That's the decision part.
I think you'll be fine. I already know telling you that you are beautiful won't change how you feel. It never did for me until recently. Instead, it just frustrated me to be told that when everything else in my life just confirmed that I wasn't. But I do know that being happy with yourself lets you drop down some of that guard that you have up to try to protect yourself from letting other people hurt you since people have done that so much in the past. Instead of becoming angry or thinking people were mocking me or lying to me by giving me compliments, I am still utterly surprised to have anyone say anything nice to me but because I took charge of my change (just smiling everyday!) and let God do the rest, I can accept them a little easier now.
Do I think I'm beautiful? I can't say I do.
But I definitely know that I am not as hideous as I was made to think by others and myself, and that's a huge step.

 

[divachyk]

drmuffin - Be encouraged as we're all beautiful in our own special way. Don't get down on yourself. Your hair will grow and you will be among the ranks of those with long hair in due time.

 

[Natty_Virgo]

Okay, you are mos def not ugly at all, your avi is pretty. I do realize though how your self esteem can be out of wack sometimes, ever since I have had these acne marks I feel like wearing a mask like I am suffering from leprosy.

I get what you are saying about the hair though, I don't know why I was thinking my hair would grow out faster after I cut it all off I get on here and see heads full of gorgeous hair and can't wait until my hair grows out. Patience grasshopper.

 

[MzSwift]

((HUG))

For every negative thing you say/think about yourself could you come up with something positive to say/think to combat it? I know it sounds cheesy, but if you begin to do that and make a habit out of it, you will begin to believe the positive things. It can go a long way to helping you feel better.

I definitely believe that there's truth to the power of the tongue -- life and death can be spoken into ones life. Speak life (positivity) into yours and you will see a change!

Also, I LOVE Gumball! My son watches it and I can't help but watch it while it's on. It's HILARIOUS! Darwin is my favorite

 

[curlyninjagirl]

Ok maybe this is just a moment of weakness, but I just need to vent.

It just seems like every time I come here I get sad because of all this gorgeous hair. I can't wait until I get where you guys are, but you guys ain't making it easy! I know I'm only (almost) 10 mos. natural, I get on here and I see long, thick full heads of hair and of course I can't help but get mad at my own head! It's like hurry up and grow already! And everybody on here is just so beautiful! I've always had a very poor self esteem and I've always thought of myself as horrendously ugly. And it's like everywhere I go, everyone's better-looking than me . Does anybody else ever feel like this? How do you pull yourself out of this funk? I'm in dire need of some self esteem boosters!

When I feel this way I think about the women I think are incredibly beautiful who also feeling this way. Doesn't matter how many times they've been told they are beautiful, they still feel hideous when they look in the mirror. This is, among other things, a symptom of a society that puts far too much emphasis on outside appearance.

For myself, I'm working daily toward becoming a person who is ok with the body I have at present. One of the things I will not do anymore, is compare myself to other women. It's a work in progress, of course, but for the most part I don't do this anymore in my daily life. (That includes not pouring over magazines and comparing my body to these air brushed figments of the imagination!)

I also think about, what it is that makes a person beautiful. I don't hang around supermodels all day and yet I'm surrounded by beautiful people. Kind, loving and generous people; that's true beauty. Cultivating a beautiful spirit is everlasting when physical beauty fades.

 

[drmuffin]

When I feel this way I think about the women I think are incredibly beautiful who also feeling this way. Doesn't matter how many times they've been told they are beautiful, they still feel hideous when they look in the mirror. This is, among other things, a symptom of a society that puts far too much emphasis on outside appearance.

For myself, I'm working daily toward becoming a person who is ok with the body I have at present. One of the things I will not do anymore, is compare myself to other women. It's a work in progress, of course, but for the most part I don't do this anymore in my daily life. (That includes not pouring over magazines and comparing my body to these air brushed figments of the imagination!)

I also think about, what it is that makes a person beautiful. I don't hang around supermodels all day and yet I'm surrounded by beautiful people. Kind, loving and generous people; that's true beauty. Cultivating a beautiful spirit is everlasting when physical beauty fades.

@ the bolded: I think this is one of the hardest things to overcome. One thing that has helped me though is that I think to myself "even though they're drop dead gorgeous, their life can't be all sunshine and roses." NOT that I want their lives to suck, but that no one is exempt from hardships in life. Who knows? Maybe these gorgeous people lack personality or character. That is the worst kind of person to me, imo. I think that's helped me a lot.

 

[Jetblackhair]

drmuffin, I know it's hard not to have those days where you just feel unattractive, but just know that you are a beautiful young lady. Pick something about yourself that you do feel good about and play that part up. I think you have a pretty smile and bright eyes! You can pick some great lipsticks & glosses to play up your lips or some nice eye liner and mascara to bring out your eyes.

Are you tall? Do you have long legs? Play them up! Do you have a small waist? Show it off! There are so many things about yourself you can explore to build your self esteem and it doesn't have to all be about looks.

One of my friends can make anyone laugh and just feel good. She's known for that, whereas I'm known for being a listener. Just really let who you are shine through otherwise you rob people of experiencing your light. When your light doesn't shine it makes you depressed.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I felt that way when I first joined lol. As your hair grows you won't feel that way anymore. Just don't compare yourself to others. You are perfect as you are and your hair will grow as you want it to in time.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Horrendously ugly?!?! Oooo no YOU didn't!! You need a hard long spanking for that!!! People who truly feel that way would not smile so beautifully in their Avi pics. You are gorgeous and I know you KNOW this! Do you need another spanking??????

Sent from my LG-MS690 using LG-MS690

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

First of all (as you've already heard today) you are quite lovely and have a captivating smile. Second, your hair will grow (faster than you think) and you will have ahead full of thick flowing hair in no time. Trust me, I know. Seems like I had a TWA just yesterday.

As a person with Albinism, I grew up hating the way I looked. I wanted to look like every other AA in my community. As I grew into adulthood, I came to value my differences

I enjoy who I am and the fact that I don't look like everyone else. Enbrace your individual beauty, emphisize it! Tell yourself that there is no one in the world as HAWT as you are! Sway dem hips n keep it movin'! Stop spending time basking in others' glory, bask in your own a little

 

[Tamster]

*looks at op's avi* *looks at post* *looks at avi again* *has confused look on face*

youve heard it already but you are really striking. And I quite like the short hair on you!!!

And take others advice, your hair will grow, dont compare yourself, just take care of it and the rest will fall into place. A watched pot never boils!!! Keep your focus other parts of your life.